Tell Me Why (12 page)

“Soon,” she promised.

Picking up the tray I walked past her. “Not soon enough.”

Chapter Fifteen

Caleb-

It was Friday. Not surprisingly, I found myself awake at the crack of dawn. By nine in the morning
, I was counting down the seconds as I waited for the clinic to open so I could finally call and get my test results. As soon as the time rolled over, I picked up my phone before quickly putting it back down. There was no way I could call the clinic this early. How desperate would that look?

Rolling my eyes at myself, I got up and went to pour myself a bowl of cereal. Strolling across the room, I sat on the couch,
picked up the remote and casually began flicking through channels, trying to find something to watch. Finally settling on one of the morning shows, I pretended to be interested as I chewed my cereal and tried to plan the perfect scenario for our big moment.

Anna was in school all day today
; and we had our regular gig tonight. Tomorrow, during the day, would’ve been an option, but Fringe was scheduled to play at the fundraiser event being organized by Jessi’s friends. That left Sunday.

Growling in frustration to myself, I shifted in my seat, stretching my feet out onto the leather ottoman. There was no way I was going to rush this with Anna. I’d waited forever to be with her, and this was her first time.  One thing was for
sure; all this anticipation was turning me into an incurable romantic. If we had to wait, then I wanted to pull out all the stops. I wanted this to be special—for both of us.

There was no reason to lie;
I was as excited and nervous about it as she was. I’d never been in love with any of the girls I’d been with prior to her. Sure, I liked them just fine, but being in love with Anna made my need for her even stronger for some reason. This wasn’t about quick gratification or having the casual convenience of having someone to slack my need. No, this was me planning for the future, my future; and Anna had always been the one starring in it.

Truthfully, I never really believed I’d get this chance. I wasn’t about to blow it now. Already risking a lot to be with her, I needed to make sure everything went perfectly.

Finishing my cereal, I glanced at the clock. Nine fifteen. I sighed, wondering if it was still too early to call.

“Oh
, hell. Just do it.” I mumbled. What did I care if they thought I seemed overeager? I was. Glancing at the business card on the counter, I dialed the number.

“Downtown Seattle Health Clinic
.” A sweet feminine voice answered. “Ashley speaking. How can I help you?”

“Hi, my name is Caleb McCord. I came in last week to have some tests done. I was told I could call for the results today.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. McCord. There was an equipment failure at the lab we sent out to last week. The problem has been fixed and they are trying to get everything back to us as quickly as possible. We are asking for our patients to please call back on Monday for their results.”

You’ve got to be kidding me!
Was the universe out to get me? It certainly felt that way. “Um, okay. Thank you anyway,” I responded.

“I’m so sorry for the delay. Is there anything else I can help you with?” Ashley asked.

“No. That was it. Have a nice day.”

“You too,” she replied
. I hung up the phone.

Well, damn. There went that plan. Next week was going to be a busy one for Anna too. She had a few finals and then she graduated on Friday. We’d even managed to get a replacement band for that night
, so we could all attend her graduation.

That’s it!
I thought excitedly. We’d both have that night off. We could spend it together and sleep in on Saturday. That would also give me plenty of time to think of something nice to surprise her with. It was going to suck having to wait a whole week again; but I’d managed to go this long, surely I could control myself a little longer. Perfection was worth waiting for, right?

Excitement filled my mind as the ideas began to start tumbling, only to be interrupted by my phone buzzing. I immediately recognized the number of the facility Danica was staying at.

“Hello?” My voice was full of concern.

“Is this Mr. McCord?” a ma
n asked.

“Yes, it is.”

“Good morning, Mr. McCord. I’m calling on behalf of your mom. She had a pretty rough night last night and has been asking for you quite a bit. The doctor asked me to please call and see if you might be able to come see her today. He feels it will help to calm her.”

“Let me get a shower and I’ll be right over,” I replied, my heart aching as I wished there was something more I could do.

“All right. Thank you.”

Hanging up, I went into my room
, grabbed some clothes, and texted Anna.

Hope U R having a good day. Will B with Danica most of the day it looks like. She had a rough night.

***

Spending the day stretched out on a cou
ch in a mental hospital eating Jell-O cups with my stepmom was never something I imagined I’d ever be doing. The good news was she seemed happy to see me, and even seemed fairly normal. I was careful to steer all conversation away from Jessi because I knew it was a big trigger for her.

“So
, guess what, Mom?” I asked, taking another bite of my red Jell-O.

Smiling
, she stared at me pleasantly. “What?”

“I have a new girlfriend.” I waited to see how she would take that.

“Really? Anyone I know?” she asked.

I nodded. “Yep. It’s Anna.” I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.

Danica frowned slightly, a crease appearing between her eyebrows. “Jessi’s Anna?”

Damn. I hadn’t planned on that. “Yes, Jessi’s friend. Anna and I have finally admitted our feeling
s for each other. I really love her a lot. I’m hoping to ask her to move in with me next week after graduation.”

She shook her head. “I don’t understand. Anna’s just a child
, Caleb. You can’t possibly be in love with her. She’s not even in high school yet.”

Well
, that answered that question. Her mind was clearly stuck in the past.

“Mom. Look at me. How old do you think I am?”

Rolling her eyes, she waved her hand at me. “Stop playing games with me, Caleb. I know you’re fifteen.”

“I’m not fifteen, Mom. I’m twenty-one years old, almost twenty-two. Don’t you remember? I’ve graduated and I live in my own place with the guys from the band.”

“You do?” I could see she was starting to fidget with her lap blanket.

Placing my hand over hers, I held it tenderly. “There’s no reason to be afraid, Danica. I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you. Things have been terribly difficult for you, I know. No one blames you for wanting to find a way to hide and protect yourself. We all love you and we want you to feel better
, so you can come be with us again. Do you understand me?”

Tears welled in her eyes, slowly dripping over the rims and running down her face. “Something bad happened, didn’t it?”

Treading carefully, I nodded, not wanting to push her too hard. “Yes, something really bad happened.”

“Is Jessi dead?” she asked, her voice shaking and I gripped her hand tighter.

“Yeah, she is.”

A sob escaped her and she looked away. “I dreamed it last night. There was so much blood everywhere and I kept screaming for you to come help me.”

Pulling her into my arms, I guided her head to my shoulder, her own shaking as she let the grief flow from her. “Let it go, Mom. I’m here for you. I simply need you to stay here with me. Okay? I need you too.”

“I’m so sorry, Caleb,” she
hiccupped out between her tears. “I haven’t been a very good parent, have I?”

“You’ve been the best parent I’ve ever had
.” I reminded her.

She snorted. “That’s not saying much. You have a mom who physically abandoned you and a dad who did the same
, emotionally. I’ve tried to be a good parent to you ever since we found out the truth. I loved you like you were my own.”

Her words puzzled me and I pulled away from her
, slightly. “What do you mean since you found out the truth?”

Glancing up, her eyes widened
and she looked frightened. “I slipped. Don’t tell Hank. Please.”

“What are you talking about?” I wondered if I was losing her again, but she seemed so lucid right now.

“It happened when you had your accident,” she said, reaching to trace where my newest tattoo covered the scar on my arm. “You lost so much blood and they called your dad in to do a transfusion, but he didn’t match. His blood is type O. Your mom’s was A, but yours is B. It’s not genetically possibly for people with O and A type blood to create a B positive child. That was when we both knew; though I think he suspected it before then.”

I felt my breath whoosh from me as if I’d been punched in the stomach. “Are you saying Hank isn’t my dad?” I asked incredulously.

“Not your biological father. Your mom abandoned you both and left him with someone else’s child.”

I was speechless, my mouth gaping
open like a fish out of water; and, for a moment, it seemed as if the room was spinning. Closing my eyes, I had to remind myself to breathe as the many pieces of the puzzle of my life started falling into place. Hank hated me because I wasn’t his. The chip he carried around on his shoulder was because he’d been saddled with a kid he didn’t father. Seeing me everyday reminded him of her infidelity.

“So
, I’m guessing this means neither of you know who my father is?” I finally said.

Danica shook her head sadly. “No, and it gets worse.”

“Really?” I replied, a sardonic chuckle escaping me. “How’s that?”

“A while back
, Hank got a letter that upset him. He wouldn’t talk to me about it, but I saw him slide it into his nightstand. When he went to work, I read it. It was a letter from an attorney somewhere in Arizona, notifying him of your mom’s death from accidental overdose.”

Leaning forward, I pressed the call button on the bed.

“Are you mad at me?” Danica asked, hugging me tighter.

“No.” Returning her embrace, I kissed her on the forehead. “You were only trying to protect me. I know that.”

A nurse in a pair of white scrubs appeared in the doorway. “Did you need something?”

“Yes. My
stepmom is feeling better now, and has remembered the death of my sister. I thought perhaps now would be a good time for the doctor to talk with her.” I had to get out of here before I exploded and ended up as a patient myself.

“That’s wonderful news, Mrs. McCord,” the nurse responded, smiling brightly
. Then, as if she realized how morbid her remark had sounded, she reined her countenance back in. “Would you like to walk down to the doctor’s office with me?”

Danica glanced at me with a questioning gaze. “Will you wait for me?”

I shook my head. “I need to go do some things; but I promise I’ll be back.”

“Are you sure you’re
all right?” she asked again.

“I’ll be fine. I want you to feel better. Go with the nurse.”

“Okay,” she replied, sounding reluctant to leave me. I waited until I heard their footsteps retreating from the hall; then I stood and calmly walked outside to my jeep and climbed inside.

“Gaaarrrrrr!” I shouted, slamming my fist against the steering wheel as anger flooded through me. What the hell was happening to my life? It felt as if the universe had opened some cosmic hole of grief and was pouring it straight out on me,
tearing through my soul like acid.

Starting the car, I threw it into reverse and peeled from the space,
speeding through the lot and narrowly avoiding a collision as I took off down the road.

Chapter Sixteen

Anna-

“Anna!” Caleb’s voice caught me by surprise as I exited the auditorium
. I turned to find him leaning against his Jeep in the parking lot. His mouth was pressed together in a hard set and there was pain in his eyes. Something was wrong. He never showed up here in the middle of the school day to see me.

Hurrying over to him, I set my books on the hood of his Jeep, the sound of cars leaving the parking lot for lunch filling the air around us. “What’s the matter?” I asked, wrapping my arms around him. He pulled me close resting his head against mine.

“I needed to feel you in my arms,” he replied, his voice sounding gruff.

I didn’t press him for answers, knowing he’d tell me when he was ready
. I simply let him hold me, while I breathed in the cool scent of his cologne. I loved him so much. It was hard for me to see him hurting and struggling with things.

Suddenly
, the date popped into my mind and a feeling of dread shot through me. Pulling away, I stared at him.

“Oh my gosh!” I exclaimed, the sick feeling inside me growing worse. “Your tests came back positive for something, didn’t they?”

Staring at me, confused for a moment, he suddenly burst out laughing. “No. My tests are fine.” He kissed my forehead. “No, that’s not entirely accurate. I mean the results didn’t come in today. They told me to call back on Monday.”

“Oh
, thank goodness,” I replied, my words coming in a tumbled rush as I buried my head against his chest. “I’d die if you were sick with something. I think I just lost ten years off my life.”

He sighed. “I certainly hope not. I have plans for you during those ten years.”

The smile that crept across my face was unstoppable. He was talking about our relationship as long term, and it made my heart swell. I couldn’t imagine anything better than spending the rest of my life in Caleb’s arms. “I’m okay with any plans you have for me,” I replied.

“Any?” he asked
; and I glanced up to see an evil looking gleam in his eyes.

I punched him in the stomach and pushed away from him. “You know what I mean.”

He started laughing, again. “I do. And I have to say, I was right to come see you. Being around you always cheers me up.”

“Are you going to share with me why you needed cheering? Or are you going to leave me worrying about you?”

Glancing around at the now, nearly empty parking lot, he leaned against his door. “I know you’ve been taking the last of your finals. Do you have more after lunch, or is there any chance I could convince you to ditch for the rest of the day?”

“Actually, I didn’t have any classes with finals today. Monday and Tuesday will be the last of them. As far as ditching, I don’t have to. I am eighteen and totally capable of signing myself out,” I reminded him.

“Are you sure it won’t mess anything up for you?”

“I’m happy to do it.” I winked at him as I retrieved my books from the hood. “Be right back.”

“Hurry. I miss you.” His gaze wandered over me with an appreciative glance and I could feel his eyes on me all the way back into the school. He made me
feel
pretty when he looked at me like that, as if I were the only girl in the world. Sometimes I still wondered how I’d gotten so lucky.

***

I wasn’t totally surprised when we parked next to the trail that led to the pond. There was a reason Jessi loved it as much as she did. It was a good place to come and reflect.

Caleb came around and helped me
from the vehicle, taking my hand. My shoes sunk into the spongy surface on the ground, giving the illusion that there was carpet beneath them.

The damp smell of the forest filled the air and I inhaled deeply, letting it
fill me. A slight breeze whispered through the trees, creating a calming sound. I loved this place. Something about it was magical, as if it were a place fairies might come to dance around at night.

Caleb guided me to a flat, damp stone that was nestled between the ferns and reeds at the water’s edge. We sat next to each other, and I curled my knees under my chin, wrapping my arms around them as I stared at the water. There was no trace of Jessi’s ashes, but somehow it comforted me to know she was here.

“I found out Hank isn’t my biological father,” Caleb stated, his words shocking me to my center.

“What? From who?” My mind scrambled to try and process what he was telling me.

“Danica. I went and sat with her this morning.” He plucked a reed from the water and began twirling it between his fingers absently.

“No offense, but she hasn’t exactly been all there lately. Are you sure she’s a reliable source?”

He sighed heavily. “Well, it seems she had a break through back to reality this morning. I left her with the doctor to talk things over and went to the house to confront him myself. He’s working today, apparently, so he wasn’t home. I let myself into the house with my key and went into his room. Danica told me she had seen a letter in his drawer from an attorney that said my biological mom had passed away from an accidental overdose. The letter is still there, just like she said. I’m thinking she’s telling me the truth and it certainly makes sense as to why Hank acts like he hates me.”

“So
, he’s known this whole time?” This revelation did make a lot of sense. Hank and Caleb were nothing alike.

“No. I guess he found out when he went to give blood after I cut my arm. We weren’t a match and there was no way he could be my father based on our blood types.”

“Wow.” My heart hurt for him. His life was being completely turned upside down lately. “Do you think your dad knows who your biological father might be?”

He shrugged. “Actually, it never occurred to me to ask him. I assume he was blindsided with the news
as well.”

“I only ask because he knows your mom ran off. Maybe she ran off with someone?”

“And left him saddled with her kid? Gee, that was real nice of her. She sounds like a winner too. I’m batting a thousand in the parent department, aren’t I?”

“Danica has always loved you and treated you like her own,” I reminded him.

“I know,” he replied softly. “And I love her. I want her to be happy; and, sadly, I’m afraid my dad—Hank—isn’t ever going to be that person for her.”

“It’s a decision you’re going to have to let her make on her own, Caleb. You can’t force her to leave him, just
like you can’t force him to treat her right. Simply being there for her is all you can do.”

“I’m trying.” He sighed heavily.

“So, how is the news about your dad affecting you?”

He was silent for several moments, before tossing the read out onto the water. “I don’t know
, really. I haven’t had much time to process it. I’m thinking I feel a bit lost, though, like part of my identity is missing—as if who I am isn’t real.”

“Not knowing your natural parents doesn’t make you any less
“real”. You’re good man with a big heart—a blessing in the eyes of many.”

Studying me carefully, he leaned in closer. “Am I a blessing to you, Anna? Because right now, that’s all that matters to me.”

Smiling at him, I slipped my fingers through his. “You’re more than a blessing in my life. There aren’t enough words in creation to tell you what you mean to me.”

Gaze traveling to my lips, he continued to close the gap in between us. “I feel the same way.” Pressing his mouth against mine, he released my hand, moving it to my shoulders as he pressed me backward into the soft mound of moss on the ground behind us. It was damp, but I didn’t care
. I adjusted my position so he could lie beside me.

His lips
were warm, like sunshine, and I wanted to drink him in as our breaths mingled together. Sparks of awareness shot through me,; every place where his body came in contact with mine felt even more sensitive than usual.

Time stood still and the sensation of being the only two people in existence filled me. I wanted to stay lost in his strong embrace, feeling his tongue in my mouth while his free hand traveled down my body
, forever.

Like a virtu
oso plucking all the right strings of his instrument, he played me as expertly as he did his guitar. My body was singing, soft musical moans escaping my mouth, as our kissing grew more fevered. Suddenly, I wanted to do the same to him—to make him feel as enraptured as he made me feel.

Pushing at his shoulders, he rolled onto his back, taking me with him
, so I was leaning over him. I straddled him carefully, unable to help my smile as a groan escaped his lips. Staring at me through heavily lidded eyes, his gaze traveled over my face, pausing at my mouth before reaching up to stroke my lips with his thumb.

“I like it when your lips are swollen because you’ve been kissing me
.”

“I like that too,” I whispered in reply, leaning closer to him. He lifted his chin, raising his mouth to meet
mine, but I ducked my head under his chin, sucking there, much the same as he often did to me.

Feeling the rumble of approval deep in his chest, I trailed lower, allowing my hand to slid
e under his shirt, caressing the warm skin of his sculpted abdomen. His muscles clenched under my touch and his grip tightened on me, his hands grabbing my butt and pulling me down against his hips grinding against me.

“Oh,” I gasped at the intimate gesture, realizing that perhaps I was better at playing this game than I thought I would be. Shifting, I sat up, which proved to only increase the contact of our lower
bodies.

“You’re killing me, Anna
.” He breathed heavily.

Smiling back at him, I felt powerful, like a seductress hunting her prey. “It’s awfully beautiful here, don’t you think
? A perfect place for our first time together.”

Caleb’s eyes widened as big as golf balls. “Are you serious? What about
the test results?”

I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me, immediately realizing he’d let me go all the way
, if that’s what I wanted. It must’ve been hard for him to hold back this long, just to put my concerns to rest.

“No, I’m not serious
about right now. You don’t have any protection.” I reminded him.

“You wanna bet?” he responded. “Check my wallet.”

“Are you kidding me?” I asked, laughing. “You brought one with you?”

“Oh, there’s more than one in there,” he replied with a grin
, lifting his hands to run them over my shoulders and down my arms. “I wasn’t taking any chances on not being prepared when you finally said yes.”

“Wow.” I was speechless. “So
, what now?”

“The ball’s in your court, baby. You give the word and I’ll treat you to the best show possible. Or
, we can keep waiting for those damn test results, which I’m pretty sure will be clean, by the way.”

Sigh
ing, I rolled off him before the temptation grew too great for me. “As much as I’d like that, Caleb, I think we better wait. It’s not because I don’t trust you though. It’s that I don’t want to rush our first time together; and we have a gig in just a few hours.”

He sighed heavily. “I know
; and honestly, I’ve been thinking the same thing, but you have a way of getting under my skin. In case you didn’t notice.”

Laughing
, I glanced down the length of him. “It’s kind of
hard
not to notice.”

Grinning, he made no move to apologize. “I hope you’re finding it to your liking.”

“So far so good,” I responded with a slight giggle as he dragged me back to him.

“Good to know,” he replied as he kissed me again.