Tell Me No Lies: The Black Orchid, Book 1 (25 page)

The taste of metal filled my mouth as I followed Mark out of the room.

* * * * *

Twenty-four hours later and four hundred miles between me and the scene of the crime, I still felt like shit. Even after standing in the comfort of my own shower for thirty minutes waiting for my sins to be washed away, I felt like dirt.

I was a monster.

I was a fucking animal.

I killed in cold blood.

I was appropriately brutal.

I passed the test, so Mark and presumably The Group were pleased. And Rain didn’t have to die. That was the good news. The bad news? I’d broken some poor sap’s neck just to prove something to a bunch of professional sickos. And now? Now I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. Some wife, some mother and her two kids were wondering where their husband and father was. She was probably thinking he was cheating on her. The kids would just be confused, upset. Because of me.

Still naked and dripping wet from the shower, I stood in the steamy bathroom, bent over the sink throwing up for the third time in one night. I hadn’t responded to a kill like this in years. I’d gotten sick after my very first assassination and never again, until now. On one hand, it was embarrassing but on the other hand I was disgusted with myself. Just another brute taking orders, snapping necks and ending lives per directives.

I wiped fog from the mirror and glared at my reflection. I looked horrible. My skin was a sickly pale olive color, there were dark smudges under my eyes and when I leaned in close to the mirror and really looked at my eyes, beyond the swirls of sky blue and misty gray, I saw nothing. There were empty. Souless. Dead. I was a fucking zombie. A killing machine. I’d become like my buddy Luke.

I stumbled backward and pressed my back against the cold wall. That guy, the one in the woods, he’d been fit, strong, but no match for me. He struggled with me when I grabbed him from behind. He was able to turn around and look me in my eyes and ask me why. And I couldn’t respond. I couldn’t tell him it was just punishment because of his crimes. I couldn’t tell him it was because he deserved it.

I was just the Grim Reaper paying him a visit.

I killed him in silence. He crumpled to the ground without making a sound and I left him there to be discovered by joggers in the morning. That part was also Mark’s idea. No clean up crew this time, just another fucked up detail for me to remember.

I went back to the sink, turned on the cold water and splashed my face. Rain was coming over in a few minutes and I didn’t know how I could face her. She didn’t need a guy like me.

I brushed my teeth twice and then rinsed out my mouth a few times and glared at my reflection No more fictions. I was just a cold-blooded murderer who had no business being with someone like Rain. Luke was right to warn me off of her in Jamaica. I could only bring her heartache. If I truly loved her, why the hell would I do that to her?

I had to put a stop to the relationship. Tonight.

The doorbell rang
.

Rain.

I grabbed a towel, quickly dried off and put on a black t-shirt, white running shorts with black trim and my Under Armour black slides.

I paused before I opened the door and took a deep breath, feeling like the sorriest bastard alive.

Please forgive me, Rain. Tonight is the night I break your heart. Again.

* * * * *

I was a little confused when Kael opened the door. I thought we were going out. He did tell me to make reservations for the new Lebanese restaurant downtown, didn’t he? I had after all, bought a new dress just for the occasion—a pretty magenta sheath, spaghetti straps and falling to just below my knees in tiers.

But since he looked like he was just about to hit the gym, obviously there’d been a miscommunication of some sort. He stood there staring at me with this somber look on his face and I immediately felt that something was wrong. I took a step toward him. “Are you going to invite me in?”

He actually looked at me like he was considering my question. So I just pushed past him and entered his house. He stood there, door still open, staring at me.

“Kael, what’s happened? Are you okay?”

He appeared to snap out of whatever daze he was in. He closed and locked the door behind him. “Sorry, Rain. I’m… feeling out of sorts tonight.”

“Obviously.” I rose onto my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressed myself against his muscled chest. He smelled of Ivory soap and his hair was still wet. I kissed his cheek then noticed he wasn’t hugging me back. His arms hung limply at his sides. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head without speaking, so I grabbed his hand and tugged him down beside me on the couch. “What happened? Are your parents okay? Are you sick?” I leaned into him, touched his forehead. “You’re sick aren’t you? You’re cold and clammy to the touch.”

He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. “I’m afraid I have to do something I really don’t want to.” Still pressed against the couch, he turned his head in my direction. “But it has to be done.” He gave me a hard look. “Maybe you should cancel the reservation.”

I kicked my shoes off, tucked my legs under me and turned to him. “Of course.” I located the restaurant’s app on my phone and cancelled our dinner with a few swipes of my finger. I placed the phone on the table as an ominous feeling pulled the walls of my stomach taut. I ignored the feeling and smiled at him. “You can talk to me. You can tell me anything, you know that, right?”

My words, meant to be warm and supportive, only served to upset him more. He gave me a mournful look and closed his eyes. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his cold cheek. “You’re scaring me. Can I fix you a drink?”

He opened one eye and then the other. He took a deep breath and sat up. “I’ll do it. I’ll pour us both some wine.” He stopped by his iPod. “Some music?

“Sure.”

He flipped through his music and then made a selection. I listened for a moment and then recognized the ominous beat of a gangsta rap song. Not quite what I’d select for a romantic evening.

Minutes later, he returned from the kitchen with two glasses of an Australian Syrah. We took a moment to sip in silence, and I waited for Kael to relax, still wondering about his choice in music. We usually listened to Sade or maybe Corinne Bailey Rae. His body was wound so tightly, I was almost afraid to find out what was bothering him.

He was just about finished with his glass when he looked at me. “What do you think? It’s bold, right?”

“Lots of smoke and black pepper.” I took another sip. “I like it. Would go great with some Gouda burgers.”

He nodded. “Maybe we should order in, huh? Sorry, I just didn’t feel like going out tonight. I should’ve told you.” He looked at me for the first time tonight, taking in my dress, hair wild with curls, piled on top of my head and clasped with jeweled combs.

“You look beautiful.” He leaned in and kissed me on the lips, lingering for a moment to rub his nose across my cheek and then nuzzle into my hair, breathing deeply. “And you always smell so good.” His voice lowered. “When I’m away, I always miss you, Rain.”

He pulled away so I could look into his troubled eyes. “Kael, honey, I miss you too. Do you want to tell me what’s going on? You’re worrying me.”

He tossed the rest of his wine back and jumped up. “I’m going to order some takeout, refill your glasses. and then we’ll talk. Okay?”

I watched him rifle through a stack of takeout menus lying on an end table. “Sure.” A heaviness settled in my stomach but I remained silent while he placed our order and then went into the kitchen for the wine bottle.

After he’d refilled our glasses, he asked me about the dessert café. I was completely aware that he was distracting me from whatever was bothering him, but I wouldn’t force him to talk about something if he wasn’t ready.

Instead, I updated him on all the details. I was actually excited to share my news with him even in this odd context. “So, I went over my idea for the café with the designer and she created some really wonderful sketches that captured my vision perfectly.”

“That’s wonderful, Rain.”

There was a lull in the music and I wondered what other odd choice in music he’d selected for our evening. I glanced at the iPod and recognized the silky bass line of another explicit rap song pumping from speakers set in the corners of the room.

“Umm,” I looked at him. “The café will be decorated and furnished in shades of warm taupe, soft pink and gunmetal gray. A nice mix of feminine and masculine because I want men to purchase beignets too.”

He nodded as if he was listening, but I could tell he was distracted. He’d closed his eyes and gently bobbed his head to the beat. He opened his eyes, finished his second glass before I was halfway through with my own glass and poured his third. “Do you have anything special planned for the grand opening?”

Okay, so maybe he was listening. I shook my head. “Not really. It will be advertised on the normal social media outlets, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, but nothing is really planned yet. Do you have any ideas?”

He looked at me and frowned. “Sorry, what did you say?”

I set my glass down and touched his face softly. “Kael. Please. What is going on? I’ve never seen you this distracted before. And this music, would you turn it off?”

He smiled for the first time. “You sure?“

“I’m certain I’m not in the mood to listen to old school gangsta rap.”

He turned off the music and thick awkward silence enveloped us. He gazed at me. Then it was as if his eyes shuttered and the previous hint of light and levity was gone.

He finished his wine and placed the glass on the table in front of the couch. “I don’t want to hurt you, Rain.” He licked his lips. “I’ve never wanted to hurt you, you have to believe that.”

“Of course, I—”

“No.” He pressed a finger to my lips and silenced me. “Let me finish.” He trailed his fingers across my lips, outlining my entire mouth before he spoke. “Even those two years when you didn’t hear from me, that was meant to protect you.”

“Protect me from what?”

“But I only ended up hurting you, didn’t I?”

I looked down, unable to speak about the pain I’d felt during that time.

He touched my chin and lifted my face. “I hurt you. I broke your heart without even meaning to.”

A lump formed in my throat. Why was he bringing this up now when we’d agreed to move forward, to focus on the present?

“I’m afraid I’ll do it again, hurt you, that is.”

“I believed you when you said you’d never –” Something in his eyes stopped me. “What is it, Kael? What aren’t you telling me?”

He pulled away from me and faced forward. “I’m no good for you. We should—”

“Stop,” I said, my voice suddenly loud with emotion. “Stop right there. I don’t know why you’re trying to say, but you’re –
we’re
right for each other. You must know that.” I pressed my hand to his heart. “Don’t you feel it in here?”

He grabbed my hand splayed on his chest, brought it to his lips and with closed eyes peppered delicate kissed all over my palm. “Rain, don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

I jerked my hand away and stood, aware that tears were forming in my eyes. “Why are you doing this?”

“I shouldn’t be in your life. I can’t be in your life. It’s for your own good.” He remained seated, his eyes tracking me across the room as I moved restlessly from one end to the other. “There’s things about me you don’t know,” he began calmly. “I’m not…good.” he exhaled slowly. “I’m not meant to be with a woman like you.” He rose from the couch and moved toward me. “I thought I could make this work. I hoped I could make this work but I can’t. You deserve someone better than me.”

Panic mixed with anger and I was afraid he was leaving me again
. He promised me
. I was over him and then he returned, convinced me to give him, us, another chance. Made me believe him when he said it was safe.

What was going on? Why was he doing this to me? To us? My fear, cold and icy, was warming into something different, something vibrant and needing to be expressed. “Better at what? Loving me? You don’t love me?”

He stopped then, like a vampire seeing a garland of garlic bulbs or maybe a wooden stake. He snapped his mouth shut and his eyes darkened.

I crossed the room and stood in front of him. Hands on my hips, I looked down at him still seated on the couch. “Tell me you don’t love me.”

A muscle twisted on his jaw. “You should leave, Rain.”

Leave? He is asking me to leave?

Irritation burned through me. He started this inane conversation and now he didn’t want to say anything? “So, you want me to believe you’re no good for me? Why’d you come back? You said you were here for me. What happened?”

He pressed his lips into a thin line and crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s just not working out as planned. Please leave. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

“If it’s so hard for you, why do it at all?” The tears were flowing down my face, but I was also angry. He sat there like a statue, staring at me and politely asking me to leave? How dare he? After everything we’d been through, how could he justify telling me he shouldn’t be in my life? And for my own good?

I wiped tears from my cheeks, my voice hard. “You think I can find another man to love me better?” I leaned forward and slapped him across his face. The sound, loud and awkward, floated between us. “How
fucking
dare you?”

He didn’t flinch but inhaled and exhaled slowly.

I couldn’t see anything but my anger, a dark nebulous form shading my vision. I slapped him again.

His eyes narrowed and he shook his head imperceptibly. “Rain, if I have to, I’ll pick you up and remove you from my house. You should leave now.”

Truly, I wanted to fall to my knees and bawl like a baby. He wasn’t breaking my heart, he was cracking it into a thousand little pieces with a hammer and chisel. How could he be so cold? So mean? And without any provocation? I was just supposed to say okay and leave? There was more, there had to be. There was something he wasn’t telling me.