Tell Me It's Real (29 page)

“What?” Mom asked kindly.

He was hesitant. “When you saw Larry for the first time… did you know?”

“Know that I’d be spending the rest of my life with him?”

“Yeah.”

“No. No, I didn’t. It was unrealistic. It wasn’t possible. I forgot about him almost as soon as I’d left the restaurant.”

“Oh.” It was such a disappointed sound that my breath caught in my throat.

My mom continued: “But I knew the second time. When I ran over his foot.”

“You did?” There was hope there, now.

“I did. To be honest, I was so freaked out that I didn’t recognize him as the guy from the restaurant. All I could think about was how much Nana was going to kick my ass when she found out.”

“But then?”

“But then I got so close to his face that I saw him.” I could hear the smile in her voice. “I saw him for what he truly was. A beautiful, kind, loving man, and it took my breath away. So, while I may have not known then that it would be a lifetime, I at least knew I
wanted
it to be. Right then, I knew.”

“Paul’s….”

“Paul’s not easy, Vince. He never has been. He’s never had the confidence you have. He’s never had the bravado. He’s always been quiet. And shy. And a bit of a loner. But he is brave. He is oh so brave. Even though we tried to stop it as much as we could, he still got picked on for how he looked. How he acted. How he dressed. Other than Sandy, no one really knew what to make of him. He was too gay for the straight boys, too quiet for the girls. Sandy came along, this fierce little diva of a boy, and took him under his wing. I don’t… I don’t know what would have happened to him without Sandy. As much as a mother wants to be there for her son, as much as she wants to take away all the little hurts until everything is better again, there’s no way I could have done it completely. Nor could his father. It took someone like Sandy to bring him out of his shell. He’s gotten better. So much better than he used to be.”

“He’s the bravest person I know,” Vince said without a trace of irony. “And he’s kind. Do you know how kind your son is?”

Mom laughed. “I might know a thing or two about that. But he’s humble about it, Vince. He doesn’t want people making a big deal out of those little acts that he does. He wants them to be known, but not necessarily acknowledged.”

“Why doesn’t he know what he’s worth? Can’t he see he’s worth more than all the rest of us combined?”

My eyes burned and I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t. My feet felt stuck to the floor. He couldn’t have been talking about me. He couldn’t have been meaning me. He’d gotten me confused with someone else. He wasn’t thinking right. He couldn’t have meant me.

“I don’t think he knows,” my mother said slowly, “because other than us, I don’t think there’s been anyone to tell him.”

“I will. I promise. I promise I will. Every day.”

“Vince?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you care for my son?”

There was no hesitation. “With my whole heart.”

“Why haven’t you told him about your parents?”

He sighed again. “I didn’t want to freak him out. I didn’t want to have to lay all my crap on him all at once. There’s something… there’s something peaceful about being near him. It calms me down. It clears my head. With him, I don’t have to worry about all the other bullshit that’s going on. I don’t have to wonder why I’m not smart enough, or why I’m not good enough. Paul doesn’t care about that stuff. I’m not smart, Matty. I know that. I say dumb stuff sometimes, and most of the time, I don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t even understand what Paul says half the time, but it doesn’t matter to me because it doesn’t matter to him. I think he likes me just the way I am, and I’ve never had that before. Not really. I don’t have to be anyone else but myself with Paul, and I think that’s okay with him.”

No one had ever said such things about me before, not even Sandy. I didn’t know how to take his words, because the sum of those parts made a picture of the complete faith he had in me. Or, at least that he
almost
had in me. He hadn’t told me about his parents.

And as if my Mom knew that I was there and knew what I was thinking, she said, “You’re going to need to tell him very soon.”

“I know,” he said quietly. “But I don’t know how to.”

“How long does she have?”

“A week. Maybe a little less.”

“Oh, sweetheart. Is she in pain?”

He sniffed. “A bit. The meds help mostly. But she’s aware. Her eyes are brighter than I’ve seen them in a long time. She’s conscious and talking, which is more than I could have asked for. That may go away soon, but at least I’m able to hear her voice while I can, even if I don’t agree with what she’s saying all the time.”

There was movement then, and I knew my mother had gone to him. It should have been me. It should have been me telling him that everything was going to be all right, whispering words of solace and peace in his ear. It should have been me, but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know how.

“You’ll have to tell him, Vince,” my mom finally murmured. “You have to make sure he knows before he finds out some other way.”

“I just don’t want to drop all of this on him. I don’t want him to see this shit if he doesn’t have to. I want him to be my escape from all of it. I don’t want to have to worry when I’m with him.”

“And what happens when you can’t escape it anymore?”

“I don’t know.”

“Just… think about it, okay? And if you need to talk, you let me know. Don’t let Paul tell you that you can’t call me. He needs to get used to you and me talking, don’t you think?”

Vince laughed quietly. “How can any of this be real?” he said with bemused wonder.

Mom was quiet for a moment before answering. “Because sometimes it’s about letting go of what your mind tells you and following what your heart shows you instead. That’s how you know it will always be real.”

The Lair of the Queen, An Audience With The Homo Jock King

“
D
ARLINGS
,” Helena purred when we arrived in her dressing room. “How lovely it is to see you here.”

Vince looked around in awe, as if he’d never been inside a drag queen’s sanctuary before. Then I realized he probably hadn’t, because most people are not invited into the inner lair of a queen while she prepares to greet her subjects. From how she was dressed already, it appeared she’d already taped her cock and balls, so I was at least grateful for that. I didn’t think I was ready for Vince to see my best friend turning from Sandy to Helena by grunting with his hands shoved down his spandex.

“Hi, Helena,” Vince said somewhat shyly.

I rolled my eyes. “Dude. You know her.”

“Yeah, but she’s
Helena
now. I only know
him
as
Sandy
. There’s a big difference.”

Helena chuckled deeply. “Oh, sugar,” she said to Vince. “It’s so nice to finally meet a big strapping man such as yourself who understands the distinction.” She trailed a gloved hand around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. He blushed brightly, but a smile grew on his face. For some reason, I felt like tackling a drag queen right then and there so she’d take her grubby fucking hands off my man.

I cleared my throat as they gazed lovingly into each other’s eyes. “Do you guys want to go ahead and fuck and get it over with? I can definitely go sit with Daddy Charlie and allow you guys to have some time alone. I’ll warn you, though, Vince. Sandy’s balls have already been taped, so his erection will hurt.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Helena said, her lips right near Vince’s ear. “Paul’s just jealous because all the boys think I’m pretty. Do you think I’m pretty, Vince?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said. “But I don’t think I’m going to be able to look at you the same when we go to work on Monday. Oh, and I think Paul is prettier than you. No offense.”

Helena laughed.

“Gross,” I muttered even though I wanted to grin and break dance. Then I realized that doing somersaults on the floor is not considered break dancing, so I did nothing.

“Who’s your daddy?” Vince asked me suspiciously.

“Uh, you are?” I said, bewildered. Were we at this stage already? I didn’t know the etiquette of the proper response to answering such a question this early in the relationship.

He snorted. “Thanks. I think that might be hot. Sort of. I meant who’s Daddy Charlie?”

“That’d be me,” Charlie said as huffed up the stairs behind us. “And you are?” Then he saw who was asking, and he widened his eyes and started laughing. “Looks like Paul certainly had an interesting week,” he said to Helena.

“He most certainly has. I told you at the show on Wednesday that our little Paulie was going to be just
full
of surprises. Turns out that Vince has an ass to die for and Paul just couldn’t resist following it around everywhere.” She winked at me. “Isn’t that right, baby doll?”

Of course I sputtered. “I
didn’t
… I don’t even know… you hush your mouth… bike shorts… he was wearing
bike
shorts….”

Helena and Charlie shared a knowing look. “Our little boy is growing up so fast,” Helena sniffed.

“I knew you liked my ass,” Vince told me smugly.

“I got over it quickly,” I lied through my teeth.

“I want to see what’s got our Paul so twisted up in knots,” Charlie said.

Vince immediately dropped his hand to the button on his jeans. Charlie and Helena grinned lecherously before I stepped in. “I don’t think that’s quite necessary,” I said with a glare. “And do you just take off your pants for
anybody
?” I growled at Vince.

“Only for people who ask nicely,” he said.

“You’re a big, fat whore.”

He leaned in and kissed me. “Not a very nice thing to say to your boyfriend.”

“Blech.”

“You got five minutes,” Charlie said to Helena.

“You coming down to the floor tonight, sugar?” she asked me. “I promise I won’t pull you on stage this time.”

“He’ll be down there,” Vince said. “He’s got to meet Darren tonight. He doesn’t get to hide up here.”

Helena beamed at Vince. “Oh, baby doll. How I adore you right now.”

“I’m glad people talk about me like I’m not even here,” I grumbled to Charlie.

“Boy, you lost the right to think for yourself over your shenanigans last weekend. You’re lucky you weren’t here on Wednesday when Helena told me what you were up to. I was planning on an ass beating that you’d never forget.”

I grinned at him. “You promise, Daddy?”

He snorted. “Don’t tempt me, boy. You’re lucky Vince is up here right now with you. I wouldn’t have believed you otherwise and your pants would be around your ankles and your butt would be smarting something awful.”

“Did you guys used to date or something?” Vince asked. He was trying to keep his voice even, but I could hear the strain behind it. The smile had faded from his face, and he glanced between the two of us as if he could see something no one else could.

Charlie grinned evilly. “Oh, am I going to like
you
.”

“Don’t you encourage him,” I scolded Charlie. “You’re gonna end up getting me in trouble for something I haven’t even done.”

“Paul likes to be spanked,” he told Vince.

“I do not!”

“Just take your big old hand and bring it down on that ass. It’ll get nice and pink and he’ll squeal for you like a little bitch. Give him some nice coloring to match his wall-face bruise.”

“A home, Charlie. Remember that. I will put you in a home. With leaky roofs and an all-female nursing staff.”

“They’re just messing with you, sugar,” Helena said to Vince. “Paul doesn’t do stuff like spanking. His idea of kink is having a gang bang with six black guys who have names like D’Wayne and The Dominator.”

“You guys are the poster children for why people shouldn’t have friends,” I muttered.

“That explains the big black dildo under his bed,” Vince said thoughtfully.

Shocked silence. Helena slowly turned to me, eyes flashing. I glared at my traitorous boyfriend quickly before schooling my face. “That explains the big
what
, Paul?”

“I have no idea what he’s talking about.” I pretended I had something on my hands worth staring at intently.

“Boy, you holding out on us?” Charlie asked. He had this annoying little gleam in his eye.

“Paul has a box full of dongs under his bed,” Vince explained, obviously proud of himself for being the world’s biggest jerk. “I read in his diary that he uses them all the time and thinks about me.”

“I don’t think this is working out between us,” I told him. “You and I want different things. It’s not me, it’s you.”

“After our third date, Paul said I could use them on him,” he told a rapt Helena and Charlie. “I have the whole conversation saved from when he texted me. Tonight is considered our third date. He’s going to make so much sex face, it’ll freeze that way.”

“This isn’t our third date!” I said with a scowl. And then, as an afterthought, “And I didn’t say you could use them on me.”

“Hospital, Santiago and the park, dinner with your parents, then gay bar,” he counted off. “And yes, you did say I could use them on you. You were practically drooling when I told you that.”

“The hospital wasn’t a date!”

He shrugged. “I got to first base with you. I consider that a date.”

“None of what is coming out of Vince’s mouth is true,” I growled. “Who are you going to believe? I mean,
really
?”

“I can’t believe you write in a
diary
,” Charlie guffawed.

“I can’t believe you have sex toys!” Helena grinned. “My baby is all growed up and he’s turned into a silicone slut!”

Vince walked over and stood in front of me. I glared at him as he kissed the tip of my nose. “I’m pretty funny,” he said.

“Not even in the slightest,” I pouted.

“You coming down with me?”

“Er. Argh.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Vince….”

“Paul….”

“I’m not really the
meet
-people type. I’m more the… Quasimodo in the bell tower kind of guy.”