Tekgrrl (18 page)

“It is business as usual,” Wesley said. “We are not owned by the government, and we need to remind them of that. We continue to patrol, help out when needed, and act like the heroes we are. I’ve never abided bureaucracy, and nothing’s changed.”

“So, what was the crisis you three were handling?” Paul asked Lainey, Kate and I.

I stared fixedly at the table in front of me, still reeling from both my newfound memories and the effects of my screwups in Cozumel’s.

“I helped her take down her memory blocks,” Lainey said, her voice hard, as if daring Paul to challenge her actions.

“You did what?” His voice rose with incredulity. “After I told you not to?”

“Did you succeed, love?” Wesley asked, sounding impressed.

I looked up to see Lainey shake her head. “I took her to Fantazia to do it.”

“Who?” Paul asked. Wesley sat back in surprise.

“That ancient magic user?” Luke looked worried. “She’s dangerous.”

I was surprised Luke had heard of her, since he wasn’t magically inclined, but he did hang with the shamans and yogis and others who might be.

“The one that has that parallel universe?” Toby asked.

“Pocket dimension,” Lainey corrected.

“Isn’t she a known criminal?” Paul said. “You took Mindy to a known criminal to get mental blocks off that I specifically said not to mess with right now?”

“Fantazia’s not a criminal,” Wesley corrected, sounding a bit defensive. “I’ve used her information many times over the years. She’s safe.”

“Getting those blocks off wasn’t,” Paul said.

“I couldn’t leave them on forever,” I spoke up. Paul seemed to notice me for the first time.

“I took Kate along, in case things got out of hand,” Lainey remarked.

“That was a good idea,” Wesley agreed. “Fantazia’s who I would have gone to about this, though I would have preferred dealing with her myself. I know how to handle her.”

“It went okay,” Lainey said. “And you have enough on your plate right now.”

“So, what does she want out of it?” Wesley asked, putting his head in his hands, sounding very old.

“She wants to spend time with her half sister,” Lainey said.

This piece of news got startled reactions from everyone at the table.

Wesley chuckled without humor. “Great, we have a new babysitter. So, she did it all by herself?”

“She brought in the Virus,” Lainey admitted.

“Cyrus? Wonder what she has over him,” Wesley mused. “Well, what’s done is done, I suppose. Since Mindy’s sitting here looking sane, I’m going to assume things went okay.”

I didn’t know if everything was okay or ever would be, but I wisely kept my mouth shut.

“That’s all you’re going to say?” Paul sounded put out. “’What’s done is done?’ We both told them not to do it and they disobeyed.”

“Do you want me to spank them and put them to bed without supper?” Wesley asked. “Lainey took the initiative to do what I would have done eventually. While I really would have liked to have been informed about the plan, I can’t fault the results.” He shot Lainey a pointed look.

She blushed. “Sorry.”

Wesley turned his attention back to me. “We will have to monitor you for any changes since the blocks have been taken down, and someone will have to try to work with you about controlling these powers you seem to have acquired. That means: If you have any strange symptoms, you inform me or Paul immediately.”

“Don’t wait around and have a few drinks like last time,” Paul clarified. “I went to bat for you, Mindy. Don’t make me regret that.” He stood up. “This meeting is adjourned.”

I sat back in my chair. I couldn’t believe Paul would really stake his career on me, but Wesley wouldn’t lie about that. And Paul had called me an asset to the team. In all the years I had known him, he wasn’t one to give out meaningless praise. I waited until everyone else filed out. Paul was clicking buttons on the terminal in front of him, obviously forgetting I was still there. Finally I cleared my throat.

“Why did you do that?” I asked.

Paul didn’t look up. “Do what?”

“Stake your career on me? You don’t even like me.”

He gave a short snort of a laugh. “Yeah, well, you’re one of my teammates. I would do it for any one of you.”

So I’m not special in any way. Thanks, Paul,
I thought. Out loud, I said, “I appreciate it.”

“Well, you’re welcome.” He clicked a few dials. “How do you feel now that the blocks are down?”

“No headaches.”

“That’s good, I suppose.” He eyed me critically. “What about those memories?”

I shivered. “They were…bad.”

“How bad?”

“I witnessed a peaceful race slaughtered by invaders,” I said. “My foster sister and I were captured and tortured. I was…”

Paul’s face drained of color. In a voice just above a whisper, he said, “You were raped.”

I shook my head and looked down, not wanting to see his expression or judgment. “Not in the way you’re thinking. They experimented on us, changed us, to get various types of DNA they wanted. And then they extracted it. They cut us open over and over again.” More memories were resurfacing, and without my realizing, a soft moan escaped my lips. A strange buzzing was reverberating in my brain. I raised my head to see several chairs around the desk floating in the air. I started to panic.

“Paul!”

He grabbed me by the shoulders and looked into my eyes. “No. Look at me, Mindy, don’t look at them. You need to force yourself to relax. Close your eyes if you need to. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Try to clear your mind and concentrate on something peaceful, like waves on a beach. Try to make yourself hear those waves in your mind. Breathe out as they crash onto the beach and breathe in when they go back out again.”

I did as he said, concentrating on slowing breathing and focusing on the mental picture of an ocean, not on the buzzing in my head or the memories that threatened to overwhelm me. I felt Paul’s arms slip from around my shoulders to embrace me loosely as he patted my back. He had never touched me before, and for some reason I took more comfort than I expected.

“It’s okay, Mindy. It’s okay,” he soothed.

I concentrated on his voice, on the feeling that someone cared what happened to me. The tension slowly melted away. A second or two later, I heard the chairs crash down around us. Opening my eyes, I saw them safe on the ground, back in place. I was still shaking.

“Thanks,” I said.

He seemed to realize he was still touching me and quickly backed away. “I’m the one that wound you up, and I should have known better. I’m sorry.”

“How did you know how to do that?”

“Your powers are flaring up with emotions, because you have no control over them yet. I was the same way when I first got my own powers.” He shrugged. “I’m no telekinetic, but I can try to help you train your mind.”

“Thanks,” I said, and tried to focus on the here and now. It was bleak. The team was in trouble, and it seemed there was only one solution. “I think Simon might be right, Paul. Maybe I am a danger to everyone around me—more than a help. I hurt Lainey and Kate when the memories first came back. With these powers that just lash out…maybe I should tender my resignation.”

He frowned. “Don’t be like that, Mindy.”

“Like what?”

“Don’t be a scared little girl and balk at the first sign of a hard road ahead. You’re not like that. You’re strong.”

“No. I’m not,” I whispered.

“You just told me your past. You survived that and are still standing here before me, hardly a cowed shell, instead a woman who defines her life by helping others.”

“I went insane for a while,” I reminded him.

“You were young. You couldn’t handle the memories then. But you can handle them now. And you will.”

I was a little surprised that he was showing so much faith. This was Paul, remember, who usually ignored my existence unless it was to dole out a reprimand.

“I said you were strong, Mindy. Don’t prove me a liar. Especially in front of Simon Leasure. Not
that
guy.” Was that a hint of a teasing smile on his face?

“Wouldn’t want to do that,” I agreed, giving him a half smile. “You can be nice when you want to be, Paul. I didn’t realize.”

“Gee thanks, Mindy.” He rolled his eyes.

I ignored that, and asked the next question that immediately sprang into my mind. “So why don’t you usually want to be?”

“I’m trying to lead a team that doesn’t want me to be their leader, that is turning to someone who thinks we used to be nothing but glory hounds.”

“Well, we kinda were,” I pointed out.

“True, but we did good, too. We’ve all saved the day so many times, both individually and as a team. This group has trusted me all these years to lead them on the field, and frankly I don’t understand why you wouldn’t trust me to lead you out of combat, too. I understand Wesley’s probably more qualified, what with his lifetimes of experience, but I’m getting pushed out more and more each day. Don’t act like you don’t see.”

I nodded, having to concede his point.

“The United States government seems out to get us, and I only recently got up enough nerve to leave my girlfriend who has been boldly cheating on me since we got together. I know she doesn’t mean anything by it and doesn’t think it should matter because she doesn’t love who she cheats with, but that’s not how our society works and you would think she would have come to terms with that by now…” He stopped, looking embarrassed that he had let all of that slip. “Well, put all of that together and I’ve been a little cranky.”

“You’ve been cranky since the day we met, Paul, and that was pregovernment and pre-Kate.” I said this half teasingly, but it was true. Paul had been the textbook definition of a stuffed shirt since I first met him.

“Well, to be brutally honest, no one’s ever respected me,” Paul admitted. “I’ve tried so hard to earn more of a leadership role over the years, to be a true head of this team, but all my efforts get shoved back in my face. Everyone used to look to Rath and not me for guidance off the field. I was just the guy in the battle relaying orders from above. Now history’s repeating itself, though instead of Rath it’s Wesley. I just would think, after all of these years, you all might look to me off the field for once. I think I’ve done a good job.”

I nodded. “You have, Paul. And I don’t know that it’s a matter of being qualified; everyone just wants to try the direction that the Reincarnist wants to lead us. Absolutely nothing against you or Rath, but we all felt we lost our way as heroes. It’s not that we don’t respect you…”

“Well, who could blame you if you didn’t? Who respects a guy who can’t keep his girlfriend satisfied?”

I didn’t know if I wanted to have a conversation with Paul about satisfying anyone, but since he was all of a sudden opening up after sticking his neck out for me, I tried to make him feel better. “Paul…Kate is, well, Kate. We all know that. As you said,
she
knows she loves you and doesn’t quite get why her poor impulse control would hurt. As much as I like Kate, you have to admit she’s selfish. It’s a god thing.”

“It just sucks feeling superfluous in your team and your relationship…” He gave me a half smile and shook his head, clearly realizing what he’d said. “I’m sorry to dump all this on you. You didn’t ask for it, and you’ve got your own problems to deal with. They’re much worse than mine.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “I like to exchange someone else’s problems for mine once and a while. Keeps my mind clear.” I hesitantly reached out to pat his arm. “And, for what it’s worth, I think you should have left Kate a long time ago.”

“Thanks.”

“No. I mean, you were never going to be able to change her, Paul. There was nothing more you could do to make her stay faithful. It wasn’t anything to do with you, really; it’s all her hang-ups. She might be an immortal, but she has the maturity of a three-year-old. She does what she wants and doesn’t think about who it hurts. If she didn’t work so hard at doing good, she’d be a spectacular supervillain. No, Paul, it wasn’t a matter of you not keeping her satisfied, it’s that she’s an emotional bottomless pit.” I took a deep breath and fought a blush that had risen when I realized I was talking ill of a teammate, a woman who at heart I liked. “And now I sound like a daytime television psychologist.”

“No, you’re right. I know that. I knew it going in. I thought I could change her, and then…well, being with someone who cheats on you messes with your mind, makes you question yourself. But I appreciate what you’re saying.”

“No problem,” I said, wanting out of this weird conversation. “Consider it the beginning of a payback for sticking up for me in front of the whole United States government.”

He shrugged. “Like I said, no big deal. I would have done it for anyone.”

“Wow, Paul, way to make a girl feel appreciated.”

“Well, what do you want me to say, Mindy? That I’m crazy about you and couldn’t function if you left the team?” He glanced over my shoulder.

“I wouldn’t go that far—” was all I managed to get out before he acted. He seized my face in his hands and crushed my lips with his. My immediate reaction was one of shock, stiffening and starting to pull away. But then I felt it: a spark. An ember burning deep inside me that started in my stomach and gradually spread through all the rest, singeing my nerve endings with delicious awareness. Maybe it had just been so long since anyone had kissed me, but it was like everything in me was awakening. It felt delicious.

I moved against him, fitting my body against his, sliding my hands—first raised in protest—against his chest, up around his neck, pulling him in tighter to me. I opened my mouth slightly, and he took the initiative to explore with his tongue. God, who’d known Paul was so hotly aggressive? I kissed him back, savoring the feel of his mouth on mine, the taste of him and the faint scent of his cologne. My head was threatening to spin.

Whoa. What was happening? Since when did Paul have the ability to turn me on?

Paul must have been coming to a similar realization, as he slowly, almost reluctantly, gave me my release. He was looking as if he had never seen me before. I blinked rapidly for a few moments, trying to reorient myself to just what was going on.