Tease Me (19 page)

She watched him silently for a moment, then shrugged lightly. “How can you be so sure?”
She folded her hands loosely in front of her, twining and untwining her fingers. “Of
what you feel, I mean. What if you’re making a mistake?”

She was quite serious, and he took a moment before replying. “I’m not sure I can explain
the first part. Instinct? I know I want you, and I know I’m feeling something I’ve
never felt before. It’s exciting and frustrating and more powerful than any emotion
I’ve had for anyone.”

She dipped her chin in a half nod. “Go on.” The words were little more than a rough
plea, and he pushed on before she decided she didn’t want to hear his answer after
all.

“My instinct says go after it, don’t let something this unique slip away without doing
everything you can to explore it. I follow that instinct because I trust it. I mean,
you have to trust yourself that way or what else do you have?”

“Now you understand my dilemma,” she said softly.

He knew exactly what she meant, but he didn’t agree. “That’s because you’re too caught
up in the second part. The part about making mistakes. No one leads a perfect life
filled with perfect decisions. It doesn’t mean you stop pursuing what you think is
important, even if you have
nothing more to base that decision on than that it felt right at the moment.”

“And if you get hurt? What, you shrug it off?” She straightened away from the copier.
“You say the feelings you have for me are totally new. You can’t rely on past experience
then, so what do you have left? Instincts telling you to go for it. And you trust
them. Why? Because you do have the past experience of knowing that the things you’ve
wanted, or felt strongly about, have proven to be worthy of pursuit. So your instinct
is nurtured.” She folded her arms again. “It’s easy to sit there and say you shouldn’t
let the fear of making mistakes rule your decisions when you don’t make many mistakes.”

“I make mistakes.”

She shook her head. “In business maybe. That’s not the kind I’m talking about.” She
pressed her hand to her chest. “The kind where your heart is involved.”

“How can you be so sure my heart wasn’t involved?”

“Because you would have had these ‘unique’ feelings before if that were the case.”

She had him there. She’d also punched another large hole in his defenses. He didn’t
like thinking she’d had those “unique” feelings for someone other than him. Someone
who hadn’t been worthy of that gift, someone who had hurt her.

“The reason you trust your instincts is because they’ve led you to make choices with
positive outcomes,” she went on. “What happens when you listen and follow, and time
after time you discover you’ve made the wrong decision?” She leaned back against the
machine again, wrapping her arms around her waist, this time as more of a protective
shield than an offensive tactic. “What are you
supposed to trust then, Tucker? How do you separate your instinct from your heart?”

He stood, unable to sit there and watch the pain etched on her features and hear the
confusion vibrating in her voice.

She held out a hand, stopping him from coming closer. “Answer me.”

He stilled, curling his fingers into tight fists against the need to pull her into
an embrace and promise her everything would be okay. But he couldn’t make that promise.
Her problem was serious and one she had to resolve herself. There was no solution,
simple or otherwise, he could offer her. He’d never felt so completely helpless. “I
don’t have the answer.” The admission was difficult. He felt as if he was letting
her down when she needed him most. What in hell was he supposed to do?

“Then I guess you’re going to have to let me find them on my own,” she said softly,
clearly never expecting it to be otherwise.

“I hate this, Lainey. You’re hurt and confused, and it’s the very last way I want
you to feel around me. I wish it were as simple as saying trust yourself one more
time. I wish it were as simple as saying trust me to know that this time it will be
okay. But then none of this has been simple, and there are no guarantees.”

“Did you ever stop to think you only have feelings for me because I’m the first woman
under the age of seventy you’ve laid eyes on since your big life-changing decision?”

“Not once.”

“See? I will never understand that. I question everything. Or at least I’m trying
to. I don’t always know the right questions to ask myself, but I’m learning.”

“Why, Lainey? Why are you trying so hard to be something you’re not?” He stepped closer.
“Are you really so miserable? Have the mistakes so outweighed the positive choices?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation in her answer, and the pain shadowing her eyes put
to rest any lingering doubts he might have had.

What did a man say to that? “Do you have any idea what it is costing me to stand here
and watch you in pain and not do something about it?” he said roughly.

Her arms tightened further around her waist and her eyes seemed bigger and more vulnerable
than ever. Her voice was a shaky whisper. “Do you have any idea what it is costing
me not to say the hell with it and take whatever you have to offer and hope I’ll survive
another rash decision after you’re gone?”

His control snapped. He closed the remaining distance and took hold of her elbows,
tugging her arms away from her body, then closing that space as well. She stood rigidly,
staring at the center of his chest. “Look at me,” he commanded softly. Slowly she
raised her head, tilting it back until he could see her teary eyes. His throat tightened
and his gut felt like a knot of burning fire. “I’m not going anywhere. Not without
you.”

“Maybe that’s what scares me the most.”

“What? I won’t ask you to leave here, Lainey, or to leave Minerva. I don’t have to
go back to Seattle.”

“That’s not …” She stopped and took a second. “If we start this and it doesn’t … go
anywhere, if I can’t make it work right and you—”

“Hey, who said it was all up to you to make this relationship work?”

“I’m the one who hasn’t been able to pull one off
before, so it stands to reason I’ll be the one to somehow screw this up. But you won’t
give up … or maybe that’s what I couldn’t stand … that you would give up, that at
some point you’d decide this was really a whim and I’m not what you wanted. I couldn’t
stand that. Not this time. Not with you.”

He cupped her cheek with his hand, his heart beating faster at her soft gasp of response
to his touch. “Did it ever occur to you that you wouldn’t be so scared if your feelings
for me weren’t so strong? That being scared is actually a pretty good indication of
how important pursuing this is?” He wove his fingers into her hair and tilted her
head back. “Lainey, how can you walk away? Of all the things in the world, isn’t this
exactly the sort of risk that’s worth taking?”

“Risk,” she said shakily. “There’s that word again.”

“There are no sure bets.” His patience eroded down to its last thread. “We could fall
madly in love and I could walk out the door one morning and get hit by a truck. Do
we not go for what we can have because of the fear that it might get taken away? What
kind of life is that?”

“A safe one.”

“Is that what you really want?” He leaned closer. “Safety? Guaranteed successes only?”
His mouth hovered above hers. “Say yes and you’re a liar, Lainey Cooper. Everything
about you, everything that makes you the woman you are, has to be in there screaming
no. You act on emotion, not cool logic, because your emotions aren’t cool and logical,
they’re passionate and impulsive and are mainlined straight from your heart. They’re
the dominant part of who you are, and I think it’s a damn shame that you want to strangle
them into submission. I don’t want a tame, methodical, controlled
Lainey Cooper. I want you.” He gripped her more tightly. “I want passionate, excited,
rash Lainey Cooper. The one who thinks with her heart first.”

He didn’t give her time to react. Letting her think hadn’t done either of them any
good up to this point. Maybe he should keep her thinking with her heart, until she
couldn’t listen to anything else.

TEN

Lainey barely had time to register his heated words before his even hotter mouth was
on hers.
Yes
,
oh
,
yes
, her inner voice cried, with the rest of her body united solidly behind it. There
was nothing soft or gentle in this kiss. This wasn’t a kiss at all, it was a claiming.
And, oh, was he convincing.

He didn’t wait for permission, nor as it turned out, did he need to. He kissed her
deeply, moving his lips over hers, sliding his tongue into her mouth, tantalizing
her, tasting her until she thought she’d go mad if she couldn’t reciprocate. He gave
up nothing and demanded everything until she was gripping his arms to keep from slithering
to the floor, reduced to a puddle of need and desire. And even then, wringing soft
moans from her with the lightest touch, his relentless pursuit continued. He pulled
her closer, wrapped his arms around her, and leaned his weight more fully against
her.

She pulled in huge gulps of air when he broke the kiss, leaving her lips softly swollen,
her mouth still wet and filled with the taste of him, but never once did she think
to tell him to stop. The only sounds she was capable of were soft moans and whimpers
as he sampled her chin, ran his tongue along the side of her neck, nibbled her earlobe,
and whispered hot words in her ear.

“Passionate, impulsive, rash,” he murmured, his voice raw and raspy, like every nerve
ending in her body. “That’s how you make me feel, Lainey.” He moved back to her mouth
and kissed her hard, then pulled her lower lip into his mouth and suckled on it. She
quivered against him, and he grunted his approval into her mouth as he took it again.
“Not cool,” he growled. “Not logical.” He took his time and set about claiming her
mouth all over again. When they were both breathless, he pulled away and pressed his
mouth to her temple, holding her tightly against him.

“When I touch you—” She felt a shudder ripple through him and it affected her like
nothing had before. His voice vibrated along her skin, accelerating the pulse that
pounded hard beneath his lips. “It’s not like anything else. It’s not feeding a physical
need, though Lord know I have a voracious one where you’re concerned.”

She swallowed a moan. She didn’t want him to stop. The revelation didn’t shock her.
She’d wanted Tucker since the moment she’d laid eyes on him. But what did stun her
was the intensity of her need, and not for simple sexual release—though she doubted
her body would ever forgive her if she screwed that part up. He was right. He wasn’t
claiming only her body, he was out to claim her body, mind, and soul. This wasn’t
simply hormone-driven lust. She knew what mindless sex felt like.

This wasn’t remotely mindless. In fact, it was the total opposite. He engaged her
on levels that went well beyond
sizzling nerve endings and aching body parts. Every touch branded her somewhere far
deeper than her skin.

“I need
you
,” he said roughly. “You, Lainey. You alone. What I feel for you changes everything.
Every aspect is altered, both physical and emotional; it’s profoundly unique with
you. Kissing you is different. Your taste excites me because it’s sweet and hot but
mostly because it’s yours and yours alone. Touching you … feeling your hands on me … it’s
like an electrical current that only operates from one energy source—you. I can’t
explain it.” He broke off and nuzzled her hair, then dipped down and dropped a light
kiss on the side of her neck. “I can’t explain it,” he repeated hoarsely.

“You don’t have to.” Her voice was raw, needy, but she didn’t stop to clear her throat.
It was too tight, anyway. “I feel it, too, Tucker.”

He tugged her closer still, until she could feel his heart beating against hers. “Have
you … is this …” There was a pause, then she felt him take in a halting breath and
release it in a warm, shuddering gust against the sensitive skin beneath her ear.
“Have you felt this way before, Lainey?”

His uncertainty touched her the way no aggressive demand ever could have. It made
her realize that he was every bit as vulnerable in this situation as she was. She
wasn’t the only one risking hurt and pain. Her skin flushed more deeply, but this
time with shame. She’d been so wrapped up in her past mistakes that all she’d seen
was his bold confidence in daring to trust his instincts. It hadn’t occurred to her
that having confidence didn’t lessen the risk or the severity of the potential pain.

“No, I never have,” she answered him with complete honesty. “No, I’ve never felt anything
like this.”

He lifted his head, making no attempt to shield the relief in his eyes. Her reaction
was instant and uncalculated. She smiled. The compelling combination of assuredness
and vulnerability was irresistible. Warmth and affection and something that felt too
big and dangerous to think about suffused her, and it all poured out into her smile.