Tears of the Broken (20 page)

Stupid jokes. I kicked my shoe against the wall. How could I
have been so careless? How could I not have realised I still play
that game—even though she’s gone and I’ll never hear another one of
her unintelligently comical remarks, ever again. She was the best
at it. I mean, how can something so not funny be so hilarious? It
can’t. It was only with her—only with my mum.

Slowly, I rolled my face upward to look at the classroom
door. Why hasn’t Dad come out to see if I’m okay? I’m his daughter,
and I clearly need a hug right now.

Perhaps I was too clear in my request for him to stay out of
my life. Perhaps he thinks I just want to get through this on my
own. But I don’t. And I’m tired of crying alone. I’m tired of
keeping this secret. I really just need to feel the safety of warm
arms and a kind heart, and in my moment of weakness, I would
finally confess what really happened to take my mother’s life. Dad
will hate me. But I just can’t keep going on, trying to live a
lie.

“
Ara?” a soft voice enquired.

I
dropped my head into my hands, hiding my red face and saturated
cheeks against the wall. “I’m fine. I just have allergies,” I lied,
my voice breaking under the strain.

Long, thin and cold fingers slowly slid onto my arms from
behind and gripped gently. “Ara. Talk to me. What’s wrong?” He
whispered his words closely in my ear, but I recognised his voice
right away.
David
. That’s the last person I want to see right now. He will
definitely ask questions—questions I don’t want to answer—not to
him, not now that I’ve fallen in love with him. “Ara. Please? Talk
to me?” His gently melodic tone forced a wave of heartache to rise
up inside my chest.

I
want to—oh, God, I really want to. But I don’t want to lose you.
The tears fell freely again and I sobbed, wrapping my fingers over
my entire face.

“
It’s okay.” He kissed the back of my head, just under my
ponytail. “You can talk to me.”

I
don’t want to talk. I just so badly need to be held. But it’d be
way too creepy to just turn around and bury my face in his
chest.

“
Ara. Please.
Please
. I’m worried about you.” His
hand came forward and he stroked a tear away from my cheek with the
back of his finger. “Please, look at me?”

It’s
over now—controlling myself. I just can’t do it anymore. I rolled
my cheek into his hand and held it there with my fingertips while
the rest of my body shook from sobbing hiccups.

What
does he think is wrong? I wonder. I mean, he’s just walking along
the corridor for who knows what reason and finds the new kid
sobbing against a wall. It’s time to sort myself out and gain
control. David is missing class. I promised myself when I came here
that I’d never let my emotions effect anyone else’s life, ever
again. Now, standing here and saying nothing to David, that is
exactly what I’m doing.

Time
to make something up. “I’m sorry, David, I—” I turned around, and
at the sight of David’s kind, shimmering-green eyes, teeming with
compassion, a hurricane of tears and fierce snivels conquered my
restraint.

“
Oh, Ara. Sweet,
sweet
girl. It’s okay.” David
wrapped his arms securely around my head and shoulders—shielding my
face in the darkness against his chest.

Man,
he smells so damn good; I want so badly to wrap my arms through his
jacket and link them around his back. But I can’t, I’m just too
upset. “I’m. I’m okay, really, David. I just—”

“
Don’t try to make something up, Ara. I won’t believe you.” He
paused for a second. “Come on.” He smiled, turning his body away
from me a little, keeping his arm around my shoulder.

I
hiccupped in an embarrassingly high-pitched tone. “Where’re we
going?”

David looked down and smiled at me, his eyes soft, yet full
of concern. “We’re going somewhere we can be
alone—talk.”

And
like that, in one sentence, David hit every chord I wanted to
hear.
We
,
and
alone
. My
heart squeezed tighter, then twisted into a large, pulsing knot—a
good knot.

As
we hurried into the front car park, I glanced over my shoulder
every few seconds—watching for teachers, while David stayed calm,
walking with the grace of a feather on the wind.

We
stopped by a shiny black car with a soft-top roof. Convertible?
Classy. “Is this your car?”

David jammed the key in the lock and twisted it.
“Yes.”

“
How
old is it?” Must be old if it doesn’t have keyless
entry.

“
Uh—” David looked at the car, then at me. “It’s a little
old.”

“
Is
it a classic?”

“
Kinda—it was my uncle’s.” He held the door open for me. “Hop
in.”

Closed inside the exasperating tin furnace, the dry heat
grazed my lungs into stillness. Yikes! Hot summer sun beating down
on black metal for half a day equals breakfast fried on the
dashboard—and
I’m
the egg. But, in my case, I’m being fried on the tan, leather
seat. There now, who says I’m no good at math. I lifted one leg,
then the other, to wipe the sweat from under my knees.

Moist, muggy air wafted in when David opened the door on the
other side—almost releasing the tight pressure of suffocation for a
second. “You okay?”

I
nodded, then slinked down lower in my seat when I saw a woman walk
across the car park with a travel mug in one hand and a folder in
the other. She looks like a teacher.

“
Don’t worry—” David smiled and started the engine, “—your dad
will understand. If we get caught, I’ll just tell them to go speak
to him about it. Okay?”

“
Okay.” He’s so charming and carefree. I wish I could be like
that. He never sees anything as a risk. Well, with the exception of
me. Plus, he’s right. My dad will be okay with this. But he’ll be
worried when I’m not there after class.

David flicked on his indicator and sat by the car park exit,
watching the traffic. “We’ll call the school in a while and tell
them where you are—save you getting heat from your dad when you get
home.”

So,
I guess there’s no reason to worry, then. Except that I’m riding in
a car with a teenager—one I don’t know very well. I watched the
speedo, making sure he didn’t go above the recommended limit as we
drove away from the school.

“
How
long have you had your licence?” I asked, rubbing the tight skin
under my eyes where my tears dried in the extreme heat.

“
A
while.” He looked at my forehead and frowned.

What, hasn’t he ever seen a person sweat before? I wiped the
beads of moisture with the back of my hand.

“
Oh,
I’m sorry. I don’t really feel the heat as much as most people.
Here.” David turned on the air-conditioner. The suffocation of the
heat eased after the first blast of hot air passed and the chilly
wind blew against my face. Mmm, nice and cool. “Is that
better?”

With
my nose pressed to the vent, I nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”

“
If
you get hot or cold, Ara, you really need to tell me. It’s just not
something I think about.”

“
Why?” I sat back in my seat and angled the vent to blast in
my face.

He
shrugged, wearing a humoured grin. “I’m insensitive.”

“
Yeah,” I scoffed, “real insensitive.” Not. I can’t believe I
cried in front of him—and now I’m in his car with him—alone. Oh,
God, I’m in his car with him and I’ve been crying. I must look
terrible.

I
flipped the visor mirror down and gasped at the sight of
mascara-smudged eyes and my blotchy red face. David’s been looking
at this mess for the last five minutes. My life is over. I wiped
the smudges of black from under my eyes, using the remaining tears
around my lashes to smooth it away without too much of a problem.
But I can’t wipe away the blotchy patches of red under my skin, and
worse, my nose, whenever I cry, turns bright pink, as do my
cheekbones—forming a giant rouge smudge across my face. “I look
like a clown,” my voice quivered. Is it really too much to ask that
I at least look attractive when a really amazing guy is
around?

“
You
look—” David turned my face with his fingertips,
“adorable.”

Right. Adorable. Is he serious? Well, it doesn’t matter—I’m
not going to look at him until the heat dies down in my face. I
folded my arms across my chest, looked out the window and focused
on my breathing—not the fact that I’m in a car—on the wrong side of
the road.

The
passing houses and tree-lined streets are all the same around here.
Pretty, with that old-style, Halloween kind of feel. It seems like
it should be autumn and everything sort of orange and brown, with
the slight hint of cinnamon in the air. But the summer has this
magic little place trapped in its grasp, making everything yellow
and gold, and a little wilted.

The
trees thickened as we turned onto a narrow road with dirt strips on
both sides, and my eyes relaxed from their squint as the glare from
the sun disappeared over the canopy enclosing us. “David, where’re
we going?” I’ve never been down here before. What would Mike say if
he knew I jumped in the car with a strange boy and drove to a
deserted forest road?

“
Somewhere quiet, where no one can hear us,” David said
softly.

Internally, I laughed at the way he said that. It should
scare me—make me alarmed at least. But coming from David, it just
sounds so charming. “Why should we be where no one can hear
us?”

“
Because, Ara. You’re a mess. Look—” he exhaled, “I’m not
blind. I’ve known for a while now that there’s something bothering
you.”

A
while? You’ve known me for four days.

He
looked at me; I looked away, pinching the base of my thumb with my
fingertips. I don’t know if I
can
talk to him about it. They all say I need to talk
to someone, but does it have to be him? “David, I—”

“
Let
me guess—”He smiled, watching the road carefully, taking the
curves with a kind of precision that put my dad’s driving to shame.
“You don’t wanna talk about it. Am I right?”

“
I’m
sorry.” I looked out the window. “It was nice of you to bring me
out here, but I don’t—”

“
I’m
not going to let you go until you talk to me.” He kept his eyes on
the road, but grinned mischievously.

Oh
really? Well, we’ll see about that. Maybe I might’ve told him
before, but I’m certainly not going to tell him now. I don’t
respond well to coercion. I folded my arms over my chest and stared
ahead, biting my teeth together inside my mouth.

“
Ara. I was kidding.” He laughed, reaching
for my knee, but stopped and placed his hand on the gearshift,
instead. “I’m sorry, that was very insensitive of me. I’m not
normally like this, it’s just—”he looked down into his lap for a
second, “—it’s just when I’m around you…everything gets muddled up.
I can hardly even breathe properly, let alone stop myself from
saying
stupid
things.”

“
Humph.” Should I be insulted that he laughed when he said
that? Besides, what am I supposed to say? Good, I’m glad you like
me, but it doesn’t mean I’ll just do whatever you tell
me.

The
car slowed dramatically and gravel crunched under the tires as we
pulled onto the side of the road. “Ara?”

I
shook my head, keeping my eyes on the shady enclosure of trees
above me. It’s cool here and kind of dark—kind of desolate, too.
I’ve not seen any other cars.

“
Ara?” David said again.

Begrudgingly, I twisted my neck to look at him. I feel kind
of like a spoilt kid that’s throwing a tantrum. I don’t know why
I’m acting like this.

“
I’m sorry,” David said, and turned his body
to face me. “Sweetheart, you’re taking things a little too
seriously. I want you to talk to me, and I meant no harm. Really.
And the more I think about it,” he rolled back in his seat and
faced the front as a cheeky grin stretched the corners of his
mouth, “the more I think I might just have to kidnap you until
you
do
talk to
me.”

A
small smile crept onto my lips. I pressed them together firmly to
keep it hidden. It wouldn’t be
so
bad being kidnapped by David. He’s right. I am
being a little moody—perhaps taking things too literally. I
shouldn’t be like this with him.

I
let my arms fall away from my chest with the release of a long
sigh. The ogre is obviously dominating my mood right now. I
should’ve eaten more at lunch. “I know you mean well, David. But
this is really nothing to do with you.” I tried to sound polite,
but the words came out littered with contempt.

“
I
can help you,” he said, after a second. “I want to help you. All
the bad things, Ara, all the pain you feel,” he reached for my
hand; I let him take it, “I can make it all hurt less. But you have
to let me in, you have to tell me what happened to you.”