Tears of Tess (35 page)

My
body warmed, heated, melted.
No, do not betray me.
I couldn’t stop slickness
building between my legs, or fantasies darting in my twisted mind.

It
had been too long since my last orgasm. I’d saved myself for Q, now I never
wanted him to visit me again.

Remorse
and guilt sucked me into a pit. How could I think Q might be the one for me? He
didn’t make my soul sing. He made it weep, and scream, and tear itself into
pieces.

“I
hate you.”

“No,
you don’t. You just don’t want to see.”

“See
what?” I snapped.

Grabbing
my barcoded wrist, he jerked me against him. His body infernoed with heat. “You
are mine. I can do what I want with you. I can dress you. Fuck you. Send you
away. Loan you to others. You
belong
to me. And you’ve finally realized it
isn’t romantic, it isn’t sexy, or fun. It’s something no one should want or
desire. You’re a captive.”

He
shook me, his headache etching eyes with pain. “My role as your master is to
debase you to the point of having no feelings, no emotion, no hopes or dreams.
I tell you to fuck another man, you ask for how long. I tell you to wear
something, you do not fucking chop it up in defiance. You wear it, and
appreciate what I give you. You’re mine,
esclave
. And it isn’t a fucking
happy ever after.”

He
let go, pushing so I stumbled. “How does it feel to face the truth?”

I
couldn’t breathe. Facing the truth terrified more than anything. In that moment,
I fully believed Q would do everything he said. He would debase me to the point
of being empty. Happily treating me like a shoe or a tatty suitcase.

I
was nothing.

Q
advanced, grimacing with pain. “Get on your knees,
esclave
.” He pressed
a heavy hand on my shoulder.

I
was too numb to kick or run. So many emotions in such a short amount of time.
What the hell just happened? One moment, I wanted to hear him call me Tess, the
next, I wanted him dead. I couldn’t keep up.

Q
forced me to my knees. “Undo my trousers.”

I
didn’t think I’d ever find numbness again, but as I fumbled with Q’s belt, the
cloud of indifference swept me away. My heart raced as I undid the zipper,
pulling his hard cock free, but my mind went blank.

Q
rocked on his feet, fisting my hair for balance. “Suck me. Make my headache go
away by other means.”

I
looked up, circling fingers around his hot girth. A non-interested thought
flickered in the blankness. Either he was really brave, yelling at me then
expecting me to suck him and not bite, or just incredibly stupid. I didn’t care
either way, I’d obey.

I
pumped once, shuffling forward on my knees to bring the tip of him to my lips.
Q exhaled heavily, pushing hips forward.

I
tongued his slit, tasting saltiness. The sense tried to shoot me back to
reality—I could hold him ransom while I sucked. I could bite and cause immeasurable
pain. I could barter for my freedom.

Opening
wide, I deep throated him.

He
groaned, tugging my hair as his ass clenched. I could bite, but I didn’t want
to. Even now, my body betrayed. I trembled with lust, tinging vacancy with
desire.

I
withdrew, fisting him, licking.

“Oh,
merde!
”

I
froze; Q scrambled back, holding his wet cock.

Suzette
stood behind, mouth hanging open. “I’m sorry! I—eh—” Spinning around, she mumbled,
“I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

I
rocked on my heels, keeping my head down. Q was livid, shoving himself into his
trousers. He winced when the zipper came exceedingly close to sensitive skin. “
C'est
quoi ce bordel
?” What the fuck?

She
bounced, looking at the ceiling, fingers fluttering at her sides. “
Je suis
désolé
, but there are some men here to see you,
maître
.”

Q
breathed hard, smoothing his hair and suit, glaring at me so intensely it felt like
another slap. My cheek smarted in response. “Send them away. I’m not prepared
to accept guests so late.”

Suzette
looked over her shoulder, relief on her face. Spinning all the way around, she
looked at me with her soul bared.

Heartbeats
galloped out of control. Instincts screamed into being and I wanted to block my
ears. Looming palm-trees seemed to inch closer, branching with doom. I didn’t
want her to speak.

“They
won’t leave, Q. They have a warrant.”

He
spun to face her. “Warrant?”

I
slapped a hand over my mouth. My world imploded. The police. Brax. He got my
message. He was alive!
Brax is alive and sent someone to rescue me!

My
heart bucked; I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do anything but
kneel.

Hopelessness
squeezed as Q turned to face me slowly. I shrivelled. The consequences of
running away, once again ruined my life.

The
police had come for Q.
I
ruined his life—just like he ruined mine.

That’s
not true, and you know it. He gave you back your life. He introduced you to a
new life. A
better
life
. I forced my
brain to quiet, risking a look at Suzette.

Her
eyes brimmed with disappointment and overwhelming sadness. I folded closer to
the floor, hating betraying her.

She
broke eye contact, looking at Q. “The police believe you’re holding a girl
called Tess Snow,” Suzette whispered, voice breaking.

She
took two angry steps toward me, but Q held up his arm, barricading. “How could
you? You—you…” She trailed off, mouth twisting with grief. “We all trusted
you.”

My
life shattered for the fourth and final time.

Q
froze, all trace of pain and emotion, gone. “That’s your name? Tess?”

My
body fissured with longing. He spoke my name. Finally, after almost two months
of
esclave
.

It
rolled off his tongue in one beautiful French twist; I wanted his tongue on me.
I wanted to forget everything—to pretend he never said such horrid things or
that I brought his life and business to ruin. I wanted to give him my heart and
forget.  

“Tess…”
Q whispered, before baring his teeth. Shadows cloaked him and the look of
betrayal flayed more than any whip. “You called the police.” His shoulders sagged,
and the pain he hid smothered again.

Suzette
leaned into him; he welcomed her, tugging her close.

My
body rebelled as jealousy glowed bright and green. How dare he find solace in
his maid. I was his slave.
Find solace with me—even though I’m the crux of
your ruin!

He
nodded once. “So be it.”

*Goldfinch*

Q
and Suzette left.

Without
another glance or word, Q turned his back and strode out of my life.

My
legs hurt from kneeling, but it was nothing compared to the paralyzing
heartbreak.

I
should be happy. Brax was alive! But I was dead to my master and didn’t know
what my future held. The police would arrest him. They’d take me back to
Australia, and return me to a half-life—a false life—a life I no longer wanted.
 

I
didn’t know how long I rocked, but a puddle of tears dampened the marble below.

You
did this. You ran because you knew it isn’t right. Q isn’t right
.
I tried to convince myself to stand, to embrace my freedom, and leave this
house where so many bad things happened, but I couldn’t gather the energy.

Stumbling
to my feet, I shivered. The birds were silent and the hushed world of plants
made it seem like I was the only one alive. No one wanted me. My abandonment
issues crested, swamping with wretchedness.

In
a daze, I walked from the conservatory, through the photograph room, and down
the long corridor. Every step felt as if I walked to the hangman’s noose. I never
wanted to see Suzette again—face her rage and tears. She loved Q and I
sentenced him to jail. She would never call me
Ami
again.

I
didn’t want Q to go to jail. He was many things, but he didn’t deserve what I
did. He could’ve broken me, raped me like Brute, but he never did. He fought
his desires to ensure I remained whole and strong. He sacrificed everything for
a lowly slave.  

My
stomach cramped and I folded in half.
What have I done?
I evicted myself
from a home I wanted, to a world who didn’t want me. Back to a man who could
never give what I needed. Back to a half existence.

Tears
slid down my face. Running away had been a disaster. Anger flared toward
Franco. This was all
his
fault. If he kept a better eye, I would never
have been able to leave. He should’ve caught me, before I ruined so many lives.

My
thoughts jumped to Brax. Guilt engulfed me. How had the last months been for him?
He must hate me for breaking my promise—I said I would never leave, and I did.
The first time not on my own accord, but the second time—that was all me. I
willingly sliced him from my thoughts, my heart, and made room for my master.

Images
of Brax, distraught and heartbroken, made my heart twist. My brain short-circuited
refusing to think about him.

Q
consumed once again, and I slid down the wall, drawing my knees up to wrap arms
around them. What if the police took him into custody already? I would never
see him again. Oh, God. Would I be made to testify? I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

No
doubt, he would hate me for all eternity, wishing he let Brute kill and bury me
with the potatoes.

My
heart died.  

I
wanted everything from him. I wanted the domination. The anger. But I also
wanted love. I needed the connection he offered only half an hour ago. A brief
glimpse into a softer side—a side I desperately wanted to know.
I’m a stupid,
stupid girl.

“
Esclave
.
What are you doing on the floor?” Franco appeared in his shiny black suit,
squatting in front of me.

I
couldn’t meet his eyes. He would be implicated, too. Why hadn’t the police
rounded everyone up? I didn’t hear sirens or shouts. Suzette said only a
warrant had been served… maybe… maybe they wouldn’t do anything?

Franco
patted my shoulder, vivid emerald eyes sad. “You regret running, don’t you?”

I
sucked in a sob, wrapping arms tighter. Franco had been nothing but nice to me.
Strict and a prick when I first arrived, but nice just the same. His tough
façade hid a man who loved his employer for reasons I was only beginning to
understand.

He
sighed, brushing tear-damp curls off my cheek. “There, there. It’s okay. It’s
not the end of the world.”

I
shook my head. “It
is
the end of the world. My world. My master’s world.
Your
world. Everything is broken.”

“Is
that what you were doing? When I found in you in the café? Calling the police?”
he asked, no glimmer of anger, just curiosity.

I
breathed hard. “No. I called my boyfriend. I was going to call the police, but
you turned up.”

He
tensed. “So, you didn’t call them directly?” Light gleamed in his gaze. Guilt
pressed ever harder. He wanted to believe I wouldn’t turn on Q. He wanted to believe
I wouldn’t betray them.

I
whispered, “I left a message on my boyfriend’s machine with Q’s name.” I looked
into his eyes with difficulty. “I would’ve called the cops, Franco. Don’t doubt
my desperation to run.” But even in my desperation, I was conflicted. I huddled
into a little ball, tucking my head into my arms. 

Franco
stood, pulling my elbow so I had no choice but to rise. “You can fix this.” He
tugged me down the corridor. “It isn’t your fault,
esclave.
You did what
you had to do. And now… I believe you wouldn’t do it again, and I forgive you.”

I
looked up, sniffing. I sent his master off to a life of imprisonment and he
forgave
me?