Tear (A Seaside Novel) (17 page)

“But I thought you liked me.”

“Liked you?” Alec nearly shouted. I backed up. I didn’t like seeing him mad, he was normally in such control of his emotions that I didn’t know how to respond to him. “I don’t just like you, Nat. But it doesn’t matter.”

“Why?”

“He loves you, Nat.”

“I…” I didn’t know what to say. “I care for Demetri, you know I do.”

Alec swallowed and looked away, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as if he was trying to keep from shouting again.

“I just care about you too.”

“Damn it! Do you have any idea how screwed up this is, Nat?”

I nodded, my shoulders slumped. I was so tired of fighting my feelings. So tired of telling myself I had to choose or I would lose them both.

“It won’t happen again.” He swore. “I promised him it wouldn’t happen again.”

“What do you mean? Why are you so cryptic?”

Alec bit his lower lip and then let out a long sigh. “I would lose much more than your friendship if I answered that question, and regardless of my actions around you, I still truly desire to be your friend.”

“Can you? With this between us?” I was grasping at straws. I needed him to admit it wasn’t just me. That I wasn’t going absolutely bat shit crazy.

He was quiet for a few minutes. It felt like hours when he finally answered, “I have to.”

“So that’s that?” I said angrily.

Alec stood and turned to face me. “Yes. End of discussion.”

I glared but he stood firm. What was with him and his need for control? “Fine, let’s go for a run.”

“Nat.” He reached out and grabbed my hand. “Please don’t be mad. I don’t think I could handle it if I knew you were mad. I know you don’t get it, but we’re messed up, both of us. My brother and I. You’re the only one that’s been able to bring him out of it. He needs you.”

“More than you do?” I whispered looking down at the floor.

Alec cursed. “No.”

Surprised by his answer my head jolted up.

“I just know at what cost it would be to have you, and it’s not a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

Tears threatened to pour down my face at his admission. I nodded, my lower lip quivering. I turned around as quick as I could, warm salty tears poured down my cheeks. I hadn’t expected his second rejection to hurt worse than the first, but it did. Somehow my heart felt like it was ripping in two, and I couldn’t fight the slight tremble in my hands as I wiped the tears away.

“Don’t cry,” Alec said moving behind me and pulling my body back against his. “I promise this is for the best. He can make you so happy, Nat. He deserves to be happy. You love him, I know you do.”

I nodded and without looking at him answered, “I love you, too.”

Chapter Nineteen

Alec’s arms tensed around me. Had I really just said that out loud? I was embarrassed enough that I was crying. I expected him to recoil from me, to shout, or even curse. Instead his lips grazed my ear. “I love you, too.”

I shuddered in his arms. He released me. “No more, Nat. We can’t talk about this anymore, okay?”

I turned around, the stain of tears were still present on my cheeks. I nodded and exhaled. “We should run.”

He seemed thankful for the subject change, his eyes widened briefly and then he nodded. “Yeah, um… let me just get my stuff on. Want me to meet at your house in about ten minutes?”

“Sure.” I gave him the most cheerful smile I could conjure up and bolted out the door. I ran the entire way to my house. I only had a few minutes and I needed those minutes like I needed air.

Once I was inside my bedroom, I slammed the door behind me, fell to my knees and wept.

True to his word, ten minutes later Alec was outside knocking on the door. I splashed my face with water and grabbed my phone and ear buds.

I didn’t look any worse for the wear. He was a boy, but he wasn’t a complete idiot. He’d know I would cry, so it shouldn’t surprise him all that much.

“Ready?” he asked the minute I opened the door.

“Yup.” I gave him a cheerful smile and prayed silently that I would make it through the run without having a complete breakdown.

After the first mile, the familiar strain in my legs began anew, helping me refocus on my breathing and pace rather than on the ache in my chest from this morning. My mind flashed to Alec in bed, our bodies entwined, our kiss heated. It was like nothing I had ever experienced mainly because my response to him was so different — primal even. I craved more, needed more from him.

Whatever they were hiding must be big. The bond they had with one another was scary strong, almost as if they both had some traumatic experience and lived through it. The only thing I could think of was their father having cancer. I can’t imagine.

At mile four, we were getting ready to turn back when Demetri’s voice came over the speakers. I smiled and looked at Alec.

“What?” he asked.

“One of your songs. Demetri’s singing,” I said.

Alec smiled. “He’s talented.”

And that was it. We both stood there looking at one another with sadness, love, friendship, and secrets. I took everything we shared and again stored it into that tiny place in my brain where I labeled the box
Alec
. It could have said
first love
on it, but I was
lucky
enough to have two loves in my life, and the choice had been taken from me by the very boy who had
forever
reflecting in his eyes.

“Race you back?” I grinned.

“Don’t trip,” Alec teased and pushed me before taking off.

Tears blurred my vision as I chased after him. It was too close to a metaphor for my current situation in life. I would never reach him, never have him, and if I was lucky enough to catch him for even one second, he would always run.

Odd, that in the end Demetri would be the safe one. The one I could trust with my heart.

****

“Nat, hurry up!” Alesha shouted from downstairs.

I rolled my eyes at the reflection in the mirror and put in my earrings. The guys won their football game, and we were quickly trying to get ready for the dance. We had to be there earlier than everyone else so we could take tickets and make sure nobody snuck in alcohol or kids from other schools. “Coming!” I fired back, grabbing my shoes from the box on the bed and skipping down the stairs.

Alec was at the bottom talking with Evan. They were both in black slacks and nice shirts, but it was Alec who stood out. Of course he would wear all black. His clothes screamed expensive, you could actually see the thread count difference between his shirt and Evan’s, and I was a few feet away from them.

“Wow!” Evan applauded. “You clean up well, Nat.”

I rolled my eyes and looked to Alec for approval. His mouth was set in a grim line. I tilted my head to the side and cleared my throat. “Does my date approve?”

“Yes.” His voice was hoarse, his eyes dark, he looked away and licked his lips.

Alesha grabbed my hand. “Okay, got everything you need? Because we needed to be there like ten minutes ago!”

“Yup.” I put on a pair of flip flops and held my shoes in my hand. No way was I going to wear those babies all night.

We rode in Alec’s car, because there really was no use renting a limo when your date has such a cool ride.

My phone buzzed.

HV FN 2NITE, BBY. MISS U SO MCH! –D

I smiled and texted him back.

MISS U 2! I DN’T THNK UR BRO LKS MY DRESS. J

WHT? U’D LK GD N ANYTHNG. TK A PIC & SND IT 2 ME.

“Evan, can you take a picture?” I asked slyly and posed for the camera. I quickly sent it to Demetri and waited.

My alert went off.

DAMN. I H8 MY BRO RT NOW. TELL HIM 2 KP HIS DRTY HNDS OFF.

Guilt stabbed me in the chest. I needed to reassure him.

NO WRRIES! MISS U SO MCH. COME HME SN?

He replied instantly.

PROMISE.

I sighed and put the phone back in my clutch. Alec hadn’t said two words since we got into the car. Maybe he was just trying to keep his distance. I couldn’t blame him. After our run the day before, we had gone our separate ways and said perhaps three words to each other before meeting up for Homecoming. It just seemed easier to avoid everything.

We pulled up to the school parking lot. Music was already booming from inside. We rushed in, Alesha went to the tickets, and Alec and I were put on door patrol.

After ten minutes we realized that it wouldn’t work. Too many kids were excited to see Alec and almost every single girl that walked by blatantly ignored her date, all with looks in their eyes that said, “I’ll drop him in a second if you smile at me.”

Alec was polite but I could tell it was wearing on him. I snuck up behind Alesha. “Hey can we switch?”

“Sure, I’m almost done anyway.”

Alec and I took her seats and managed to be civil to one another, though each time one of us reached for money or tickets, our hands would graze and the storage in my brain would threaten to explode. If I didn’t get a handle on it I was going to literally throw myself onto him. How embarrassing.

It was just because I was missing Demetri so much, too.

Alec was cool and distant once we sold the last ticket. We were at our max. It was up to security to keep kids out and keep others in. Luckily, Bob and Lloyd agreed to help, considering that it was a security threat to have Alec running around with all the normal kids.

“Do you want to dance?” I asked shyly once we walked into the gym.

Alec grinned and tugged me toward the dance floor. He may be brooding, he may be indifferent, he may have possibly broken my heart twice, but the man could dance.

He was amazing.

I felt like I had two left feet next to him.

I kept apologizing when I felt like I couldn’t keep up. He rolled his eyes and laughed, then pulled me so I was nearly on top of him, his hips swirling seductively. Even if my brain wasn’t coordinated to figure out what to do, my body did. Instinctively, I joined in and within minutes we had a crowd around us. The song turned to a popular AD2 song that had a techno tango feel to it.

The music video had millions of hits on Youtube alone, not to mention the people who did parodies or their own flash mobs to it.

It had been filmed at a high school.

And suddenly it dawned on me, as the lights darkened even more and a spotlight shone on us, that I was in my own music video.

Alec grabbed a hat from some random guy and did this crazy Justin Bieber/Michael Jackson move that had people screaming until they were hoarse, and then he jerked me flush against him, lifting my leg above his hip and dipped me backwards. With ease he twisted me around him and we were doing a tango. Which, lucky for me, was the only dance I ever actually learned.

As seductively as possible, I twisted to the ground and skimmed my heeled foot in between his legs, kicking to the right and left before turning and standing. Once my back was to him his arms moved slowly down my shoulders and then down my stomach as he grabbed my legs and wrapped them backwards around him.

The sensation of dancing with him was unlike anything I had ever experienced.

The song ended. We were both winded. People clapped. My laughter broke the spell. It had to be the most fun I‘d ever had in my entire life. For once, Alec joined in, his face coming alive with joy. I’m sure it stunned everyone else just as much as it stunned me. He was gorgeous, absolutely perfect. No guy should be that good-looking.

“I think I may have a crush on this Alec,” I joked.

“This Alec?” He looked confused, sweat trickled down the side of his face. Dang, it was hot.

“The one who seduces girls on the dance floor and puts Justin Bieber to shame… hey, um, can I have your autograph?” I fluttered my eyelashes.

His mouth gaped open and then he cursed. “You suck.”

I was still kind of in his arms, we both threw our heads back and laughed, he twirled me twice and then tugged my body against his again.

The music switched to a slow song. I put my head on his chest. He sighed heavily and we finished the dance in silence.

“Nat, I—”

The lights flickered, interrupting his thought.

A knowing grin spread across his face. “I’ll be right back.”

And just like that he left me alone on the dance floor.

The principal walked to the microphone and tapped it twice, causing an ear-splitting sound to emanate from the speakers. “Sorry about that, folks. The dancing will recommence after this special performance.” He cleared his throat and looked around the crowd. “It is my pleasure to announce, AD2!”

Everyone screamed. Everyone but me. Demetri? Was he back? Why didn’t he tell me? What was he doing?

The stage went dark.

And then lit up like a Christmas tree. Demetri was standing in the middle of it. My heart thumped wildly in my chest. I hadn’t realized how much I missed him. I wanted to run onto the stage and tackle him.

“Nat,” his voice rumbled in the microphone. “This one’s for you.”

Alec was suddenly behind him with a guitar, a microphone in front of his face too.

The tune was haunting. Not at all like their usual techno beats. Everyone in the room began to sway with the slow beat.

“Torn Like Rain,” Alec said into the microphone not once taking his eyes off of me.

Brown eyes, blond hair, I can’t help but stare. She’s got me hypnotized. I need her, like oxygen, I can’t explain the way she makes me feel inside. Like rain, washing my fears away, she makes me feel like I can say all those things I’m too scared to say.

Breathe in, breathe out, sometimes you just gotta shout your love. Shout your love. Inhale, exhale, the beauty of your love will always be enough. Enough.

I watched as Demetri’s lips moved the words into the atmosphere of the room. Everyone was silent, just as transfixed as I had been the first moment I read the lyrics. As expected, it was Alec who sang the bridge. His voice was so different than Demetri’s, yet they complimented each other so well.

His eyes never left mine as he sang
come back to me
. I wanted to hate him for staring at me, for trying to convey to me some secret message of his desire to have me but his stupid inability to do so.