Teaching Kids to Think (10 page)
Read Teaching Kids to Think Online
Authors: Darlene Sweetland
Parents Can Support Social Development
According to Erikson, children need to move through a set of social challenges in order to become confident and develop their own identity.
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Infancy:
The challenge for the infant is bonding with his caregivers. At this stage, parents should be loving, caring, and available. A secure bond between child and parents sets a great foundation for relationships with people the rest of his life.
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Preschool:
The challenge for the child at this stage is the idea that it is OK to be away from her parents. Parents should encourage some separation and then express how proud they are of their child upon her return. A positive experience will build confidence.
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School Age:
The challenge at this stage is making and keeping friends in less structured situations. Parents should feel comfortable letting their children practice playing away from them, such as at school playgrounds where it is safe and a caring adult is never too far away. If your child is experiencing social challenges (such as kids not playing fairly or excluding your child), try not to solve his problems by going in and talking to school officialsâunless safety is a concern. Instead, talk about the challenges at home with your child and find a way to have him practice with a close friend or sibling what he might do at school the next day.
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Adolescence:
The goal in adolescence is for children to develop their own sense of who they are. Parents should expect some experimenting with hairstyles, dress, and views of the world. The parent who understands this process can support the child's attempt to be unique and independent without trying to control the child's form of expression. Parents should not panic when their teen expresses some minor rebellion but rather should focus their concerns on issues involving safety, such as drug use or reckless behavior.
Theory No. 2: Cognitive Development in Children
The mother of a five-year-old boy shared with me that she was concerned because he was very resistant anytime she asked him to say he was sorry for something he did. She was concerned he didn't care about the feelings of others. I was able to share with her that this was very common for kids his age. Most five-year-old children don't know how to consider the perspective of others. Therefore, when they are asked to say “sorry” they only know it is admitting they did something wrong, which makes them feel shameful and anxious. They haven't developed the ability to understand that saying sorry is more about helping the other person feel better.
âDr. Darlene
Another one of the most widely accepted and popular theories on cognitive development was proposed by Jean Piaget. Piaget's stage theory focuses on the way children's thinking becomes more advanced as they get older.
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According to Piaget, children work through a series of four stages in which they experience a change in how they understand the world. He described children as little scientists exploring the world around them.
Like Erikson, Piaget believed that children construct their own knowledge about themselves and the world based on their experiences, but he looked at how a child's
thinking
changes as he or she progresses through development. Piaget proposed that kids learn primarily on their own, without the intervention of parents and adults. He also found that children were intrinsically motivated and didn't need rewards from adults to seek learning. Here are Piaget's four stages:
1.
Sensorimotor:
The first stage is from birth to two years old. In this stage, children learn from the sensations that result from their movements. A prominent development is that children in this stage learn that they exist separately from the people and the objects around them. For example, children learn that things continue to exist even when they can't see them. This means that when a parent leaves the room, the child understands that they still exist. Children also learn that they can cause things to happen in their environment. For example, if a six-month-old baby wants a toy, she may scoot, crawl, or cry to get it. Each time she is successful in getting what she wants, it reinforces her confidence to try again.
2.
Preoperational:
The second stage lasts from approximately two years old until seven years old. It starts with children developing language as a positive way to communicate with others. You will notice people begin telling children at this age to “use your words.” That is because that is exactly what they are ready to learn to do: not just increasing their vocabulary but expressing more advanced thoughts and feelings. They also learn to count and classify objects. Children in this stage are primarily concrete thinkers and are not yet able to utilize abstract concepts. Their thinking is egocentric, meaning they believe everyone sees the world from the same perspective as they do. However, they begin to utilize past and future thinking.
This stage can be a tough one for parents, because their children are beginning to understand the consequences of their behavior, but they don't typically see things from the perspective of the parent or anyone else. Therefore, when assisting children with problems, parents are going to need to help them see that perspective. We'll provide tips on how to do this at the end of this section.
3.
Concrete Operations:
Piaget's third stage lasts from seven years old until about eleven years old. Children in this stage begin to be able to see things from the perspective of other people and can focus on events that occur outside their own lives. They begin to think more logically and gain a better understanding of mental operations such as hypothetical questions. They are also less egocentric. Therefore, problem solving becomes a more rational process, albeit still concrete. Children at this age thrive in environments that give them the chance to increase their independence and figure things out on their own.
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Formal Operations:
The final stage of Piaget's theory starts at about eleven or twelve years old and really focuses on an increase in logic, reasoning, and abstract thinking. Children at this age begin to apply math and science concepts to help make decisions about hypothetical situations. They also make use of advanced problem-solving skills such as planning and prioritizing, and the consideration of possible outcomes of their actions. This enables them to predict ahead of time, with some certainty, the results of their actions. This is a time when there is significant growth and development in the way children think about things, which is a good time for them to be exposed to opportunities to take chances, make mistakes, and learn how to fix those mistakes.
Consider Cognitive Development When Parenting
I met with a mother and father who asked me to do a reading evaluation on their six-year-old daughter. The parents explained: “She is in a lower reading group than her friends at school and it seems like she is far behind the other kids.” The results of the evaluation showed that the girl had an average reading ability and no reading problems. I shared with the parents that there were probably some exceptional readers in her class and that she was developing these early reading skills at her own pace. I asked her parents to let me know by the end of the year if things had improved or stayed the same. The feedback several months later was, “I think something just clicked with her and now she is doing great at reading.”
âDr. Ron
According to Piaget, children develop cognitive skills in phases that last several years at a time, which means there is a wide range of what is considered the “typical” time for a child to develop any one skill. In addition, children develop these skills gradually, not all at once. This means it can sometimes look like their development is uneven, which can be confusing for parents. When children make good choices in one situation, but not another, it can look like they are being careless, when in reality the new skills have simply not been developed enough to be used consistently.
As we saw in
chapter 1
, in this generation, well-intentioned parents get caught up in the pressure to push their children too hard too soon. A concrete example of this is a parents' focus on their child being an early reader. Early enrichment and exposure to reading and the alphabet is great, but you simply can't rush a child's readiness for reading. Teachers tell us all the time that parents get anxious and upset with their children when they are on the slower side to acquire this skill. They remind parents that some kids are simply ready to read earlier than others and that this difference diminishes by second grade. In fact, they share that the kids who are supported in reading at their developmental level actually build a stronger comprehension of what they read because they are not pushed too far ahead of where they should be.
Chapter 2
taught us that anxious parents also tend to jump in and rescue their children from taking on the responsibilities they are fully capable of handling. Today's parents mean well, but ultimately are not doing their children any favors by sheltering and protecting them from natural, developmentally typical struggles. The core of cognitive development is learning through experience and practice. Throughout childhood, we face countless developmental milestones. Most kids meet these challenges with some struggle, but naturally come to master the skill needed to progress. Knowing a little bit about cognitive development should help parents understand that their children's struggles with new concepts are very natural. It is important to support a child's learning, not replace his or her learning. Be patient!
Parents Can Support Cognitive Development
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Sensorimotor Development:
Parents of infants and toddlers should support their child's efforts to explore his or her environment. Understand that at this age children explore through touching, tasting, and smelling everything they can get their hands on. Parents should be aware of potential safety issues such as a child getting into cleaning supplies, touching electric outlets, and exploring in places where he can get hurt, but other than that they should enjoy watching their children learn about the world around them.
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Preoperational Development:
The goal for children of preschool to early elementary age is the improvement of their language skills and their attempt to organize their world in a concrete way. Parents should gear their expectations to a level appropriate to their child, such as keeping in mind the limitations on advanced problem solving at this age. Parents will need to help their children learn to express their thoughts and feelings about things using the newly emerging skills of their children. This may require some coaching on the part of the parent. They should not do the talking for their child, but direct coaching at this age is very appropriate.
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Concrete Operations:
Children are occupied with the concrete operations stage of development from older elementary school through middle school. By this point, kids are beginning to develop advanced problem-solving skills. They should be encouraged to take on additional responsibilities. This is a great age to let them try to do things their way and experience the outcome, since the consequences are likely going to be minor. That makes these wonderful “practice years.” They are capable of critical thinking and should be encouraged to use that skill. Ask them questions that require them to “think” and have fun talking about whatever their response is. The questions can be about anything: how a rock got on top of a mountain or what kind of music they and their friends like. It is important to remember not to be critical of their thinking because that may discourage them from wanting to share their thoughts with you anymore.
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Formal Operations:
Adolescents can absorb lots of information and make use of the most important data to make decisions. They can also see that their behavior and actions impact others. Consequently, parents can reasonably expect their adolescent children to use those abilities. They are able to consider issues on a global level, and parents can really enjoy hearing their outlook on societal events. Make sure to listen with an open and nonjudgmental mind. The key to keeping your teen talking is to be a good listener. Thus listening to your children can help them develop cognitively through the formal operations phase of life.
Theory No. 3: Moral Development in Children
Lawrence Kohlberg's most significant contribution to developmental stage theory is in the area of moral development.
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In contrast to Erikson and Piaget, Kohlberg put almost no emphasis on an individual's age and focused on their needs and motives. His famous research focused on the responses that individuals gave on a series of moral dilemmas.
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Essentially, he would ask people what they would do in a particularly difficult situation in which there was no clear answer. For instance, knowing that it was against the law and immoral, he asked people if they would steal food to feed their family, if they had no money to pay for it. Based on the responses collected through hundreds of interviews with people of all ages, Kohlberg was able to classify moral reasoning in a sequence of six stages grouped into three general levels of morality. He was most interested in how people solved the dilemma, not what the response was. As you read about the stages, notice how they coincide with Erikson and Piaget's stages. You will see that a child needs to be emotionally and cognitively ready to process the moral dilemmas of each stage.
Level I: Preconventional Morality
Stage 1
This stage is thought of as
obedience and punishment
and is evidenced in preschool and most early elementary school children. At this stage, kids make decisions based on what suits their needs, and they don't yet consider the needs or feelings of others. Instead, rules are followed because authority figures (parents and teachers) make and enforce them. From a child's view, a behavior is morally wrong if he or she will be punished for it.
