Authors: C. E. Starkweather
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I stared out the window and watched mom pull weeds from the garden. I wanted so badly to go outside and help her. I used to love gardening with mom. I should just go out. What's the worst that can happen?
David can pop out of the bushes and kill me.
I hated that even after I escaped from him he still controlled my life. I thought about what Alex said.
"Don't let him win."
Fuck David. He wasn't waiting for me. He was gone. If anybody saw him around here he would be in jail so fast his head would spin. He may have been crazy, but he wasn't stupid. I took a deep breath, opened the door and stepped outside.
The California air was warm and invigorating. I had always loved being outside before David. I hated how I thought of my life now as before David and after David. Not anymore. I was taking control of my life. I walked toward my mom.
You're fine.
She heard me and turned around, startled. "Jadia!" She cried. "You're outside!"
I nodded. "Yeah."
"What's the matter? Are you ok?"
"I'm fine, mom. I just wanted to sit with you for a bit."
She smiled at me, tearing up. "Oh, sweetie. Come sit down."
I sat next to her and watched her work. After a few minutes I laid down on my back, daring to close my eyes. The sun shone down on my face. It felt glorious. "So how did you like Dr. Schor?" Mom asked.
"She's ok. She's at least better than Dr. Martin."
"Oh, that's good honey. Are you going to see her again?"
"Yeah," I said softly. "I think so."
She worked and I laid in silence for awhile. It felt so good to lay in the sun. I heard a car pull into the driveway and gasped, sitting up. "Relax, honey. It's just Alex," mom assured me. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Wait, how long have I been out here?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. An hour?"
Holy shit. I had completely lost track of time. "I guess I should go inside and get Alex. He's probably pounding on the front door," I said, jumping up. I ran inside and found Alex standing in the kitchen, looking frantic.
"Jay! Were you just outside?"
"Yeah," I replied. "I was sitting with my mom."
"Holy shit, that's awesome!" He grabbed me in a big hug and swung me around. I laughed as he set me down and kissed me on the head. "So what changed since yesterday?"
I shrugged. "I just decided that I wasn't going to let David control my life anymore."
"So the therapist helped?"
I nodded. "Yeah. I mean, we just talked for a little bit. But she doesn't act like she judges me. And when she left I felt better than I have in months."
"That's great, Jay. I'm so proud of you. You wanna go sit outside?"
I grinned at him. "Hell yeah."
We walked outside to the garden. Mom looked up at us. "Hi, Alex. I was just finishing up. Are you going to be out here for a bit?"
"Hi, Mrs. Galvin. We'll stay out for as long as Jadia wants."
Mom went inside and Alex and I laid down next to each other in a comfortable silence. "God, I miss being outside," I said. "I feel like I can feel my skin getting tan. I love it." I sat up and pulled off my long sleeve tee, leaving my tank top. I laid back down. Alex was staring at me. "What?" I asked.
"Nothing."
"Why are you staring at me?"
He shrugged. "I like looking at you. You're hot."
I blushed. "Stop trying to embarrass me."
He scoffed. "You embarrass too easy. And you suck at taking compliments."
"Yeah. Sorry. That's probably never going to change."
He rolled over and looked at me. "It's ok. I like that about you. That you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and you still blush when someone tells you that you're pretty."
My face turned purple. "Christ Alex, now you're just trying to see what shade of red you can get me," I joked. But I felt my heart flutter when he said I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.
"Jadia, look at me," he whispered. I turned to look at him and he leaned down and kissed me on the lips.
Holy shit.
It's not like I've never kissed Alex before. He did used to be my boyfriend. But it felt...different. it felt perfect.
He pulled away, staring into my eyes. "God, I missed that."
I grabbed the back of his head and brought it down to mine. He kissed me long and hard, and I eagerly kissed him back. After a minute he pulled up, breathless. "I feel like your mom is watching us."
I giggled. "She's probably in there planning our wedding. You know she wants us to end up together." He traced my jaw line with his finger. "That makes two of us," he murmured. I looked at him, surprised. "What do you mean?"
I knew what he meant. I just needed to hear him say it.
He stared into my eyes. "I mean that I love you, Jay. I love everything about you. When I'm not with you, I feel incomplete. I meant it when I said that the highlight of my day is your smile. I know that I fucked up. But I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you." He laced my fingers with his and kissed my knuckles. "You're it for me, Jadia Galvin."
My heart was pounding. Alex wanted me. And I wanted him. So badly. "I love you too, Alex. I always have." It was pretty much true. It was love at first sight for me. Even though he didn't notice me for 6 years.
He grinned down at me. "Yeah? You love me?"
"So much," I whispered. "But..."
He nodded in understanding. "I know. You need time. I'll give you all the time you need. I'd wait forever for you." He kissed me on the nose.
My perfect moment was ruined when I thought about what David had done to me. How could Alex want me after that? My eyes filled with tears.
"What's the matter?" Alex asked softly, wiping away my tears. I shook my head. I didn't know how someone as perfect as Alex could be in love with a mess like me. "Please tell me what's wrong. You can talk to me about anything."
I sniffed. "I just...I don't know how you can want me after..."
"After that bastard raped you? You think that would change the way I feel about you?"
I looked down. "I don't know," I whispered. "But I feel...ruined. He ruined me," I said bitterly.
He pulled me to his chest. "You are not ruined, Jay. You're hurting. And you're a survivor. Not a victim."
"I know. I just...I just need more time. Until I can give you all of me. Not just the pieces that David left behind."
He kissed my head. "I'll give you all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."
We laid on the grass holding each other until it grew dark.
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David Hayes laid in Kate Lawson's bed, staring at the ceiling. He wished she would fall asleep already. "Tommy, what are you thinking about?" She whined.
Choking the life out of you.
He rolled over and smiled at her. "Just how pretty you are."
She giggled an obnoxious cackle. "Oh, Tommy."
After David had driven home on Monday, he saw sirens and police cars on his street. He fled past his house, ditched his car and hitched a ride with a trucker to a cheap, shitty motel a few towns over. Kate was working the counter. He told her that his name was Tommy Callahan and that his wife had cheated on him and kicked him out, cancelling his credit cards. After staying there and flirting with her for a few days, he ran out of money and convinced her to let him stay with her.
It wasn't fair. He should be with his princess, starting a new life together. Not with this raggedy bitch. With her bleached blond hair and bright blue eyes, Kate was probably attractive at one point. Years of crack and probably crystal meth had quickly taken care of that.
Kate rolled over and hugged him. "Do you want to go again?"
Ugh. Please God, no.
He ruffled her hair. "Sure, baby."
He closed his eyes and pretended it was Jadia underneath him, writhing and moaning. Kate was good in bed. He had to give her that. Probably from too much experience. He was pretty sure that it had been a profession of hers at one point. He pictured Jadia in her hot pink lingerie and grunted, finishing inside her. He rolled off of her, staring at the ceiling.
"Mmm, Tommy, that was amazing."
Jesus Christ, he wished she would stop talking.
"So I was thinking," he said as she lit a cigarette, "how do you think I would look with blond hair?"
She wrinkled her nose. "Nah. I like your hair. You're so sexy the way you are."
It was true. Women stared at David everywhere he went. He knew he was a good looking guy. But the less recognizable he was, the better.
"Yeah, I know. But after the divorce, I need a change. Come on, baby. Can you pick me up a bottle of dye tomorrow?"
She sighed. "I guess."
He rolled over and kissed her. Gross. She tasted like an ash tray. "Thanks, baby."
Where the fuck had everything gone wrong? He had tried to keep Jadia happy. But she kept disrespecting him. Surely she knew why she had to be punished. Maybe he had gone too far a few times, but there were ups and downs in every relationship. For awhile he wondered how she had gotten loose, then he read the news and found out that her stupid ex boyfriend had broken into his house and taken her out. He seethed with anger at the thought of Alex Lipton. He had ruined everything. Jadia was his fiancée. How dare he interfere with their relationship? And David was sure that he was trying to fuck Jadia. If he hadn't already. The thought made him see red. He took a deep breath. He couldn't lose his cool in front of Kate. He needed a place to stay until he figured out his next move.
David Hayes was certain of one thing. He was going to get Jadia back.
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I woke up the next morning thinking about Alex. After a nightmare free night, I felt amazing. I rolled out of bed and stretched. For the first time in weeks, I had an appetite. I jogged down the stairs and ate a grapefruit with half a cup of multi grain cheerios. I had been eating so little lately that I was barely able to finish. I watched TV for half an hour then put on my yoga pants and tank top. I jogged on the treadmill for about half a mile until I was exhausted. I used to be able to go for over 2 miles. Until now, I hadn't really realized how badly I had deteriorated physically and mentally. I tried not to feel dejected. I was going to have to work hard to bring myself back up.
Since my conversation yesterday with Alex, I felt the need to put more effort into my appearance. Before yesterday, I didn't really care if Alex saw me in my old sweats and no make up. But since he had confessed his feelings for me, I wanted to look better for him. I took a long, hot shower, shaved, and curled my hair. I still had awhile before Alex came over, but getting back into a normal routine made me feel better than I have in a long time. It was a gorgeous day outside, so I decided to get some sun. I put on shorts and a sports bra and laid out by the garden. After about an hour my phone buzzed. I knew it was either Alex or Carly. I glanced at the screen and smiled. It was from Alex.
Can't wait to see u today. Miss u
I texted back.
Miss you too. <3
At around 2, I went inside and got dressed. Not many of my clothes fit me anymore, but I put on a short black skirt and a hot pink tank top that I had borrowed from Carly and never returned. I looked in the mirror and realized how much weight I had actually lost. My hip bones were pretty prominent. My stomach was almost concave. My legs were thin. It's funny to think that a year ago I was chubby. My breasts were still pretty large, and they looked even bigger compared to the rest of me. I was clearly too thin now. I should try to eat more and get my curves back.
I put on some eyeliner and mascara and a light coat of black eyeshadow, starting to feel more like my old self again. The doorbell rang and I practically flew downstairs. I swung the door open and saw Alex smiling at me. He grabbed me in a bear hug and pulled me in for a kiss. "You look amazing," he murmured into my hair.
He held me at arms length and looked me up and down. "You're not allowed to look like this in public. I'll have too many asses to kick." I rolled my eyes and laughed. "I wouldn't worry. I'd never go out in public like this."
He raised his eyebrows. "So you wore this just for me, huh?"
I smiled shyly. "You know I did."
"Well, you look stunning. But I have an idea that involves you changing into some pants."
"Oh God, what?"
"What do you think about going for a walk?"
"A walk?" I repeated. "Like, in the street?"
"Yeah. But only if you want to. If you're not ready, I understand."
I thought for a second. I really wasn't sure if I was ready to make myself that vulnerable. But if I was ever going to free myself from David, I had to try. Besides, I had just started my anti anxiety medication. I was curious to see if it would actually help me.
"Sure," I replied. "But just a quick one. I'm kind of nervous."
He hugged me. "I'm so proud of you, Jay. And don't worry. You know I won't let anything happen to you."
I changed into some wide leg yoga pants and threw on my sneakers. "Just around the block, ok?" I asked nervously. He nodded. "Whatever you want." I grabbed his hand and he led me out the door. We got to the street and I actually felt pretty ok until I saw a car driving towards us. I stopped and clutched Alex's hand harder.
"Alex," I gasped.
"Sweetie, it's ok. It's just a car."
I closed my eyes. All I could think about was the crunching of gravel as David pulled up next to me, pretending to be concerned. The car passed us without slowing. I breathed a sigh of relief. I opened my eyes and grinned sheepishly at Alex. "Sorry. I'm ok."
Alex held me closer to him. "Don't worry, Jay. I won't let anything happen to you."
We walked around the block. The more cars that passed us, the less I cared. By the time we got home, I was feeling great. "Where's your mom?" Alex asked as we headed inside.
"She had to go to work for a few hours."
"Oh. I was wondering why it was so quiet in here."
I giggled. My mom did seem to have the presence of 20 people.
"So what do you want to do now?" Alex asked me.