Teach Me Like That (LMLT Book 2) (28 page)

“I do want him. I can admit that, but I have no idea where his head is at. I can’t take a gamble on my future if he’s just sticking around for a little fun.” This is the truth. Hunter, while I was in that situation, seemed like he was all in. He said the right words, made me feel like the only woman on the planet. Hindsight is always a twisted bitch. After stepping away, I could see just how messed up that relationship was. I could analyze every single angle, and what I found was less than desirable. I’m terrified it’s the same thing with Kegan.

“Did you bother to ask him?” She knows my answer by the look on my face. “Of course you didn’t. That would be crazy. Nothing more foolish than refusing to ask the questions you need answers to.”

I came over here for support from her, and this is what I’m getting? I get it, tough love and all that, but shit, talk about being kicked while you’re down.

“I’m terrified of his answers, Jillian! If I walk away, then that’s on me. I can handle that. But rejection? If he told me we weren’t worth fighting for, it would break me more than closing that door on him did this evening.”

“He’s not Hunter, Lexi.”

“I know that.” My voice is edgy, annoyed, and near the breaking point all at once. I’m not annoyed at Jillian, per se, rather, this entire situation. Nothing in my life is easy. I just want a damn break from the challenges. Every day it seems to be something new.

“I had asked Hunter to pick our family. I remember the day I stood before him, resigned to begging him to be a part of my life, our baby’s life. He blew me off as if I’d asked if he wanted to grab a pizza after class. It was that simple for him. No discussion, no making plans. No. That was his one word, emphatic answer. Then he walked away, wrapped his arm around the nearest girl, kissed her cheek, and whispered in her ear as if I didn’t exist, as if his daughter wasn’t growing inside of me.” I fall back into my chair with a puff of air.

That kind of pain stays with you for a while. That’s the kind of pain you’d do anything in your power to avoid again. “That’s why I didn’t ask the questions I wanted answers to as far as Kegan is concerned.”

“From what you’ve told me about him, he’s nothing like Hunter.” She just won’t give up.

“Right now, he’s nothing like Hunter was at the end. Hunter wasn’t that way until I told him about the baby. I’ve never seen someone turn a one-eighty as fast as he did that day.”

“And if you had the answers? If Kegan told you before today that he wanted you and only you?”

Our bed.

Was that his way of making a declaration?

“If I was a hundred percent sure that Kegan was as invested in me as I want to be in him?”

She nods. “If you had no doubts about owning his heart.”

“If I was certain he was in it for the long haul, I would have quit my job yesterday. I wouldn’t need plans if I knew Kegan was going to be beside me, fighting with me.”

“Nothing in life is a certainty, Lexi. You know that.”

“I know.” I drop my head and watch my hands. “I just don’t want the heartbreak.”

“Lexi,” Jillian says practically climbing in my lap. “You’re breaking your own heart right now.”

Kegan

I’ve texted Lexi every damn day this week, multiple times. She hasn’t responded once. It means she’s either ignoring me or has already moved past annoyance and has blocked my number completely.

I’ve been at the job site early each morning. I’ve left small gifts on her front porch. The box of chocolates, bottle of wine and stuffed bear she wanted from the arcade that I wasn’t able to win for her while we were there, are still sitting against her front door.

From the looks of it, she hasn’t been home in days. I have no idea where she is. As far as I know, she doesn’t have any family other than her mother, and I know she would never leave town to go to her. As much as she’s hurting herself right now pushing me away, I know she’d never willingly submit herself to that kind of torture.

Three days is my max capacity for not knowing where she is. It would’ve been less if finding out where she was didn’t include…

“Bland and Pratt,” a sweet voice says through the phone.

“Justin Pratt, please.” As much as I despise making this phone call, that poor office assistant doesn’t deserve my frustration.

“May I ask who’s calling?”

“Kegan Cole.”

“One moment.”

Shitty elevator music blasts in my ear for several minutes before the call is answered.

“I’m surprised it took you this long to call.” As if I wasn’t mad enough just by having to make this damn call in the first place, Justin’s voice pisses me off even more. “A real man would’ve called the first day she didn’t come back home.”

I growl into the phone; he chuckles. If teleporting was a real thing, I’d jump through this phone and break his damn neck. At least I’d be able to see Lexi at the funeral.

“She pushed me away, Justin. Are you telling me that I should have pushed back and refused to leave? Is that the kind of man you want your cousin dealing with?”

“Good point,” he concedes.

“Where is she?”

“She doesn’t want to see you.” His voice is softer than I would expect. Almost as if he realizes she’s making a mistake.

“Is she okay?”

“She’s… safe.” His sigh makes me wonder if she’s as torn up as I am. I don’t wish her pain, but I pray she’s miserable without me. It’s the only way I’ll have a chance to get her back.

“What does that mean, Justin?”

“She’s her own worst enemy, Kegan.”

“Don’t I know it,” I mutter. “Has the school made a decision yet?”

“Not yet. They told her by the end of the week, but she hasn’t heard from them as of this morning.”

My phone beeps with an incoming call. I pull it from my ear to see that Kadin is calling.

“I have another call coming in. Tell her I miss her?”

“I will.”

The phone beeps again, and I switch over to my brother.

“What did they find?”

“Embezzlement.” Well, that’s a little more complicated than voyeuristic sex in a BDSM club, but I think it will work in our favor.

“So we can use this against her, so Lexi can keep her job?”

Kadin sighs, and I realize the sound is really starting to grate on my nerves today. “It’s not that simple, Kegan. It’s a federal offense. It had to be reported.”

“So Amelia will be arrested, and Lexi can go back to work.”

Silence on his end of the phone is deafening.

“Tell me the Feds have already taken her into custody.”

“Her father is a Senator, Kegan. You know how this shit works.” He pulls the phone away and gives a direction to someone in his office.

“So nothing happens because daddy has some pull? That’s bullshit, Kadin. We never played those political games, why would we start now?”

“This isn’t Cole International. This is whoever is in control of these types of things on the federal level. It’s out of our hands. We did our due diligence by reporting what was found. It’s in their hands.”

“Then how did you know it was over?” I’m grasping at straws. If Kadin says nothing is going to happen to her, then I trust him. I just don’t like the answer I’m being given. True to my ‘baby in the family’ form I can ask questions all day long hoping that the answer will eventually change. It won’t get me anywhere, but I feel better for the effort.

“I was informed by a clandestine phone call from federal agents that it goes further than just Amelia DuPont, and I was asked to not speak another word of it.”

It’s my turn to sigh.

“I was told that Amelia will be removed and replaced at Edgewood, but I don’t know if that makes any difference in Lexi’s case.”

That tidbit of information gives me a little shred of hope, that even if we’re not together, she’ll have her job. I know it’s important to her. Keeping her job doesn’t help my case any because the fraternization clause will still be in effect no matter who’s running the school.

“Well,” I say trying to keep the frustration from my voice. “I guess it’s better than finding nothing on her. Maybe this way she’ll still have a chance.”

“You do realize I would’ve never been okay with blackmailing Amelia, even if we found something on her, right?”

I can’t help but laugh. “I know that stuff is above you, but that doesn’t mean that we have the same level of morals.”

“Jackass,” he mutters into the phone before hanging up.

I know exactly what I want to do, but I refrain from calling the private investigator back and hunting Lexi down by the GPS on her phone. As much as I want to go to her, my heart knows that she needs to come to me. I’ve been the one chasing this whole time. She sent me away, and without her coming to me, I’ll always wonder if she’s actually in this.

My greatest fear, however, is that she’s made her choice, and I don’t have one single say in any of it.

Work today wasn’t even an option. I threw myself a pity party last night. Seems my closest friends Jim and Jack are jerks, but it was finding out how much of an asshole that Jose can be, that really did me in.

I spent the better part of an hour over the toilet in my en-suite and another with my back against the tub waiting to get sick again. I know using alcohol to help solve my problems creates a problem of its own, but the bottles lined up on the bar were just too much to resist.

I stopped texting Lexi after I spoke with Justin. If she doesn’t want to be found, I won’t continue to look, hence my little party last night.

Missing work is a shit thing to do. My guys don’t deserve it. According to Tony when I spoke with him this morning, I just get in the way as it is. Me not being there is a break for the guys. He guarantees they’ll be able to get twice as much done today. I called him an asshole and hung up on him. Can’t keep a woman and my guys don’t even find me useful? Like I said,
pity party table for one
.

Hanging out on the couch, feeling sorry for myself, and binge watching The Walking Dead are the only things on my agenda today. Tomorrow isn’t looking much better either.

I turned off my cell phone, even as much as it worried me I’d miss a call from Lexi, I know she won’t call. I wouldn’t have had to turn the phone off if Kadin hadn’t been sending me depressing memes all morning with captions like “love is a bitch,” “forever alone,” and my favorite— a link to a relationship test.

Pretty fucked up, right?

The crazy thing is, before Lexi, these would be the things I would find hilarious. I never understood the pain of losing someone who wasn’t related by blood. Lexi and I have only been seeing each other for weeks; I can’t imagine what he went through when he lost Savannah or when London walked away. I don’t know which one would be worse: losing your wife, knowing she’s gone forever or the woman who walked away while carrying your child.

It’s that over analyzation that kept me from telling him to go fuck himself and the horse I bought for his daughter. I know what I’m going through right now with Lexi is nothing compared to what he’s gone through, but shit, give me a break.

I force myself to drink water the rest of the day, but there’s no telling what my night is going to look like. I yell at the TV every time a ‘walker’ catches someone off guard, realizing matters of the heart are exactly like The Walking Dead. You don’t realize you fucked up until it’s too late and not many make it out alive.

Lexi

Three and a half days at Jillian’s and I’ve already become
persona non grata
. Apparently, the heartbroken best friend really puts a damper on her sex life. I’m not the one who told her to change anything about her routine, but she doesn’t feel like she can be herself with company in her condo.

I have to go home at some point, so it might as well be today. I’m supposed to hear from the school by the end of the week, and since it’s Thursday afternoon, that call can happen at any time. I’d rather be at home when the final part of my heart breaks officially losing my job.

I have no clue where Jillian is. She left this morning after another round of “Get off my couch and fight for him” didn’t end with me, in fact, getting off the couch. Her tough love has continued since the first evening I arrived. Last night, she resorted to name calling, but even being called a masochist didn’t change anything. I analyzed that just like I have everything she’s said. It may appear that I’m hurting myself, but I know how much pain comes once you let your heart commit one hundred percent to another person. If I stuck around and let that happen, that would be the true definition of a masochist.

I leave her a short note on the counter and go home. I walk quickly to the front door, ignoring the chocolate, wine, and teddy bear sitting near the door and sneak inside as quickly as I can so Kegan doesn’t see me. I don’t even allow myself to look over at the job site. Seeing his truck over there would break my resolve, which I have to admit has been waning a little each day.

My intentions for staying at Jillian’s were to work on getting over him, getting past the urge to run to him and let him follow through on his promise to fix it like he said he would. I had to stay gone because I knew if he was just a handful of yards away, I couldn’t stop myself from going over to him. I knew for damn sure if he came over here I would give in. Staying away hasn’t had the effect I was aiming for, if anything it made me miss him even more.