Teach Me Dirty (23 page)

“Good girl, Helen.”

I could hear myself, and it was so wet. I tried to shuffle down the bench, but I couldn’t move, my arms were pulled tight, and I liked how it felt when I fought it, I liked knowing I was trapped.

“Don’t stop… don’t stop… don’t stop…”

“That’s it, Helen, that’s it.”

And I was moving my hips, and he moved with me, knowing my body better than I did as I started to jerk and hiss and lose my mind. I made noises and I didn’t care, didn’t care how loud I was, or how stupid I looked.

He didn’t stop touching me until I was floppy and spent, with my legs hanging over the bench like blobs of jelly and my pulse loud in my ears. And I giggled, I giggled at how good it felt and I didn’t even know why.

I giggled until he slipped his fingers into my mouth. And then I went quiet.

“Suck,” he said. “Taste yourself.”

I tasted weird, but it wasn’t unpleasant.

My heart did a little jump as he pulled his fingers from my mouth and sucked them straight into his.

“You’re going to be a good girl now, aren’t you, Helen?”

I nodded. “Yes. Whatever you want.”

“I want you to trust me. Can you do that?”

I nodded again.

He flipped me on my front in a heartbeat, and the rope twisted and pulled my wrists just a little bit tighter. I was off balance, the edge of the bench hard against my hip bones as my thighs strained for stability. I heard Mr Roberts’ belt loosening, and then I felt him. He was hot and thick, and he felt so big as he rubbed his cock against me from behind.

“Relax and breathe.”

I tried my best, but he wouldn’t go in without a real push, and I had to hold my breath and bite my lip while he worked his cock inside me.

“That’s good,” he said. “So tight.”

He forced my thighs further apart with his and I let out a little whimper as he sank all the way in. And then he moved. Fast. And it was hard, and deep and I could feel it in my tummy, and it hurt at first, but I didn’t want him to stop, and he didn’t stop, and when he shunted me onto the bench a little further something changed and it didn’t hurt at all.

It felt weird… and there was that urgency again, that feeling that something is brewing… but it was stronger… and it was inside me, deeper than before…

“Take it, Helen, take it hard, good girl.”

“Harder…” I said, and I didn’t even know why. “Fuck me…” I lay my cheek against the wood of the bench and listened to him thrust and groan and slap his flesh against mine. “Please, Mark… fuck me hard…”

“Christ, Helen… that’s beautiful…”

“Fuck me, Mark… harder…”

“Say it again.”

“Harder, Mark, fuck me harder…”

“Did you like the dirty talking on the video, Helen? Did it make you wet?”

Oh God, the embarrassment. It exploded inside me. But I nodded.

“Say it, Helen… tell me what you liked.”

“I liked it… I want you to tell me… how it feels… I want to hear you say…” I screwed my eyes shut and pressed my forehead to the bench.

And his breath was on my ear. “You want me to tell you how good your tight little pussy feels, Helen? You want to know how hard I want to fuck you? How deep I am inside your beautiful little cunt?”

“Oh God…”

I felt him smile. “I thought so. You really are a beautiful sweet thing, Helen Palmer. I think you’ll probably be the ruin of me.”

“Please… more…”

I squeaked as his hand wrapped around my throat, and his other twisted my hair, pulled it back until my arms were stretched so tight.

And then he fucked me hard enough that the bench hurt my hips, and I could hear the hiss of my breath. His hand tightened around my neck, and I loved how it felt. I was nervous but not scared, and it was exhilarating and wild and beautiful.

“Fuck, Helen, this is divine. Your body is divine.”

“Mark… I feel… good… don’t stop…”

He didn’t stop.

“I’ve got so many things to show you, Helen. So many perfect things.”

“Please…”

The urgency inside me ramped up, it ramped up so high I thought I was going to pee myself, and I squirmed under him and tried to hold back, but I couldn’t. And I didn’t pee, but I did tense up inside, and it felt so strange and base, like I was some kind of feral animal squirming and squealing underneath him.

And then I screwed my eyes shut and flailed like a fish and he slammed all the way inside me and held his position.

“Fuck…” he groaned.

And I had no words. I had nothing.

He slammed into me again, and I saw white behind my eyes.

And then he took my face in his hands and twisted me to him, and he kissed me, pushed his tongue into me.

And when he slammed again he stopped.

And I could feel his cock pulsing inside me.

And I smiled into his kiss, and I knew, I just knew I was full of him.

He collapsed onto my back and I could feel his heart racing.

And I giggled and giggled and it felt amazing.

“What’s so funny?” he said, but he was laughing too.

“You used the C word. You used the C word and I loved it. It’s like the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I’m glad it pleased you.” He reached forward and pulled the rope loose from my wrists. “It’s certainly not one for the classroom.”

“Say it again,” I said and I was grinning. I couldn’t stop grinning.

He kissed my cheek and nipped at me and it felt so good. And then he slapped my ass.

“Go and eat your cunting breakfast,” he said.

***

Mark

“Penny for your thoughts?”

She pondered my question and the soft smile on her lips warmed me inside. She forked up another piece of cold sausage and looked across the table at me, and her eyes were innocent and dirty all at once, and her cheeks were still flushed, and her hair was messy from where I’d held her so tight.

And right there, with a plate of cold breakfast on the table in front of me, I knew.

I loved Helen Palmer.

I loved the girl in a way that defied all professional integrity. That defied all reason.

I loved her with the same kind of intensity I’d loved Anna, but this was different.

Helen was a pure little blossom in my jaded life, the promise of something beautiful and all-consuming.

And it worried me. It worried me that I’d never be strong enough to let her go.

“I’m just thinking,” she said. “About nothing. About everything. About you.” She smiled. “A lot about you.”

“What about me?” She looked embarrassed. Nervous. “I meant it, Helen, you can tell me anything.”

“It’s just…”

“Just what? Embarrassing?”

“No. Just… I feel shy. In case you don’t…”

I smiled. “In case I don’t understand?”

She shook her head. “In case you don’t feel the same way.”

“I see,” I said. “Why don’t you try me?”

Her eyes were big and scared but she took a little breath and swallowed another piece of sausage. “I’m thinking how I’ve never felt like this. How I didn’t even know it was possible to feel so close to another body the way I feel when… when you’re inside me. How I didn’t know it was possible to feel someone the way I feel you when your skin is against mine. I didn’t know how much I’d want to breathe someone else’s breath and feel their heart next to mine, and see what they see, and love what they love.” She chased a piece of mushroom around her plate. “I didn’t know being in love with you could feel like this. I didn’t know I’d want to crawl inside your skin and stay there, and be part of you, and never leave.”

And I couldn’t breathe. My chest felt tight and heavy. “Helen… that’s…”

“Not how you feel, it’s ok.” She cut up her bacon.

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

“It’s not?” I saw a flash of hope in her eyes.

“No. It’s really not.” I moved to her, freed myself from the table and dropped at her side and placed my hand in hers on her knee and squeezed her knuckles. “I never meant to do this.”

“I know…” she said.

“You don’t know.” I sighed. “You don’t know how much I wanted you to be free, to see you live your life the way a beautiful young woman like you has the potential to live her life. I wanted you to disappear from my class and soar through the sky, and maybe I’d read about you sometimes and I’d be able to smile and say ‘that was my student. That was my beautiful, talented Helen, and look at her now’.”

“But you can, right? You can still do that?” And she squeezed my hand so tight that it broke my heart. “But it doesn’t need to be in the paper, does it? You could come. We could do it together.” And she saw my face and her lip shook a little bit. “Say you will.”

“Look at me, Helen. Look at my life.”

“I am looking,” she said. “And I love your life. I love you.”

“And that’s exactly it,” I sighed again. “You shouldn’t.”

“Don’t,” she said. “Please don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t finish this.” She blinked away a tear.

“You think I’m going to finish this?”

“Aren’t you? It sounds like it.”

“It’s too late for that.” I brushed her cheek with my thumb. “You made me feel alive again. And I didn’t even know I was dead. I didn’t know I’d given up until you came along and reached out your hand to me and asked me to hold it.”

“Begged,” she smiled, and her eyes were wet. “I begged you to hold it.”

“I told you I don’t see the point in lying, and I don’t.” Her eyes transfixed me. Consumed me whole. “I love you, Helen, but that’s really a moot point. My dilemma runs much deeper than that.”

“You love me?”

And I smiled, I really smiled. “I was in love with you long before you dragged your drunken little backside down to the river last night and made me come and rescue you, before you think that performance won you any credit. But I didn’t want to be, for your sake, not mine.”

“Don’t think pulling away would be for my sake,” she said. “I want you to love me. That’s everything I want, everything I ever wanted.”

“But not everything you need.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do know that.”

“Please don’t take this away from me,” she said. “Sometimes my heart knows things, like I said before, and my heart knows I’m supposed to be with you. It’s always known I’m supposed to be with you. It’s like I walked into your classroom when I was just a little kid, and my heart did this little thump and it knew, it just knew you were mine and I was yours. And you can say all the things you want with your mind, with your brain, with your common sense, but I think your heart knows it, too.”

“My heart isn’t going to win you creative opportunities, or critical acclaim. My heart isn’t going to grant you a first at university, and sponsor you to travel the world learning your craft, until you’re a world-renowned artist, living her life to its fullest potential.”

“You
are
my fullest potential.”

And I laughed. “That’s absurd.”

“Is it?” I’d offended her, I could see it in her eyes. “Loving you
is
my inspiration. Loving you makes me
feel
and
hope
and
try
. You’re my teacher, you taught me everything, and I’m so good because of you. Because I want to be good for you.”

“You’re so good because you have talent.”

“And because I love you.”

“You are quite possibly the most addictive little thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of encountering, I hope you realise that.”

“So don’t let me go.” She smiled the most nervous little smile. “Please.”

“It’s crazy to think this could ever work. One day you’ll outgrow me and wonder what you were ever thinking.”

“Don’t count on that.”

“I
am
counting on that.”

“So, what happens now?” She took a breath. “Please don’t say we’ll just be friends again, and you’ll just be my teacher. Please don’t say that.”

“I’ll never say that, because I’m past lying to myself. I’m past trying to walk an impossible line.”

“What, then?” she said. “We’ll really be real? We’ll be together?”

“Until you say you don’t want me anymore.”

“I’ll never say that.” And her eyes were honest, they were so honest.

I cleared my throat. “There’s one condition, and it’s a big one. I won’t ever lie to you and I’d really like you to show me the same courtesy, so if you can’t agree to this and do everything you possibly can do to stay true to it, then say so. You can think about it, you don’t need to answer right now.”

“What’s the condition?”

“I want you to go to university, and I want you to be happy there. And when you’re at university you’ll be a student, and you’ll do all the things students do, and you’ll try your very hardest and you won’t plan your life around me, here. You’ll think of me as little as possible, and then, when you’re done, I’ll be here, but only if that’s what you want.”

She was quiet for long while. “And you’ll wait for me?”

“Yes, I’ll be waiting for you.”

“You promise?”

I smiled. “I promise. I’ll be here, in this same old house, teaching a fresh batch of the same old students, going to the same old places, just like I’ve been doing the entire time you’ve known me.”

“Then I agree to it. I’ll go to university, and I’ll do well, and then I’ll come back for you.”

“
If
that’s still what you want.”

“If that’s still what I want.”

“Good girl.” I pulled her towards me and she folded like paper, straight into my arms. She wrapped me up in her legs, in her arms, and she laid her head on my shoulder and breathed me in. And I forgot about my mind, and reason, and common sense, and I listened to my heart. And my heart knew Helen’s heart. It told the same story.

It told me I wanted to crawl inside her skin, and be a part of her, and never let her go.

***

I pulled the car into the usual place by the river and turned the engine off.

“I wish I didn’t have to leave.”

“So do I, but I could do without your photo on a milk carton tomorrow morning.”

She screwed up her face. “They haven’t put missing people on milk cartons in like forever.”

“And that, my sweetest Helen, shows my age.”

“I’m sure it was before your time, too. You’re not that old. You’re not all weird and crusty and you don’t smell of wee.”

I smiled. “Give it a few years.”

“I’ll still love you when you smell of wee. I’ll wheel you around in a wheelchair and you can call me nursey, if you like.” Her eyes twinkled.

“The future’s bright.”

She unclipped her seatbelt. “Lizzie will be here in a minute, I’d better go.”

I looked through the window at the picnic bench, and luckily the rain was holding off. “She’s definitely bringing you a coat? I’m sorry I didn’t find your shrug.”

“That’s alright, Sarah bitchface Jennings probably stole it and flushed it down the toilet.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Sarah bitchface Jennings?”

“She
is
a bitchface.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“Take anyone’s word for it, outside her mean girls gang, that is.”

“Does she cause you problems?”

“Is this your teacher head talking?”

I shrugged. “Maybe.”

“She’s caused me problems since I was like five, I can handle it.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I’m a big girl.”

And she was. There was something different about Helen today, something subtle but undeniable. A new note in her scale.

“Are we safe here?” She looked through the windows, and so did I, and the world looked empty.

“We’re safe enough.”

“Good,” she said, and shifted across the car to me. She took my face in her hands and pressed her soft mouth to mine, and wriggled herself against my lap until I pushed her away by her shoulders.

“Enough of that,” I said. “Or you won’t need to tell Elizabeth you’re no longer a virgin. She’ll make that observation for herself.”

She smirked, and bundled herself out of the car, and she looked so beautiful in her gown that I felt it in my chest.

“Go,” she said. “I’ll be fine here.”

“I can wait. I assume Elizabeth knows about us already?”

She looked a little shifty. “I don’t have to tell her anything else…”

“You trust her?”

“Yes.”

“You trust that I should trust her?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“Then I’ll stay until she gets here.”

It didn’t take long. Elizabeth Thomas was a quirky little creature. She appeared in the distance, springing along in big boots and a tiny little tartan skirt that blew in the breeze. She spotted the car and Helen waved to her, and Helen was beaming.

Helen was proud.

And that made me smile.

I waited until Elizabeth was close enough that I could see the spare coat on her arm, and then I started up the engine.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you anywhere?”

Helen shook her head. “I think I’ll stay here awhile. Talk to Lizzie.”

“Ok,” I said. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

She blew me a kiss. “See you on Monday, sir.”