Tea and Destiny (19 page)

“I didn’t know…”

“What?” he pleaded. “Please, baby, you’ve got to tell me if I hurt you. I would never…”

She kissed him to stop the unnecessary apology. “No. I never knew it could be like that. It was beautiful.” Her gaze swept over his face, memorizing the way it looked as he realized that he had made this first time so incredibly special for her. She’d never seen such a sense of wonder in a man’s eyes before.

“Annie love, it’s only going to get better. I promise you.”

She ran her fingers over his chest, tangling them in the mat of wiry hairs, delighting in the freedom she suddenly felt, the awe he was beginning to instill in her. “You’re always making promises to me.”

“And I mean to keep every one of them.”

She shook her head, clinging to one last shred of reality. “Hank, nothing is forever. We both know that better than anyone.”

He rolled on his back and sighed. He took her hand and held it over his heart, which was thumping with a sure, steady, reassuring rhythm.

“I’ve always thought that, Annie,” he confessed slowly.

Despite the fact that she’d been the one to say it, Ann realized that she’d been counting on a denial. Her heart sank when none came. His response hung heavily in the air between them, ruining their special moment.

As if he knew exactly what she was feeling, he reached over and lifted her until she was sitting astride him, her bare thighs clamped around his waist. “Now
you listen to me,” he said, his hands resting lightly on her hips, his gaze locked with hers. “That is what I used to believe, Annie. No more. What we have is forever. And if it takes me that long, I’m going to prove it to you.”

For now, with the heat rising within her again, she needed him too much to argue. But the time would come, only too soon, when she knew she’d be proved right. Until then, though, they had this incredible magic.

The last gray streaks of twilight had turned to darkness when Hank woke her with a soft, sweet kiss.

“Time to go, sleeping beauty. If we don’t pick the kids up soon, we really will have to explain our absence.”

She ran her hand lovingly up his thigh, thrilling to the textures, the roughness of the hair, the warmth that cloaked solid strength. “It might be worth it.”

He seized her fingers in midstroke. “Annie, you don’t mean that.”

“What if I do?”

He grinned and stripped away the sheet that covered her. “In that case,” he murmured, rolling toward her, his hand already circling her breast.

Sensation swelled inside her at once, but practicality won out. Forcing a laugh, she rolled away. “Okay. Never mind. I think you’re probably right.”

“Tease,” he grumbled. “Hurry up, before I change my mind and give Liz and Todd permanent custody of all those children of yours.”

Still bathed in the warm afterglow of Hank’s lovemaking, Ann felt contentment settle itself over her as they drove the mile or so back to Liz and Todd’s. Even if this couldn’t last forever, she would treasure it.
She had only an instant’s nervousness as they walked around the house toward the patio. They could hear the kids splashing in the pool and an occasional lazy admonition from Todd.

As they were about to turn the corner of the house, Hank stopped and drew her into his arms. “Don’t forget this afternoon, Annie. Don’t let it slip away.”

Puzzled by the intensity in his voice, she touched his lips. “Why would you say that? Of course I won’t forget.”

“I saw that look in your eyes just now. I just don’t want you to start analyzing it to death and come up with some crazy idea that it didn’t mean anything. It was important, for both of us.”

“I know that. Really.”

He nodded finally. “Then let’s go see what we’ve missed.”

On the patio they found Liz and Todd sprawled contentedly on chaise longues. Melissa was curled up at Liz’s side, her thumb in her mouth, her blanket dragging on the red tiles.

Liz grinned up at them. “She conked out about an hour ago.”

Ann immediately felt guilty. “She wasn’t upset, was she?”

“No, she was not upset,” Liz said firmly. “Don’t you dare start feeling guilty for taking a little time off. The kids hardly noticed you were gone.”

Hank groaned. “Wrong thing to say,” he said. “Now she’ll never let them out of her sight, for fear they’ll forget all about her.”

“I will not,” Ann protested, though there was this tiny
twinge of guilt in the pit of her stomach that suggested there might be some truth in what he said.

“Can I get you two something to drink?” Todd said.

Hank grinned at him. “Thought you were sleeping there for a minute, pal. Did the kids wear you out?”

“Do you have any idea how much energy is in that pool right this minute? If we could harness it, we could run a power plant,” he said with weary admiration.

“You just stay where you are,” Hank said sympathetically. “I’ll get the drinks.”

As Hank went into the house, Ann walked over to the edge of the pool. She wasn’t quite sure how she felt about the fact that the kids hadn’t even seemed to notice her return, much less her absence. With the force of habit, she began counting heads.

Tracy was clinging to the wall at the deep end, kicking lazily. Paul, David and Todd’s son, Kevin, were playing water polo, splashing exuberantly. Tommy was trying desperately to keep pace with them, but his movements were slightly hampered by his injured leg and by the water wings Todd had insisted he wear. Jason? She glanced around again. There was no sign of him. She turned back to Liz, an uneasy feeling stirring in the pit of her stomach.

“Liz? Where’s Jason?” She forced herself to keep her voice calm.

“Isn’t he in the pool?”

She shook her head as her heart began to beat wildly.

“He went into the house an hour or so ago,” Todd said before panic could set in. “He’s probably in Kevin’s room playing video games.”

The tension abated slightly, but didn’t vanish. “I’ll just go in and tell him we’re back,” she said casually,
not wanting to admit her need to account for every one of her chicks.

“Ann…” Liz began, but Hank silenced her.

“Let her go, Liz. She won’t be happy until she’s made certain that they’re all here and healthy.”

She glared at him, but his remark didn’t prevent her from going inside. She checked Kevin’s room first. It was dark and deserted. Her panic returning, she dashed through the rest of the house, frantically flipping on lights, moving more and more quickly as she found each room empty.

“Hank,” she called out finally, her voice trembling. “Oh, my God, Hank!”

He met her at the patio door. He took one look at her face and gathered her close, but not even the solid comfort he offered could counter the hysteria that seemed to be rising in her.

“What’s wrong?”

She looked up into troubled eyes and felt tears welling up in her own as she clung to him. Her fingers dug into his shoulders as an awful emptiness crept through her.

“Annie?”

“I can’t find him,” she finally whispered in a voice filled with raw, unbearable pain. “Jason’s gone.”

Chapter 12

“I
f anything has happened to him, I will never forgive myself,” Ann said over and over as Hank led her to the kitchen table. She felt dazed and the ache that had settled in the region of her heart was worse than anything she had ever experienced. It didn’t matter that Jason was sixteen and in many ways able to take care of himself. He was still just a lost and lonely kid and she’d obviously failed him. “Why didn’t I see this coming?”

She looked at Hank. “It’s because we…because I was too busy.”

“No,” he said adamantly. “It is not because of anything you did.”

“We should have been here,” she said stubbornly. “If he’s hurt…”

“Jason is a tough kid. Nothing’s going to happen to him,” Hank reassured her. Ann wanted to believe him.
She clung to the words like a lifeline, but these awful images kept creeping in.

“Drink this,” Liz said, setting a cup of tea in front of her.

She pushed it away. “I don’t want it. How can you even think about sitting around drinking tea when Jason is missing? We should be out looking for him, instead of wasting time like this,” she lashed out accusingly.

She glared at all of them as they hovered over her. She blamed herself. She blamed Hank. Now she seemed to be including Liz in her anger. Listening to herself, she realized that her guilt was making her irrational, but she seemed unable to stop herself. Tears brimming over, she took a deep, calming breath and looked at Liz. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Now, please, drink a little of the tea.”

“Please, Annie,” Hank said. “Listen to Liz. Todd and I will go look for Jason the minute I know you’re all right.”

“Of course I’m all right,” she said impatiently. “It’s Jason who’s in trouble. We have to go after him. Three of us will be better than two. We can cover more territory.”

“Sweetheart, it will be much better if you stay here. You don’t know the area. Besides, it will only upset the other kids if all of us go racing off.”

“Oh, my God!” she whispered. “I hadn’t even thought about them. How am I going to tell them that he’s gone?”

“There’s no need to say anything yet,” Hank said.

“But we have to. Maybe he said something to one of them about where he was going, what his plans were.”

Hank shook his head. “He’s too much of a loner. He wouldn’t say anything. He’d just go. Now, please, Annie, just stay here with Liz and try to stay calm.”

Calm?
He was asking the impossible, but she finally admitted the wisdom in what he was suggesting. Someone had to stay with the kids and there really wasn’t any point in upsetting them unnecessarily. But she felt so helpless and it wasn’t a feeling she liked. She needed to do something. She needed to be part of the search for Jason. She needed to be there to talk to him, to find out why he’d gone, to hold him and remind him how much she cared.

As if she’d read her mind, Liz said, “Ann, he could come back here on his own. It’ll be better if you’re here waiting for him.”

That was the most persuasive argument of all. Giving in finally, she sighed and buried her face in her hands.

Hank hunkered down beside her chair and took her hands and folded them tightly in his. She couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze, though.

“I’ll find him, Annie,” he said. “I promise.”

Yet another promise. She heard the conviction in his voice, but she heard something else as well: fear. Was he more afraid for Jason than he’d admitted or was he afraid of what this would do to the two of them? Perhaps both. God knows that’s how she felt. She was torn apart inside thinking about what could be happening to Jason. She also knew that things might never be the same between her and Hank if their time together had been the cause of his running away. Blame and guilt would always be there between them, eating away at the fiber of their still-new relationship.

When Hank and Todd had left, she looked over at
Liz and finally dared to speak her fears aloud. “It’s my fault. I never should have left here this afternoon. I knew how much he resented Hank and I went off with him anyway.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You have every right to a life of your own, Ann. You owe it to yourself to grab for whatever happiness you can find. You’re long overdue.”

“Not at the expense of my children.”

“Spending one afternoon with Hank is not robbing your children of anything and, as much as you love them, they do not have the right to choose your friends or your lovers.”

How many times had she counseled divorced parents on just that point? Living through it for the first time herself, she began to fully understand the complexities, the mine field of explosive emotions involved. Nothing was as clear-cut and easy as she’d always made it sound. “But they weren’t prepared,” she told Liz. “We should have talked about it.”

“Do you honestly expect me to believe that you were going to sit those kids down and tell them that you wanted to go off to make love with Hank?”

Ann felt the color rise in her cheeks. “Well, I certainly wouldn’t have put it like that. I could have told them that we were going out, though, instead of just sneaking away like a couple of teenagers trying to escape the watchful eyes of their parents.”

Liz sighed. “Okay. I can’t deny that that might have been the wise thing to do, but not doing it is hardly the end of the world. You did not behave irresponsibly. You didn’t leave them alone. They were here with us. They were having a good time. There are five kids out on
the patio who did not suffer any emotional harm just because you needed some time to yourself.”

“But there’s one who did.”

“You have to stop thinking that way. You don’t know that Jason’s leaving had anything to do with that. He’s been troubled since the day he moved in with you. Maybe he just picked today to take off because he thought he could get away with it.”

When Ann started to deny Jason’s ongoing behavior problems, Liz held up her hand. “Don’t forget how many conversations you and I have had on just that subject.”

Ann felt her shoulders sag. It was true. She had admitted more than once to Liz things she’d refused to acknowledge to Hank. It was as if she’d wanted Hank’s approval of Jason so much that she’d been afraid to acknowledge to him that the boy had problems that needed correcting, problems that she’d found herself unable to address.

“For a psychologist, I’ve really mucked this one up royally, haven’t I?”

“That’s because you’re a mother first and mothers sometimes make mistakes. We’re not nearly as dispassionate and objective when one of our own’s involved. You’ve spent so much time worrying about Jason’s terrible past that you haven’t been nearly as tough as you should have been in guiding his present. That’s a very human reaction.”

Seized by sudden uncertainty, Ann asked, “Do you think I can make it up to him?”

“I’m not sure you have anything to make up to Jason, if that’s what you’re asking. You’ve given that boy every chance. You’ve loved him as if he were your own. He’s repaid you with nothing but heartache.”