Taylor Lynne: The Women of Merryton - Book Two (26 page)

In an unexpected move, he
took my hand and pulled me to him. His free hand caressed my cheek. I stood
breathless as I looked up at his impassioned expression.

“You were, and are, the
most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. I would give anything to wake up to you
every morning in my bed.”

His hand slid down my
cheek and tipped my chin up. I could see in his eyes where this was leading,
and for a split second I was going to let it happen. In that moment, I didn’t
want anything more than to feel his lips on mine. But we couldn’t, we
shouldn’t.

I pulled against the
magnetic force that held us together. “We can’t,” I cried. The adrenaline helped
me find the strength to jog away from him.

“Taylor,” I heard him
call from behind me.

I didn’t stop. I kept on
jogging until I could see the cabin and the girls searching through the cooler
for something to drink. I needed something cool to drink, or maybe a dip in the
semi-frigid lake. I felt like I was on fire.

“I’m going to take a
shower,” I informed the girls as I jogged past them.

“Dad’s making breakfast,”
Ashley called out to me. “Oatmeal with fresh berries, especially for you.”

I nodded in
acknowledgement but kept on going. I didn’t need him to remember how much I
liked oatmeal and berries in the morning. And I especially didn’t need him to
remind me how much I wanted him.

I prayed silently in the
shower for help to get over Easton. To find a way for us to be friends and
parents to our daughter without us losing our heads. I had been praying for the
same thing for years. Maybe not so much the friend part, but the part where I
was no longer in love with him. The part that would help the ache for him go
away. I thought moving back here was my answer to that problem. Instead, it had
only exacerbated it.
What did God want from me?
And then the quieter
thought came
, What did God want for me?

After getting ready for
the day, I figuratively tiptoed back out to be with everyone else around the
fire Easton must have built while I was in the shower. The girls were drinking
hot chocolate out of large Styrofoam cups and Easton was making bacon and eggs.

We locked eyes as I
approached.

Act normal
,
I reminded myself. Though I wasn’t sure what normal was anymore. “Smells good,”
I said as I reached the group.

Easton, at least,
grinned. “There’s oatmeal for you in the pot.” He pointed at the cast iron black
pot off to the side sitting on a grate.

“That was thoughtful of
you. Thank you.”

“The girls washed some
berries for you.”

“Thank you, girls.”

While I put my breakfast
together, I listened to the chatter and talk of our plans for the day. It
sounded like we were in for some time out on the lake in a rowboat, maybe some
fishing, and a nap. It all sounded great to me. I would read my book on the
boat while they fished.

As the day progressed, I
thought Easton and I were both taking the same approach to the incident early
that morning—pretending it never happened and moving on. I was sure Easton saw
the wisdom in that. He had to know it wasn’t a good course of action for us to
take.

We had a pleasant day of
basking in the sun on the lake. Easton and the girls all caught a fish. Easton
was planning on making their catches dinner, except for Emmy, who hated fish.
He brought alternatives for her. I felt bad, like he was some short-order cook
taking care of each of our different food preferences, but he didn’t seem to
mind. He was friendly—but not too friendly—during our interactions throughout
the day. Even that night at dinner he was acting like himself, joking around
with the girls and teaching them more silly songs. He made an amazing dinner of
trout, grilled vegetables, and peaches. It was fabulous. And like the night
before, Emmy and I went to the cabin, and Easton and Ashley took the tent.

All was well.

I was so exhausted from
the lack of sleep and a full day of activity that I fell asleep in an instant snuggled
up to Emmy. I wasn’t sure how long we had slept, but I woke up to a fitful Emmy
who was crying and thrashing about.

“Emmy, honey,” I tried to
wake her up gently. It took me several attempts to get her to come out of her nightmare.
I had almost gone to get Easton, but I was afraid to leave her alone. I had
never seen a child behave like that in the night before. I could tell she was
afraid of something in her dream, but I couldn’t tell what.

She sat up and clung to
me as soon as she was aware of herself.

“Shhh, honey, it’s all
right. I’m here.” I tried to comfort her. I held her tight as she soaked my
nightshirt with her tears.

She continued to cry her
little eyes out as I held her.

“Honey, tell me what’s
wrong. Did you have a bad dream?”

She nodded against me.

I stroked her sweat damp
hair. “It’s only a dream. It’s not real.”

“It is real,” she cried.

“What’s real,
sweetheart?”

“My mom.”

I was taken aback by her
response. “Do you mean something happened to your mom in your dream?”

“No,” she whimpered.

“Then what, honey?” I had
a feeling I didn’t want to know, but I knew Emmy needed to talk about it.

She curled more into me
and spoke into my chest. At first I had a hard time hearing her, or maybe I
wanted to be mistaken about what she said.

“My mom hates me.”

“Why do you think that?”
Surely it wasn’t true.

“My dad and mom used to
fight all the time.” She paused and paused some more.

I could tell she was
building up the courage to say what she needed to say. I kept silent and rubbed
her back. I wasn’t going to push her.

Through tears she
confessed, “I heard my mom tell my dad that she never loved me, and the only
reason she had me was because he was going to leave her.”

I knew something was off
with Emmy, but this not only broke my heart. It infuriated me. “Honey,
sometimes adults, we say things we don’t mean when we’re upset. I’m sure your
mom loves you.”

She shook her head
against me. “No, she doesn’t. She was always mean to me and she told my dad
when she left that he could have me because she didn’t want me.”

I felt my own eyes well
up with tears. My heart was breaking for the sweet thing shaking in my arms.
“Does your dad know you heard these things?”

She shook her head no.

What a terrible thing for
one so young to have been keeping inside. No wonder she was so sullen and
haunted. Kathryn better pray I never run into her. “Darlin’, your dad loves you
very much, and so do I.”

Emmy looked up at me in
the darkened room. I could barely make out her face. “Do you really love me?”

I wiped away her tears
while my own streamed down my face at a furious pace. I did love this little
girl. I never meant to. “Very much.”

She hugged me with a fierceness
I had never felt before. “I love you, too. I wish you were my mom.”

So did I.
I
held her close to me and hummed a lullaby.

We didn’t say any more.
What else could be said? I sat there with her in my arms, deep in thought. For
so many years I imagined Easton and Kathryn living out my dreams and hopes
together. I cursed them on a regular basis in my head. I had especially loathed
Easton for my perception of him loving Emmy more than Ashley. Now I see he was
only protecting her. Kathryn was worse than I ever imagined.

Well, after Emmy fell
back asleep I was wide awake. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to sleep after
that revelation. I knew I needed to talk to Easton. Emmy needed professional
help. She and I both had parental issues to work through.

I extracted myself from
Emmy, making sure not to wake her up and tucked her back in. For now, she was
sleeping peacefully. I even saw a smile on her face as I got out of bed. The
Oreos were calling my name. I knew I would regret it, but sometimes cookies
were good for the soul. And after that bombshell, I figured I’d earned it.

I tiptoed to the kitchen
and found the package near the fridge, right where Easton had left it. I poured
myself a glass of skim milk and grabbed the package of cookies before heading
toward the leather couch in the great room. I set the cookies and milk on the distressed
wood coffee table and wrapped up in a quilt that had been lying on the couch.

I opened the plastic
container of cookies. I took one out and stared at it briefly, trying to
convince myself one cookie wasn’t going to kill me. I dunked the chocolate
cookie in the ice cold milk and let the milk penetrate it, but took it out
before it was soggy. I hesitated before I took a bite. When the cookie touched
my lips there was no turning back. My mouth had a mind of its own, and before I
knew it, I was sighing and chewing, savoring the delicious guilt in my mouth.

When I went to grab my
second cookie, I noticed it was raining outside. I hoped it stayed light. I
knew Easton said there was a possibility, but he reassured Ashley the tent
would keep them safe and dry. Regardless, I was happy to be out of the
elements. Even happier that I had cookies to go along with it. Not happy,
though, about Emmy and how screwed up our lives seemed.

By the fifth cookie, not
only was I mentally swearing at Easton for buying the blasted things, but the
rain had become a downpour with lightning and thunder. I began to worry and
thought I should go tell them to come inside, but I knew Easton knew what he
was doing. At least I hoped.

After a loud crash of
lightning, my motherly instincts were overruling the fatherly ones. I was going
out to get my baby. I had stood up to do just that when the front door slid
open. Ashley ran in from under the cover of her dad’s poncho. She looked
surprised to see me standing near the couch, but ran to me all the same.

I pulled her to me and rubbed
her back. “Are you okay, love?”

“The tent started to leak
and I swear the lightning hit right by the tent.”

I looked over to Easton
who was now standing at the opposite end of the couch from us. His grinned and
shook his head slightly.

“Why don’t you go crawl
into bed with Emmy; I’ll be there in a bit.” I wanted to talk to Easton about
Emmy. Maybe two in the morning wasn’t the best time, but I couldn’t go back to
sleep until I talked it over with him. Besides, I was on a sugar high. I wasn’t
sure how I was going to tell my clients next week to empty their pantries of
all junk food with a straight face.

Ashley gave me one last
squeeze before trotting off to the bedroom. “Goodnight,” she yawned.

“Goodnight,” Easton and I
said together.

Before I could say
anything or hide my fall off the health food wagon, Easton looked at the opened
package of Oreos and half-full glass of milk. “Looks like you’ve been busy in
here. I knew you couldn’t resist.”

I looked at him standing
there in his gray sweat pants and t-shirt. His hair was mussed up, but it
didn’t do anything to detract from how handsome he was. “It’s been a rough
night,” I admitted, or maybe said in my defense.

His brow crinkled.
“What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

“I probably will be since
I ate all those cookies, but no. I know it’s late, but we need to talk.”

He didn’t hesitate. He
sat down on the couch and invited me to do the same. When I sat down, I noticed
how much leg my nightshirt showed, and so did Easton.

“You have great legs.”

“Thanks,” I whispered. I
tucked my legs under myself. We both leaned back against the couch and faced
each other. We were probably too close, but I liked the way it made me feel. I
looked at the bedroom door to make sure it was closed before I spoke in hushed
tones. “Emmy had a nightmare tonight.”

His face dropped to the
floor. “Not again. I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t apologize,
I’m not upset she woke me up, I’m upset at what she told me.”

Easton’s eyes widened and
his eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. “What did she say?”

I grabbed the quilt before
I answered and laid it across me. I needed a security blanket. I also, with
some hesitation, reached out and took Easton’s hand. I knew I would want the
comfort if someone was dropping a bomb on me. I could see the worry in his
eyes. “Easton, Emmy—” I took a deep breath and let it out. “Emmy heard you and
Kathryn fight.”

Easton’s eyes widened
more.

“She heard her mom tell
you that she didn’t want her and never did. She thinks her mom doesn’t love her
and that the only reason Kathryn had her was so you wouldn’t leave her. She’s
terrified of her mother.”

He held onto my hand like
a vice while running his free hand across his face and hair. “I didn’t know she
heard us. I thought she was sleeping. I tried not to fight in front of her. I
tried to protect her.”

“I’m sure you did.
Easton, I know you don’t want to hear this, but Emmy needs counseling. She
needs help dealing with this.”

Easton’s eyes misted
over. “I know. I haven’t wanted to admit it. I thought if Kathryn left, I could
make everything right. I screwed everything up.”

“Emmy knows you love her.
Everything will be all right. It’s just going to take some time.”

“I hope so,” he said,
unsure.

“Easton, can I ask why?
Why her?” I was also kind of asking
why not me?

He looked up to the
beamed ceiling, and when he closed his eyes, I saw moisture roll down his
cheeks. I had only seen him cry the day we first saw Ashley on ultrasound and
the day she was born, but those were tears of happiness, not the thick streaks of
despair that rolled down his cheeks now. It made my own eyes water. My heart
ached for him.

After several silent
minutes, he looked back down at me with steely determination in his now red
eyes. He let go of my hand and rested it on my cheek where he rubbed his thumb
gently across it. His hand felt warm and I leaned into it.

“Taylor, I swear to you,
it started off innocent, at least on my part. I was stressed, and she was a
sounding board. I felt underappreciated, like all I ever did was disappoint you
that last year we were together. She listened to me. I thought she understood
where I was coming from and how difficult it was to start a practice. She
stroked my ego and let it be all about me. And when you left, she comforted me.
She made me believe you would realize the mistake you made and come home. She
let it be all about me,” he repeated.

“Is that what you
wanted?”

“No,” he said firmly. “I
wanted my wife to come home. I wanted you to be happy again. But I was a fool
for not realizing how selfish I was being. Kathryn played right into it. I
thought she was being my friend and trusted colleague, but instead she was
planting seeds of doubt about you in my mind and I let them grow. I’m so
sorry.” He spoke with such tenderness.

He kept stroking my cheek
and I let him, even though his words were killing me.

“After I received the
divorce papers, I fell apart. Instead of fighting for our marriage like I
should have, I let her pick up the pieces and put them back together the way
she wanted them to be. She let it be all about me until she had what she wanted
all along. After the wedding, maybe even while we were engaged, I knew I had
made the biggest mistake of my life. And you know why we had Emmy.”

“Does Kathryn,” I
whispered, “really not love her?”

“Kathryn loves no one,
including herself. She is the most miserable person I know. She’s a
manipulator. Unfortunately, I was blind to it at first.”

“Easton, I’m sorry I
left. I didn’t want to be like my mom. I wasn’t going to let a man walk all
over me and cheat on me.”

“I wasn’t cheating on
you,” he whispered.

“I know, but you … you
were …”

He leaned in closer. “I
wasn’t being the man you deserved or the man I promised you I would be. And now
here you are, still being more than I deserve. I’m sorry I came on so strong
when you moved here, but I’ve known for a long time that Emmy needs help and
you’re the best mother I know. I wanted both of my daughters to have that. Emmy
didn’t deserve the mother I gave her.”

“No, she didn’t,” I
agreed.

He scooted closer and I
felt electricity surge through me. It was like the Oreos—in my head, I knew I
shouldn’t even open the package, because once I did I wouldn’t be able to
resist. I wouldn’t want to.

“When I see how you love
both of my daughters, I feel the full weight of my mistakes. You were, and
still are, the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m sorry I lost sight of
that. I’m sorry I let you go.”

“You shouldn’t say things
like that,” I pleaded.

He closed the distance
between us until he held my face in both of his hands. I could feel his warmth
breath against my skin.