Tats (34 page)

She laughs out loud at something in the journal, then looks up at me. “Sonny and Cher? And you really thought I was a hooker?”

I shrug and smile sheepishly.

She puts on her serious face. “You know, you never asked me where I went. Where I was that whole time we were apart,” she says.

I shrug again. “I thought you’d tell me if you wanted to. I thought maybe I’d be better off not knowing.”

She smiles. “I bounced around a while, going nowhere, just hiding. Finally, I checked myself into rehab.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah...”

“How do you feel now?” I ask.

“Brand new,” she answers. The corners of her mouth twitch into a smile. She holds out her hand for me and I walk over to her. She pulls me close, wraps her arms around my waist and holds me tight. I run my fingers through her hair and press my cheek against the top of her head.

She pulls away and her fingers undo the buttons of my shirt. She opens it wide and touches the tip of her finger lightly on my new scar.

“Does it hurt?” she asks.

“No.”

She leans down and brushes her lips over the scar.

“We need to talk,” she says, kissing my collarbone.

Uh-oh.

“Okay,” I say.

She kisses my neck. “I’m not a dyke, okay?”

“Obviously.”

She rubs her hands around my bare waist and tucks her fingers inside the back of my jeans. “And I’m not a lesbian either.”

“I never thought you were,” I say.

“I just love
you,
okay? Just you.”

“I love you, too Vivian.”

She sucks my earlobe between her teeth, forcing a shiver down my spine.

“Show me,” she breathes into my ear. “Show me how much you love me.”

I grab her legs and wrap them tight around my waist. “With pleasure,” I say, kissing her on the lips.

I pull back a tiny bit and whisper, “But I want you to know this is going to take a
really
long time.”

She laughs. “How long?”

“The rest of our lives.”

“Okay,” she says, gripping my hips and pulling me in closer. “I can live with that.”

I place both my hands on her cheeks and look deep into her blue eyes.  I swear, I can see my own reflection. And for the first time ever in my life, I don’t mind what I’m seeing.

Epilogue

I lie back on the cold table and guide my bare feet into the metal stirrups. I tuck the green paper dress between my legs and press my knees together. Vivian stands beside the table looking down at me and smirking.

“You’re going to have to spread your legs, you know,” Vivian scolds.

“I know that. But I don’t have to do it right at this very second,” I say.

I know I sound bitchy, but I can’t help it. This is something I’ve been dreading.  It’s not enough that my body is rebelling against me, but now I have to go and show my junk to a complete stranger. My belly is huge and my boobs have grown to tit status and I’m tired and hungry all the damn time. And when I get hungry, I get mean. I’ve been mean for the past month.

“She’s a woman,” Vivian soothes. “I made sure to get you a woman gyno. That way you’ll be more comfortable when she sticks her fingers up your hoo-ha. You know?”

“Gawd, Viv, can you just not call it my hoo-ha?”

“I’m practicing not saying dirty words. I’m trying out substitute words. And a simple thank you for finding you a woman hoo-ha doctor would be nice,” Vivian says and smiles.

“Thank you, Vivian, my dearest, who’s always thinking of me. How can I ever repay such kindness and consideration?”

“No need to be sarcastic.”

“You wanna trade me places?” I ask.

“Darlin’, you know I only spread my legs for you.”

I laugh. I can’t help it. “Damn you, Vivian,” I say. “You don’t even let me get a good bitch on without making me laugh.”

She lays her palm on my big belly. “I think it’s a girl. Don’t you?”

I shrug. “I think so. I hope so. I wouldn’t mind a boy. It’s when he turns into a man that worries me.”

The door opens and the doctor walks in all smiles. She has long black hair loosely tied back in a knot and she has beautiful dark, almond-shaped eyes.

Vivian takes one look at gorgeous doctor lady and flashes her eyes back to me. Vivian reads my mind and doesn’t like what’s written there.

I shrug and whisper, “You picked her. Not me.”

Vivian leans down to my ear and orders firmly, “You are not allowed to enjoy this. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, ma’am.” I smile. But I must be smiling too big, because Vivian squints at me. I know what that squint means so I wipe the smile all the way off my face.

The doctor walks up to my side and smiles at me. “Hello, Ms. Hammond,” she says. “I’m Dr. Drywater. But you can call me Gloria, if you don’t mind that I call you Lee Anne.”

“Lee,” I answer her. “Call me Lee.”

She smiles, showing perfect white teeth and because Vivian is still squinting at me, I’m real careful not to smile back.

“Okay, Lee,” Gloria says.

“I’m Vivian,” Vivian interjects. “Is Drywater an Indian name?”

“I’m Cherokee,” Gloria says, setting her clipboard aside.

Vivian raises her eyebrows at me meaningfully. “She’s Indian, Lee. In. Di. An. As in feather. And cheese,” she wags her eyebrows up and down.

“I heard her, Vivian,” I snap.

“Lee has a thing for Indians,” Vivian explains. “And cheese.”

Gloria gives her a perplexed smile and pulls a pair of plastic disposable gloves out of a box. She stretches the gloves, snapping them like a rubber band before she puts them on. She has really big hands.

I gulp and look away.

“Lee’s a little nervous, Gloria. She’s never had a girlie exam before,” Vivian explains like she’s my mother and I’m about five years old.

Gloria drapes a thin white sheet over the lower half of my body and sits on a stool at my feet.

“Really? You’ve never done this before?” Gloria asks.

“Not with gloves,” I respond, then immediately grimace at my own feeble attempt at humor.

Gloria actually laughs and puts her hands on both my knees. I stare at the ceiling while she guides my knees apart. She slips a couple of fingers inside me and I try my damndest to think about anything but. She pushes and prods and I am not enjoying it at all.

Vivian says, “You know, Gloria, you and Lee have a lot in common. You work with girlie parts all day and Lee’s a lesbian. You two share the same interests.”

“Vivian!” I shout.

Gloria laughs out loud. “Good one.”

I scold harshly, “What’ve I told you about just outing me like that?”

Vivian frowns at me. “You also told me lesbians don’t go down the first time, but I know for a fact you’ve broken that rule.”

I think I hear Gloria chuckle under the sheet.

“You can leave the room any time now,” I say.

Vivian ignores me. “So, Gloria, Lee and I were just discussing, if the baby’s a girl, what word we should use for her girlie parts. What do you think?”

“Hoo-ha’s always a popular one,” Gloria answers.

“Told you so,” Vivian says to me.

“Okay, okay, hoo-ha then. I’m outnumbered.”

Gloria slides that metal torture-looking device inside me and I gasp out loud. “Whoa...cold,” I say.

“Karma, Lee. That’s called karma,” Vivian chuckles.

I start to get a little concerned with what Gloria’s doing under the sheet, but she’s all smiles as she cranks the thing open and talks to me, “So, tell me about yourself, Lee. What’re your interests?”

“Interests?” I ask. It’s really hard to concentrate right now.

“Small talk, Lee,” Vivian says. “She’s trying to distract you.”

“Oh. I guess...” I think hard. “I like motorcycles.”

Vivian interjects, “And tits. She loves tits. If you really want to distract her just whip out a tit.”

“For chrissakes, Viv...”

“It’s true.” Vivian shrugs.

“Well, that’ll cost more,” Gloria jokes. Vivian and I both laugh. “So, you have a motorcycle?” Gloria asks me.

“Yeah,” I answer. “And I have a shop. I fix motorcycles. Repair them, you know, and rebuild them and stuff.”

“She’s very good with her hands,” Vivian says, then adds under her breath to Gloria, “really good.”

I close my eyes and wish I could just disappear.

To her credit, Gloria looks more entertained than embarrassed. “What kind of bike do you have?” she asks.

Vivian leans a little to her left and looks at whatever Gloria’s busy with under the sheet. “Looks like you’re pretty good with your hands too,” she says.

I hide my face in my hands and grumble, “Can you please make her leave the room?”

Gloria laughs. “She’s not bothering me.”

“Well, she’s bothering me.”

“What kind of bike?” Gloria asks.

“Harley. A Street Glide.” I feel a big wave of relief as she uncranks that metal thing and takes it out of me.

Gloria looks at Vivian and asks, “Are you her partner?”

“Yeah,” Vivian says, all smiles. “She fell in love with me at first sight and we’ve been together ever since.”

Gloria laughs lightly. “I meant are you her birthing partner. Will you be there for the birth?”

I say, “Vivian thinks she’s the father and I haven’t told her any differently.”

Vivian playfully slaps me on the arm and Gloria laughs.

“Now,” Gloria says to me, “let’s talk about you and your baby.”

“Okay,” I say tentatively. “Is something wrong?”

“Everything’s perfect,” she says. “I think you’re progressing beautifully. I’ll make you a list of vitamins I’d like for you to take and when you leave, ask the receptionist for an ultrasound appointment. And we’ll have a look at your baby. You can get dressed now.” She smiles and heads for the door.

She turns back to us. “It was good to meet you both. Lee, I’ll see you again soon. You’re going to make a great mother. Sorry,” she corrects. “You’re both going to make great mothers.”

After Gloria leaves, Vivian turns back to me, smiling. “We are, you know. We’re going to be fuckin’ great mothers.”

I close my eyes and shake my head. “Your little cussing problem still needs some work.”

“It’s all under control,” Vivian says. “I’ve got a good year before the baby starts talking. I’m sure I can find all kinds of new words by then.”

I sit up and grin slyly. “Wanna go home and play doctor?”

“You’re so bad. You’re a dirty, dirty girl,” Vivian mock scolds, then adds brightly, “Sure. But I get to wear the paper dress this time.”

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