Tasteless (19 page)

WARNER SOMERVILLE IS ONE SLOPPY DRUNK

The Durt

September 9
th

We admit that we used to have a helluva crush on Warner Somerville back when he was this doting and nurturing young dad on
Days of Somertime
.  What is it about sexy men being dads that make them so much sexier?

But ever since his wife dumped him for a child, he’s been looking kind of rough.

Yesterday, a whole bunch of cell phone videos emerged of Warner getting drunk off his ass at a bar in LaGuardia Airport, angrily yelling at no one in particular.  Thankfully, the situation lasted only as long as his assistant was in the bathroom.

The poor kid came scrambling out to drag him to the privacy of the first-class lounges before he could even get his fly back up.

“Oh,” Gemma gasped as her phone vibrated itself off the table.  “I guess those were all the texts I got while we were on the plane.”  She walked across the hotel suite, bending over to pick up her phone.  “And uh oh… it’s mostly Rye.  What do you want me to do?”

Sam stood by the window, looking out at the hotel’s private stretch of Waikiki Beach.  He was just far enough from his family’s house and restaurant that he could get away with being back in the state without telling them, at least for another day or two.

“Just tell her the truth,” he shrugged.  “That we’re away for a bit.”

“
We’re
away for a bit,” Damian said, pointing at him and Gemma.  “But we’d be lying if we didn’t mention that you have other plans.”

The day Sam quit, he had taken a two-hour cab ride back to Damian and Gemma’s, declaring that he wanted to go home.  Seeing the conviction in his words, his two friends dropped everything to help book him a ticket back to Oahu.  They even agreed to fly there with him for support.

It was an easy move.  Sam didn’t own very many things and all his clothes fit into a single suitcase.  He wouldn’t need the winter stuff anymore anyway.  He leaned his head against the windowpane, sighing so hard he fogged up the glass.

“Do you want some time alone?” Gemma asked.

“No, I’d prefer not to be alone,” he answered.

“Okay,” Gemma shrugged.  “Well I need to return some of these calls so I’m going to be in the bedroom area.  Feel free to interrupt if one of you need me.  You guys do your… boytalk or something.”  She retreated into the bedroom, shutting the double doors behind her.

“So?” Damian asked, stretching out on the couch.  “Wanna boytalk?”

“That sounds like the worst.”

“I agree,” Damian nodded.  “But since Gemma and I have grown used to our roles as your mainland parents, I feel like I’m obligated to ask what your next step is.”

“You’re both younger than I am.”

“Just chronologically.”

“My next step is gathering up the courage to tell my mom I failed and hoping that my presence at the restaurant is enough to give it a boost in sales, even if a one hundred percent boost wouldn’t even put me close to what Warner and his evil team was offering me.”

“You made your decision, don’t keep kicking yourself for it.  What’s done is done.”

“I know,” Sam sighed.

“There’s a car rental place in the hotel.  We were thinking of getting a car tomorrow morning to drive you back home before we head to the airport.”

“You guys aren’t going to stick around a little? Sightsee?” Sam asked.  “I feel bad that I dragged you on a twelve-hour flight just so I didn’t have to do this alone.”

“Nah,” Damian shrugged.  “We should get back to doing our thing back home.  Besides, Gemma doesn’t have the best memories of Hawaii.”

“You could’ve told me that before I made you guys come here with me.  Now I feel like ten times the dick,” Sam sighed.  “What exactly are these not so great memories?”

“She was here on a film shoot when I was in the middle of my little crisis,” Damian explained.  “At the height of when every NBA fan decided I was the worst thing to happen ever.  So she got an earful from the crew members.”

“But you’re okay now,” Sam said.  “And I guess that’s what matters.”

“It’s hard to know it’s going to be okay one day when you’re in the thick of things
not
being okay,” Damian said.  “Which I hope you’ll keep in mind these next couple of months…”

Sam frowned, idly cracking his knuckles as he sat quietly.

“You know, we might have time for one thing tomorrow,” Damian said, interrupting Sam from his thoughts.  “So as a local, what would you suggest we do if we could only do one thing?”

“That’s so hard,” Sam laughed.  “Imagine if someone asked you that about New York.”

“You’re not being judged on what you choose,” Damian said.  “Just choose
one
thing and we’ll all go do that before we drop you off back home.”

“Well…” Sam thought, turning away from the window and sitting across from Damian.  “If we’re heading in the direction of my family’s house anyway, there are these coves a few miles from their place.   I guess that’s what I’d choose.”

“What’s special about them?”

“They’re about as secluded as it comes in Oahu.  The tourists haven’t found it yet and most of the locals haven’t gotten around to it either,” Sam said.  “My cousins and I used to kayak there.  There’s this cave-like entrance that’s kind of dark and creepy, but when you get to the other side it’s this closed-off little beach area that you can’t get into without going through that tunnel or taking a helicopter.  We used to treat it like our own private clubhouse.”

“That sounds insane,” Damian laughed.  “When I was a kid, the coolest thing we had to hide out in was my neighbor’s pool house.  Which was weird, because he didn’t even have a pool.”

“I think it’s just called a shed then, Damian.”

“Huh,” Damian smiled, folding an arm behind his head.  “So these coves… they’re like super-secret then? Like if we went there, it would just be the three of us and we wouldn’t have to worry about people coming around?” It was then that Sam noticed that he was playing with a small box with his other hand – specifically the ring box that Sam had found while rummaging through his clothes.

“You have something on your mind?” Sam asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Only if you don’t mind a distraction,” Damian replied.

“I would
welcome
any kind of distraction right now,” Sam said.

~

Sam paddled the packed kayak behind Gemma and Damian, occasionally shouting out directions of where to go.  They were about twenty feet in front of him, floating peacefully through the algae-covered rocks.  Gemma’s long white sundress billowed behind her like a sail while Damian powered the boat, surprisingly dexterous in the confines of his dress shirt.

“To the right,” Sam yelled.  “Between those two rock pillars over there!” He watched as their kayak slowly turned to the landmark that Sam had given.  He tried to catch up with his athlete friend, paddling just a little harder but being careful not to splash water on the picnic basket that he had strapped in front of him.

As they approached the entrance to the cove, Sam was filled with a rush of memories.  He had spent many childhood days out there, daydreaming about the life he would have the moment he could leave Hawaii.  As he took in the beauty of his surroundings, he wondered why he had always been so desperate to leave a place so gorgeous.

He remembered how Sandrine had always been his cheerleader.  She was only three years older than he was but she had always felt much older as she helped his mother and uncle parent the many children that ran through the restaurant.  Their father had passed away when Sam was young, and while he didn’t remember much of him, Sandrine always had a story ready about their dad whenever he wanted one.

He was seventeen when Sandrine died after a shockingly short stint with cancer.  He had barely accepted that she was sick when she was suddenly on her deathbed.  The entire family had made it to her bedside when Sandrine passed peacefully, holding Sam’s hand as she went.  He remembered the feeling of her slipping away.

Sam ducked as he continued to paddle through the tunnel, forgetting how low the rocky ceilings were.  He looked ahead, seeing the silhouettes of Damian and Gemma doing the same thing.

“This is crazy!” Gemma exclaimed, though he could hear the excitement in her voice.  She had happily agreed to Damian’s plan when she stepped out of the bedroom and saw him playing around with her future wedding ring.  She couldn’t fall asleep that night, pacing around both the bedroom and the outside seating area as she wondered aloud, talking about where to buy a white dress and asking Sam to come up with a transportable gourmet meal.

It was exactly the kind of silly fun he needed to distract himself from being back in Hawaii again, having to face his family, and leaving Rye and a career behind in New York.  They set out early the next morning after Sam recalled that he sometimes spotted dolphins at sunrise.  They had gotten their rented kayaks on the water in time to catch a pod off in the distance.

Once they got past the tunnel of the cove, Sam stretched his back out and paddled towards the stretch of beach before him.  They pulled their kayaks up onto the sand, unpacking the picnic basket and the small blanket they brought with them.

“I know I’m the one marrying you two but I feel kind of bad about being the only one here at the wedding,” Sam started.  “Especially when I’m pretty sure your friends and family are going to kill you that you did this without them.”

“They’ll understand,” Damian shrugged.  “Besides, I’m pretty sure our friends and family are pretty sick of the two of us at this point.”

“They’ll be happy to know that we got it over with,” Gemma laughed.  She unknotted the hair she had piled atop her head, letting the loose waves fall over her bare shoulders as she reached into Sam’s kayak to get her bag.  Inside, she had placed a headpiece that she had made in the car drive over – a wreath of pink hibiscus flowers with a white silk gauze scarf that she had found at the gift shop in their hotel.  She pinned it to the crown of her head, draping the makeshift veil over her face.

They quietly exchanged quick vows, laughing as they realized that there was so little left to confess and promise after all that they had been through.  They exchanged quick kisses between their words, not waiting for Sam to declare them man and wife first.  Sam was surprised at how tolerant he was of their affection behavior – it was their wedding day after all and he was honored to have been the one that could finally bring them together.

Sam had kept the meal simple, bringing fresh avocados, sliced mangoes, and lychee nuts to accompany their entrée of sesame-coated seared tuna that he had convinced the hotel kitchen to let him prepare at five in the morning.  He was happy to see that the champagne had stayed chilled and the flutes had made it on their ride over.  He spread out the checkered blanket, plating up the food and even setting up a small vase of flowers in the middle.

“This is all so gorgeous, but where’s your setting?” Gemma asked, looking down at the blanket.

“I figured you guys could use some privacy,” Sam replied.  “So I’m going to head out first.  And I’m going to take the bulk of the stuff out with me so you don’t have too much to pack up.”

“Sam, that’s so thoughtful,” Gemma said, hugging him tight before Damian’s wrapped his arms around them both.

“Thanks man,” he said.  “This was perfect.”

“Do you know your way back to the car?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, I remember,” Damian replied.  “But how about you?”

“I’m going to just walk up to the main road and bus it to my mom’s.”

“That seemed like a pretty long walk,” Gemma frowned.  “Are you sure?”

“I know my way,” he said.  “And I could use some thinking time.”

~

The walk was actually much longer than he remembered and by the time he got on the bus, he couldn’t wait to get back home.  He had rehearsed a thousand times what he would say when he got to the restaurant.  It had been four years since he was last there and he was just a bit ashamed at much time he had let go by.

Sam almost felt guiltier over the fact that his mother didn’t bug him about it, knowing that she told herself how busy her son was up in New York.  Even when they videochatted and texted, she would end their conversations with a hurried, “Don’t let me keep you! Go do your work.”

He resolved to not telling anyone, to allow them to believe he was back for an indefinite visit, just taking a break before he planned his next step.  Sam wondered if the gossip blogs has gotten word of his exit from Somerville Diner.  If they had, there was no chance that his mom didn’t already know.

The stop dropped him off right across the street from the small strip mall where his family’s restaurant was located.  Their hand-painted sign that hung above their door had faded quite a bit since Sam last saw it, though the restaurant’s name was still pretty clear – Honua Hut – named for the turtles that were so often seen by the location.  Sam’s Uncle George had also hoped that putting a symbol of longevity in the name would mean wishing it upon the restaurant.

He sighed as he stayed standing outside.  He knew the ruckus he would cause with his unannounced visit and he wasn’t quite ready for the attention just yet.  When he realized that waiting to feel comfortable with the situation would mean staying out there all night, he decided to just rip the bandage and go in.

His cousin Maya was the first to notice him, letting out a sharp gasp when she spotted him.  Sam smiled, shushing her as she grabbed his arm and jumped up and down in silence.  She led him through the small dining room, only about half-filled, as he noticed the stares and photos that people had already begun snapping.  It was apparently enough of a shift in the main area that his mother and Uncle George stuck their heads out from the kitchen, promptly crying at the sight of him.

“My baby!” his mother called out, her face crumpling into a wet mess immediately.  She reached out, sobbing as she hugged him to her.  Sam swallowed, holding back his own tears as he looked down at his mother’s grateful face.  “Why didn’t you tell us you were coming I could’ve made all your foods for you.”