Tarzan & Janine (4 page)

Judging by the gauntlet of wolf calls she passed through to get to the television crew, every salesman in the dealership must have stayed late. They all wanted to witness the live filming by a group of college students Tanner hired to keep the budget low. As part of the crew's curriculum requirement, the commercial would air live on the university's public television station.

A man carrying a spider monkey approached and shoved the critter into her arms. “This is Spunky. You need to keep a hold on the monkey at all times, or he’ll take off. Catching him will take us hours.”

“Hey! Nobody said anything about a monkey.” Janine pushed the little guy back at his handler, but the jerk turned and trotted to a position beyond the spotlights. Her chances of being taken seriously as an actress slipping through the seams of her skimpy costume and the busy fingers of the monkey, Janine suppressed the urge to scream.

“Quiet, everybody. Two minutes to take,” the young director’s voice boomed through a megaphone. “Where’s Tanner?”

The animal handler called to Janine from the sidelines. “Remember, whatever you do, don’t let go of the monkey.”

“Right, don’t let go of the monkey.” Janine’s head swiveled side to side in search of the nutcase who’d talked her into this crazy commercial. She’d felt more in control on the bucking mechanical bull at the convention than she did right now.

Suddenly, the crowd of used car salesmen parted. Tanner strode toward her with his long, loose-limbed gait and all the confidence and charm of a professional actor. Tanner, dressed casually in his ever-present blue jeans, chambray shirt, cowboy hat and cowboy boots, smiled as he worked his way through the crowd of onlookers.

Janine snorted.
I’ll bet he’s never ridden a horse a day in his life.

He walked right up and turned the full force of his smile on her.

Damn. Her knees went weak, complementing the butterflies in her stomach and the monkey fidgeting in her arms.

As the cameras moved into position, panic filled her. “You never told me what my lines were. What am I supposed to say?”

“Just stand over there and look beautiful. I’ll do all the rest.” He adjusted his hat with enough confidence for both of them. “And smile when I introduce you. That frown makes you look mean.”

Janine opened her mouth to carve his enormous ego down to size and remind him she was an actress, not a model.

Before one word could cross Janine’s lips, she was cut off by the cameraman. “Mr. Peschke, I hope you’re ready because this is not a rehearsal, you’re going live in five...four...three...two...” He pointed ‘one’. The camera was trained on Tanner, the red button lit, and the feed was direct.

Without missing a beat, Tanner smiled, looking completely at ease in front of the camera. “Howdy, folks. It’s a jungle out there. We know how difficult wading through the gimmicks and sales jargon is when buying a used car.”

She had to admit he sounded charming and genuine. After sabotaging her job with BS-Squared, he’d conned Janine into taking this job. She bet he could sell ice to Eskimos.

Spunky’s hairy little hand slipped beneath the bra of her outfit.

Janine slapped at his hand, eliciting a shriek from the monkey. “You must be a male,” she muttered, wishing Tanner would fall on his pretty face in front of the camera.

“Are you sick of the new car prices and immediate depreciation when you drive a car off the lot? Let us take the monkey off your back...” Tanner swung an arm in her direction.

Spunky crawled up on her shoulders and played with her hair.
How about getting this monkey off my bac
k? Crap. She’d spent hours trying to fix her hair beautifully for the commercial.
Great, when they finally get the cameras on me, I look like the monkey.

“...and show you what we’ve got in low mileage, pre-owned vehicles at rock-bottom prices.”

At that moment, the creature latched onto the strings holding her halter-top in place. She felt her boobs dip and her stomach knotted.

“Stop that, Spunky,” she whispered, making a grab for both of his tiny, dexterous fingers and the tail that seemed just as facile.

The monkey ignored her, chattering happily, hands and tail dodging her flailing attempts.

“Join us this weekend for our ‘Monkey Off Your Back Sale.’ We’ll be servin’ free banana milkshakes to all the folks who come out.” Tanner’s voice kept up the running monologue despite the monkey’s antics, true to form for a car salesman.

Janine simmered as she struggled for control.
Let’s get this over with before this monkey craps on me.

Joe adjusted the volume on the set a little higher. “Not too bad, so far. A little dry, but gets the message across, don’t you think?” He glanced at Beans for confirmation. All he got was a huge yawn and an exaggerated rolling of the eyes. “Well, it ain’t over yet. Give him a chance, will ya?” Joe grumbled.

“Didn’t say a word, Joe,” Beans said, in his soft southern drawl.

“Ya didn’t have to.” Joe pressed his lips together.

“Let us take the monkey off your back.” Tanner swept his hand to the right, and the camera took in a woman in a skimpy jungle costume with a monkey sitting on her shoulders. “Drop by this weekend and meet Spunky the Monkey and Janine who’ll be celebrating the beginning of our Jungle Days of Summer sale-abration.”

“Whoa, Beans, am I seein’ what I’m seein’?” Joe scooted forward in his seat.

“I need my specs.” Beans fumbled in his shirt pocket for his reading glasses and then hooked them over his ears. A moment later, he produced a long, low whistle and leaned forward himself. “By golly, maybe the boy’s got something there.”

“Not, something—someone,” Joe corrected.

Edging closer to the screen, Beans squinted into his reading glasses. “What’s that monkey tryin’ to do to that girl?”

Joe scratched his head. “I don’t know, but I think it’s gettin’ fresh with her...uh...tah-tahs.”

“Yup, and them’s some bodacious tah-tahs, if you ask me.” Beans’s bushy eyebrows rose to the middle of his high forehead.

“Now, it’s crawling around her neck. What’s that Tanner’s sayin’?” Joe turned his good ear toward the speaker.

Beans shrugged. “Who cares? I want to see what that monkey’s gonna do next. Don’t crowd the T.V.”

Tanner looked a little distracted now, saying his lines and glancing worriedly over his shoulder at each ear-piercing shriek from the increasingly animated duo.

The monkey jerked the ties of the halter-top the girl wore and pulled them high above her head.

Joe’s jaw dropped as the top loosened, exposing creamy skin, and the woman’s eyes rounded, her mouth shaping into an “O” as Tanner dove between her and the camera. A high-pitched squeal sounded through the speakers, coming, no doubt, from the pretty blonde.

In the next second, the cause of the commotion, namely one hairy little monkey, leapt into view with a halter bra hanging from his nimble fingers.

Tanner stood in front of Janine, shielding her from the cameras that shifted to the right then the left, trying to get a better view of what was going on with the topless beauty.

Joe’s mouth hung open for a few moments, and then he broke into a delighted grin. He clapped Beans on the back and chuckled. “I think you’re right. The boy’s got something there. Care to up the ante on our bet? I think two months may be sellin’ the boy short.”

Beans scratched his chin, his lips twitching. “Could be, could be.”

“What say, you and me make a surprise visit to the lot tomorrow?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Beans settled back into his chair. “I want to meet that monkey—and the girl, of course.”

Chapter Three

Peschke Motors had never seen a turnout for a sales event like the one for the  ”Jungle Days of Summer.”

“Don’t you think it’s time to call in the big dog?” Scott Greenblatt, the assistant sales manager, asked, worry thick in his words.

Tanner stood with Scott atop the steps of the showroom building and watched the quickly filling parking lot with satisfaction. “Dad and Beans had plans to go fishin’ today. He left me in charge.” He winked at Scott and added, “Besides, won’t it be more fun to slide the sales report on his desk on Monday and watch his eyes pop out?”

Scott laughed half-heartedly. “That’s if we manage to close a deal with all this hoopla goin’ on.”

“Not to worry. It’s all under control. I called in all the sales staff who were scheduled off and offered everyone commission and a half for any deals closed by the end of today.”

“Commission and a half? That might set a fire under their butts, alright. Whooee! Ain’t your Daddy gonna be surprised?”

Tanner rubbed his hands together. “That’s the plan.”

Scott aimed a sharp blue gaze at Tanner. “What I wanna know is how you talked Janine into comin’ back today after last night’s excitement?”

“Janine’s a professional.” Tanner made the statement with a straight face, smiling inwardly.

“Son, you’ve got a gift. As mad as that little lady was last night, I’d a thought she’d sooner poke you in the eye than come back here.”

Tanner winced, remembering his last conversation with the lady in question. She’d been ready to filet him after Spunky the Monkey had exposed her in public.

Her exact words had been, “You’d better get me something to wear,
right now
, or I’ll personally cut off your balls and feed them to that monkey.” She managed that while pressing her plump breasts to his back, shielding herself from eager eyes and shifting cameras.

Tanner wasn’t too sure the live feed had been cut at that point. For the sake of his jewels, he hoped Janine never found out otherwise. The woman had a real mean streak for someone who looked as soft and sweet as cotton candy.

He shuffled with her all the way to the ladies room, then run to find her a spare mechanic’s shirt.

Janine snatched the shirt through the door of the women’s bathroom, slamming the door on his fingers.

“Ow!” He cradled his hurt fingers and silently screamed every curse word he knew. “That hurt!”

“Serves you right, you no good car salesman.”

Exasperated, Tanner leaned his forehead against the door and tried for a gentler approach. “Ah come on, Janine. It wasn’t my fault the monkey was a little fresh.”

“A little?” Her voice rose to a shriek.

“Okay, so he really did a number on you, but I need you here tomorrow. You can’t let me down,” he pleaded.

“I will not co-star with that smelly little lecher.”

“But the whole world is expectin’ you and the monkey at the sale this weekend.” When she didn’t respond, he let his temper get the best of him. “I can sue for breach of contract, you know.”

“Sue? Ha! See how much I care. I quit.”

His mind raced. “I’ll give you lines to say in the next commercial.”

The door cracked an inch and one deep blue eye peered through. “Lines I write myself?”

Lowering his face to look her in the eye, he promised, “Yes, anything. Just say you’ll stay.”

The eye narrowed, and he held his breath while she thought about his offer.

“No.” The door slammed shut. “I can’t even show my face in public after last night. I’ll have to dye my hair and change my stage name.”

“Your name’s not Janine?”he asked, disappointed because he thought it suited her just fine.

“Of course it is! But I can’t use it now.”

“If it’s the money, I’ll double your fee.” Tanner cringed as he said that.
There goes the profit line.

“You don’t get it, Mr. Moneybags. The issue is not the money. It’s the embarrassment.”

Tanner opened his mouth, then shut it and thought for a moment. Up to this point, he’d been talking about what
he
needed. What would a good salesman do when faced with a tough customer?

Taking a different tack, he launched into a new assault. “Do you think Marilyn Monroe or Meryl Streep would have given up after a little embarrassment?” No response. “Don’t you think they had their share of mishaps and failures at the beginning of their acting careers?” He held his breath for her reply.

“I suppose so,” had been her tentative response.

Encouraged, he’d continued, “Did that stop them?”

“No...but I’m sure they weren’t stripped by a monkey on prime time.”

Okay for her to still be mad—at least she was listening. “Maybe not, but I’d bet my last dollar they had their share of humiliations. That didn’t stop them from makin’ it big. Did it?”

“No, I guess not,” she replied reluctantly.

“You know why, don’t you?” He waited. If she didn’t take the bait, he was sunk.

“Why?”

He had her wiggling on the hook. Now, all he had to do was reel her in. “Because they persevered. They put their acting first. They would have gotten right back out there, heads held high. So, Janine, if you’re feelin’ humiliated—
act
like you’re not.”