Tara (67 page)

A glance out into the sun-filled road decided her.

"That would be wonderful. Come as soon as you like. I'll be ready.'

Was it coincidence that the first dress she came to in her wardrobe was a revealing one with a laced-up low-cut bodice? She tied her hair up in a high pony-tail, teasing one or two strands loose round her face and quickly curling them with her tongs. The flimsy cheesecloth dress was white, with a tiny green pattern, and she wore nothing beneath it but a pair of white lace panties.

A few squirts of perfume, a little make-up and a pair of sandals, and she was ready.

Josh watched as she ran down the steps from her house and felt an ache of desire. She looked so beautiful, her golden hair gleaming in the sun. Her dress accentuated her small waist, and pushed up her breasts so they almost spilled over the top of the bodice like two ripe peaches.

'I was so glad to hear your voice.' She slid into his open-topped Mercedes and reached across to kiss his smooth cheek. He looked quite different in an open-necked shirt and jeans, somehow less intimidating. 'I was feeling lonely.'

'Sundays can be like that,' Josh said as he pulled away. 'All those people out there in twos, everyone having fun but you.'

'I'm sure you never
feel
like that,' Tara retorted. 'You've got a book stuffed with girls' names!'

'Spending time with someone you don't care for much is worse than being alone,' he said with a smile. 'I often spend Sundays working.'

Tara's spirits rose as they sped out of London. The sun was hot on her arms and shoulders, she was in a smart car with one of the most eligible bachelors in London.

The pub he took her to had a garden sloping down to the river. All the tables and chairs were full, but Josh bought a bottle of wine and two glasses and they sat on the small landing stage, their feet dangling over the edge.

'I can't believe an hour ago I was getting so uptight,' Tara said. 'I wanted to shout at Mum for being happy. I didn't even want some poor farm lad sleeping in Paul's bed.'

Josh listened while she explained all that had been said.

'I'm horrible, aren't I?' Tara pulled a face and laughed at herself. 'What would you prescribe?'

'A holiday.' Josh smiled lazily. 'Somewhere hot, with white sand and brilliant blue sky and sea. Lots of good food and booze to make you relax, then a lot of good loving.'

'That sounds blissful.' Tara took a deep breath of the delicious fresh air. 'Umm, it's nice here in the sun, too!'

She wasn't sure she wanted Josh to talk about loving, but then she wasn't sure that she didn't.

They ate baked potatoes stuffed with salmon and mayonnaise, finished the bottle of wine, and Josh bought another one to take away with them.

'We need refreshments,' he said, his eyes twinkling as he stuffed two glasses in her bag.

Tara felt a bit tiddly once they left the pub.

'We'll find a place to lie in the sun, drink our wine and I'll roll us a joint,' Josh said.

She had long since given up being concerned about Josh smoking pot. Everyone in London was at it and, anyway, it was supposed to be far less damaging than the speed he used to take. Harry had tried it, too, lots of times. It was yet another reminder of his double standards. He would go crackers if he thought she'd tried it, but it was all right for him.

'Is it scary?' she asked innocently as Josh took a blanket from the boot of his car.

'What, sharing a blanket with me?'

Tara giggled. 'No, smoking dope. Harry wouldn't hear of me trying it.'

Josh tucked the blanket under his arm, handed her the bottle of wine, then took her hand and led her towards a footpath along the river bank.

'Men like Harry like their women barefoot and pregnant, in the kitchen.' He smirked. 'Letting them do mind-bending things like having a good job, smoking dope or even taking driving lessons is bad news.'

His gentle, almost affectionate way of putting Harry down didn't make her bristle; in fact it reminded her that Harry didn't approve of lady drivers. His memory somehow seemed blurred, and she was very aware of Josh's hand in hers. He could never compete with Harry, but today he looked almost handsome. Even the gold medallion nestling amongst the dark curly hair on his chest didn't make her want to laugh as it usually did. He was just Josh, an honest, ostentatious guy who knew how to be a real friend.

'Let's go in there.' Josh stopped by a hole in a hedge that led to a field. 'There don't seem to be any cowpats.'

It reminded Tara of the lower meadow at home – grass strewn with buttercups, unseen grasshoppers chirruping, rooks cawing in a tree. The sun was hot on her arms, the grass smelled fresh and clean and the only clouds in the sky were mere wisps of cotton wool.

Josh laid down the blanket, opened the wine and poured it, then sat rolling up a joint. She watched as he burned the lump of cannabis, then crumbled it on to tobacco. He rolled it expertly, licked the paper, stuck it down and twisted one end like a firework. Then he tore a strip of cardboard from a cigarette packet, rolled it tightly and slid it into the other end of the joint.

'What's that for?'

'A filter.' Josh grinned. He put it between his thick lips then lit the end. 'You're very curious today!'

'Sometimes I feel as if life's passing me by,' she said thoughtfully. 'I mean, I've been living in London now for years but I don't know much about what goes on.'

'Maybe I'm partly responsible for that.' He took a deep drag on the joint and slowly exhaled. 'I let you work all hours for me. I've taken too much from you and not given enough back.'

'I don't feel hard done by.' Tara giggled, taking the joint he offered her and dragging deeply on it. She coughed violently and took a mouthful of wine to stop it. Another drag and she'd got the hang of it. 'But I've decided it's time I lived a little. I'm going to learn to drive, and buy a car. And I'll smoke dope if I want to.'

'I don't feel any different,' Tara insisted half an hour later.

'Boring people say that!' Josh teased. He was lying on his back. Tara was sitting, her legs tucked away under her dress, looking down at him. 'If we were at my place now and I put some sounds on, you'd notice it immediately. If I was to kiss you, you might find you liked it more.'

He was very relaxing to be with. They had flitted from subject to subject like butterflies, laughed about things that happened in the shop, people they'd met in Paris.

'So we've either got to go home to your place, or start kissing for me to find out?' she grinned.

'It's too nice here to go home.' Josh closed his eyes. 'Why don't you just come and lie down, snooze a bit. You know, Tara, you're hyper-active, always wanting to be doing something. Did someone tell you that it's sinful to be idle?'

'Mum and Gran bred it into me.' She stretched out her legs and slowly moved round to lie beside him.

'My folks are like that, too.' He looked at her sideways. 'Every moment of the day has to be filled. Mum makes bread and cakes that no-one will eat rather than be idle.'

Tara knew she was just the same. How many Saturday nights had she spent on the drawing board instead of going out dancing with one of the girls from the shop? How many evenings had she spent cleaning her flat when she could have been laughing at a funny film, chatting to someone, or just been happy doing nothing?

'My parents seem to think anything pleasurable is sinful.' Josh grinned. 'They would be appalled if I married someone just because she made me feel happy. They'd expect me to choose her like you would a horse. Good breeding stock, strong enough to work hard and as frugal as they are!'

'Gran was always giving me dire warnings about being led astray by love.' Tara smiled. 'I daresay she'd approve of your parents' ideas.'

'So what would you marry for? Just love, however poor and unsuitable? For money? Or even friendship?' Josh leaned on one elbow and looked down intently at her.

'Once I would have said just love,' Tara replied. 'But I'm beginning to think my gran and your parents have a point. In the long term it might be better to marry someone who's a good friend, has the same interests and goals.'

'Like me?'

Tara looked into his eyes and she knew it wasn't a hypothetical question.

'In many ways you'd be perfect.' She couldn't stand the intensity of his gaze and looked away.

'But Harry's in the way?'

There was so much understanding and tenderness in his voice she felt drawn to him. She nodded. 'I always thought he and I were meant to be,' she whispered. 'I believed he wanted the same things as me. But I don't think he does any more.'

'You have to decide what you want out of life, Tara,' Josh reached out and stroked her face. 'Harry would be a fish out of water anywhere but London. But when we open this new shop and the new labels have "designed by Tara Manning" on them, the whole world will be your oyster.'

Tara gulped. She'd suggested having her name on labels before but he'd always shied away from it.

'Milan, Paris, New York...' The place names sounded like a prayer. 'There's no end to where it will lead, Tara. But it won't do if every time we need to hold a fashion show or go to one of the collections, Harry gets heavy.'

'Are you serious about the labels?' she asked dis-believingly. It meant so much to her.

'Totally.' His eyes were so soft she could feel herself sinking into them. 'I was very arrogant when you first joined me. I took and took. Now I see I couldn't have done it without you and I want to share from here on in.'

'What are you saying?' She could feel a bubbling of excitement inside her. 'A partnership?'

'I'm saying I love you, Tara,' he said, stroking back her hair from her face. 'I know it's too soon to ask you to marry me, I'd be afraid to ask in case you turned me down. But whether it's a partnership in marriage or just business, I want you.'

He moved nearer, leaning his head on her shoulder, his lips just touching her neck.

A tremor of wanting started in her belly. She was aware only of him, no longer feeling the hot sun, the grass tickling her toes where the blanket ended, or even hearing the boats on the river and people walking on the towpath.

His lips were soft and full, they nibbled their way up her neck, across her cheek and found their way to hers. She wanted him from the moment his tongue flickered against hers. It was like taking just a sip of water and finding it inflame the thirst still further. She let him push her down on to the blanket, her mouth reaching for his with hunger, her body arching up towards his.

A warning bell told her she was reacting like this because of the dope and the wine, that she must calm down, stop things now before they got out of hand. But it was too exciting, the burning inside her too strong. As he unlaced the bodice of her dress and moved down to kiss her breasts she panted with longing.

'Your breasts are lovely.' He ran his tongue over her erect nipple till she cried out with pleasure. 'I've done this in my dreams so often, but reality's even better.'

His breath was hot on her flesh, his fingers evoking a wild and savage response as they squeezed and stroked her breasts.

A dog barked close by. Tara opened her eyes and saw a golden labrador coming through the hole in the hedge. It was a reminder of home, of Winston and the farm.

'Sally!' A man's voice shouted from further along the towpath.

'A dog!' Tara said, rolling over and pulling her dress back over her breasts. 'His master's coming, too.'

'Lucky him!' Josh sniggered just as the dog gambolled over to them, tongue lolling and tail wagging. 'Hello, girl. Of course I'm not a bit bloody pleased to see you, but I'll pretend to be polite.'

'Sally!' The shout made them turn. A middle-aged man in khaki shorts and matching long socks was coming towards them. 'I'm dreadfully sorry,' he said, looking flustered. 'I hope she hasn't disturbed you, she's so friendly, she wants everyone to play with her.'

The moment had passed. Tara reached for the wine bottle and emptied the last inch or two into their glasses.

'It's just as well.' She smiled at Josh, amused by his grumpy expression. 'Suppose we'd gone a bit further and that man caught us at it? I'd have died of embarrassment.'

'We seem to be jinxed.' Josh's lower lip protruded petulantly.

'I don't think I would have gone that far without the joint.' Tara reached over and took his hand. 'I'm not really ready for that yet, Josh. I'm still too mixed up.'

'Let's walk, then.' He stood up, tucking his shirt into his trousers, then held out his hand to pull her up. 'Next time, Tara, next time!'

Tara walked past the front of the club briskly. Mrs Knight, one of the cleaners, was Hoovering just inside the open door, a cigarette hanging from her lips, hair bound up in a scarf. She was the mother of one of Harry's friends, a tall skinny woman who knew Tara well. Fortunately she was too engrossed in her work to look up, and Tara darted round the corner into the narrow alley beside the club.

It was two o'clock. Unless something unusual had happened this morning, Needles, Tony and possibly Alec would come out any minute now and walk further down the road to get some dinner at the café while the cleaners finished up.

Josh had given her a wonderful day out, even after the incident in the field he was still charming. They walked and talked, and later they went for a meal in Windsor.

It was after eleven when he dropped her home. He didn't ask to come in, or suggest another date. There was a quiet understanding between them that nothing needed to be pushed.

Josh had talked about taking a holiday together in Italy, taking in the art treasures, the fashion, the sun and sea. But first she had to find out about Harry.

Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday were the longest days she'd ever known. Anxiety, guilt, fear and even anger fermented inside her; she couldn't concentrate on her work, neither could she sleep. One moment she was mooning over Josh, remembering in detail how it felt when he kissed her breasts, the next she was angrily reprimanding herself for being so unfaithful.

It was her day off today, and the idea had come to her in the small hours. Now she was actually waiting to carry it out, she wasn't nearly so certain about it.