Tangled Tides (The Sea Monster Memoirs) (25 page)

"My father was the gorgon who turned human I told you about. A gorgon and mermaid could never be together—never mate. His physical passion would have turned my mother to stone. But he loved her, so he found a way for them to be together. He turned human, and they had me, which makes me part human."

"Even though your father turned human, you still inherited parts of his gorgon qualities. How is that possible?"

"I told you. When a soul is turned, part of who they originally were stays with them. Their children carry on that bloodline." Even I heard the shame in my voice. There was no hiding the fact I was an abomination. "No matter how twisted or unnatural it may be."

Yara sat beside me and linked her arm through mine. "You were created this way for a reason. Nothing in this universe is by accident. What did Koraline's poem say? Beauty is hidden under a veil of tragedy?"

"Beauty? Yara, I can't kiss you. I can never have a wife or children because if my emotions get too strong I turn people to stone. I've known my fate my entire life. I killed my own mother seconds after she gave birth to me." My voice cracked. "It was the first and only time we saw each other. She gave me life and I robbed her of hers. My father lost his soul mate because of me. How could any of that ever be beautiful?"

Yara looked away.

When you're raised amongst sea creatures, the legends are a part of you. Our kind knew my story. They knew about my father. Many mourned the loss of my Violet mother. Every mer parent warned their children not to get too close to me. No mermaid could ever consider me as a possible mate. But all of this was new to Yara. If seeing Kimber hadn't scared her away, this confession would.

"You were an infant," Yara said softy. "You had no control over what you felt, or what happened. You have to forgive yourself for the past. What does your father say about it?"

"I don't talk to him."

"Why?"

"I killed his wife. He's reminded of that loss every time he looks at me."

"She was your mother, Treygan. You both suffered a loss. You should be there for each other."

I stared out over the ocean. The stone wall I had tried to build around my heart felt like it might be cracking. "He would also be losing me in a few days. It's better that we're not close."

Yara didn't say anything. She brushed her fingers up and down my arm, sending a rush of bubbles through my skin. It felt too good.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked.

"Doing what?"

"Staying. Getting close to me. You know what I am and what I'm capable of. You should be running away."

"You saved my life when I was eight. You volunteered to take my place with the gorgons. I've seen and felt the love you have for Delmar, Kimber, Pango and all the people in your memories.
That
proves who you are and what you're capable of." She cuddled up against me, resting her head on my shoulder.

I wanted to wrap my arms around her, but giving in to our feelings would only make our task more difficult. Breathing in the scent of her hair was unavoidable. "You always smell like apple blossoms."

She glanced up at me and smiled. "I've never smelled an apple blossom. Do they smell good?"

"If we had more time I would take you to climb apple trees, so you could know what you smell like."

She kissed my shoulder. "You taste like saltwater taffy. But your smell is like—I don't know. It's what I imagine heaven smells like."

I laughed hard. "My gods, is this the kind of cheesy stuff couples say to each other?"

Yara laughed too. "I guess so. Are we a couple?"

More cracks splintered the wall around my heart. My thoughts spilled out of me uncontrollably. "All I want to do is protect you, hold you, and show you how much I care about you. Those thoughts and words feel so foreign to me, but they're always there. I'm constantly fighting the urge to say them to you. I want to promise you forever, but I can't. At sunset on the Triple Eighteen I will leave to live in the grotto. Forever."

Yara spun around and positioned herself in front of me, kneeling between my legs. "It's time for you to tell me. What will happen on the Triple Eighteen? The specifics."

I took a deep breath. "I have to sacrifice myself completely to the gorgons. All trace of me being mer has to be removed from my soul. I have to be ready and willing to fully become a gorgon."

Her fingers tapped against my knees while she tried to figure out what it meant. "We share souls through our memories, so is it like what Delmar did to me? Someone has to take your memories from you?"

"Yes."

She scrunched up her face, looking repulsed. "And Delmar agreed to do that?"

"Delmar can't do it. It's different than what he did to you."

"How is it different?"

"It must be a total sacrifice. My memories and my soul must be consumed entirely."

She cringed. "Like what the sirens do?"

"Sort of, except to take every bit of mer and human life force from me it has to be someone with mer
and
human blood, and also siren blood so they can remove my songs forever." I swallowed down the bitter taste in my mouth. "Because of your unique genes, you are the only soul who can do it."

Her head jerked backward. "Me? They want
me
to take your memories from you?"

"By sunset of the Triple Eighteen, you have to drain me of my songs. All of them."

"I would never do that!"

"Yara, the Violets spent years interpreting the spell. The only way to open the gates is for a total sacrifice of the soul. I willingly give mine, and the gate opens."

"But, I don't even know how. You
share
your memories with me. I have no idea how to take them from you."

"You have your mother's siren blood in you. The Violets think it will happen naturally once you start. You'll get absorbed, it will become addicting and you'll keep taking more. We've been preparing for this for years. We'll coach you through the process."

"No. Find someone else."

"There is no one else. You are the mixed blood mentioned in the poem. You were the soul originally promised, and the only one they'll allow at the gate. The only reason I can get near it is because I have gorgon blood in me. I meet the requirements for taking Medusa's place—human and monster blood. You are the only soul who can go to the gate and drain me. It has to be you."

"Without your memories, you'll be … empty. If I take them all, then you would have no soul left. Won't you—"

"Die? In a way, yes. Until the gorgons make me whole again. My soul will be transformed into whatever they need me to be."

"No! You have decades of memories. The other realm, your people, weddings, your parents, your friends, me, us."

"Do you think I want to remember those things? I'll be taking Medusa's place in the trinity. I won't ever be able to leave the grotto. I'll never see the sun again unless it's through a secondhand experience delivered by the sirens. I won't be able to talk to you. I won't even be able to see you unless I use their mirror to watch over you like a spying god. Do you know how hard it would be to miss you, or ache to be near you and not be able to do anything about it? I
want
to forget who I am, and how good my life has been. You'll be helping me by erasing it all. I couldn't do it any other way."

She rubbed her hands over her face. "I hate this. I hate that anyone has to live in the grotto. Of all people, why does it have to be you? How am I supposed to live with myself, knowing you exist in some awful, cold, dark place? That you went there because of me. That it's supposed to be me down there and not you."

"As long as you absorb all my memories, I won't suffer. I won't remember being mer or living this life."

"But I'll suffer!" Tears formed in her eyes, shimmering with every color of the rainbow. "I'll live my whole life loving you and missing you, knowing you have no idea I exist."

A lump formed in my throat. I stared at her tiny hands, wanting so badly to hold them. "I know. I hate myself for hurting you this way, but I had no other choice."

"You did! You should've never turned me. I could have lived with the gorgons."

"I promised your mother. She thought this through, Yara. The gorgons wouldn't have drained you to turn you into one of them. Who knows how painful the transformation would have been? Plus, you would have gone to the grotto with all your human memories and feelings. You would always know what a horrible existence you were sentenced to. I promised her I wouldn't let that happen."

I couldn't fight it anymore. My hands linked with hers. "I can protect you and open the gate. For fourteen years that's been my mission. I wanted to do this, and I made the right choice. What I didn't know is that we would fall for each other. If I would've known that, I may have done things differently, but I can't change the past. This is the only way it can play out."

She jumped to her feet, pacing again. "We can run away. It's a huge world, they'll never find us."

"You're thinking in terms of you and me. This is infinitely bigger than us. So many merfolk have been suffering for the last eighteen years, clinging to hope and believing that you and I will be the key to returning to a world they love."

"But—"

"There is no but." I stood up and held her shoulders. "You've seen how beautiful our realm is. Our people have loved ones on the other side. Some of the children born here have never even seen Rathe. Are you willing to let so many people never see their home again just so I can retain my memories?"

"Y-y-ye—" She struggled to get the word out.

"No, Yara. The answer is no. Deep down you know that."

Just then we heard shouting in the distance. Kai waded through the surf.

"Miss Yara, Mister Treygan," Kai yelled. "We have been searching for you for hours."

"What's wrong?" I called to her.

"I do not know, but all messengers were sent to find you. Mister Caspian has ordered you to return to Solis immediately."

My pulse quickened. Yara must have seen the worry on my face.

"What do you think it is?" she asked.

"I'm not sure, but something horrible must have happened for Caspian to give that kind of order."

"Koraline," she gasped, and ran into the surf.

I followed, but if my instincts were correct it had nothing to do with Koraline and everything to do with my bastard brother and his slimy selkies.

I
had never seen Paragon Castle above water, but I was grateful to be in human form with normal communication. Jack and Caspian did most of the talking, and if we were underwater I may have missed some parts.

Indrea glared at me from across the table most of the morning. Her purple eyes unnerved me. I had never spent much time around a Violet. All the other colors I could handle, but Caspian and Indrea gave off a disturbing mind-reader vibe. No one had ever mentioned any merfolk could read minds out of the water, but maybe it was one of their protected secrets.

For the past two hours I had randomly been thinking outrageous comments to see if Indrea would flinch:
Your husband's hair looks like purple cabbage. Yara is a blood guzzler. There's a bomb in this castle!

There was no bomb, but I figured she couldn't ignore that one. Her brow didn't furrow, her nose didn't twitch. No indication whatsoever that she heard me.

Jack shifted in his chair. "I don't see why we need to wait around for the two of them to show up."

Caspian kept his hands folded in front of him. "If your accusations are true, we may need to reevaluate our plan. Nothing seems to be unfolding as we had hoped on our end."

"That's because your plan was bullshit from the start," Jack grunted.

Caspian stood up and leaned stiff-armed over the table. Indrea placed her hand on his. I cracked my knuckles, ready to fight on Jack's behalf. After a long staring contest between him and Jack, Caspian sat down.

"Look," Jack said. "The gate needs to be opened. I don't care if Medusa rises from the dead and chains the girl to the grotto. Me and my people just want to go home. You do have the same goal, right?"

"Of course," Caspian answered.

"Then let's not let these love birds screw it up for the rest of us."

Caspian opened his mouth and I thought we were about to suffer through another speech about Treygan's loyalty, how he would never be so irresponsible, blahdy blah, but footsteps in the hallway caught everyone's attention. Two Indigos entered first, Yara and Treygan followed. The shock on their faces when they saw us sitting at the table with their untouchable Violets was priceless.

"What's going on here?" Treygan asked.

"Treygan, Yara, please sit," Caspian ordered.

Treygan pulled out a chair for Yara. She sat down, but couldn't peel her confused eyes away from me.

"I prefer to stand," Treygan said.

"Jack," Caspian began, "would you please tell Treygan and Yara why you are here?"

Jack kicked his boots up, resting them on the table. "This harebrained plan of yours has always seemed like a surefire failure, but after I saw you two at our party last night, there ain't no way we believe you'll go through with it."