Tangled Thoughts (33 page)

His words were like a rubber band snapping in my chest. I gaped at him, though I wished I hadn't. “Why?”

“I spoke with her, of course.” Of course. He'd seen Lainey over the holiday. In fact, he'd seen her with greater frequency than I had since graduation. “She recognizes her selfishness now,” he continued before I could respond. “And besides.” He waved his hand. “I understand she's found other amusements.”

I swallowed. Amy had mentioned there was another guy. “Did you—” I halted. Doubting my uncle was foreign ground. I had no idea how to question him. “Did the two of you have a disagreement?”

Uncle looked at me for a moment before putting his papers back into his bag. “We've had a disagreement since she so wantonly cast you aside.”

“Before that,” I pressed. “Before graduation.”

“Before graduation and she showed her true colors,” he said slowly, “I was welcoming her into our family with open arms. Why do you ask?”

The image of them together on the graduation stage blazed behind my eyes. I tried to shake it away, but couldn't. Something had happened, beyond the phantom bullet hole, something I didn't understand.

But I understood this: my uncle was lying. Now I had to find out why.

Lainey

L
ater on, I finally checked my phone. Two calls from Amy, crap. I vaguely recalled saying maybe to doing something tonight. I glanced at Jack next to me, still rumpled and cute from our sparring session, and knew I wasn't going anywhere else. I'd call her later.

The third call was from my aunt, and I returned it. “Hi, sweetie!” she answered, sounding buoyant and vaguely echo-y. In the background, I thought I heard someone say, “Still a while longer, sir.”

“Auntie? Where are you? You sound like you're underwater.”

“Just in a limo on the way to pick up, um, I mean to an event, honey. Stuck in traffic! Where are you?”

“Same,” I laughed, “though I'm just in a taxi and on my way to Jack's.”

“Spending a lot of time there, hmmm?” I could practically hear her smiling over the phone.

“A limo, huh?” I said, ignoring her question. I wondered just how often she traveled by limo these days.

“A nice one, too. You'd love it. Actually, you'd love tonight's event.” Another phone rang on her end, muted conversation competing with my aunt's voice. “The annual ball for the Metropolitan Ballet. Astor Arts is a principle sponsor. And you should see my dress! It's designer. Pregnancy haute couture.”

The same man's voice as before said, “Additional security is in place, sir.”

“It sounds awesome, Auntie—wait. Did someone just say something about additional security?”

She hesitated a second, as if she didn't want to tell me, or maybe she didn't know. “I'm sure it's standard for big events,” she finally said. “Nothing to worry about. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi before things got busy. I wish you were here with us.”

“Maybe next year,” I lied.

She sighed, and I knew she didn't believe me. “I love you, sweetie. I'll call you tomorrow and tell you all about it. I can't wait to see you over break.” The murmur of Senator Astor's voice snaked over the line, and my aunt said, “Oh, wait. Dan says hi and also that he'd like to speak with Jack, if that's okay?”

The taxi suddenly felt too small and very, very hot. The deep feeling of ease I'd been carrying since the studio flew straight out the window and drowned in the nearby harbor. Wordlessly, I held the phone out to Jack.

He looked at it, confused, but took it without question or complaint. “Hello? Oh,” he said, softly, clearing his throat. “Sir, yes, good to speak to you too…Yes, I know; I'm still not sure about the timing…Of course. I'll talk to you soon.”

He said good night and ended the call just as the taxi pulled up to his building. I held my tongue all the way up to his apartment. For some reason I couldn't ask questions whose answers I feared in a
stairwell. As soon as we were through the door, I blurted, “What was that about?” My voice sounded thin and high to me.

Jack dropped his bag, flicked through his mail, and rooted around for take-out menus, seemingly oblivious to my angst. “When we met in October, you know, when we had drinks so you could talk with your aunt? The senator talked to me about the Perceptum Council internship. The position is…available. Okay,” he said, holding up three papers like a fan, “sushi, sushi, or—why do you look so freaked out?”

I opened my mouth to answer and then snapped it shut. I'd told so many secrets today it was easy to forget about all the ones I couldn't. What could I actually say that would make sense? “It's just, you know, the Council.” I waved my hand like this should be obvious. “And he's—Senator Astor—he's my…ex's uncle. It's weird, is all. For me. It's just…weird. I tried to tell you before.”

Jack plopped down onto the couch next to me and pulled the piece of hair I'd been playing with out of my hand. “Okay. Well, now it's weird for me too.”

“It is?”

He nodded solemnly. “I've seen this nephew of his and if what I once overheard the girls in my discussion groups saying about him is true, I leave a lot to desire in comparison.”

Oh, the wonderful restorative properties of laughter. It bubbled up and over without my permission. “You know they talk the same way about you when you're not around, right?”

“Do they now?” His crooked smile slid into place and he leaned closer. “Did you?”

“Absolutely.”

“
Good
.” His lips were so close I could feel the puff of the word against mine, but he didn't kiss me. He leaned back, and I let out a sigh of air. “Now,” he said, grinning like the devil, “sushi?”

After dinner, we relaxed on the couch, listening to music, while I read a book and Jack graded papers. My head rested in his lap and he played, absently, with my hair. “Can I ask you something?” he said.

“Sure.”

“Why are you so afraid of the Perceptum?” My fingers froze on the pages, and I lowered the book to my chest before I dropped it. “See,” he said. “You tense up every time I mention it.”

“They want me to kill people,” I said, giving my answer as much truth as I possibly could. “That's enough to make anyone tense. And now they want you to work for them, too.”

“Don't you believe in their mission?”

Did I? I didn't know. But for sure I didn't believe in their leader. “I don't believe in my part in it.”

“Do you think there's another way?”

“I don't know,” I admitted.

“We could do it,” he said softly. “Together. I could help you.” I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing. I didn't know what to feel either. It was either the sweetest or most terrifying thing anyone had ever said to me. “Okay,” he said. “I guess…just think about it.”

I threw a hand up over my eyes. I didn't want to tell him how, since talking with Jill, I'd
been
thinking about it. “Will you leave?” I whispered. Would Daniel Astor take Jack from me too?

Jack pulled the hand away and looked down at me. “I'm not going anywhere.”

“Oh,” I said, and he kissed my nose.

“You're not getting rid of me yet.”

I smiled up at him and he kissed my hand before setting it back over my eyes. With a chuckle, I picked up my book, but the words wouldn't come into focus. My brain was in a million places: with Senator Astor in the shooting range, staring down a gun; at my aunt's apartment with Jill, and her sweet voice saying
who'll protect them
?; with
Jack, in the studio, and the way he'd accepted me. Thinking about our afternoon reminded me of something.

“Can I ask
you
something?” I said, and his eyes flicked down to meet mine.

“Do you want to show me what you erased from my memory again?”

I bumped his stomach with my head. “What did you mean you'd probably be a hero?”

“What?”

“If I was pregnant, you said—”

“Oh.” This flash of—
something
flew across his face. Guilt? No, of course not. He shook his head and smiled. “Nothing. I just—my mom would probably throw a party. My grandfather too, if it was a boy.”

“You're only twenty-three!” Not to mention how not-old
I
was. My
aunt
was about to have a baby.

“When it comes to bearing grandchildren, the earlier and more often the better. When they know
you
, they'd be even more excited about it.”

“Even when they know you're dating the grim reaper?” I said, flushing red.

Jack touched my neck, his fingers a cool flash against the heat that had bloomed there. “Even then.” He scooped me upright so he could kiss the spot he'd just touched. I shivered. “You said I didn't really know you, but I
do
. I know the person you are here.” Feather light fingers touched approximately the spot where my heart was, then moved to my temple. “And here, and she's
incredible
. I don't deserve her. You're special, Lainey,” he finished, his lips just brushing my ear. “And it has
nothing
to do with your gifts. Don't forget that.”

He kissed me then, slow and deliberate, the kind of kiss that made me forget about anything besides the feel of his lips, his tongue, his hands slipping beneath the hem of my shirt, cool then warm against
the sensitive skin at my waist. His skin on mine was almost as effective as my memory erasing. Before long, I forgot how my clothes, and his clothes, ended up on the floor and all I did was feel.

L
ATER,
I
HEARD
my phone buzzing from the depths of my bag. Again. I'd heard it a few times before but ignored it all. Guilt got the better of me, and I got up to fish it out. Holy shit!
Twenty
missed calls? It started buzzing again while I stared at it stupidly. Amy.

“Something up?” Jack asked, an unusual touch of concern in his voice, and I answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Jesus Christ, Lainey!” Amy shouted. “Where the hell have you
been
? Are you on your way there?!”

“Where?” I asked. I didn't understand the hysteria in Amy's voice. “I'm at Jack's. Sorry I didn't—”

“Jesus Christ!” she repeated. “Do you even
know
?” She plowed right through anything I might have said. “You don't want to take my calls anymore, fine. But turn on the fucking TV!” And then she hung up.

Jack was standing now as I stared at my phone again, a feeling like frigid fingers tickling down my spine. “What's going on? Was she shouting?”

“I—I don't know.” My voice sounded far away to my ears. Most of the missed calls were from Amy, and some from numbers I didn't know. “She said to turn on the TV.”

“Okay,” Jack said, perplexed but accommodating. He clicked on a news channel and had just enough time to catch me when I started to scream.

Carter

L
ights, camera, action. Finally. So far attending the ballet gala had felt exactly like Northbrook's Winter Ball, right down to my waiting around in a tuxedo, reading a book and trying not to get wrinkly. Alexis had insisted we get picked up at her dorm, because she had classes and it was closer to her salon, she'd claimed, but I knew it was so everyone could see us.

The sleek, black limo pulled to the curb, looking imposing and very, very expensive. Just like Uncle Dan, who stepped out to hold the door himself.

“Alexis, my dear, you're an absolute vision,” he said, kissing her cheek before handing her into the car. He inspected me, too, brushing non-existent lint off my shoulders.

“Well?” Maybe I was an asshole, but I knew I looked good.

“Sam does fine work,” he replied, grinning. He clapped a hand on my back. “Remember to stay close to us tonight, all right? Save Manny some stress.” He'd said the same thing to me this afternoon, when they'd dropped me off. While I endured a final fitting, Uncle Dan had
gone with Manny and John to meet with the private security covering the event.

“We'll be right behind you,” I promised and ducked into the limo. “Oh,” Tessa gasped.

“Oh, my.” She put a knuckle to her lips and I prayed she wouldn't cry. “You look—both of you. Just beautiful. Alexis, that
dress
.”

Lex leaned forward to kiss her cheek. The amazing thing about Tessa was how she never even flinched. “Thank you!” She wore this dress of tulle and satin that hugged her like a cocoon. It was a strange and magnificent combination of green and gold that sounded fancier when she called it
oro verde
. “Do you like it? It's vintage,” she added.

At that, finally, Tess's mask cracked. A look like accidentally swallowing a too-large piece of ice flashed across her face. She should rightfully have hated Alexis, and I wondered if Lainey had never told her the things that happened. But then, if not for Lainey,
Alexis
wouldn't be the one wearing a vintage dress and getting into this limo with me. So maybe Tess understood.

“It was made for you.” Tessa's smooth smile slid back into place. All her time with Uncle was paying off. “And
you
.” She turned to me, eyes alight with the genuine affection that forever made my heart ache.

“This
was
made for me,” I said, running a finger over the smooth lapel, and she laughed.

“I was going to say
you
were made for formal wear. I'm so glad you're with us tonight.” She tried to reach forward to squeeze my hand, but fell back with an
oof
. She patted her rapidly growing bump. “Between baby and this dress, I can't be doing that!”

“Relax while you still have the chance,” Uncle Dan said. I wasn't sure if he meant before we got there, or before the baby came.