Tangled Thoughts (19 page)

Everyone was in elaborate states of dress—or mostly closer to
un-
dress. The entire place was
packed
with partygoers, far more than I expected. We escaped into the main party as soon as we'd eaten, because Serena and her other friends wanted to dance.

“I'll meet you in a minute,” I told them. “I have to do something with this.” I shook my coat at them and Serena nodded.

“Sure. Find us on the flooooor!” she called over her shoulder, already moving to the beat as the others dragged her away.

On the way to the coat check, I spotted an out-of-the-way bathroom and slipped inside. It was semi-quiet compared to outside and, blessedly, empty of people waiting. The two stalls were occupied, so I draped my coat over my shoulders and leaned against the wall, waiting for a turn but mostly just taking a minute to gather my courage. I wasn't sure why I had no problem spending all day and night at the beach in a bikini but was afraid to relinquish my fuzzy white shield here at the party. Being Miss All-Bad was easier for Serena to say than for me to do.

Two girls tumbled out of the stalls, their laughter replaced by glares for me and my coat. I squeezed closer to the wall to let them pass. “
Whore
,” I heard one of them whisper just as I was closing the stall door.

And that was it. The push that sent me tumbling. Something inside me snapped, all my frustration, anger, bitterness.
Fuck them
, I thought. Fuck
everyone
. Miss All-Bad? She was awake now, and she was
pissed
.

I slammed the door open and stalked up behind them. They both had these fake innocent expressions on their faces, but they were watching me in the mirror, nervous. I was tall, and I was angry, and I
hoped
I intimidated them. “If I'm a whore,” I mused, eying their barely-larger-than-mine devil and kitty cat costumes, “what are you two? Nuns? Good luck with that.” And I left them there, with their mouths hanging open.
Good
.

By the time I fought my way back from the coat check, Serena was already surrounded on the dance floor. Still flushed from my mean-girl encounter, I stopped at one of the bars for a Coke. Nearby was a tiny open space against the wall with an unexpectedly good view. I leaned
there, assessing my options. Of course, that was when I saw him. By now, I wasn't even surprised.

Halloween suited Jack Kensington. In fact, I was willing to bet it was his favorite holiday. His pants were
tight
and stuffed into motorcycle boots that weren't exactly period. A red, possibly velvet jacket topped an appropriately—if you were a pirate captain, anyway—frilly shirt that was open nearly to his stomach. A plastic sword slapped at his waist, and tied around his head was a shimmery silver scarf, not unlike Serena's.

In truth, he looked as comfortable and natural as a flamboyant pirate as he did in his button downs and ties, striding through the throngs to order a drink at the bar. When he turned, after gracing the bartender with a rakish smile, he saw me, and the smile grew by degrees.

“Ahoy, me beauty!” he called in his best talk-like-a-pirate voice, stopping in front of me and striking a pose. I fought the urge to smile.

“You look ridiculous.”

“I was thinking swarthy? No?”

“Do you even know what that means?”

He thought for a second. “Swashbuckling?”

“Swash-something.”

With a raise of his glass, he said, “Just trolling these fine waters for grog and booty.” I couldn't help myself; I laughed. Quite suddenly, I was having a good time. In fact, I was pretty sure if I did nothing more than flirt with him for the rest of the night, I'd have my best Halloween in memory.

I glanced in the general vicinity of his waistband. “That's quite a cutlass you've got there.”

He nodded, grinning like the devil. “The wenches do love me sword.”

“I bet.”

“Ah, a wager then!” He tilted his glass at me, something dark that I suspected was a rum and Coke, because what else would a pirate drink? “I bet thee I'll leave here with the prettiest maiden in the tavern.”

I patted my completely non-existent pockets. “I'm afraid I left all my doubloons at home.” In truth, they were stuffed in my boot, along with my key, ID, and phone.

“Aye, but we can wager with other things.”

“Like?”

Jack made himself comfortable, wedging into the space next to me, so it was impossible not to touch him. My arm pressed against his, informing me that the jacket was indeed velvet, and soft. He leaned in closer when he answered, “Kisses be as fine tender as jewels…” and waggled his eyebrows at me.

I sucked in a breath, thrilled and frightened by the mere thought of it. Most of me wanted to make that bet, just to see how far he'd go. But the night was early, so instead I said, “I'm sorry sir; I don't think you're allowed to trade those with me at this time.”

He laughed, dropping the pirate voice but not moving any further away from me. “I'm not allowed to say how you look tonight, either.”

“You don't seem to worry much about what you're allowed or not allowed to do.”

Jack's smile nearly filled the room. “You're right.” His eyes washed over me again, gleaming like a kind of sleek cat that prowls in the dark, a jaguar maybe. “And telling you how not-ridiculous you look in that suit might even be worth getting fired over.”

Damn damn damn my blushing red cheeks. I hid them by looking down into my soda, but it was pointless. Possibly the worst thing about wearing a bikini in October is when your whole body flushes, anyone can see it. But I was smiling, too.

Jack bumped me lightly with his shoulder. “You know what? It's
Halloween
. I think you need to loosen up, relax a little.”

I laughed. “You're saying this to the girl dressed like
this
?”

“I'm saying this to the girl dressed like
this
and hiding in a corner.” He reached over and gave a gentle tug on my long braid. I hadn't been hiding, but let him think that.

“And I suppose you're the one who's going to show me how?”

“That's why I'm here.” He held his arms out, but the gesture seemed bigger than the party. More like that's why he was here, in my city.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes.”

He smiled then, that crooked tilt to his lips that I dreamed about. Something about
this
smile was so terribly true, and wickedly tempting. He was right; I did need to loosen up. Hadn't Amy been saying that for, basically, ever? Wasn't that why Serena put me in this outfit in the first place? I was Miss All-Bad tonight.

“So. What do you think, Leia? Want to get out of here?” He looked down at his watch, as if he had somewhere else to be, or was bored, but it was neither. The sexy upturn to his lips and the way he glanced up at me told me the truth.

No, I can't. I'm here with friends
, I should have said. “Yes,” is what I told him. Once I said it, I knew just how true it was. “Yeah, I do.”

His dimple grew as deep as his smile was wide. “Let's go, then.”

W
E
EXITED THE
club into the chilly night and a cloud of smoke. People huddled with their cigarettes in one of the funny little corrals erected next to anywhere with a cover charge. When we stepped past it, the bouncer called, “No re-entry.”

Jack and I looked at each other. “That's okay, thank you,” I said and he said, “I don't think we're coming back.” I was pretty sure a few people waiting in line cheered.

“Thank God we got there early. I wouldn't have wanted to wait in that line.”

“You're kidding, right?” Jack threw a glance back over his shoulder. “
You
wouldn't have had to wait in that.”

“Only because we had invites.”

“That's just why you got in
early
. You don't go to many clubs, do you?”

I shook my head. “Is it obvious?”

“Yes. Because you didn't even notice that eighty percent of the line was guys hoping to get let in just for the chance to see girls like you and Serena who don't have to wait in line.”

“That's gross.”

“Sure,” Jack agreed.

“So how did
you
get in so easily?”

“I have my secrets.” An exaggerated wink punctuated this pronouncement and I laughed.

“Like twenty dollar bills and a Herald's smile?”

He flashed the smile at me. “See? You're catching on.”

A gorilla passed by going the other way and Jack gave him a high five. His sexy angel companion eyed my coat with un-angelic envy. I shivered just looking at her bare arms and…most everything else. I never thought I'd be glad for the Abominable fur joke, but I pulled it close around my shoulders. Next to us, Fenway Park loomed. I looked up at the wall that looked black in the dark, not green, and said, “It's an antique.”

“What?” Jack followed my gaze. “The Green Monster?”

“Yeah. It's an antique. The wall, the original parts, not the chairs on top. Did you know that? Over a hundred years old. 1912.”

He watched me for a second and smiled. “I think I did know that, but I'd never thought of it that way before.”

“It's cool, right? You can sit on top of an antique wall and watch baseball. That's part of what I love about this city. You can walk down the sidewalk basically anywhere and trip over historic buildings. But then”—I pointed my thumb to the right—“right over there is a highway that goes
under
a fifty-two stories tall building. It's
all
right here in just fifty square miles of land. The whole modern world collected in an antique teacup.”

After a silence that stretched until its edges were frayed, I started walking again, too fast and with my head down. “That probably sounded silly, huh? My ode to Boston. You're a New York guy, so maybe it just feels small here.”

Jack cleared his throat. “No.” He touched my hand and I stopped, turning to see he'd stopped too. He stood very still. In fact, it was this strange moment where
time
seemed to still. There was Jack, and me, and the city lights glowing like stars. “It feels beautiful,” he said softly, looking right at me. “Everyone should be so lucky to see the city with you.”

“It's dark. We can't see anything.”

“That doesn't matter. I can see it in the way you love it. You see the cracks and tiny details and that makes you love it more.”

The corners of my mouth, and my spirits, lifted. “My Aunt Tessa says this city was made for me.”

“She was right.” He was smiling too, his teeth shining in the light but face mostly in darkness from the shadows of the buildings. I was afraid for a second that he'd disappear, like the Cheshire Cat, or that I was crazy, and everything would disintegrate. Because I'd said something real, something private even, and instead of a stupid
wanna get Leia-d
? joke like the ones I'd endured at the party we'd just left, Jack said: “I never
wanted
to be here until just now.”

My heart gave this mighty thump, as if those words had hugged it tight and then set it free to pound again. I was glad once more for my coat covering me, or I was sure he'd see it beating fast. I wished I could see him better, so I took a step, heading out of the shadows and toward the city proper. “So why did you?” I asked. “Come here, if you didn't want to.”

With a harsh laugh, he said, “The wrong reasons.” He'd said something like this before, in his office that day. Something about how it had been his Grandfather's idea and he didn't want to disappoint him.

“Maybe,” I said, “the wrong reasons can lead us to the right thing.”

“If only,” he replied. After a second, he blew out a breath with a shake of his head and the moment was over. The tension broke and the lightness that seemed natural to him, so opposite of Carter's inherent seriousness, flowed back in around us. The
feeling
, however, the one bouncing between my internal organs like a pinball, stayed. Jack tugged on a piece of my coat's white fur. “You look like something from Hoth in this, you know.”

“What's a Hoth?” I said, and his face puckered like I'd just insulted his mother.

“Have you even
seen Star Wars
?”

No. I honestly hadn't and I was suddenly embarrassed about that. But I said, “Maybe?”

Jack groaned. “We're watching it.
All
of them.”

“Right now?”

“No,” he laughed. “It's a little late tonight.”

“So what
are
we doing?” I felt so good, champagne bubbly but, also, bold. I had the
feeling
, but on top of that was the giddiness of having done something I shouldn't have. I left a club with a guy with nothing more than a text to my friend.
Saw H.O.T. and left with him. Don't tell. xo
After that, I'd turned off my phone. I was doing something bad. I
liked
it. I felt like I could do
anything
.

“Are you hungry?”

“Aye, matey,” I replied, and he whooped. So help me, I loved making him laugh.

I wasn't sure where a grad TA pirate and an underage undergrad in a fluffy fur coat and bikini could go, but as we headed into the brightly lit beacon of Kenmore Square, Jack led us up the stairs of the big chain restaurant on the corner.

“Really?” I couldn't help laughing. “Here?”

“Don't you like pizza?” he countered, arching an eyebrow in the most ridiculous way and making me laugh harder. I admitted I did and followed him inside.

We were lucky to be squished into a table in the single unoccupied corner in the entire place. Before we sat, Jack tugged the chairs side-by-side, so we could both appreciate the menagerie that filled the restaurant tonight. Servers bustled around, dark figures darting between lobsters, vampires, witches, sexy just-about-anything, a giant condom, a box of crayons, a TV remote, and a smattering of just regular people, though they were probably tourists.