Tangled Dreams (10 page)

“I love you Gain.” I whispered quietly.

I couldn’t deny it any longer. I loved him. How could I not? He is such a beautiful person on the inside and out. Lying my head back in his lap my eyes closed not intending on falling asleep.

Drifting off I was instantly transported the past, back to the day I found out that dad had died. This becoming a nightly occurrence. Yet again I was standing in my small bedroom in the city. Looking at the clock impatiently. “Where is he? Can’t he just be on time, just once? Work is always more important.” Saying out of anger kicking my empty book bag across the room, smacking the wall with a loud thud. Suddenly, fast forwarding to my mother coming home. “I’m sorry Madison. Your father was in an accident. He’s gone.” Saying with a blank look on her face. Falling to my knees I yet again couldn’t breath. I was right back there feeling that searing pain in my heart, the one I still feel today only amplified. Trying so hard to forget that day but, my heart not letting me. “No. He can’t be gone. Quit lying Mom. He can’t be gone.” Saying in between sobs as I’m cradling myself on the floor. “Madison, he’s gone. You have to be strong. He wouldn’t want you to be acting this way.” Scolding me and walking into her bedroom shutting the door to leave me sobbing on the floor alone. She never was a loving mother, so it came as no surprise. 

Gavin woke up startled to Madison thrashing her head back and fourth mumbling.

“No daddy, please. Don’t leave me here all alone. Please come back.”

Ripping his heart out he watched as the tears streamed down her cheeks, not realizing until now how much pain she truly was in. Covering it up well most of the time.

“Madison.” Stroking my forehead softly. “Wake up, it’s just a dream.”

Startled my eyes snapped open to gaze up into his dark, worried eyes. Looking around confused at first as to where I was it didn’t take me very long to remember what I was dreaming about. Sitting up embarrassed and angry at myself I looked away from him quickly, gazing at the television. I didn’t want anyone to know I was having bad dreams about that day. I especially, didn’t want Gavin looking at me like he felt sorry for me. 

“Madison, don’t do that.” Reaching out he turned my face towards him and gently wiped my tears away. “Don’t you want to talk about it?”

“No, not really.” Looking at him I could see the hurt in his eyes and I knew he just wanted to help me feel better.

“It’s alright. You don’t have to tell me.” Pulling me in closer to him and holding me tight. “If you are ever ready you know where I am.”

 Looking up at him and smiling in between tears. “Yeah, I have a pretty good idea how to find you. I’m sorry, I am just not ready to relive that day.” At least not in the conscious world.

It didn’t take him long to figure out which day she was speaking of. However, he wasn’t willing to push her. She could tell him when she was ready and if she was never ready he decided he would still be here for her. How painful it must be to lose a parent. It made him wonder about his biological parents. Quickly, suppressing those thoughts. “Well, it’s getting late. Maybe I should be letting you get to bed, you look exhausted. After all, you did go on a hot date today, that must be tiring.” He said a little more bitterly than he meant to.

 Looking up at him I didn’t mind his tone. I was more than bitter about his date also. “Well, if it’s just the same to you I think I’ll stay right here for a couple more minutes.” I said as I was tracing the outlines of his muscles on his chest with my finger. I loved to touch him and he felt so good. Sometimes, wrong felt good though.

How could he kick her out with her touching him? “Affectionate Madison” wasn’t a very common thing anymore and he was enjoying it. Laying his head back he closed his eyes and quickly fell back asleep with the hypnotizing motions of her fingers on his skin.

Looking at him I could feel the love welling up inside me and I wanted to stay right here in this moment forever. Sadly, knowing that was impossible. Getting up slowly and carefully as to not wake him I knew I had to go back to my bedroom. I would go back to my bedroom and we would go back to normal tomorrow. Whatever, that was. Leaning down I kissed him lightly on his cheek. “Goodnight Gavin. Hope you have sweeter dreams than I do.” Reaching over I pulled the blanket onto him and quietly walked back to my own bedroom, sick to my stomach having to leave him. Walking into my big, empty bedroom I quickly stripped off my clothes and threw on my night gown, not looking forward to falling asleep alone.

Waking up he could see that it was barely light out, reaching down he half expected her to still be next to him. She was gone, and disappointment hit him immediately and he wondered when she had left. Sitting up he stretched and yawned his back aching from sleeping on the couch all night. Which he would have happily done if she was still here. Looking at the clock it was barely 6 am and he knew with it being Sunday every one would still be in bed for at least a couple more hours. Deciding on impulse, he shot up and slowly crept towards Madison’s door, peeking inside. She was on her side sleeping with the blankets kicked down to the end of the bed. Her pink, lacy pajama’s twisted and lifted up showing a whole lot of skin. Her soft blond hair fanned out across her pillow, she looked so gorgeous and at peace. Tiptoeing softly over to her bed her crawled up next to her draping his arm around her.

Waking up to his face I was confused at first. I remembered leaving his room so why was he next to me? Putting my hand up to his face, “Gavin are you alright?” Asking, barely awake. 

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be in here. I just had to see you.” Wrapping his arms around me I wanted him here but, I didn’t all at the same time. This was just getting way more complicated than it needed to be. 

“Gavin, I am really happy you came in here. I know that is wrong also.”

Sighing, like he aged twenty years in those few short seconds, “I’m glad I did to. I know what your going to say next Madison.”

With an intense amount of pain in my voice, “I just can’t see any good out comes .”

“I wish the circumstances were different. I wish that every day.” He said solemnly.

“I do to. You know your parents would kill us, especially me.”

“I don’t think mom would, dad on the other hand…”

“Yeah, I think we would both be kicked out onto the street.”

“At least we would be together.” He said sweetly.

“We have to move on.”

“My head knows we have to, but the rest of me dosen’t.”

“I could stay here forever.” I said so sadly that I could feel the tears trying to sneak up on me.

“You’re so beautiful Madison. Please, don’t let anyone tell you any differently.”

“Gavin, you’re talking to me like your never going to see me again.”

“That’s how I feel, being around you and not being able to touch you. You act like this doesn’t even bother you Madison.” Saying in a disgusted tone looking away from me.

Pain seared my heart so brutally, I thought I may never recover. He had no idea how much this hurt. He never would. Grabbing his chin, I moved his face towards mine again. With tears zigzagging down my cheek, “You have no idea how much this bothers me, even more than I ever dreamed it would.” His face instantly softened by my unexpected honesty. And for that split second he knew that she had let him see straight into her heart. Just how far he didn’t know. Wiping the tear from my cheek, he gave me a quick playful kiss on the nose. I released a giggle and rubbed my nose with the palm of my hand. “Hey, quit.”

“Quit that. Quit that. You didnt’ say please.” He said as he gave me another kiss on the nose and rolled me onto my back pushing his body on top of mine. The mattress creaking with the extra weight on one side. Pinning me down so easily since he was so much bigger than me.

He had to admit she looked good enough to eat, and completely beautiful laying underneath him. The view being absolutely phenomenal. Her tight little body almost look like an athletes, only hers was soft, untouched, and delectable. The soft hint of her vanilla lotion mixing in with the scent of whatever perfume she chose was driving him insane. 

Looking up and seeing him towering over me, he was tanned and muscular and you could see the hint of veins running through his biceps as he was holding himself up as to not completely smash me with is over six foot stature. The look of his tan skin next to my light, pale skin was just beautiful. “Hey you’re crushing me!” Saying just to needle him.

“Well, alright. I guess I should get off you then.” Starting to roll off.

“No, no. That’s alright. I suddenly feel better.” I said smiling sweetly, tightening my grip on his toned back.  

“Oh you do. Well, I know what I could do to make you feel even better.” He said sweetly, with a glimmer of wickedness in his eyes.

“We have already established that fact.” I said quickly. Begrudgingly, pulling away from me.

“Alright Madison. I really think I should leave now.” Saying with pain in his voice, knowing he couldn’t keep doing this to himself much longer. His knees buckling he fell back down onto me our eyes connecting.

“I’ll miss this Gavin. I will never forget this day, or this moment as long as I live.” I said longingly as I looked deeply into his eyes.

Running his fingers through her silky hair that was fanned out onto the pale pink pillow he took a mental picture because, he never wanted forget this day either. Knowing deep down he wanted many more of them. He was old enough to realize all good things must come to an end, and not all things were meant to be. “I promise I won’t either.”

“Lets make a pact. Where ever we are or who ever we are with even if it is years from now, we will always find each other.”

Looking into her eyes, he couldn’t deny her this one wish. “I promise babe. We will always find each other.” Softly, rubbing my cheek with the back of his hand. Giving me such a light kiss on the lips I wasn’t sure it happened at all. He rolled off and turned and walked away not looking back.

Letting him walk out was the hardest thing I have ever done. I wanted so badly to run after him that it hurt. I couldn’t however. I had to let him go on with his life. He can get someone better I reasoned. He deserves more than me, thinking sadly to myself. I love him so much, if I ever lost him I know I would never get over it. Arguing with myself, no he has to move on and so do I. I thought sternly. He has to move on before he falls in love with me like I am with him. Not knowing that he was already deeply in love with her. Rolling over onto my side I couldn’t help but wonder if I just made the biggest mistake of my life by sending him out of it. Closing my eyes I didn’t want to go back to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I could feel his hands scorching my skin. I wondered if Gavin was as sad as I was right now. Holding on to that thought I slowly drifted back to sleep.

Spending most of the day in my bedroom I didn’t really feel like talking to anyone. The whole house seemed to be dead today anyways, not that I minded much. I like the solitude. Worried about going back to school on Monday. I hadn’t made many friends and I was nervous about seeing Clay after our date. He hasn’t called and I wonder if that awkward moment towards the end turned him off of me. Worried that I would have no friends at all now. It was no secret how catty the other girls were to me and to tell you the truth I hardly cared. Having my father die put a lot of things into perspective for me. Such petty things no longer mattered. Especially, since I feel like my life is constantly walking a thin, tight rope and I feel like I’m constantly teetering on the edge. One little draft of wind and I’ll be sent tumbling right off. It’s a scary feeling of anxiety to have. The only security net I have was Gavin and I have managed to successfully push him away.

Before I knew it, Monday was upon me. I didn’t see Gavin at breakfast because he was already out doing chores. Dressed and ready to go I went outside to look for him. As I rounded the corner I was astonished to see Clay pulling up. Stopping next to me and stepping out he looked more like he was going to a hot dance club instead of school.

“Hey beautiful. I thought I would give you a ride to school.” Pulling me in for a hug. “You look gorgeous today.” Flashing that handsome smirk in my direction as he brushed the hair out of my eyes giving me a kiss on my forehead. 

Gavin wasn’t prepared for the sight he beheld as he walked out of the barn doors. Clay giving Madison a kiss with his arms wrapped around her was the last thing he ever wanted to see. Feeling the anger and jealousy welling up inside of him, he knew he was helpless to do anything about it. They agreed to move on and he agreed he would not interfere. Damn it, that was before the connection they had yesterday laying in her bed together. Damn her for wanting to move on without me. Watching her from behind the door she ran back inside and came back out with her book bag hopping into his car. Seeing him slinging his arm around her as they drove off the thought of breaking every single bone in his body entered his mind, now dreading going to school.

On the ride to school Clay rambled on about this and that and I hardly heard a word he had said. The only thing on my mind was Gavin and how he must be feeling right now. I felt like I betrayed him. Thinking that this was a necessary step for us moving on.

“Madison, are you alright? You look like your a million miles away.” Putting his hand in mine.

“I’m sorry Clay. I’m still nervous about going to a new school.” Which was partially right.

“It’s okay beautiful. You got me.” Flashing a huge grin. “Everyone loves me here, and since your with me, they’ll love you to, or else…” Squeezing my hand he brought it up to his lips kissing it. “Besides, if you need any help with any of the school work, I make decent grades. I can help you. What kind of grades did you pull at your last school?”

“I did alright.”

“Alright?”

“Straight A’s” Thinking on no other way to say it.

Gaping at her. “Well, why did you let me ramble on like that if your pulling straight A’s? Hell, maybe I need to ask you to tutor me.”

Laughing I looked up at him. “Because, it was very sweet of you to offer and I didn’t want to ruin it.”

Smirking at me he looked forward towards the road. “You know Madison, you seem to be so full of surprises the more I get to know you, the more I want to know about you.” He said sweetly.

He really is cute. I thought to myself. With the tiny hint of dimples in his cheeks and his fair skin, he really was attractive. You would have to be blind to not think so. So, what’s wrong with me? I thought mad at myself. Answering my own question I knew that answer. It was my absolutely gorgeous Gavin whom which no one else held a candle to. Gavin was absolutely mouth watering in every possible way. Deciding to myself if I thought about Gavin one more time I was going to club myself over the head and put myself out of my own misery.

“I got to stop at the gas station real quick, want anything?”

“No, I’m fine.” I said as I stared out the window. Giving my hand a quick squeeze, he ran in to buy himself a soda. I noticed how everyone he passed had a smile and a hello for him. He was like a local celebrity, I thought to myself. Which wasn’t good for a girl that wanted to fly below the radar. Everyone wanting to know who he was with and me not wanting anyone to know about my life. Most especially strangers. Thinking bitterly about how it is none of their business.

Sliding back into the car we took off for school again. Pulling in to the school I couldn’t wait to scan the parking lot for Gavin’s truck. I didn’t know why, I hadn’t seen him yet today and I just needed one glimpse. Finally, spotting his truck in the distance I was flooded with disappointment when I didn’t see him. I knew however, I would see him soon enough in my afternoon classes. Climbing out of Clay’s car he quickly came around and grabbed my hand in a possessive manner as if staking his claim to me. It almost made me wonder if he was going to pee a circle around me next. Knowing that everyone was staring at this point, I really didn’t mind. Knowing the jealous stares from all the girls was just that. I knew being the followers they were that they wouldn’t do anything to upset Clay. Knowing at least if I’m with Clay they would leave me alone for the most part. I knew how girls could be all to well. They looked at Clay as their property, sooner or later I knew instinctively something would come to a head. Trying to stay focused was going to be difficult. I had to keep my eyes on the prize and that was as many scholarship’s or grants I could manage. I knew I couldn’t stay with my aunt and uncle after graduating. Uncle William would never let that happen. Every time he looks at me it always feels like he is staring straight through me looking at someone else. Kind of eerie.

Walking into the front hallway of the school, Clay still held my hand tightly, almost like he was afraid I would make a break for it. Trying not to look obvious I started checking the hallways for Gavin, instantly feeling guilty for doing so. If I truly wanted to move on, the first step was to give Clay a chance. Thinking sternly to myself. He obviously likes me I reasoned as I glanced over at him with a huge grin set on his face. Watching him charm the crowd as we walked through it. He always seemed to hold his head up high, almost arrogantly. I almost admired that about him. He looked like he didn’t have a care in the world. How bad would it be really spending time with someone with such a magnetic personality?

Walking by a classroom one of Clay’s buddies sauntered up with a cocky smirk on his face. Looking at him, I instantly disliked him. I always hated myself for making such snap decisions about people. I just couldn’t help it though. There was something off about him. The way he held himself and looked at you just gave you the heebeegeebees. I felt it the first day of school when I seen him with Clay. Besides, in the past I’ve always been a good judge of character. One of the great characteristics I inherited from dad.

“Hey bro, what’s goin on?”

“Ready to get my practice on today.” 

Looking at him he really wasn’t bad looking at all. Definitely popular crowd, that was obvious. He had expensive designer jeans on with a nice button down shirt, and looked every bit as expensive as Clay. His hair was cut short similar to Clays, with a hint of blond streaks running through it. Whether it was fake or not the jury was still out on that. The way he was running his eyes up and down my body like I was his next course on his menu was making me feel even more uncomfortable than I cared to admit.

“So, Clay you never introduced me.” Elbowing him hard in the side.

“That’s because you’re a dick, and she’s off limits.” Returning the favor by giving him an even harder blow into his ribs.

“Ah, c’mon man. Well shit. Who needs you anyways.” Now annoyed. Holding his hand out, “Hi my name is Eric. When your done with this fool over here just look me up.” Taking my hand and kissing it a little longer than it was appropriate.

“Hi, my name is Madison.” I said quickly pulling my hand back. Great! I thought. Now, I’ll have to soak my hand in bleach. Nope, amputation is the best course. Yes, definitely amputation.

“Okay, Romeo you made your point. We all know you’re a dick who is hard up for a woman.” 

“You wish asshole.” Laughing they gave each other, the cool male bonding hand slap and he sauntered back off.

“Sorry about him. He comes off a little strong and overbearing but, he grows on ya.”

“It’s alright.” I knew however he was never going to grow on me in any shape or form. I already keeping an eye out for the restroom so I could go wash my hand.

Lost in my thoughts the bell startled me back to reality when the warning for the first hour shrilled loudly through all of the halls. Leaning down, he gave me a quick peck on the cheek when really he wanted to aim for her lips. “See you at lunch?”

“Sure.” I said smiling. Relieved I wouldn’t have to sit by myself. Giving my hand a quick squeeze he had to head down the senior hallway to get to his next class where he was immediately flogged by no less than four senior girls. Just cementing the fact on how popular he was being a junior and having senior girls following him. I wish I could say it made me jealous but, it really didn’t at all. Turning I headed for my locker, grabbed my books and headed for my first class.

Sitting in class, here comes the dreaded, “Class, we have a new student, your name? Where are your from? Blah, blah, blah.” I used to feel so utterly and completely sorry for the new kids who came into my old school. Never in a million years did I ever believe that I would be the new girl. Hoping I wouldn’t have to endure this torture in every class, I eventually walked out and headed off to my next. And not to be disappointed, every morning class had to put me in the center of attention. A couple of teachers however, took mercy upon me and just introduced me and quickly went on to the matter at hand. The morning went quickly enough, still finding that the classes were pretty easy was a relief. For the most part the other kids just ignored me. Once in a while I would hear a whisper with my name and Clays in it. But, I was just thankful to be left alone.

Impatiently waiting for the afternoon to get here so, I could see Gavin in class. I almost felt giddy at the very thought. Disappointment set in earlier when I never seen him in the hall. Sitting down at lunch with Clay and some of his friends I still hadn’t seen any sign of Gavin. Until I happened to glance out the windows towards the baseball fields and there he was, out there bat in hand, hitting balls around with a couple of other guys. There was no words on how sexy he looked outside swinging that baseball bat. I could see the muscles in his arms flexing all the way from where I sat. Looking away I didn’t want to start drooling into my lunch. Suddenly, I felt a set of hands on my shoulders squeezing them, knowing it wasn’t Gavin and Clay was sitting right beside me. Looking up I was face to face with Eric again. God he was like a bad rash that just refused to go away. Maybe that was what Clay meant when he said he would grow on you. Now wondering if I was going to have to take a bath in bleach.

 “Hey, Madison. Hey guys.”

Clay looking up didn’t appreciate Eric having his hands on me. “Hey dumb ass. Get your damn hands off my girl.” Giving him a rough shot to the gut.

“Hey, chill.” Smirking widely with both hands up in the air like he was surrendering, a little hunched over though from the shot from Clay. “It’s cool. I took a shower this morning. I won’t stink her out or anything.”

Laughing it off, Clay resumed his conversation with the other guys while Eric sat down across from me, glancing at me with a smirk on his face. Intentionally looking over at Eric Clay put his hand on my knee and squeezed. Turning his glance to me he winked and planted a kiss on my cheek almost reassuringly. Although, he would have to be a complete idiot not to see how uncomfortable I was around Eric. Getting up from the lunch table I could still feel Eric’s eyes on me and I wished Gavin was here to take me away from him.

“Hey sweetie,” Clay said taking both of my hands in his. “You want to go out with me tonight? Maybe come over, watch a movie, or take a dip in the pool?”

“Clay, I really can’t tonight. I have homework, and a couple of things at home I have to take care of.” Disappointed he gave me a pleading look. “Alright, not tonight.” I said seeing the instant excitement in his face. “But, maybe this weekend?”

“I’ll take it.” Instantly gratified. Giving me a quick hug. I almost felt happy at that moment. Taking my face in his hands he kissed me sweetly on my nose and started to walk off. “Oh Madison. I got practice after school today, but I can pick you up tomorrow morning again before school.”

“Alright, that would be nice.” I said smiling back at him. Eric walked by giving my elbow a squeeze.

“Bye Madison.” Smirking at me as he ran by to catch up with Clay sending a cold chill up my spine.

Walking into class Gavin’s head shot up from what ever he was writing and our eyes connected briefly. Looking away from me nervously, he quickly put his gaze back down at his paper as more kids rolled in. Sitting down across from him, “Hi Gavin. I haven’t seen you all day.” I said looking at him smiling trying to get a response.

“I’ve been around.” He said still not looking up at me.

Looking at her was just to damn hard. He thought bitterly. But, he had been keeping an eye on her no matter how much it stung. She seemed to be getting along fine. Especially with Clay following her all around like a helpless puppy dog. “Do I need to wait on you after school to give you a ride home?”

“Yeah, if that’s alright with you.”

“That’s fine.”

Ending our conversation and turning his back to me to talk to one of his friends. I really wasn’t surprised how he was treating me at this point. I know I deserve every bit of it plus more but, knowing this is just how it has to be. It truly is ripping my heart out having to take several steps back from him. At this point I’d give anything just to hear him laugh, or tease me relentlessly, or just have his arms around me. I could see that dangerous moodiness back into his beautiful dark eyes again. Just like when we first met. He has such a dark, I don’t give a damn edge to him. On one level I loved that bad boy attitude he had about him but, I also loved the other side of him when he let his shield down. He was incredibly caring and charming. The one thing I love most about him is how loyal he is to the people he cares about. No matter how mad he gets, or betrayed he feels, he is always the first one there for anyone who needs him. That truly was an admirable trait. Not to mention how truly fearless he was all the time. Could there be a more perfect guy out there? I was almost scared to wonder if anyone would ever measure up to him. Besides, all those wonderful things he is, he is also the most gorgeous guy I have ever laid eyes on. It wasn’t just my eyes either, it was painfully obvious how much the other girls chased after him here, even more so than Clay. Knowing Clay even for this short time, I knew that had to be a major burr up his ass. Who wouldn’t love tall, dark, and handsome? Which Gavin was the total epitome of. Then on top of that with his bad boy edge to him, god have mercy on my soul. His tanned skin laying on perfect muscles, not to mention his gorgeous face with strong jaw bones, and a smile that reaches his dark eyes when he laughs. Thick, dark hair with a hint of unruliness in the back that you can run your fingers through. You’d have to be a fool not to want him.

Unfortunately, through the rest of this class he ignored me. I could say it didn’t bother me but, that would be a lie. He is my best friend after all, the only person in this world that I trust. Which is saying a lot considering I don’t trust anyone anymore. Most especially after what my mother did. I still don’t know anything much about my fathers family. To be honest I’ve been a little scared to approach Uncle William about it. I sort of feel like my survival depends on keeping my mouth shut. Right now the only family I feel like I truly have is Gavin and how ironic that is considering were not even related. It’s weird how life works out sometimes. My heart still aches for my father that was taken away from me way to quickly, but Gavin has been there to help fill some of the loneliness at least for that short time. Aunt Julia and the twins have been great but, I always feel like I don’t quite fit when I’m with them. A mothers bond to her daughter or in this case daughters is a very special thing. Looking at them together I am envious of the way they show there love for each other. Since my mother has been so lousy to me all my life it’s hard sitting there watching all of them together. Gavin has always been the one to make me feel like I belong, like I’m exactly where I need to be.