Authors: Nadene Seiters
I know I shouldn’t be taking advantage of her hurt right
now, but she’s like a flower that never stops smelling and looking good. No, that’s
not right. She’s like water. Water is something a man needs to survive in this
world, and Melanie is my water. Day in and day out I try not to think about her,
but something that might look good on her might catch my eye and remind me of
what I once had. A scent might cross my path that reminds me of her, even
though they’re never as compelling as what she’s wearing.
When I feel the shiver of want cascading through her just at
the simple touch of lips, my instincts take over, and my hands act on their own
accord. I know I should stop and talk with her rather than back her into the
edge of the countertop, but my actions are not my own. It’s like I’m a man whose
been drowning in the desert for months, and he’s finally found a well.
“Alex.” Her hands are on my waist, and mine are gripping her
lush hair at the nape of her neck. I am just about to get to the good part
where I begged for entrance to her mouth as she says my name. It takes
everything in me to back away from her and reign in what I’m feeling. Maybe I
read the signs wrong?
“What?” It’s the only word I can get out safely without
sounding like a caveman.
“It’s just that this is, well, this is not a good time. I
thought it’s what I wanted, but-” I put a finger over her lips and keep in a
growl of need, want when she purses her lips against the pad of my digit.
“It’s alright.” Even though it hurts to move my body away
from hers, and it hurts even more to see her nipples erect and pushing against
her shirt, I step away. “Why don’t we go out tonight, platonically?” She looks
unsure, and I straighten my hair with my hand. “I promise that it won’t go any
further than you want it to.” Her lips twitch up at the corners as she bites
her bottom lip and I want to take back what I just said, but that wouldn’t be
right.
“That’s the problem, you see. It’s obvious that I want it to
go further than I should right now.” I almost nod to tell her that she’s
probably right, but I don’t. One of her cats rubs between my legs and makes an
affectionate mewling noise.
“How about I promise that it won’t go any further than
petting, even if you want it to?” Her eyes glaze over as she glances down at my
hands, and I feel my own desire beginning to choke me. If she lets me take her
clothes off just enough to get to that sweet body, I’ll die a happy man. It
will kill me not to take my own pleasure from a woman, but for Melanie, I’d do
it. This has to be one of the most frightening moments of my life.
“I don’t know.” Her breaths are a little heavier than usual,
and her pupils are dilated so much it’s hard to tell where the blue begins
anymore. “Where do you plan on taking me?” I glance at the stove clock and
register that it’s nine thirty in the morning. If we can get a flight to one of
the smaller towns near the coast, I can take her to my hangout for the past few
months. We could spend the entire night on the beach, unless she’s not that
type of girl. I plan on getting to know if she is or not.
“Do you like the sun?” The question momentarily knocks her
out of thinking about my hands on her, and her pupils retract enough for her to
look like she’s just thinking about a tough decision.
“Of course I like the sun.” She reaches back for her cup of
creamer and sugar with a little bit of coffee and distracts herself with it. I
feel a sense of male pride that she actually has to do something to distract
her from me.
“Then it’ll be a surprise. You might want to pack an
overnight bag though, in case we can’t get a flight back here before midnight.”
She looks unsure, and I don’t know any other way to reassure a woman than to
kiss her. Unfortunately, we’re not even on the date yet, so that’s not an
option.
“Alright.” The amount of determination in that one word and
written across her face is enough to send me into thinking with my cock again. That’s
my cue to peck her on the cheek and make haste to my room to pack.
It’s an hour and a half flight to San Jose, California.
During those ninety minutes of hell two kids manage to knock over my drink, the
stewardess dumps a steaming hot cup of coffee on me, and the turbulence we hit
taking off would make any flight passenger veteran afraid. What makes the
entire trip worth it, even if it just consisted of the actual flight, is the
fact that Melanie has her cheek plastered to my shoulder most of the way.
Apparently air travel makes her exhausted.
As soon as the plane touches down, I wake her gently and
watch her with a subconscious grin as she fixes her hair.
“Did I drool on you?” My grin is no longer subconscious as
it spreads across my face. Apparently the look on my face is condemning, and
she begins to look for signs of drool on my t-shirt sleeve.
“You didn’t drool.” I let most of the other passengers gather
their belongings before I reach for the carry-on bag in the compartment above
Melanie’s head. We flew coach, only because that was the only seat left when I
booked our flight only two hours ago.
“Good, because I would never let it go if I had.” The bag is
surprisingly light even though I brought a woman along. It takes us an extra
half an hour to get off the plane finally and through the revolving doors that
lead out to the city.
It’s a warm seventy six degrees outside of the airport,
which is, unfortunately, not warm enough for bathing suits. Melanie hails a cab
for us while I check my cellphone for local car rental establishments. Once
we’re comfortably seated inside a mid-class sedan, I head for my favorite spot
along the beach and park on the wharf. Her look of childhood delight doesn’t go
unnoticed.
“So you’re idea of a date is bringing me to a sketchy
looking area with restaurants that probably serve the greasiest food around.”
The moment it’s out of her mouth I feel a pang of dread hit me, but it’s
quickly followed by relief when she smiles at me. “I’m kidding, Alex. God it’s
a beautiful day.”
“It is. Do you want a cup of coffee? The place all the way
at the end has a mean cup of caffeine filled to the brim with sugar and cream,
just the way you like it.” I didn’t think her smile could get wider, but the
mention of caffeine always seems to brighten her mood. Our walk to the coffee
shop is short, but time feels as if it’s slowing down as I open the door.
I didn’t think today could get better, but the smell off my
favorite latte being prepared makes me feel at home. This city attached to this
wonderful beach and boardwalk is not somewhere I would frequent for the rest of
my life, but if I could park a yacht here, I might. Jillian holds up two
fingers, and I nod once to affirm I want two lattes this afternoon.
“Aren’t we going to order?”
“I already did.”
“How did you do that from here?” I steer her towards a seat
near one of the large, glass windows and she’s distracted by the view of the
ocean and the beach. Now that the afternoon sun is starting to blaze down on
the sand, a few brave teenagers are taking advantage of one of the last nice
days.
“Aren’t they supposed to be in school?” From the sound of
it, she wasn’t much for ditching in her day. I wish I could say the same.
“Probably, but who wouldn’t rather be enjoying the hot sun
on a pristine beach in the middle of the afternoon?” The look she gives me
tells me that she understands, but still doesn’t approve. “I’m going to have to
teach you to lighten up a little, aren’t I?” The confused and indignant look
barely has time to flash across her face before her latté is in front of her.
One sip of the heavenly drink and she’s forgotten all about truant teenagers.
We spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the different
shops along the beachfront. Melanie explains to me the different between pink
and fuchsia, and I explain to her the difference between salt water taffy made
at the shore and the stuff made inland. She doesn’t believe me that it just
tastes better when it’s made near the ocean.
We’re sitting in a secluded booth at one of my favorite
restaurants in town when she asks me the most curious thing.
“Aren’t you going to ask about what happened between Oliver
and me?” I watch her flip through the appetizer menu with an emotionless
expression. I’ve prided myself on the ability to read people over the years,
but she looks like a blank page right now.
“Do you want me to ask about that?” Her lips purse as either
she ponders my question or she cannot decide on what to order first. I keep my
eyes on her face to see any sign of turmoil so that I can change the subject if
I need to.
“I don’t think I do right now. Are you okay with that?”
I wait several moments before she finally looks up at me,
and give her a reassuring smile.
“I don’t care about that.” I tell her firmly, and then I go
on to tell her about the amazing salmon platter they have here as an appetizer.
It’s well past eight before we’re finished with dinner, and
I muse about our discussions. They ranged from how to survive her sister’s
cooking to what types of movies she prefers. Melanie checks her watch, and I
see her opening up an app to see when the next flight back to Vegas is.
“We might as well stay here.” She murmurs as I hail a cab.
“I know a great hotel along the beach.” The look on her face
is indecisive, but I know the moment she makes her decision.
“Book a room for two.”
It’s been over a year since I’ve had sex.
That thought races through my mind, over a million times as
I stare at myself in the mirror. I finger my long, dark hair and replace the
makeup around my dark blue eyes. After I’ve run the brush through my locks for
the third time, I stop myself. Then I look down at my shaking finger and put
them to my cheeks. They’re as cold as icicles, so I run them under the hot tap,
so I don’t shock Alex when I touch him.
Oh God, I’m going to touch him, again…
There seems to be this unspoken thing between the two of us.
It’s the knowledge that I’m willing to fall into bed with him tonight with no
strings attached. I know he understands that he’s a rebound this time, but I
wonder if he’s hoping for anything more. I know within the deepest parts of my
soul that I cannot give him anything more than just sex tonight. Those parts of
my soul do not let me think about what could happen in the future.
It’s been fifteen minutes since we arrived, and I’ve spent
fourteen of them within this bathroom. It’s an average bathroom with a sink and
a bathtub with a detachable showerhead. The suite in this place is not like any
suites in Vegas, but it’s an adorable, nondescript location. I’m thankful for
that. Tonight doesn’t need to be filled with fancy rooms and dinners.
Pushing a stray lock of hair back behind my right ear, I
suck in a final breath and turn away from the mirror. It must have been so much
easier that night we spent together in Vegas. I don’t remember much of it, and
sometimes I wonder if that’s a blessing or a curse. I’d like to remember what
he likes in bed, much rather than fumble through everything like it’s our first
rodeo again.
With my hand on the doorknob, I twist it and pull it towards
me. He’s taken off his shirt, and he’s sitting on the edge of the bed with the
television on quietly. It’s a news station, and I have a passing thought about
whether or not it’s something that interests him on the screen.
When he turns his gaze on me, the background noise of the
television is forgotten.
“Melanie, I don’t expect you to sleep with me if you’re not
ready for that.” I know I haven’t told him about Oliver yet, but the Alex I
remember would jump into bed with any willing woman.
“Does it bother you that you’ve slept with me before?” I
can’t believe that’s the first thing that pops into my mind and out my mouth,
and Alex is as taken aback as I am.
“No, of course not! I have slept with women more than once
you know.” Cursing myself for turning him indignant, I begin to unbutton my
blouse with shaking fingers. I don’t want to talk right now, at least, not
about the other women he’s slept with. I can only imagine what the count for
that is.
Suddenly, I’m not as brave as I was when I walked out the
bathroom door.
I finally get the first button undone. Alex stands up as if
he’s just woken from a trance and closes the distance between us. I’m waiting
for a kiss with my eyes closed when solid arms come around me. My cheek is
plastered to his hard chest as he pulls me in tight. The way his heart is
racing informs me that he’s either as afraid or excited as I am.
“Melanie, I’ll sleep with you tonight, but I don’t think
it’s a good idea for us to have sex.” A knot forms in my stomach. My throat
begins to close up. Ashamed, I keep my face hidden from him in the form of
returning his hug. I don’t want him to see me cry.
“Why not?” My voice wobbles on the words and his arms
slacken.
“I don’t know how to say this.”
“Well try.” I know I sound impatient and put off.
“Melanie, I had fun today. I showed you a part of myself
that not many women see, especially women who aren’t family. I didn’t think
there would be a shot in hell between us, but I kept pushing even when we were
signing the divorce papers. The truth is, I haven’t forgotten about that night
between us. I want to see if there is the possibility for something more.
Rebound sex, that is what this would be, could ruin that chance.” He clears his
throat after his long speech, and I try to get rid of the stunned look on my
face when he pulls away. His fingers guide my chin so that I’m looking him in
the eyes.
“I want us to be friends.”
Normally a woman wouldn’t want to hear those words from a
man. But this is Alex.
“Alright.” The word shocks me and it looks like it shocks
Alex, too.
His arms slide away from me as he takes a step back, and he
mumbles something about a shower. I let him go and sit down on the end of the
bed. Wondering what just happened, I stare at the screen until I realize that
it’s my face plastered all over the news tonight. It looks like it finally got
out that I up and left New York City like the hounds of hell were on my heels.
Thankfully, they’re not sure where I disappeared to.
The water in the bathroom turns on, and I steam begins to
erupt from underneath the door.
As Alex washes up, I watch my life playing out on the news
station. Oliver’s face flashes across the screen as the woman describes our
public relationship. Then a picture of Oliver tenderly planting a kiss on
Kyle’s cheek appears underneath the picture of me on the right and one of
Oliver on the left.
Strangely, I don’t feel as betrayed as I thought I might as
the photos dance across the screen. The pretty, middle-aged blonde explains
Oliver’s position at his father’s law firm. She then goes on to tell the entire
world I basically was a glorified house wife without even having the house.
Oliver paid for a lot for me.
That’s what stings the worst.
He didn’t want me to have a position within his father’s
company because that would create implications, yet he wanted me to remain out
of the working class crowd. I chew on my thumbnail as I look around for the remote.
As soon as I find the bugger, I change the channel to an old black and white
movie. It’s much better than watching my life displayed for everyone to see.
Alex comes out fully dressed, thankfully.
For the rest of the evening, we watch television.
The next morning I wake up to a voicemail message on my
phone. I don’t bother taking it to the bathroom or outside to listen. Alex is
still snoring next to me, and I assume that he’ll be out for another hour or
two. The poor party boy must not be used to waking up before the sunrise.
Turning the volume down to low when I realize it’s my
sister, I put my ear to the phone.
“I know where you’re at because Alex called me. You should
have texted.” I can almost hear her putting her hand over her mouth to cover up
what she says next. Brent must be nearby. “You’d better give me
all
the
details, and I can’t believe you’d sleep with him again!”
My first thought is that she is going to be so disappointed.
Then I turn off the phone and slide out of bed like a pro. I’m still wearing my
underwear and Alex’s t-shirt from the night before. Therefore, when he rolls
over and mumbles something about a nice ass, I know that he’s not getting too
much of an eyeful.
The bathroom door clicks shut behind me, and I use the
complimentary toothpaste and my finger to brush my teeth. Then I hop into the
shower and let the hot water roll over my skin. There are tiny shampoos, and I
pick one that smells like flowers for my hair. Then I get out quickly and dry
off.
The towel scratches along my skin and I wrap it around my
torso so that I can do my hair. Unfortunately, there is not a complimentary
blow dryer, so I’m stuck using a brush and the towel. At least it’s not
dripping wet by the time I’m finished, but it’s still wet. When I turn around
to grab the clothes I took off, there is a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt in
their place.
Wrinkling my brow, I pick up the tight sweatpants and pull
them on. They smell like they just came from the store. Curious, I glance in
the trash to see if there are some tags. Sure enough, lining the bottom of the
small can are tags. Part of me wonders if Alex does this for all the ladies
he’s slept with. Then I remember we didn’t actually sleep together, and feel a
little special.
It’s nice to feel like someone actually cares.
Therefore, I don’t complain that the t-shirt has the word
‘Hot’ written across it in flames. It looks like something a teenager would
wear. I come to the conclusion he must have gotten it from one of the shops
along the beach sometime this morning.
Alex is no longer on the bed when I open the bathroom door.
He smiles at me from the tiny, round table in front of the lone window. I’m
about to ask him what he’s smiling about when I note the coffees sitting in
front of him.
“The last time I woke up with you still in the room, I
didn’t get a chance to ask you if you wanted to go out for breakfast.” The only
answer I have for him is to sit down and sip on my coffee.
Our gazes lock and then retreat from one another to stare
out the window. From this viewpoint, I’m able to see the beach and the hectic
waves crashing onto the shore. Tiny dots move along the shoreline, and it’s not
until one of them takes off that I understand it’s a seagull.
“Does coffee count as breakfast?”
I take my time answering him.
“As long as it’s good.” The companionable silence doesn’t
last long.
“Tell me something about yourself.” My fingers drum on my
takeout cup as I try to think of a good response to that.
“Something you don’t already know from the television?” I
watch his reaction to my words and see him wince. “It doesn’t bother me that
you saw that.”
“It doesn’t? Well, that doesn’t matter. That’s not you.” I
scrunch my brows and wait for him to explain. How does he know that’s not me?
“The Melanie that I saw on television didn’t look exceptionally happy. So it’s
not the one that I know.” He sips on his coffee with such surety that I laugh
out loud at him.
It takes me a few seconds to get myself under control.
“I guess you might be right. That wasn’t me for the past year
and three months. It was an alien walking around in my skin. A depraved, lonely
alien.” I’m shocked at how my mood changes from anticipation to gloomy as I try
to figure out why I chose those words. Alex doesn’t ask me about it, but he
doesn’t look disinterested.
“Why don’t we start with something easier as if this were a
first date? Did you go to college?” I stare at him over the tiny table for half
a minute before I feel my tense muscles relaxing.
“I went to become a paralegal, but I’ve always thought about
opening up a business. Maybe a pizza shop along the main street of a small
town, that is if they’re already deprived of pizza.” I haven’t told a soul
about the pizza place idea. My family will laugh at me for years to come if
they ever figure it out.
“A paralegal? That seems rather boring.” I snort with
derision.
“You know, he wasn’t even going to ask his father about
hiring me. Oliver Stanton wanted an educated, pretty woman that he could drape
over his arm like a beautiful, fur coat. He wanted someone who would turn their
head when he cheated. I can’t believe I didn’t
see
it!” I don’t notice
the shocked look on Alex’s face at my vehement words, and go on with my tirade.
Perhaps it’s the vibe of understanding I get from him, or maybe I need someone to
unload on who isn’t part of my family. Either way, I tell him about not having
sex for over a year, the way I confronted him, and how he kept me at a distance
like a prized horse. He only told people about me when he wanted to impress
someone; otherwise, it was about him.
Then I say the worst thing of all.
“I could have overlooked most of it. Being treated like arm
candy wasn’t so bad when I was getting an apartment for it, just being taken
care of in general. But the cheating. I couldn’t overlook that he
lied
to me.” It takes me a full five minutes to slough that baggage off and show it
to Alex as if I’m opening myself up to be inspected, ridiculed.
Instead of responding verbally, his hand comes across the
table, and I let him slide his fingers underneath mine. It’s the barest of
touches, but I experience a calm that could rival any drug.
“I’m sorry. I must have sounded like a lunatic.”
“No. You sounded like a woman scorned, twice.” I glance up
at his face to see guilt on it and wonder why he would feel that way. Then I
realize he must be talking about our marriage, or lack thereof.
“We knew each other one night, Alex. I mean, we barely know
each other now.” My words are a slap in his face, and he pulls his fingers away
from mine.
“You’re right. I should get you home. You’ve had enough
shitty men in your life.” I open my mouth to apologize, and try to make up for
my verbal screw up. Alex smiles at me and puts a finger to my lips. It takes
everything in me not to pull it into my mouth. I’m like a wound up teenager
around him.
“I still want to be friends, Melanie. I met that last night.
But we’re both at a really low point in our lives.” I want to argue with him
that I’m feeling high right now, but that’s beyond the point. Neither one of us
say anything as we finish up our coffee. Alex makes reservations for a flight
to Vegas that leave within the hour, and we make our way to the airport.