Talk Stories (12 page)

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Authors: Jamaica Kincaid

BOOK: Talk Stories
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At a party that Doubleday (the publishers) gave for Gloria Vanderbilt, the author of a new book called
Woman to Woman:
… . … . … . .
(Sharp intake of breath)
“Gloria!”
… . … . … . . “Gordon.”
… . … . … . .
(Sharp intake of breath)
“Gloria!”
… . . “Ruth.”
… . … . … . . “Margaret.”
… . … . … . . “Tammy.”
… . . “Sean.”
… . … . … . .
(Sharp intake of breath)
“Gloria!”
… . … . … “Remember when she dieted down to a hundred pounds?”
… . … . … “Today, as you know, publishing is packaging.”
… . … . … . . “From where I stand, I can see a book titled
Beyond Defeat
.”
… . … . … . . “That is Gloria Jones.”
… . … . … . . “You mean …?”
… . … . … “Yes. There are an awful lot of famous Glorias here tonight. I am the least famous of them.”
… . … . … . .
(Sharp intake of breath)
“Gloria!”
… . . “Jerry.”
… . … . … . . “Did Gloria design the suit and blouse she is wearing?”
… . … . … . . “Gloria only designed the blouse.”
… . … . … . .
(Sharp intake of breath
) “Gloria!”
… . … . … . .
(Sharp intake of breath)
“Gloria!”
Titles of some chapters or sections of Gloria Vanderbilt's book: “The Bright Garden of Memory—and Taste,” “Early Me,” “Learning More About Myself,” “The Romance of the Self: Fortuny, Karinska, Adolfo,” “Discovering Yourself,” “The Spirit of the Artist,” “Menus and Recipes.”
There are many pictures in Gloria Vanderbilt's new book. Almost all of them have captions, and all of the captions perfectly describe the photographs: “Gloria in 1941.” “Gloria in 1953—in a publicity photo for The Swan.'” “At sixteen Gloria on the brink of Hollywood.” “Gloria dressed as a medieval damsel, Old Westbury, 1935.” “The famous Sphinx photograph—Gloria wearing a Mainbocher gown.” “Gloria in 1971—‘the past few years have greatly expanded our sense of what we can be.'” “Gloria, with Carter Vanderbilt Cooper, wearing one of her Faraway coolie hats.” “Gloria at work in her studio.” “Gloria returns Wyatt Cooper's smile at a Broadway opening.” “Gloria in the Ten Gracie Square days.”
—
March 19
,
1979
 
 
The Fragrance Foundation invited Dr. Susan Schiffman, Associate Professor, Department of Psychiatry, Duke Medical Center, to make an after-luncheon speech at the Plaza Hotel one day last month. Dr. Schiffman was asked by the Fragrance Foundation to try to explain to the guests, about two hundred perfume manufacturers and suppliers, an idea that the Fragrance Foundation had come up with, the idea being “The Five Fragrance Ages and Stages of Woman: Pre-Teen, Teen, Young Adult, Middle Age, Matron.” From where we sat, this is some of what we heard Dr. Schiffman say:
“Thank you for a lovely introduction. Chemical senses are the most evolved … little bumps on your tongue … little oranges … emotional seat of the brain … a rat's brain … tongue … taste buds … olfactory receptors … turnover every ten days … moth-eaten by the time you get to be fifty-five … for some reason, turnover every thirty days … taste and smell acuity … taste buds … olfactory receptors … olfactory … hormones … taste and smell … depressed … a weight problem … mother and father saying territory to be established … I run a weight-loss unit … area of the brain … developing cigarettes for the Arabs … smell has something to do with territoriality … territoriality … of shame among young women … the first use of fragrance may be to define … very interested in female psychology … in the thirties, more comfortable … sexuality … emotional stimulant … sexual reason … overweight women … ten million receptor cells in the olfactory system … don't know what it is about musks that makes them, you know, so musky …”
—
April 9
,
1979
 
 
A press conference announcing a second Woodstock music festival. Some fragments from an exchange between the producers (whose backers include a record company and a film company) and the press:
“Ten years ago, a little magic happened that touched the nation, the world.”
“I don't think we are fools.”
“The reason that we want to do it is that since Woodstock there have been a lot of music films made and none of them had what ‘Woodstock' had. The ten years since Woodstock have not been as exciting as the sixties.”
“The tenth anniversary was a good time to do some of the things we hadn't been able to do last time. There is so much new technology today that you didn't have then.”
“One word I would use to wrap up the whole thing is ‘energy.' Try to turn that energy on.”
“The kids, the youth …”
“No cultural event that sums up the seventies. This has
been a down decade, full of inflation, you know. No sense of optimism.”
“Where will you hold this festival?”
“Even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you.”
“We talked to the youngest, most exciting bureaucrats in this state. They believe in New York. They want us to stay here.”
“How much money is going into it?”
“Money is coming from the record deal and the film deal.”
“Six million dollars. Last time, we spent three million dollars. With inflation, everything is double.”
“How much do you hope to get out of it?”
“Nobody is trying to get rich and retire from this.”
“I've been involved in Indian projects for a while.”
“Money. It's a real boring subject.”
“Can you recapture the spontaneity?”
“Yes. No matter how much you plan, you can't kill spontaneity.”
“We are not trying to kill the looseness of the event.”
“What acts are you going to sign?”
“Can't say.”
“You said you would never touch another rock festival. You said the first Woodstock was the worst disaster. Now …”
“No.”
“It's an epochal festival.”
“I could stand here until four o'clock and tell you what we are doing.”
“What about drugs?”
“What
about
drugs?”
—
April 23
,
1979
 
 
A number of sports personalities, sports-related personalities, and newsmen and newswomen from the papers and television, the mayor of New York City, the governor of New York State, Cardinal Cooke, and almost two hundred people who just happened to be passing by gathered the other day in the mall at Madison Square Garden to celebrate the hundredth anniversary of Madison Square Garden (there were three Madison Square Gardens before the present one, the first two really on Madison Square, and the third up at Fiftieth and Eighth) and to unveil a bronze statue of the goddess Diana, a duplicate of a statue of the goddess Diana which used to stand on top of the second Madison Square Garden.
Jack Dempsey was there, seated in a chair.
Dave Maloney, Phil Esposito, and Mike McEwen (the Rangers hockey stars) were there, and they stood behind Jack Dempsey, with their arms folded across their chests.
Joe Frazier was there, and he stood next to Jack Dempsey, with his hands folded across his chest.
A man wearing a toupee that made him look exactly like George Steinbrenner was there.
Jackie Stone, the television-news reporter, was there. After the taping of her report, she worried out loud about the angle at which her nose had been shot.
Howard Cosell, acting as master of ceremonies, was there.
Some of the people who were there made elaborate speeches. Some of the people who were there applauded the end of the elaborate speeches.
One man, whose name we didn't catch, named, in his elaborate speech, some boxing event as the most electric moment in the history of Madison Square Garden. Cardinal Cooke, in his elaborate speech, said that Madison Square Garden and St. Patrick's Cathedral were both a hundred years old this year. Howard Cosell began his elaborate speech, “I think you know the nature of the circumstances under which we are gathered here.”
After that, Mayor Koch, Governor Carey, and a number of the other guests, grabbing the ends of two pieces of gold cord, unveiled the statue. The goddess Diana stood stark naked on tiptoe with a drawn bow.
—
June 18
,
1979
 
 
We met the current Miss Jamaica (“Joan McDonald, twenty-three years old, dance instructor at Wolmer's Girls' School, in Kingston; ardent supporter of dance and the cultural arts; has an interest in foreign languages; has two brothers and two sisters”) at a cocktail party the other day. Miss Jamaica, like most beauty queens, seemed vivid and buoyant. Her nails were very long, and they were painted with a red lustre polish. She wore a beige shirtwaist dress with buttons down the front, but the dress was buttoned only to halfway down the skirt. She wore brown shoes with very high heels. When Miss Jamaica laughed—and she laughed a lot—she bent over and snapped her fingers. Also, when Miss Jamaica laughed we saw that she had big, white, almost perfect teeth.
At the cocktail party with Miss Jamaica and her guests were newsmen carrying small Japanese cassette recorders with huge microphones. They asked Miss Jamaica questions
about the political aspects of being Miss Jamaica. This annoyed Miss Jamaica slightly, and she made some little sounds (sucking air in through the mouth with teeth clenched).
Miss Jamaica asked her chaperon for a cigarette. Then she said, “I was chosen from a field of twenty contestants in Kingston. I won the best-personality and best-photogenic categories. I am a member of the Jamaica School of Dance. I am a lover of the cultural and performing arts. When I was a child, I was very athtetic—more athletic than anything else. I was pushed into—nicely pushed into—this contest. I was in my dance class one evening when one of the coordinators begged me, actually begged me, to enter the contest. I decided I had nothing to lose by entering. Right? Aha. As a matter of fact, I do think that anyone who feels she has the potential to be a beauty queen should try—
without
being pushed, like me. Not that I didn't have any confidence, but I didn't see myself as being a beauty queen.”
“What is your favorite color, Miss Jamaica?”
“Color? I don't have a favorite color as such, but I do find that pastels look very good on me.”
“What foods do you like to eat?”
“I like to eat a little bit of everything. As you can see, I don't have to watch my weight. I eat everything in the book.”
“What are some of the places that being Miss Jamaica has taken you?”
“I have been to Germany. I was in the Miss World contest. I didn't place, but I understand I was very well liked. In London, I danced in bare feet just outside the House of Commons.
This is my first visit here. New York is too crowded and fast-moving. Today, I had lunch at the World Trade Center. I got to see a view of Manhattan. I didn't like it. It's too ugly. Where are the mountains?”
—
July 2
,
1979
 
 
NEWS AND PHOTO TIP:
When: Tuesday, June 26—10:30 A.M.
Where: The Plaza Hotel (59th and Fifth Ave.) Barber Shop, Mezzanine.
Why: Actor John Schuck (of TV's
McMillan and Wife)
, who has a head of hair many men would die for, will have it all shaved off to play the shiny-domed Daddy Warbucks in the SRO Broadway hit
Annie
for three weeks (starting July 3) while the role's originator, Reid Shelton, enjoys a well-deserved vacation. Garren of the Plaza will do the shaving, and Shelton himself will be there to offer Schuck, who will be making his Broadway stage début, advice on the care of the Warbucks dome.
A woman said to John Schuck, “John, a lot of my bald friends would like to have your head of hair, and here you are shaving it off.”
A man who was not bald said to John Schuck, “John, could you honestly say that bald men have more fun?”
John Schuck said, “Baldness brings a bit of authority. I think.”
A man with a camera said to Reid Shelton, who was wearing a white suit, “That's a great suit, but isn't it hard to keep clean?”
Reid Shelton said, “I bought it for publicity. I was doing
The Merv Griffin Show
and I needed something with a little flash to it. But they are very hard to find—white suits.”
John Schuck looked at the photographers jostling each other to get photographs of him and said, “The Normandy landings were nothing compared to this.”
John Schuck's wife, Susan Bay-Schuck, who was standing nearby, looked at her husband's head, now half shaved, and grimaced. Then she reached out and touched it and said, “It feels pretty.”
John Schuck said, “Why do I feel a draft?”
Reid Shelton said, “Oh, I'm glad John could come in. I need a vacation. I have been doing this for twenty-six months with only one time sick.”
John Schuck felt his head, now completely shaved, and said, “It's the surface of the moon.”
A man said, “Boy, I have seen better heads on cabbage,” and everybody laughed.
Mrs. Schuck said, “Honey, it's not funny-looking at all.”
Reid Shelton said, “Use a Norelco, I've told him. Use a Norelco.”
Mrs. Schuck picked up some of her husband's hair from the floor and put it in a small brown envelope. She said, “If you get lonely, honey, you can open this and look inside.”
—
July 9
,
1979

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