Tales of the Marvellous and News of the Strange (Hardcover Classics) (12 page)

‘He then called out that the sultan should advise on the matter, and before we knew it we had been surrounded by the police chief and his men, who took us all off to the sultan’s office. He asked for the story, and the man who could see called down blessings on him and said that he thought that it was only by torture that things would become clear. He volunteered to be the first, and they tied him to the whipping post and gave him three hundred lashes. In pain he opened one of his eyes and when he was given another three hundred he opened the other. “What is this, damn you?” said the police chief. “Master,” he said, “give me a token of immunity so that I may tell you about what we do.”

‘When he had been given this he said: “There are four of us, and we pretend to be blind, although we can all see. We go into people’s houses to look at the women there and do what we can to harm their relations and their husbands. This has got us a total of ten thousand dirhams. I asked them for my share, but they refused and after beating me they took all I had. I ask help from God and from you, as you have a better right to this money. If you want to know the truth of this, give each of them a hundred lashes until he opens an eye, and this will be clear to you.”

‘The police chief ordered us to be whipped, and I was the first to be tied up. He said: “You evil rascals, do you deny God’s grace and claim that you are blind?” “God, God!” I exclaimed, “not one of us can see,” but I was given a hundred lashes and lost consciousness. The man told the chief to wait until I had recovered and then have me beaten again. Meanwhile each of my friends received a hundred strokes as the chief told them: “Open your eyes or else I’ll beat you again.” The man said: “Sir, send someone with me to take the money, as these people are too afraid of disgrace to open their eyes.” The chief did this and after giving the man two thousand dirhams he took the rest and expelled us, saying that if we came back again he would have us killed. I walked off until I joined up with these others, and this is my story.’ The king laughed at him and marvelled at his tale.

The king then summoned the paralytic and asked him for his name and his story. He said: ‘I am generally called Abu’l-Sha‘sha‘ and this is my story. One day when I was going on some errand of mine an old woman asked me to stop briefly as she had a proposal to make to me which, if I liked, I could then carry through. I stopped beside her and she said: “I shall tell you something and then direct you to a pleasant place, but don’t say too much.” “Go on,” I told her, and she said: “What would you say about a fine house with a flowery orchard, gushing streams and ripe fruits? There is clear wine, camphor-scented candles and the lovely face of one whom, after some hardship, you can embrace if you succeed in carrying out what I tell you.”

‘ “Lady,” I asked, when I heard this, “is all this in this world?” “Yes, it is for you if you want to act,” she replied. I asked her what she had seen in me to make her choose me rather than some immoral man, but she said: “Didn’t I tell you not to talk too much? Keep quiet and come with me.” She went off, and I followed her, lured by what she had described, and she then said: “The girl to whom I am taking you likes those who agree with her and dislikes those who don’t. If you obey and do what she tells you, she will become your slave.” I said that I would not refuse anything I was told to do and I went with the old woman into a large and lofty house where there were many servants and retainers. When they saw me they said: “What are you doing here?” “Don’t talk to him,” the old woman said, “for he is a craftsman whom we need.”

‘I went into a large courtyard, in the centre of which was the most beautiful orchard that had ever been seen. She sat me on an elegant bench with a covering of heavy brocade. Before I had waited long I heard a great commotion and saw girls coming towards me surrounding one who had been favoured by God with perfect beauty. I got to my feet when I saw her, and she took her seat while I remained standing in front of her. After welcoming me, she told me to sit down and then came and asked if all was well with me. “Very well indeed,” I told her, after which she had an ample meal brought in. We ate, but she could not stop laughing, although when I looked at her she turned to one of her maids as though she was laughing at her. All the while she was treating me affectionately and joking with me. Longing for her overcame me, and I had
no doubt that she was in love with me, sharing my feelings, and that she would grant me my wish.

‘When I had finished eating, trays of gold and silver were produced on which were glasses of fine crystal containing wine of indescribable excellence. Ten girls lovely as the moon then came up carrying lutes and they began to sing heart-rending melodies with delightful voices. I had never seen anyone more beautiful. When my hostess then drank a
ratl
of wine I stood up, but although she told me to sit down again, I drank what she had been drinking standing up, and she started to pelt me with soft cushions. I didn’t like that and became very angry, but the old woman standing there winked at me so I held back and said nothing. That did not stop my hostess, who told the girls to join in pelting me, and this almost got me to fall on my face, while she was telling the old woman: “Mother, I have never seen a shrewder young man, nor one with a sweeter disposition or more charm. I shall give him what he will love to achieve from me.”

‘When this had been going on for what seemed to me to be a long time she went off to do something, and the old woman came up to me and congratulated me on getting what I wanted. “Lady,” I said, “how long do I have to put up with being slapped by her and her girls?” She said: “When she gets drunk you can have what you want, but take care not to move or to scowl or else you will lose everything.” “When will that be?” I asked. “At midnight,” she replied and I said: “By the glory of God, I shall go blind, and if this goes on until midnight I shall be dead.” “Pull yourself together,” she told me “and put up with this for an hour, for if you take it lightly you will get what you want.”

‘The lady came back and told the girls to leave, which they did. She then told me to sit down, and when I had done so, another girl came up and smeared me with aloes juice and
nadd
by way of perfume. Then the lady said: “Have you not come into my house and agreed to accept my conditions? Whoever disobeys me I expel and whoever puts up with my jokes gets what he wants.” “My lady,” I told her, “I am your slave and will bear with whatever you do.” Then she said: “Almighty God has inspired me with a love of amusement and novelties. As you can see, I spend each day in pleasure and enjoyment, and I allow those who accept this behaviour of mine to have what they want and to reach their goal, but those who disobey me I slap until they become blind.” I told her that I would obey her and follow her instructions, and she said: “If you are telling the truth, then don’t disobey me at all.”

‘When I said that I would not she told the girls to sing and dance, which they did. Then she told one of them: “Take my darling, the light of my eyes, dye his eyebrows and then pluck off his moustaches and bring them to me.” Using terms of endearment, she told me to go off with the girl, which I did in a state of perplexity, not knowing what she was going to do with me. The old woman was standing outside the door, and I asked her about this, but she told me that all would be well as the girl would only dye my eyebrows and remove my moustaches. “Dye on the eyebrows can be washed off,” I said, “but to pluck out the hairs of my moustache would be very painful.” She repeated: “Take care not to disobey her for you have what you want from her in that she is in love with you and her heart is yours. You will spend the rest of your life with her in the happiest of states with the most perfect pleasure.”

‘The girl sat down to dye my eyebrows but when she started to pluck my moustache I began to cry. “By your life,” the old woman conjured me, “you should be happy today for by showing endurance you will get what no one else has got.” I put up with it, and when the girl had finished she went off, leaving me in the charge of the old woman. The girl told her mistress that she had done what she had been told to do and asked if she wanted anything else. “Yes,” said the lady, “I want you to shave off his beard so that he becomes smooth-chinned, to keep me from being hurt by his rough hairs.” “My God, my God!” I exclaimed to the old woman. “I’m afraid that I shall be disgraced, and how am I going to be able to go out amongst people?” “This is good news for you,” the old woman replied, “for she only said this because she wants you not to leave her until your moustaches and your beard have grown again. This is because she loves you and can’t find any other way of stopping you leaving. So be patient, for you have got what you want.”

‘I let the girl shave me, and she brought me back to her mistress with dyed eyebrows, moustaches that had been plucked out, a shaven beard and red face and cheeks. When the lady saw me she laughed so much that she fell over on her back and said: “You have won me by your good nature.” She then told her girls to strike up all their instruments and to sing, and she urged me to get up and dance. When I did this she used all the cushions that were there in order to hit me as well as pelting me with all the oranges and lemons she could find. This went on until weariness and the blows made me fall down in a faint.

‘When I had recovered the old woman said: “She never allows anyone to take her until he has removed all his clothes and is completely naked.
She will do the same until only her harem trousers are left and then she will run from her lover as though she is trying to escape from him. He will follow her from room to room until he is fully aroused, when she will stop and give herself to him. So now take off your clothes.” I did so, and the lady stripped down to her trousers and said: “If there is anything you want, catch me.” I began to run after her as she went in and out of room after room, and I was so overpowered by lust that I was like a madman. When she got to a big room I ran in after her, crazed by lust, but I trod on a thin board which gave way beneath me, and before I knew what was happening I found myself in the middle of the tanners’ market, where the traders were with their hides.

‘When they saw me they ran after me, shouting and striking me with their hides, and they went on doing that until I collapsed unconscious. Later they put me on a donkey, naked as I was with dyed eyebrows, plucked moustaches and a shaven chin, and they took me to the city gate, where my arrival coincided with that of the police chief. When he asked what this was he was told that I had fallen the night before from the house of so-and-so the vizier in this condition. He ordered that I be taken to prison, and next day I was given a hundred lashes, mounted backwards on a donkey and expelled from the city. I made off, hiding away from people, until I met these who are now my companions. This is my story.’ The king laughed in astonishment at what he had heard.

The king then summoned the man whose lips and penis had been cut off and asked him for his story. The man said: ‘May God bring the king good fortune! I used to be one of the strongest of men, enjoying a life of ample prosperity until I lost all this and found myself relying on what I could get from others. One day I was out begging for something that would ward off my hunger when I came across a fine-looking house with a large entrance hall and a raised gate, with eunuchs and servants and a great throng of people. This was obviously a seat of authority, and I asked one of the bystanders who its owner was. The man told me that it belonged to one of the rich Barmecides, so I went up
to the gatekeepers and asked them for alms. “Go in,” they said, “and the owner will give you what you want.”

‘I entered the hall and walked along it until I came to broad steps leading to a large building, in the centre of which was the most beautiful garden that I had ever seen. The floors were covered with carpets, and curtains were hanging there. I stopped, bewildered, not knowing where to go as I couldn’t see anyone to talk to. I made my way towards a bench and discovered a large salon spread with embroidered brocade, at the top of which was a handsome man with a fine beard. I went towards him, and when he saw me he welcomed me and asked me about myself. I told him of my sorry state and said that I needed what he could give me as it was three days since I had last eaten.

‘When he heard this he showed concern and tore his clothes, saying: “Are you to starve in a city in which I live? I cannot bear that.” He made me fair promises, thanking God for having brought me to him, and telling me that I must now share his food. I told him that I could not wait as I was in desperate need of something to eat, and he called to a servant to bring a small bowl and water so that we could wash our hands, but I could see neither servant nor bowl. Then he said: “Brother, join me in washing your hands in this bowl,” and he gestured with his hand as though he was washing. Then he said: “Bring the table of food,” but there was no one and no table to be seen. He told me not to be shy and pretended to be eating. “Eat up,” he kept on telling me, “for I know how hungry you must be. Look at this beautiful white bread,” but I couldn’t see anything. I told myself that this was a man who liked to make fun of people and I said: “Yes, sir, I have never seen the like.” He told me that it had been baked by a slave girl whom he had bought for five hundred dinars. “That was cheap,” I told him, “for such a girl is beyond price.”

‘He then called out to a servant to bring the first course, a pie, telling him to put a lot of butter on it. “Brother,” he said, “have you ever seen anything more delicious than this pie with all the butter? Don’t be ashamed to eat.” Next it was stew made from fatted duck that he wanted, and he repeated his call to me to eat up without embarrassment as he knew how much I needed food. I started fiddling with my hands and moving my jaws, wondering how long this was going to go on. He kept on calling for dish after dish and earnestly urging me to eat, as he went on describing the various types of food, until he got to the roast kid, urging me to eat some of it. “I have never seen anything like it,” he
explained, calling my attention to how fat it was and saying that it had been cooked with saffron. “God bless the cook who roasted it,” I said. He then called for soup made from fatted chickens, explaining that they had been reared on pistachios. “Try it,” he told me, “for you have never tasted anything like it in your life,” and I agreed.