Tales from the Hood (24 page)

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Authors: Michael Buckley

Tags: #Children's Lit

BOOK: Tales from the Hood
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“Now, Sabrina!” Granny cried.

Sabrina opened the glass jar and reached out to the creature. It thrashed about as Daphne forced it into the jar. Once it was inside, Sabrina quickly tightened the lid and the wind vanished. She watched her sister look at the little kazoo and slip it back into her pocket. Then she turned to Red Riding Hood. The strange girl had collapsed to the ground and lay still.

“She’s hurt,” Robin Hood said, as he rushed to her side, but his concerns proved to be unwarranted. Red opened her eyes slowly and looked up into the face of Granny Relda.

“Grandmother?” she asked.

Sabrina’s heart sank. She had been wrong. She believed they could really heal the girl, and that she in turn could save Mr. Canis, but Red was just as crazy as before. The weapon had not done what she had hoped it would.

The door to the room flew open and slammed against the wall. Sabrina looked up and saw Bluebeard and Nottingham barging into the room, along with half a dozen card soldiers armed with swords.

“Sorry, Grimms!” Nottingham said. “We have to take our witness to the trial.”

One of the card soldiers dragged Red to her feet and pulled her from the room.

“I do hope you had enough time to question her,” Bluebeard said. “Though I suspect you didn’t get too many straight answers out of her.”

Nottingham and Bluebeard roared with laughter as they left the room.

“See you in court,” Bluebeard cried back over his shoulder. “The trial starts in fifteen minutes.”

 

The family rushed to the courthouse and pushed their way through the crowd at the entrance. There were no seats left and they were forced to stand in the back of the room.

Mayor Heart made her way over to the family. She had a wicked grin on her face. Her crooked yellow teeth made Sabrina’s stomach turn more than her mean-spirited comments. “Looks like today’s the day we wrap this all up, Grimms. I suspect your Wolf will meet the nooseman by this time tomorrow.”

Granny frowned as the woman walked away. “Isn’t she a delight?”

Judge Hatter entered the courtroom and made his way to the front where his desk once stood. Since he had smashed it with a sledgehammer the day before, it had been replaced with a stack of milk crates. He didn’t seem to notice. The Four of Spades called for order and announced the judge as he sat down.

“Let’s get started,” Judge Hatter said. “We can’t exactly get ended can we? No, I suppose we can’t. Can we? Or is it, may we? We may. No, we may not. Mr. Bluebeard, do you have a new witness?”

Bluebeard stood up from his desk and surveyed the crowd. He had a smug look on his face and he beamed at everyone, including Sabrina and her family. “Indeed I do. In fact, she’s our last witness. I call Little Red Riding Hood to the stand.”

The crowd fell silent as if their words were forcefully stuffed back into their mouths. The double doors in the back opened and a card soldier escorted Red to the stand. He helped her into her seat and stood nearby, watching her closely.

“Does the witness need to be watched?” Hatter asked.

The card soldier nodded. “This one is especially dangerous. She’s mentally deranged, sir.”

“Oh,” Hatter said with delight. “How exciting! What does she do? Eat people? Push people out of windows? Throw knives?”

“All of the above, I believe.”

The judge clapped like a happy child. “It’s nice to not feel so alone. Bluebeard, ask your questions.”

The lawyer approached the little girl, but even he kept a safe distance from her. When she looked up into his face he smiled, but she sat there, stone-faced and gazing around as if lost in thought.

“Precious girl,” Bluebeard started. “You have been through so much. I hate to put you through any more but we need to get to the truth. We have a . . . ahem . . . man on trial for his life, so I hope you’ll be brave and answer some questions.”

Red continued gazing about. Sabrina had seen this expression before. The little lunatic was probably having another delusion.

“Red, we’ve already established that your parents sent you to see your grandmother and asked you to take a basket of food and medicine. Do you know why they sent you?”

“Momma told me Granny was sick,” Red said.

“Your grandmother was sick? How sad. So you went through the woods following a path to her house. When you got there, what did you see?”

“A monster,” Red said.

Bluebeard smiled. “Can you point out that monster?”

Without as much as a glance, Red pointed at Mr. Canis.

“Let the record show that the child pointed at the accused,” the lawyer said, then turned his attention back to Red. “Where was your grandmother when you arrived?”

“The Wolf ate her,” Red said softly.

“That’s terrible,” Bluebeard said overdramatically. He looked as if he might burst into tears, but Sabrina knew he was acting. “I’m sure you know this, but the story of what happened has been spread far and wide. In one version you came into the house and found the Wolf hiding in your grandmother’s bed. Is that what happened?”

Red nodded.

“Why would he do that?” Bluebeard asked.

“He wanted to trick me so he could eat me, too,” Red said.

“Luckily, a woodcutter came and saved your life,” Bluebeard said as he turned to the jury. His face was pure confidence.

“No, that’s not what happened.”

Bluebeard’s face fell. He spun around to face Red once more. “I’m sorry, child. Maybe you misunderstood what I said. I was talking about the brave woodcutter who saved your life.”

Red shook her head. “I heard what you said. I said that isn’t what happened. I found the woodcutter hiding in the fields.”

“Then how did you escape the Wolf?” Bluebeard asked.

“Because he saved me from himself,” Red said, pointing at Mr. Canis.

The crowd broke into excited chatter. Hatter pounded a gavel down on the stack of milk crates. They collapsed before him. With nothing to pound on, he slammed the gavel into his own head. “Order!”

“The jury should be careful about what the witness says. She’s mentally ill,” Bluebeard said.

“Objection!” Robin Hood cried. “If her testimony can’t be trusted then why is she here? She’s either telling the whole truth or telling a whole lie.”

“Order!” Hatter demanded, slamming his head against a wall. “Mr. Bluebeard, do you have any more questions?”

Bluebeard looked frantic. “No, sir!”

Judge Hatter, however, had some of his own. “You say the creature who murdered your grandmother saved your life?”

Red nodded. “My grandmother was trying to heal me. I’ve struggled with my sanity since I was a baby. She was a witch, and she had a plan, but it blew up around her. The result was she created the Big Bad Wolf, and that poor man, the one they call Mr. Canis, was the real victim. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He didn’t mean to kill my grandmother but he couldn’t stop himself. Lucky for me, he got control over himself for a brief moment and begged me to run.”

“You say you’ve dealt with your sanity for a long time,” Hatter said. “I know crazy and you seem perfectly fine to me.”

Red scanned the crowd and found Sabrina and her family. She smiled. “I’m feeling much better.”

“Objection!” Bluebeard cried. “We are finished with this witness.”

Judge Hatter snarled at Bluebeard. “I say when a witness is ready to go.”

“It’s true that the Wolf killed my grandma, but I don’t think he could control himself. He was out of his mind. I know how that feels. I’ve done terrible things. I know it. The Wolf is dangerous but he does not deserve to die.”

“Objection!” Mayor Heart roared from her seat.

“Your honor. We rest our case,” Bluebeard said, frantically. “We’d like the jury to make its decision.”

Hatter shrugged. “Fine with me. We’ll take a one-hour break to allow the jury to decide.”

“So we don’t get to question this witness, either?” Robin Hood shouted.

“Objection!” Hatter shouted.

“I beg your pardon,” said the bewildered lawyer.

“I object,” the judge replied.

“You’re the judge. You don’t get to object,” Robin cried.

“Well I object to not being allowed to object. I find it . . . objectionable,” Hatter replied. “The court finds the Wolf not guilty!” he slammed his head with the gavel and then prepared to leave.

“Your honor!” Bluebeard cried. “The jury has to vote on whether the Wolf is guilty. You can’t do that yourself.”

“Oh, another of your silly rules,” the judge said. “Very well, I declare a recess. One hour.”

Judge Hatter got off his chair and raced through the aisle toward the double doors. Sabrina watched him pass, marveling at the fact that his neck could support his monstrous head and nose. As soon as he left, the crowd surged out behind him.

 

The family congregated at Briar Rose’s coffee shop. Briar took a break and sat with them, but not before she brought everyone fresh muffins and steaming cups of coffee. Sabrina, Puck, and Daphne were treated to chocolate milk with whipped cream on top. The princess sat next to Uncle Jake and kissed him on the cheek. Sabrina watched Briar’s fairy godmothers stew with anger.

“They’re going to turn me into a frog,” Uncle Jake said, grinning.

“Well, I won’t be the first princess in this town to date an amphibian,” Briar said.

“What do you think Canis’s chances are?” Uncle Jake asked Granny.

The old woman sipped her coffee. “Who can say? The Judge is pretty unpredictable.”

“The judge is a certifiable nutbag,” Puck said.

Granny nodded. “But he doesn’t seem to be in Mayor Heart’s pocket, either. I think they thought that having an insane person as the judge might sway things in their favor. I don’t think it’s turning out that way. He’s proving to be unpredictable for us all.”

“Maybe too unpredictable,” Sabrina said.

“I think Judge Hatter is the Scarlet Hand’s whammy,” Daphne said as she brushed whipped cream off her nose.

Just then, one of Robin Hood’s merry men came running into the coffee shop. He was out of breath and so excited he could barely speak.

“The . . . jury . . . is . . . back,” he gasped.

Everyone jumped up from their seats and followed the lawyer at a run until they got back to the courtroom. The double doors were closed and two card soldiers blocked the way.

“Court is in session. No one can enter,” the Eight of Diamonds said.

“You let me in right now, or I swear the two of you will get the shuffling of your life,” Granny said.

Befuddled, the guards stepped aside and Granny threw the doors open. Every person in the packed courtroom turned to gape at the noisy newcomers.

“Uhm, as I was saying,” Judge Hatter said. “Has the jury reached a verdict?”

The man in the black cloak stood up from his seat. He held a folded piece of paper in his hands. “We have,” he said. There was something familiar about his voice, but Sabrina couldn’t place it.

“Very good. Read your verdict,” Hatter replied.

The man cleared his throat and unfolded the paper. “We the jury find the accused guilty of murder.”

Sabrina gasped. Most of the audience cheered, though Sabrina heard some angry boos coming from their loyal friends. The noise banged against Sabrina’s eardrums like a wooden spoon on an old pot. She felt dizzy and sick to her stomach. Granny and Daphne looked no better.

“I see,” Hatter said when the crowd grew quiet. “Then I suppose we need to sentence him, and I tell you folks, I’m going to give him a full sentence. Not a sentence fragment but a whole sentence with a verb and a noun and possibly an adjective. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a conjunction in there as well. I can’t stand these judges who run around with their half-baked sentences. That’s how you get salmonella poisoning! Thus, I sentence the Wolf to death by hanging!”

The crowd leaped to its feet. Some were dancing and clapping; others laughed and howled with twisted joy. Only Sabrina, her family, Briar Rose, Snow White, and their Everafter friends were brokenhearted.

“Order! Order in the court!” Hatter cried, striking his head with his gavel again. “The Wolf will be hanged tomorrow in the center of town at noon. I believe we should make an example out of the monster. This case is over!”

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