Tales From Sea Glass Inn (32 page)

“Deliriously.” Jocelyn put her hands on
Maggie’s shoulders and held her at arm’s length. “Now stop changing the subject
and tell me what’s going on with you. You look different somehow. Have you been
on another of your adventures? What was it this time—spelunking? Swimming with
the sharks?”

“Of course not,” Maggie said. She tried to
move away but Jocelyn held her in place. “If I’d done anything like that I
would have had you waiting for me with a bottle of champagne if I survived.”

“I’m left with only one explanation,” Jocelyn
said with a smug smile. “Who is she?”

“She? There is no she.”

Jocelyn’s gaze dropped to Maggie’s neck. “Do
you have a hickey?”

Crap.
Maggie clutched her throat with her hand. She hadn’t checked herself carefully
enough in the rearview mirror of her car. “No…I mean, I think I’m allergic to
something. I’ve had these hives and—”

Jocelyn pushed her playfully. “I was kidding,
Mags. But obviously you were doing something with someone and there was a
possibility of a hickey. Tell me about her.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” Maggie said. She
walked back to the counter where she’d left her coffee and took a sip. “We
kissed, but it’s over now. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Right. So you came here, to see me. The one
person you know will be able to read you and know something’s going on. But you
don’t want to talk about it.”

Maggie paused with her cup partway to her
mouth. Joss was right, of course. Maggie could have gone directly home after
Tam dropped her off at the inn. She could have waited until she was back in
control of herself before she saw her sister. What happened between her and Tam
was a fluke—emotions were running high because of Tam’s situation and Maggie’s
own internal conflicts. They’d fallen into each other’s arms, but they had
managed to get away unscathed. Or had they?

“Start with an easy one,” Jocelyn said. “Tell
me her name.”

Maggie waved her hand. “She’s no one.”

“Okay. What you really mean is she’s someone
I know. Do you want me to start listing all the residents of Cannon Beach in
alphabetical order? I’ll see it in your face when I say the right name.”
Jocelyn headed toward the back of her store where she kept her file cabinet. Of
course there’d be a folder in there with Tam’s name on it. Could Maggie escape
before Jocelyn got to the
K
s?

“Fine. Tamsyn Kalburg.” Even saying Tam’s
name gave Maggie a prickle of delight.

“No way. The Viking goddess? Good job, Mags.”

Maggie laughed at the nickname. She hadn’t
heard it before, but it fit Tam’s strong and beautiful appearance. “I guess
we’re talking about the same woman, but don’t congratulate me on anything. We
shared one kiss, and now it’s over.”

But what a kiss it had been. Maggie wouldn’t
forget it anytime soon, if ever.

“Let me guess. You got scared and pulled
back.” Jocelyn didn’t wait for Maggie’s response. “What have we done to you?”

“We?” Maggie asked with a frown.

“Me. Gem. You’ve been afraid of life since my
illness, and Gem pushed you over the edge when she left. You’ve imploded.”

“First of all, don’t lump yourself in with
her. Yes, maybe I worry about you a little, but I’m getting better.” Maggie
couldn’t lie to Jocelyn. “Well, at least I’m trying. And Gem…well, you never
liked her. You should be glad she left.”

Jocelyn shook her head. “I’m not glad you got
hurt. But no, I didn’t think Gem was right for you. She never seemed to make
you feel cherished, and a partner should do that for you. She wanted you to
change, and you let her convince you that you aren’t good enough as you are.
Ask me, ask anyone in this town or anyone you’ve treated at the hospital.
You’re more than good enough as you are. You’re exceptional.”

Maggie turned away and stood in silence for a
few moments, staring at the books surrounding her. The main displays were for
the tourists now. Best sellers and local travel guides. Mass appeal. A veneer
of banality similar to what the rest of Cannon Beach’s stores showed on the
surface. In the background were the books that nourished the people who came to
Jocelyn’s store. So much of this community was coursing beneath the surface,
available only to those who looked deeply for it. Jocelyn fed Maggie the same
way she did her regular customers. By reaching inside her and giving her
exactly what she needed.

“Tam didn’t think I was missing anything,”
she said. On the contrary, Tam had seemed to see inside her soul and to like
what she saw there. “But it’s complicated. She’s going through some family
things…”

“Then take it slow, Mags, but don’t give up
completely.” Jocelyn came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. “You
don’t need to leap out of a plane or fly to another country to make changes.
Sometimes the small steps are the ones that eventually take you farthest.”

Maggie sighed and leaned toward Jocelyn’s
hand. She’d have to jump out of a hundred planes before she’d feel anything
close to the emotions Tam’s kiss had stirred in her. Jocelyn was right. Maggie
really had come here, subconsciously at least, for advice and comfort. Maggie
had to accept the former if she wanted the latter. She’d tried to shut out any
possibility for her and Tam to repeat today’s kiss, but she wouldn’t close the
door completely. Even the thought of another chance to touch Tam made her
terrified and exhilarated at the same time. “Sometimes the small steps are the
scariest.”

*

Tam got to the hospital two hours before her
scheduled appointment with Maggie. They hadn’t spoken in over four days, since
their glorious and heartbreaking kiss in the middle of the pond. Maggie had
been silent during the car ride back to the inn, not speaking after Tam told
her to stop with the typical breakup platitudes. Apparently, she didn’t have
anything more profound to say to Tam than
I
need my space
. Maybe the kiss hadn’t meant anything to her.

Tam couldn’t get it off her mind. Or out of
her dreams and fantasies. Her heart had raced when she’d heard Maggie’s voice
on the phone yesterday, but all she’d said was that Tam’s test results were in
and she wanted to discuss them with her.

Without wavering, Tam walked directly to her
father’s room and opened the door. He was really sleeping this time, his hands
still and his face relaxed and sagging slightly. Tam stood by the bed for a few
minutes and watched him sleep. Her life had been defined by him leaving. What
power he had had over her, even in his absence. Or, rather, because of his
absence. He looked very human to her all of a sudden. A man who was sick and
asleep.

Tam sighed and pulled the gray chair a little
closer to his bed. She sat and curled her feet beneath her, then got out her
book and started to read.

She stayed in the same position for over an
hour, turning pages with a quiet rustle, and occasionally glancing at her
father. When she looked at him the next time, his eyes were open and he was
watching her.

“He’s one of my favorite authors. Patrick
O’Brien,” he said, gesturing at her book.

Tam took her time placing a bookmark between
pages. “I’ve never read him before. Jocelyn, Maggie’s sister, recommended it to
me when I went to her bookstore.”

“Ah, the Book Witch,” he said with a weak
smile. He leaned his head back on the pillow. “That’s her nickname around here,
because she always seems to know exactly the right title to recommend. She’s
the one who got me reading him in the first place.”

Like father, like daughter. Would the
similarities never end? “Why’d you come back here?” she asked. “You left when I
was here and came back when I wasn’t. I think I’ll have to take it personally.”

“Not you. Your mother. It was never about
you.”

Tam opened her mouth to respond, but shut it
again. She’d never really thought about their marriage beyond how it affected
her. When he’d initially left, she’d been too young to see them as individuals
and not just her parents, and the pattern of thinking had stuck. It didn’t
excuse him, but she felt an odd sensation of stepping off center stage for a
brief moment. Her parents’ lives would probably have played out the same way
whether or not she’d been born. Remembering their fights, sending herself back
in time as an observer and not the star, was an interesting experience.

“You’re a lot like her, you know,” her father
said.

Tam laughed without humor. “Again, I’ll take
that personally. You just said you couldn’t be in the same town with her.”

Markus waved his hand. “We weren’t good for
each other. We learned that soon after we got married and had you, but we tried
to make it work. By the end, we couldn’t be in the same state, let alone city.
But I’ll always love her, just like I love you. You should have seen her when
we first met. Feisty and smart. She had the same way of arching her eyebrow,
just like you do, when she was about to say something sarcastic. You take after
me more, though.”

Tam was wondering whether she’d ever in her
life heard her father say so many words at once, but his last sentence jarred
her because she’d been thinking the same thing, in a negative way. “I know I
do. I’m a roamer, never satisfied to stay in one place. I’m incapable of maintaining
relationships and I only think of myself.”

“Oh, Tamsyn. Don’t imitate my mistakes.
You’re better than that.”

Tam’s voice rose and she struggled to keep it
from disturbing anyone beyond this room. “Am I? I don’t think so. You can’t
beat genetics.” She stood, ready to leave. She didn’t want to wait around until
Maggie came in and said her liver was the perfect match. Her father held out a
hand to stop her. She didn’t touch him, but she stayed.

“Do you want to know what parts of myself I
see in you? You love books and nature, and you probably spend most of your time
alone. You’re not a roamer. You’re an explorer, an adventurer. And when the
right person comes along, you’ll be more capable of love and loyalty than you
ever dreamed possible.”

Tam frowned. The last sentence sounded
personal—for her father, not for her. Of course he had found someone else
during those three decades, but Tam had assumed he’d had numerous companions,
not someone special. The image of him with another family constricted her throat
until she could barely breathe, let alone rasp out the questions tumbling
through her mind. Where was this mystery woman? Had she died or left or been
abandoned like Tam and her mother? And God forbid, did Tam have siblings? The
questions might be answered at some point, but right now Tam could only manage
to ask a simple one. “Who was she?”

Markus shook his head and looked away. “I’ll
tell you about her sometime, if you really want to hear. I wish I’d had that
kind of relationship with your mother, but I didn’t. And when she found out I
was with someone new, she told me never to come back. I should have tried
harder to see you.”

Tam sighed and sat at the foot of the bed, as
weary as her father sounded. “Yes, you should have,” she said, but the venom was
gone from her voice.

Maggie tapped on the door. “Am I
interrupting?”

Tam got to her feet and looked at Maggie. Her
face was pale, making her freckles stand out more than usual, and her usually
bright smile was dimmed. Had the past four days been hard on her, too?

“No. We were just talking,” Tam said.

Maggie looked from her to her father and
grinned with more of her usual cheerfulness. “Good to hear. I’m going to steal
you away for just a moment, Tam. Then we can come back here and chat.”

Tam followed her out the door, unsure where
the conversation would lead. Once they were in Maggie’s office again, she
didn’t keep Tam waiting any longer.

“You’re a good match, Tam. The surgeon in
Portland believes the chance of a successful transplant is quite high. I wanted
to tell you in private, to let you think about what you want to do now. This is
your medical information, and I’ll only share it with your dad if you say I
can.”

“What’s the next step? Provided I say yes, of
course.”

“You’ll need to go to Portland for a
procedure to map your liver’s blood vessels. They’ll most likely do another CT
scan as well. Things get more invasive from this point forward, and I think it
might be best if you make your decision now, before proceeding.”

Tam was silent, and Maggie came around her
desk again. Just like the first time they’d met in this office, Maggie stood
close enough to touch.

“I’ll give you as much time as you need to
think this through, Tam. I just want to add that I think you’re very brave to
have come this far. I know none of this has been easy for you, and I admire
what you’ve done. I think you’re an amazing person.” Maggie’s voice snagged on
the last sentence, but she cleared her throat and stood upright. “I can let you
have some privacy.”

Tam stood as well. She didn’t need any more
time to think about her decision. She had to make the choice she could live
with forever, regardless of the outcome.

“You can tell him I’m a match,” she said.
“And I guess I’ll go back to the inn and pack for a trip to the city.”

Maggie’s hug nearly knocked the breath out of
her. Tam barely had time to squeeze her in return before Maggie moved away and
disappeared out the door.

*

Tam haphazardly threw some clothes and
toiletries into a canvas bag. She would only be in Portland for a few nights,
and she had a feeling she’d be wearing a hospital gown for most of her stay.
Besides, she already had tons of emotional baggage packed and ready to go
wherever she went. She’d have plenty of downtime to unpack it and dwell on
every aspect of her relationship with her father over the next week.

She zipped the suitcase shut and went
outside. She walked past the studio and waved at Aspen, who was working on a
new, life-sized sculpture. Aspen returned the wave with a clay-covered hand and
a happy smile on her face. Tam wished she had some sort of outlet for her
emotions. She’d like to sculpt her pain and emotional upheaval away like Aspen,
or write it out like Ari. She didn’t even have anyone to talk to about the
uncertainty she felt inside.