Taking Heart (17 page)

Dylan's hands slid over her back to pull her against his chest, her breasts pressed against him. He slid one strap of her bra off her shoulder, and his teeth grazed over her flesh. She whimpered in thrilling agony. As he unclasped the wisp of material, her hands slid down his back to lightly drag her nails over his rounded buttocks, and he growled against her neck. The vibration of his breath against her skin paired with the shadow of beard growth on his jaw made her shake with need, and she pulled him backward toward the bed, dropping the rest of her clothing along the way.

Laying her on the mattress, Dylan stretched out beside her, his finger trailing between her breasts to her stomach. “You are so beautiful. So much more than I deserve.”

His words broke her heart. Didn't he understand how amazing he was? How honorable? He saw failures where she only saw strength. He saw himself as lacking where she saw him as overflowing with goodness.

And she had no idea how to prove to him that he was more than an injured soldier. He was a loyal friend, a devoted brother, a tender lover, a hero. He was the most amazing man she had ever known, and he didn't see it. Telling him proved nothing. She could only show him how she felt.

Julia pushed Dylan so he lay flat on the bed, and straddled his hips. “Why can't you see what I see?” Her hair fell around their faces like a curtain, forcing him to focus on her eyes. “Why can't you believe me when I tell you how incredible you are?”

She leaned closer, her lips brushing against his. “Why won't you quit fighting against the truth and accept what everyone else sees in you?”

Julia rose over him and slid down his length. A hiss of pleasure slipped past his lips, and he arched beneath her. Pure pleasure, white hot and electrifying, shot through her, and she bit her lip to contain it. Dylan's fingers dug into the curve of her hips as he tried to hold her still. Ignoring him, she slowly moved against him again.

He lifted her slightly and thrust into her. It was too much. She wanted to hold back, to let him find ecstasy with her, but her body wouldn't wait. Her release came with the force of an explosion, shattering her as she clung to him.

She opened her eyes and found him staring at her. “I love you, Dylan.”

He slowed himself, drawing out her release as she trembled. When she could take no more, he held her against him, with her head tucked in his neck. His hand trailed over her back, making her shiver. He groaned, his body reacting within her, still connected.

“Don't move yet,” he warned.

“But—”

His fingertips brushed over the curve of her breast against his chest. “We've only begun,” he promised. “Unless you move again.” A smile lifted the corner of his lips as he ducked his chin to look at her. The smile on his lips made her heart soar. “I love you, Julia Hart.” He brushed her hair back from her face and cupped his fingers around the back of her head, his tongue sneaking between her lips to warm every limb again.

The simple touch was enough to ignite her body again. He groaned against her mouth and rolled so she lay beneath him, and he moved deeper into her. Julia clutched his back, the muscles beneath her fingers rippling.

“Dylan,” she whispered against his lips. “Please.”

She felt the change in him as he plunged into her. Whatever self-control he'd possessed disappeared as she rocked with him, his hands caressing her body into a frenzy of hunger. She felt her body shatter again as he captured her mouth, her name a prayer on his lips and a lifeline to her soul.

D
YLAN WOKE BEFORE
light broke into the bedroom and snuck out of the bed, barely jostling Tango, who was sprawled upside down over Julia's feet.

How in the world does that dog protect her against anything?

As if reading his mind, Tango opened an eye and winked at him. Dylan shook his head at the animal, wondering if he wasn't a police officer reincarnated. He slipped on a pair of sweats and snuck out of the room, shutting the door behind Roscoe. He rubbed a hand over his head and made his way to the kitchen, praying Chase had a fresh pot of coffee on. How in the world had his life become this chaotic twist of abnormal routine? When he'd come out here, it had been to gain a service dog and eventually his freedom. Instead, he'd found friends, a purpose, and a passion he hadn't ever expected in his future. The problem now was that he wasn't sure it would last.

“Hey,” Chase greeted him as he walked into the kitchen. Gracie looked up at Roscoe before laying her muzzle back onto her paws. “Just started a fresh pot.”

“Thanks.” Dylan grabbed a clean mug from the cupboard and yawned.

“You know, you don't have to do this.”

Dylan turned slowly. If Chase was suggesting he leave Julia to deal with Evan alone, he might put his fist into Chase's face now.

“Get up early each morning,” he clarified. “I can handle it. You can stay with her.”

Dylan felt ashamed for assuming the worst about the man. “I'm not going to leave you to handle it alone.”

“You're a better man than I am. I wouldn't want to leave her.”

Dylan arched his brows skyward in surprise as jealousy twisted in his gut. “Is there something you want to tell me? Do you have a thing for Julia?”

“What?” Chase frowned for a moment before he chuckled. “No. That's not what I meant. Well, at least, not about Julia. I just meant I wouldn't want to leave a woman I was in love with to sit in here and sip coffee with a grouchy cop.”

Dylan clenched his jaw, unconvinced. “Sure.”

“Chill out, Dylan. You haven't been around long enough to know Chase here is head over heels for Bailey, but she won't give him the time of day.” Justin came through the back door and let it slam shut behind him. “No breakfast?” He looked around the kitchen.

“Your sister is still sleeping.”

Justin sighed loudly and glared at Dylan. “Between you and Nathan, I'm losing my sisters. They used to cook me breakfast every day.”

“Aw, you poor thing, you might have to learn to cook for yourself like the rest of us bachelors who don't have sisters,” Chase teased.

Dylan watched the pair razz each other as only old friends could. He missed the camaraderie of friendships like these, like the ones he'd had in the military.

“So, what are your plans once this is all over, Dylan? You going to look for a place here? Because I don't see Julia moving anywhere.” Justin sipped his coffee before opening the refrigerator and grabbing eggs, sliding the container onto the sink.

“I think the fire department is looking for some guys who have their EMT certification. I could put you in touch with Craig,” Chase offered.

Justin reached for the bacon, pausing when Dylan still didn't answer. “You are planning on staying, aren't you?”

Dylan felt as if he'd just been led in front of the firing squad. He and Julia hadn't even talked about what would come next. He had no idea what the future held for either of them. Both men stared at him, expecting him to agree that he would just find a job here and stay with Julia; but he couldn't promise that yet. He hadn't held a job since he'd left the military. Sure, he'd been medically retired, but he'd never thought of that as permanent. He couldn't work until he was off of his medications completely. He couldn't live off Julia's charity. He needed to feel he was contributing, and until he did, he couldn't make a commitment to anyone. Until he brought something worthwhile to the table for Julia, his was a solitary future.

The vision of Julia hovering over him last night filled his mind. She offered him all of her; she believed in him and their future together. But it wasn't enough. He had to believe it, too.

Roscoe sat at his feet and pawed at his leg. Dylan knew the dog was sensing his anxiety over a simple question. “Excuse me,” he muttered and hurried out the back door with the dog at his side.

He knew Justin and Chase must be wondering what sort of freak he was, but Justin dredged up too many questions he didn't have answers to. Questions he needed to answer.

Dylan sat on the back stoop and slipped his cell phone from his pocket, scrolling through his contacts until he saw his therapist's office number. His finger hovered over the call button. If he called him, he was going to have to tell him everything that had happened since getting on the plane. He set the phone down as Roscoe laid his head on Dylan's thigh. He ran a hand over the dog's head.

“You don't want to go, do you, boy?” Roscoe simply lifted one brow and blinked. “Me neither.”

“Then don't.” Gage sat down on the stoop beside his brother. “I don't think Julia would ask you to.”

“I can't be what she needs.” He shook his head and looked down at the dog, avoiding his brother's piercing gaze. “I can't do this.”

“Which is what, Dylan?”

“Be a husband, a father, the house with the white picket fence. You know, the fantasy every woman has.”

Gage chuckled and shook his head. “Have you met Julia?” Dylan glared at him. “Take a look around. I'm pretty sure she already has the house. As far as the rest, isn't that exactly what you want someday? Have you even asked her what she wants?”

“I can't even get through a day without medication. What kind of husband and father would that make me? When I get stressed out, I don't want anything to do with people.”

“Not since you got here,” Gage pointed out. “And you are not Dad,” he said quietly. “Is that what you're afraid of? Turning into Dad?”

“I'm already turning into him.” Dylan couldn't hide the defeat in his voice.

“Dylan, the issue with the pills wasn't entirely your fault, and you're past that. You are
the
most responsible man I've ever known. You took care of me and Mom, even when you should have been taking care of yourself. You took care of every man in your unit for years. You're taking care of a woman you barely know.”

Dylan looked at his brother. “I know her.”

“You know what I mean,” Gage clarified. “You take care of everyone.”

“I got two men killed.” His guilt surrounded him, choking him.

“No, you didn't. Those two men were killed during a mission.” Dylan looked at him. Gage had a way of getting straight to the point. He was almost painfully blunt. “You did everything you could to save them. That wasn't your fault. You aren't a superhero, Dylan.”

He looked down at Roscoe. His brother wasn't saying anything he hadn't already heard from his therapist for the past year. He wasn't to blame for the raid, the mistakes his unit made, trying to carry his fallen brother back. Had he made it where the rest of his unit had hunkered to wait, all three of them would have been killed when the missile hit. It didn't change the guilt he shouldered that a husband and father was dead, another medic who'd stayed behind to help him—both gone forever because he hadn't been able to save either of them. Two families were without men they needed because of Dylan. What right did he have to a future when they were without? He gripped his knees, his hands wanting to clench into fists, even as he fought the urge to allow the rage to flow through him, to put his fist through a wall.

“I need to be alone.”

“This is where this conversation always ends up, Dylan.” Gage shook his head. “Why can't you stop fighting the truth and accept it?”

Dylan heard Julia's words from the night before echo in his brother's comment. How could they both be so mistaken?

Were they mistaken?

“Do you want me to get your medication?” Gage stood up as Roscoe nudged Dylan's hands insistently.

“No.” He was tired of relying on the drugs to help him function. It was just one more sign that he wasn't whole. He took a deep breath, but the rage wouldn't quite loosen its hold on him. Roscoe shoved his nose under Dylan's arms and pressed his snout under his chin, bumping him harder, knocking his head backward slightly. It was enough to force him to focus on the dog. He opened his hand and Roscoe slid his head under Dylan's palm. He made up his mind that he was going to call his doctor and get off of them. It was going to take time, but it was a step toward becoming the man Julia believed him to be.

“No, I'm okay.” He took another deep breath and looked up at Gage as Roscoe lolled his tongue out, appearing to smile. “I'm good.”

Gage stared at him for a moment, still unsure, before a smile widened over his face. “Yeah, you are. At least, you will be.”

E
VAN HAD DISAPPEARED
from the face of the earth. At least, that was the way it seemed. For the past two days, Julia had ventured outside only to help Chase and Dylan train the dogs. She was able to bring a few of the other dogs out for a little training in a group, but nothing like she usually would, and it was wearing on her nerves. It wasn't fair to her dogs to be cooped up so long, but she just couldn't bring herself to take the risk. She knew Evan wanted her in this position: fearful, confined to a single area under his watch. Several times during the day she felt as if there were unseen eyes watching her, but Chase and Dylan had both assured her that they'd gone over the property with a fine-tooth comb and found no signs of Evan.

She knew they needed to leave the property again in order to properly train the dogs, but after the incident in the grocery store, she was sure Evan would be waiting for her somewhere else. Being cooped up was starting to make her irritable, and she'd snapped at her brother again this morning when he showed up for breakfast. Paranoia was beginning to set in, and she wondered if she shouldn't just call an end to this madness.

Dylan seemed to understand her fear and would hold her through it when she would break down in tears in the middle of the night. He was there when she woke from multiple nightmares, something she hadn't experienced for years, until Evan's return. Dylan seemed to know she didn't need him to psychoanalyze her or try to convince her that there was nothing to be afraid of. He simply held her, letting her release the tears and terror against his broad chest.

The only time she was able to forget the insanity that had become her daily life was when Dylan touched her, as they made love. In his arms, she lived in the present. His hands made her soar, away from deranged ex-boyfriends, beyond overprotective siblings, hidden from self-doubt, if only for a short time. But each morning, reality came crashing in just before sunrise when Dylan rose to relieve Chase. It had to stop. It was a dangerous version of
Groundhog Day
, and she was finished with her role in it.

“We're taking the dogs into town today,” she announced as she walked into the kitchen.

All four men seated around her kitchen table looked up at her in surprise. Justin was the first to speak. “I'm not sure that's a good—”

“I don't care.” She crossed her arms and raised a brow, daring anyone else to argue. “I'm done hiding in this house. We're making ourselves sitting ducks here. I'm not a victim any longer, and I'm tired of acting like one.”

Dylan's mouth lifted at one corner. “You sure?”

She returned the smile. “Being stuck with you four is making me crazy. I'm sick of the testosterone overload in this house. Right, Gracie?” The shepherd lifted her head and cocked it sideways.

“Road trip,” Gage yelled. “Dibs on the guest shower.” He pointed at Chase. “You used all the hot water last time.”

He raised his hands. “That wasn't me.” He shifted his eyes to Dylan before glancing at Julia. A blush flooded her cheeks as she recalled the shower the two of them had taken together the morning before.

“Ew!” Justin dropped his fork onto his empty plate. “I'm glad I ate before you decided to ruin my appetite, Chase. Thanks.” He glared at Dylan. “That's the last thing I want to think about over my breakfast. Or ever.”

“Maybe you should eat breakfast at home then,” Julia offered.

“Look who's feeling feisty this morning.” Chase laughed, smacking Justin's arm, and put his own dishes into the sink. “Little sister just told you.”

Julia cleared her throat. “Do I look like your maid? Dishwasher,” she warned, pointing at the sink before walking out the back door to feed the dogs in the kennel. Dylan followed her with Roscoe and Tango running ahead.

“You okay?”

“Fine, why?”

“You seem a little on edge.” He moved behind her and wound his arms around her waist, walking in step behind her. His lips moved against the shell of her ear, sending a warm shiver of desire between her thighs. What was it about this man that turned her into a puddle of quivering Jell-O when he was near?

She tipped her head to one side, giving him access to her neck and sighing as his lips caressed her. “I'm tired of running and hiding.”

His hand slid under the hem of her shirtfront, his fingers teasing her bared flesh. “Okay.”

“I'm tired of being afraid. I want to control my own life again.” Dylan turned her to face him at the door of the kennel and held her against it, looking into her eyes, searching them for something. “I guess I just have a touch of cabin fever.”

“You know what they say about fevers, right?” He dipped his head and nipped at the corner of her mouth.

“That you're supposed to starve a fever?”

He lifted his head and looked confused. “I thought you were supposed to sweat with a fever.”