Take What You Want (29 page)

“
Us.
Tell me what you want; what you feel,” Chase said.

Alex
smiled slowly. “Meeting you surprised me, Chase. I did not
expect to have
this
with you.”

“
Explain
that for me,” Chase said. “I need to know what's really
going on here. Is this a summertime fling for you or what?”

“
Defining
how I feel is dangerous,” Alex said. “But, for me this
is not a fling.”

“
Why
is it dangerous?” Chase asked.

“
Because
it exposes me in a way I'm not comfortable doing right now,”
Alex said.

Chase
rubbed at his forehead. “I need to know where I stand, Alex.
Knowing where your head is at will help me figure this out.”

Alex
sat back in his seat and pushed his wet hair behind his ears. The
earrings in both lobes sparkled in the fading sunlight. “You
want to know how I feel? Fine. I'm not interested in a
fling
with
you, nor do I have the stomach to play
third
to you and Danni when the mood suits your fancy. My feelings for you
are too strong for that kind of mindless bullshit, Chase, and
admitting how deep I am with you at this point … scares the
crap out of me. How's that for honesty.”

A long moment passed. Chase
toyed with a string on the edge of his towel; a nervous twitch made
his leg dance.

“
I
like your honesty and I'm relieved to hear this is more than a
hook-up for you,” Chase said. “It's exactly how I feel.”

“
What
do you want from me?” Alex asked in a softer, uncertain tone.

“
What
I want and what I can have may be two different things,” Chase
said.

Alex leaned over to Chase
and took the hand from his lap. “Tell me anyway.”

Chase
watched the stroking pattern of Alex's fingers on the back of his
hand. “I want you and I want Danni. Together. In one of
those tripod things you talked about a while back.”

“
You
want a three-way.”

“
Relationship,”
Chase added. “Remember, no flings. Do you think that'd be
something you'd consider with me and Danni?”

Alex dropped Chase's hand
and slid back in his chair. “Do you fully understand what it
is you're suggesting?”

“
I'm
well aware of the dynamic involved in a menage,” Chase said.

“
Have
you run this by Danni?”

“
No,
not yet,” Chase said. “I figured it'd be best to ask you
first. If you're not interested, then it makes no sense for me to
discuss it with Danni.”

Alex was quiet for several
seconds. He pushed the chicken around on his plate with his fork and
emptied his beer bottle, then pulled two more cold bottles from the
cooler. He popped the tops off both bottles and set one on the table
in front of Chase.

“
I
think I explained the tripods I've been a part of, Chase. Are you
sure that's what you'd want?”

“
I
don't want to lose Danni and I don't want to lose you,” Chase
said. “I suppose it's selfish of me, but I want you both in my
life and in my bed. That's about as honest as I can get.”

“
You
want us to fuck in front of Danni,” Alex said. The raw usage
of his words was purposeful. He wanted to make sure Chase knew
exactly what he was suggesting. “Or watch me pleasure your
woman in front of you, is that what you want, because that's what a
full-blown menage relationship is, Chase. All three of us being
intimate, and we'd be living in every sense of the word as a
three-way partnership.”

Chase nodded slowly and
drank from his beer. “The visual I had is a little different
than that,” he said.

“
I
thought as much,” Alex said, his tone reflecting a bit of
sarcasm.

“
I
was thinking you and I would pleasure Danni
together
,
as you'd both do to me, and likewise Danni and I with you. Together.
The three of us.”

Alex tried to keep the
surprise out of his expression, but he couldn't deny how much Chase's
statements had done just that. Chase had obviously given this a lot
of thought. Even still, Alex wanted to be certain Chase had a
realistic picture of what it would be like, and chances are it would
be nothing like the beautiful fantasy he'd concocted in his head.

“
You
do realize this type of relationship goes way beyond the physical,
right?” Alex asked. “It's far from being just the fun
and games of having threesome sex.”

“
I
get that, Alex, really I do.”

“
In
some ways, this kind of relationship has a
lot
more to do with the emotional intimacy, than the physical. Are you
prepared for that and how deep those feeling can and will go –
between all three of us?”

Chase touched Alex on the
thigh and squeezed the muscle. “I'd want and expect that, Alex
– all of it.” Chase watched Alex shake his head. “Why
are you deliberately trying to change my mind?”

“
That's
not what I'm doing, Chase. I'm making sure you have the full picture
of what a menage relationship really is. Every emotion you've ever
felt being part of a couple, you have to multiply by three, and that
means even the bad shit that can – and will happen.”

“
I
understand all that, Alex,” Chase said.

“
Why
me?” Alex asked. “I'm the first guy you've been with.
Why would you immediately want to jump into that kind of
relationship? Don't you want to explore your newly discovered bi
side?”

“
Those
are all good questions,” Chase said.

Alex
leaned forward, resting his elbows on the glass tabletop. “I'm
glad you agree, because I'd really like to hear your answers.”

Chase dropped his gaze to
his lap. How could he explain this and have it make sense. He
wasn't sure he understood it himself. He only knew what he felt and
that was it. To Chase, it was never about hooking up with lots of
different guys. If that had been the case, he'd probably have gone
through his whole life without acting on his attraction to men and
jerking-off while watching gay porn on the internet instead. From
the day he met Alex, it was always about the feelings that came along
with the closeness to the man; the freedom Chase felt being with
Alex, and the intimacy.

“
I
doubt I'd feel the connection I feel with you with another guy,”
Chase said with quiet resolve. “We've already established
neither of us is looking for a fling. I want a guy willing to make a
commitment with both me
and
Danni. Without that, I don't think Danni would be interested and I'm
not willing to do anything that would jeopardize the commitment I
made with her.”

“
And,
you think I'm that guy?” Alex asked.

Chase lifted his gaze and
locked on to Alex's green eyes. “That's what it feels like to
me,” Chase said. “Am I wrong about that?”

Alex shook his head. “I
told you the other night I was right there with you and I meant it.
Am I surprised to hear myself admit that? Fuck, yeah! I've been
through hell these last few years and moved here with the intention
of clearing out my head and rejuvenating my soul. Then you came
along and filled me with all this positive energy. Now it feels like
I'm free-falling again without a safety net.”

“
I
hear where you're coming from, Alex, and I can assure you I didn't
expect I'd ever meet someone like you.” Chase rubbed at the
stubble on his chin and continued, “So much of this makes no
sense to me. The logistics of your job alone tell me this is a crazy
idea, but I can't let an opportunity like this pass without asking.
I'm sorry. I wasn't intending to make this a long-winded
explanation, but, assuming Danni is on board, is a tripod
relationship something you'd consider – with us?"

“
Yes.”
Alex couldn't stop that one simple word from spilling out of his
mouth. That one word could change his world for the better or ruin
it all together, and God help him, because he willing to take that
chance to be with Chase. What the hell are you doing, a voice
screamed inside his head. He'd probably burn in hell for this in the
end.

“
You
answered that pretty quick,” Chase said.

“
If
there's a chance to keep you in my life, I want it,” Alex said.
“No guarantees it's gonna work, Chase, but I'd like to give it
a shot.”

“
Good,”
Chase said and smiled. “Now, all I have to do is get Danni on
board with this.”

“
That's
where the real problems are gonna come from, Chase. This won't work
unless Danni and I can form a bond like you and I have done. You
understand that, right?”

“
Yeah,
I know, and I'll do what I can to help it happen,” Chase said.

“
I've
said this before, but, this can't feel forced for her – or for
me,” Alex said. “It needs to feel organic, like it would
have happened if we'd met by chance all at the same time.”

“
I
get it,” Chase said. “Really, I do.”

Alex stretched in his chair.
“In some ways, I already feel like I know Danni from hearing
you talk about her, but she knows nothing about me and that worries
me. There's a very good chance she won't like me, and if that's the
case, I'll have to walk away. Will you be okay if that happens?”

Chase rubbed at his forehead
and sighed. “I don't like the idea of you walking away.”

“
I
don't want to do that, either,” Alex said. “But, this
isn't just about us, it's about, Danni, too, and we have to consider
her feelings as much as our own. In some ways her feelings matter
more in this equation than our emotions do, because our connection
has already been established. Am I making sense with this?”

Chase's eyes widened.
Alex's words were powerful. They cut into him and filled him with

so
much emotion it started to hurt his chest. “I'm sorry we have
to keep going over this, but it helps every time we talk about it.”

“
This
is a subject that
needs
to be discussed over and over until we all feel comfortable with what
we're doing,” Alex said. “I would expect nothing less,
Chase.”

Alex waited while Chase
digested his words, then leaned closer; offering a comforting smile.
“Now, tell me about Jayson. Where do things stand with him?”

“
You're
right, he did sense there was something going on between us,”
Chase said. He lifted his beer to his lips and took a long drink.
“His first concern was whether or not Danni knew. That pissed
me off, because what he was implying made me out to be a cheating
bastard. Then he said he couldn't believe he'd missed the signs I
was into dudes before now, like that somehow mattered to our
friendship.”

“
I'm
sorry,” Alex said on a sigh. “But you will find news
like that will turn away people you thought were life-long friends.
Some guys have a hard time dealing with it, while others don't seem
to give a shit.”

“
I
anticipated some of my friends might freak when they heard, but
Jayson wasn't in that group,” Chase said. “He, out of
all of them, know me the best and I thought would be the least
judgmental. I guess I was wrong.”