Take One Arranged Marriage… (12 page)

‘Something came up,’ Tara replied, hoping her nose wouldn’t grow longer by the end of the evening.

‘Right,’ Lisa said sarcastically, and then leaned across to grab Tara’s hand with a remorseful look on her face. ‘I’m so sorry, Tara. It must be horrible for you to be caught in the middle like this.’

‘Yes, it is,’ Tara said baldly. ‘Let’s talk about something else, if you don’t mind. Tell me more about Kunal. I’ve met him, but I hardly know anything about him.’

Lisa’s face blossomed into a smile. ‘He’s wonderful,’ she said. ‘I met him at Vikram’s
house … your house, I mean. But that was before you married Vikram. He’d come over to drop some files off and he offered me a lift home—his flat is quite near mine. Then we ran into each other by accident a couple of times, and he asked me out. I told him about Vijay, and that I didn’t date any more, and he was so wonderfully understanding about it all …’

Smart man, Tara felt like saying, but resolutely kept her mouth shut.

‘We became really close. I didn’t have too many friends at that time, and I thought Vikram deserved a break from me weeping all over him at every opportunity.’ Her mouth twisted in a wry smile. ‘I told you I handled myself very badly after Vijay died, and Vikram was the only one around to help. I didn’t even think of Kunal as anything more than a friend initially, but we got closer, and when he asked me to marry him I said yes.’ Her large golden eyes looked at Tara beseechingly. ‘I haven’t forgotten Vijay. I never will. It’s not like Kunal is a replacement for him. But I was so unhappy, and I do love Kunal—only not the same way—or as much as I loved Vijay.’

‘I understand,’ Tara said, leaning over the table and patting Lisa’s hand. ‘And I’m sure Vikram will as well, eventually.’ Only she
wasn’t so sure. Vikram seemed to be completely set against Kunal—it probably made things awkward between the two of them at work, too, an angle which had only just occurred to her.

‘There’s Kunal,’ Lisa said, her face brightening as she looked up.

Tara looked up as well, and smiled at the stocky young man walking into the coffee shop. Lisa and Kunal were a study in contrasts, she thought. Lisa was tall, slim and ethereal-looking. Kunal seemed to have both feet planted firmly on the ground at all points in time. He was also a very shrewd lawyer, going by what she’d heard from Lillian, and he had none of Lisa’s rather impractical approach to life. Tara had met him only once earlier, but she’d liked him.

‘Happy Holi, people,’ Kunal said, kissing Lisa on the top of her head and dropping into the chair next to her. ‘Hey, Tara, good to see you again.’

Tara smiled at him. ‘Hi, Kunal,’ she said. ‘Coffee?’

He shook his head. ‘None for me—if you guys are done, shall we move to the restaurant? I booked a table for eight-thirty, and Vikram’s joining us directly there.’

‘I thought he wasn’t coming?’ Lisa asked, looking from Tara to Kunal.

‘I just spoke to him,’ Kunal said. ‘His meeting was over earlier than planned, so he said he’d be able to make it.’

Lisa’s face lit up, and Tara was struck again by how beautiful she was. ‘I’m so happy,’ she said, turning impulsively to Tara. ‘It’s been ages since I’ve seen Vikram.’

Tara didn’t say anything, just squeezed Lisa’s arm as they got up from the table, hoping her face didn’t betray quite how confused she felt. The least Vikram could have done was to have given her a heads-up, she thought, all her carefully suppressed hurt and frustration bubbling over. For a minute she seriously considered dropping out of dinner herself—saying she felt ill or something and going home. But that would only let two other people know that she and Vikram had problems—it wouldn’t improve matters between them.

The restaurant Kunal had chosen was inside a large mall, and Tara grimaced inwardly. She found malls a little too soulless herself, and she knew Vikram hated them like poison.

‘A herd of buffaloes around a watering hole is more civilised than the crowd in a mall,’ he’d told her once, making her giggle. ‘It’s very difficult
to retain any respect for the human race after you see a dozen people clambering over each other to get at the last two pieces of clothing in a discount sale.’

Luckily there were no sales on today, and even the mall was relatively empty for a Saturday evening.

Vikram was already at the restaurant, and he stood up as they came in. Tara heard her phone ping, and she pulled it out to see a message from Vikram—he must have hit the ‘send’ button the second he saw her.

I’m sorry about this afternoon
, Tara read.
I was rude and unreasonable. Forgive me?

She looked up and met Vikram’s eyes. Lisa had already run across the room to hug him exuberantly, and he hugged her back without taking his eyes off Tara. He didn’t look repentant in the least, Tara thought, a fresh wave of misery sweeping over her. Whatever had made him change his mind about meeting Lisa and Kunal had nothing to do with her—his apology was probably just to make sure that she didn’t create a scene in public. Vikram was shaking hands with Kunal now, and saying something about a recent cricket match. No one would have guessed that a few hours ago he’d been saying he didn’t want to spend
more than a minute in Kunal’s company unless strictly necessary.

‘I’ll just quickly visit the restroom,’ Tara muttered, and scuttled out of the restaurant before she said or did something that betrayed her agitation. Once outside, she located the nearest washroom and darted in, locked herself into an empty stall and buried her face in her hands.

Her phone pinged again.

You OK?
the message said.

With trembling fingers, Tara typed back,
Yes. Why are you here? You said you wouldn’t come
.

The reply came back a few seconds later.
You were right—I put you in an awkward situation. Trying to set it right
.

You’re like one of those all-weather A/C ads on TV. Blow hot, blow cold
. Tara typed back.

His admission had made her feel a lot better, but she was still wary of betraying too much of her own feelings in her answers. She stared at the phone for a minute before it pinged again.

Should I order for you?
it said.

Tara felt so absurdly let down she almost burst into tears. She was about to type out a reply when the phone pinged again.

Have a request—can we keep off discussing
Vijay or Lisa after this? Only causes trouble between us
.

I’ll be back in a minute
, Tara texted in reply to his first message, and stepped out of the stall.

Her cheeks were burning, and she dipped her hands in cold water from the tap and held them against her face. Nothing had changed. Vikram was just drawing the lines between them a little more clearly—this time he was even documenting what she was allowed to talk about and what she wasn’t.

She realised that she was muttering to herself when a teenage girl who’d just entered the washroom gave her an odd look. Tara clamped her lips together immediately and surveyed her face in the mirror. Her face was slightly flushed, and her eyes more glittery than normal, but otherwise she looked OK. She took a tube of lipgloss out of her purse and applied some in the hope that the shimmery colour would draw attention away from her eyes.

Tara plastered her brightest smile on her face as she rejoined the others. Lisa was laughing at something Vikram had just said, and Vikram barely looked at her as she slid onto the sofa next to him—though he put an arm around her and pulled her close. She stayed
very still in his embrace, breathing in the scent of his cologne and suppressing an urge to press herself against his warm, hard body. There was no help for it, she thought as she tried to read the menu a waiter had set in front of her. She couldn’t prevent herself from being in love with him, and she’d have to figure out a way of dealing with the fact that he had only the most casual feelings for her.

Vikram shot Tara a quick glance. He’d been tortured with regrets after he’d driven off, leaving Tara at the gate of their home. Even while he’d been speaking he’d been conscious of being unfair to her, but he’d been so angry he hadn’t been able to control what he said. It had taken him a lot of soul-searching to decide to come and meet Lisa and Kunal. Contrary to what Tara thought, he was there only because he felt he owed it to
her
. And now that he was here it shouldn’t be so difficult. All he needed to do was to shut all thoughts of Vijay out of his head and concentrate on the here and now.

He managed to stick to his resolution till halfway through the meal, keeping the conversation as light and impersonal as he could. Then Kunal said something, and Lisa looked up at him with an adoring look on her face so
familiar that Vikram’s hand clenched around his glass. He had seen the same look in her eyes a hundred times when she was with Vijay, and for a second he hated Lisa so strongly he couldn’t keep it from showing on his face. His whole family had rallied around to comfort Lisa after Vijay’s death, putting their own grief to the side to help her out of the trough of depression she’d fallen into. She’d seemed devastated then, and now, barely three years later, she’d replaced Vijay in her affections with another man.

Vikram’s eyes narrowed, and he was on the brink of saying something unforgivable when he grew conscious of Tara looking up at him anxiously. He glanced down at her and instantly responded to the appealing look in her eyes. He took a deep breath and looked away from Lisa.

‘I need another drink,’ he said lightly, beckoning to a waiter. ‘That Holi party today was quite something.’

Lisa immediately demanded details, and he obliged, telling them about Dr Shanta’s foibles in a way that had all of them in splits—even Tara. Tara relaxed slowly. For a second the pure unadulterated hatred in Vikram’s eyes had frightened her. Thankfully, Lisa and Kunal
had been so engrossed in each other that neither of them had noticed.

Kunal refused a second drink. ‘I’m driving,’ he said and then, laughing slightly, ‘Can’t afford a driver like you big-shots.’

‘Oh, our driver has the day off,’ Vikram said. ‘Tara’s going to drive us home.’

Tara looked up at him in alarm. ‘I don’t drive well enough for that!’ she said. ‘I told you—I can just about change gears and park. And I mess up all the time. My driving instructor gets excited and starts yelling at me in Kannada. I don’t understand a word of what he’s saying—it’s like learning from a Martian!’

Both Kunal and Vikram laughed, though Lisa looked sympathetic.

‘Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,’ Kunal said encouragingly.

‘Yeah, right,’ Tara said, and spent the rest of the meal brooding silently over the ordeal in front of her. Vikram was already a few whiskies down, and though he seemed perfectly sober he’d fail a breathalyser test—insisting that he drive was no longer an option.

Tara carefully put the car into gear and edged out of the parking slot. The mall had parking on the top floor, and there was a spiral ramp
that she needed to negotiate down six floors before she even reached the road. Strongly tempted to close her eyes, she took the slope as slowly as she could.

She was negotiating the third circuit of the spiral when the driver behind her grew impatient and honked loudly. Startled, Tara swung the wheel a little too far to the right—and opened her mouth to scream as the wall rushed up to meet them.

Vikram grabbed the wheel and brought the car back on track. ‘Steady,’ he said.

His voice was so gentle and reassuring that Tara almost burst into tears. ‘You’re a better driver drunk than I am sober,’ she muttered.

Vikram laughed. ‘You’ll be fine once you relax a little,’ he said. ‘Look—we’re on the road now. It won’t be so tough after this.’

Tara nodded, grimly concentrating on the steering wheel.

‘I think a cyclist just overtook you,’ Vikram murmured.

Tara took her eyes off the road for a second to give him a glare. ‘There’s something wrong with the accelerator,’ she said indignantly. ‘We need to get the car serviced.’

‘Maybe if you released the parking brake …’

He was laughing quite openly now, and Tara
shot him a dirty look. ‘You could have told me earlier,’ she said. ‘It’s your car that’s getting ruined.’

‘Your
car,’ he corrected, still looking highly amused. ‘And I told you as soon as I noticed.’

He put the radio on and Tara drove the rest of the way in fulminating silence. She heaved a sigh of relief when they reached home and Vikram swung out to open the gate. ‘I’ve a good mind to drive over your toes,’ she called out as she reversed into the garage. ‘Sadist.’

Unlike most beginners she was good at parking, and she felt positively triumphant as she demonstrated her skills.

Vikram helped her out of the car. ‘Knees still wobbly?’ he asked, and, when she glared at him, ‘Don’t worry, driving is like sex. You’ll start enjoying it after a while.’

‘Who said I enjoyed sex?’ Tara said over her shoulder as she marched up the path to the front door.

Vikram was beside her in a second. ‘Don’t you?’ he asked huskily, his hands coming up to span her waist as she unlocked the door. ‘You had me fooled,’ he said.

He stepped into the house after her, and stayed her hand as she reached out to switch on a light. He bent his head to run his tongue
over the seam of her lips, and drew back as she leaned closer to him.

‘I guess you don’t like this, either,’ he said, and nibbled gently at the side of her neck as his hands wreaked havoc on her breasts. ‘Or this,’ he continued, dipping his head even lower and giving a satisfied growl as her hands came up to fist in his hair and pull him closer to her.

The thought crossed her mind briefly that he was using sex to distract her yet again, but she was past caring as he swung her up into his arms and carried her to bed.

T
HREE
weeks later, Vikram lounged on their bed watching Tara get ready for Lisa’s wedding. She’d elected to wear a simple shift dress in taupe silk, with the diamonds he had given her gleaming at her ears and throat. Her hair flowed in loose waves over her shoulders and she was doing her make-up, frowning into the mirror as she tried to get her lipstick just right.

‘You look beautiful,’ he said.

Tara looked at him and away quickly. The slight tension between them hadn’t abated in the last few weeks. If anything Tara felt things had got worse, with both of them being painfully polite to each other.

‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘Though I think I need make-up classes. I’m smudging this stuff all over my face, and I only just missed spilling eyeliner on my dress. Aren’t you getting ready?’

She jumped as Vikram slid lithely off the bed and came to stand next to her, bending down so that his face was level with hers.

‘I think you’re supposed to do your make-up
before
you put on your clothes,’ he said, gently nibbling at the side of her neck.

Tara closed her eyes involuntarily as a little shudder went through her. ‘I’m sure you know all about it,’ she managed as his hands went to the zipper of her dress. She gasped as he slid the zipper down slowly ‘Vikram, no—we’ll be terribly late!’

‘We have plenty of time,’ he said, sliding her dress off her shoulders very, very slowly. ‘Lots and lots of time.’ And his lips touched hers, teasingly at first—until she grabbed at his hair and pulled his head down to hers.

Tara’s eyes were sparkling when they finally left home, and a careful eye would have spotted that her make-up had been rather hastily done. The church Lisa was getting married in was luckily not very far away, and Vikram and Tara joined the group of family and close friends in the small hall adjoining the church, where Lisa’s mum had arranged for a small pre-wedding breakfast.

‘Where’s Lisa?’ Tara asked one of Lisa’s cousins in an undertone once Vikram had
walked across to speak to some of his office colleagues.

‘She’s a little upset,’ the cousin whispered back. ‘You’re Tara, right? Can you come with me? Her mother asked me to bring you across as soon as you arrived.’

Tara tensed as the cousin led her across the courtyard to a set of rooms which had been allocated to the bride’s family to get ready in. Something was beginning to feel wrong. Two older women who were probably Lisa’s aunts were clustered in an outer room, talking in worried undertones, and Mrs Andrews hurried up to meet Tara.

‘Come inside,’ she said quickly and, taking Tara’s arm, led her into a changing room where Lisa was sitting at a dressing table, a make-up girl hovering helplessly at her side.

‘I can’t do it,’ Lisa said as soon as Tara came in. Her whole body was trembling, and her face was whiter than her dress. ‘I need to go and tell Kunal I can’t marry him. I still love Vijay. This is a big mistake.’

Lisa’s mother looked at Tara despairingly. ‘That’s all she’s been saying for the last hour. I’ve been trying to convince her that it’s just pre-wedding jitters, but she refuses to listen.’

It looked far more serious than pre-wedding
jitters, Tara thought. Lisa seemed to be on the verge of a seriously scary nervous breakdown.

‘Is Vikram here?’ Mrs Andrews whispered to Tara, taking her aside for a second.

‘Yes,’ Tara whispered back, hoping she wouldn’t be asked to go and fetch him.

Lisa’s mother gave her an imploring look. ‘Maybe he could talk to her,’ she said. ‘He’s the only one she listened to after Vijay died.’

Tara took the hint and went out to find Vikram. He was standing with a group of men from the office, obviously talking shop.

‘I need to speak to you,’ Tara said softly.

He raised an eyebrow. ‘Now?’

‘Yes, now,’ she replied.

Alerted by the sharpness in her tone, he excused himself and stepped into a secluded part of the hall with her.

‘It’s Lisa,’ Tara said without any preamble. ‘She says she can’t go through with this. She’s still in love with Vijay, she says.’

Vikram muttered a curse word under his breath. ‘What do you expect
me
to do?’ he asked harshly. ‘Bring Vijay back from the dead?’

Tara winced. ‘If you could speak to her …?’ she suggested. ‘Please, Vikram.’ She put a hand on his arm.

Vikram stood stock-still, looking down at her, an undefinable expression on his face. Tara waited, almost sure that he’d refuse to come with her. Then his eyes flickered a little and he turned away.

‘Where is she?’ he asked, his voice remote.

Lisa looked up when Tara opened the door. If anything she seemed to be in worse shape than she’d been when Tara had left, and her mother was now sobbing quietly in a corner. Vikram strode to her side.

‘You were right,’ she said, her voice toneless. ‘I’ve been such a fool—thinking I could move on with life, marry Kunal and be happy.’

‘I wasn’t right,’ Vikram said. ‘I’ve thought about it a lot since we last spoke, Lisa. Vijay wouldn’t want you to do this,’ he said. ‘He loved you and he wanted you to be happy. He wouldn’t want you to spend the rest of your life pining away for him.’

Lisa started shaking her head, but Vikram hunkered down in front of her, taking both her hands in his.

‘Listen to me,’ he said and, as she turned her head away, ‘Look at me.’

Tara took Mrs Andrews’s arm and gently drew her out of the room. Lisa’s aunts and cousins were clustered in the outer room, and
she took Mrs Andrews to them before settling down to wait.

The door opened after fifteen minutes and Vikram stepped out. He had a strained look on his face, but Lisa, clinging to his arm, was smiling tremulously.

‘Oh, thank God,’ Mrs Andrews said, surging to her feet in a flurry of pink organza, and Tara heaved a silent sigh of relief.

Lisa looked up at Vikram, her eyes brimming over with tears. ‘Thank you,’ she said, going on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek.

‘You’ll need someone to re-do your make-up,’ Vikram said, smiling slightly. ‘I can’t help with
that
, unfortunately.’

‘Yes, of course,’ Mrs Andrews said, stepping up with tissues and the make-up kit that Lisa had abandoned on the dressing table.

‘I don’t think we’re needed here any longer,’ Vikram said, and Tara followed him out into the church grounds. ‘Do you mind if we sit here for a bit?’ he asked, gesturing towards a bench in a little enclosed patch of garden. ‘Or you can go back to the others if you want. I’ll join you in a few minutes.’

‘I’ll stay with you,’ Tara said immediately, and then wondered if he wanted her to go. He didn’t say anything, however, just collapsed on
a bench and threw his head back to look up at the sky. Tara watched him silently. She’d been incredibly moved by the way he’d managed the situation. For all his claims of being callous and unfeeling, when it had come to the point he’d been perfect. God knew what it had cost him to say the words, but he’d made sure that Lisa walked down the aisle to marry Kunal without even the last residue of a feeling that she was betraying Vijay.

A leaf drifted down to land on Vikram’s shoulder and Tara gently brushed it off. The gesture made Vikram open his eyes and smile at her. He took her hand in his. Tara sat very still as he shut his eyes again, keeping her hand clasped between his. She felt closer to Vikram at that moment than she ever had to any human being. It was as if her soul had been blundering around in a closed room and someone had finally opened a door and let in the light.

She loved Vikram, she realised. Loved him deeply and unconditionally, just the way he was, with all his flaws and his insecurities and his lack of belief in himself. It didn’t even matter if he didn’t love her back. Being married to him and being in love with him was enough—it would have to be, at least for now. Vikram might come to love her in time, but
right now she couldn’t expect more than fondness or physical lust from him.

A mad impulse came over her to lean across and press her lips to his beautiful mouth, and she stayed put only with a lot of difficulty. As if he sensed her emotion, Vikram’s eyelids fluttered open. His voice had a dream-like quality about it when he spoke.

‘It’s like Vijay’s finally gone,’ he said. ‘All this while I’ve clung on to him, trying to keep him alive in my mind, wondering what I could have done to prevent the accident. Over the last two weeks I’ve begun to let go.’

‘He’d want you to be happy, too,’ Tara said, and as he looked at her enquiringly, she flushed. ‘Like you said to Lisa that he’d want
her
to be happy. He’d want you to be happy, too.’

Vikram reached out to run his fingers through her hair. ‘You’re an amazing girl, Tara,’ he said softly. ‘It must be hell living with someone as moody as I’ve been since we got married, and I haven’t heard you complain once.’

‘It hasn’t been hell,’ she said. ‘In some ways I’ve been happier with you than I’ve ever been before.’ He looked slightly disbelieving, and suddenly all the pent-up feeling within Tara
seemed to burst forth. ‘I love you,’ she said abruptly.

Vikram’s face froze, and Tara felt her heart thud painfully in her chest as she waited for him to say something.

‘Right,’ he said at last. ‘Let’s talk once the wedding is over. Lisa should be ready now.’

He got up and held a hand out to Tara. Mechanically she stood up and took his hand, following him into the church. Kunal was waiting at the altar, and the orchestra had just started the wedding march. Tara looked straight ahead of her, nothing really registering in her mind except that she’d told Vikram she loved him, and he’d ignored her. He’d looked shocked, she thought, as if she’d said something distasteful or in bad taste. She shot a glance at his impassive face, wondering what had possessed her.

When Lisa walked down the aisle on her uncle’s arm she still looked a little pale, and not quite the radiant bride one would expect. But no one who hadn’t seen her earlier in the morning would suspect that anything was wrong. She smiled at them as she passed their pew, and Vikram smiled back encouragingly. Tara felt a fresh pang go through her.

The rest of the wedding went by in a blur. All Tara could remember of it later was that
she’d had to try very hard not to break down halfway through the ceremony.

‘We can make a quick appearance at the lunch and leave immediately afterwards,’ Vikram said in an undertone as the ceremony wound to a finish.

Tara nodded dumbly. She’d been hoping Vikram hadn’t noticed how upset she was—a forlorn hope, given how observant he was.

They were silent in the car, conscious of the driver’s presence, and Tara went into the house first. She was sitting in the living room when Vikram came in, her face very still.

‘You wanted to talk once we got home,’ she said.

‘Yes,’ Vikram said. ‘I don’t know whether you meant what you said in the church garden.’

‘I did,’ she said. ‘Though I can see it wasn’t something you wanted to hear.’

‘Tara, love was never part of the deal, was it?’ Vikram said. ‘I care about you, but I’m not in love with you.’ The stricken look in Tara’s eyes pierced his heart, but he forced himself to continue. ‘I don’t think I’m capable of the kind of love you expect,’ he said. ‘That was one of the reasons I decided on an arranged marriage, so I could set expectations right from the beginning.’

‘I don’t have any expectations of you,’ Tara said, her voice low. ‘I didn’t plan to fall in love with you. And I didn’t mean to tell you, either—it just slipped out.’

The expression on Vikram’s face said that he wished it hadn’t, and for the first time since the morning anger began to stir within Tara.

‘Well, I’m sorry if my falling in love with you doesn’t fit into your blueprint for marriage,’ she said sarcastically. ‘It’s not an experience I’m enjoying, I assure you.’

Vikram stayed grimly silent, goading her into further speech.

‘And it’d be more honest to just say you don’t love me and leave it at that,’ she said, ‘instead of feeding me stuff like you not being
capable
of love.’

Vikram’s jaw tightened and he said curtly, ‘It’s the truth. You can choose not to believe me if you want.’

Tara’s brows drew closer together, and she’d started to say something when he interrupted.

‘I don’t think we should discuss this further right now. You’re in a bit of a state, and you might end up saying something you’ll regret.’

‘Saying something that
I’ll
regret?’ Tara repeated incredulously. ‘I think I’ve already done that, thank you very much. Telling you that
I love you was probably the stupidest thing I’ve done in my entire life.’ Her breath coming quickly, she glared at Vikram. ‘You’re the most cold-blooded person I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet. I’m not surprised you weren’t able to hang on to any of your girlfriends if this is the way you behaved with them.’

‘Maybe I didn’t
want
to hang on to them,’ Vikram said, and his voice was so cold it stopped Tara mid-tirade. ‘I’m saying this again, Tara—let’s not discuss it until you calm down.’

Tara swung away from him and headed towards the door, wanting desperately to get away from him for a while. ‘I agree,’ she said, her voice muffled as she swung open the door of the shoe cabinet.

He hadn’t wanted to hang on to his girlfriends, she thought, pulling out a pair of flat-soled pumps. Perhaps he meant he didn’t want to hang on to her, either.

‘I’m going for a walk,’ she announced, glad to note that her voice sounded steady and quite calm. Vikram didn’t reply, and she opened the front door and went out.

Once outside, Tara walked away from the house as fast as possible. She was perilously close to tears, and had absolutely no idea what
she should do next. Going to the institute felt like the natural thing to do, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to conceal her distress from the other researchers. And she didn’t have any real friends in Bengaluru—just people she’d met socially or through work. For a few seconds she contemplated calling Ritu, then gave up the idea. It wasn’t as if Vikram had ill-treated her, or they’d had a fight.

Her heart felt as if it was breaking, and she didn’t think she could find the words or the courage to describe what she was going through even to her closest friend. A stray tear escaped and Tara rubbed at her cheeks. Breaking down in the middle of a crowded road wasn’t going to help matters, she told herself sternly. Nor could she expect help from anyone else. Being married automatically shut out the rest of the world, even if it didn’t bring you any closer to the person you were married to.