Take Me Down (Suits in Pursuit) (30 page)

She scooped a spoonful of the hearty stew and raised the spoon to her lips. Delicious flavors melted on her taste buds. Her eyes widened. “Hmm. This is good,” she mumbled. “You really know your way around a kitchen.”

Sebastian chuckled. “I’m glad you like my stew.” His leer roved her body and then met her gaze. He wanted her to enjoy more than his stew.

“So,” she began slowly. “What’s up with the plumbing situation?” Diffusing Sebastian’s lust, a necessary move played to precision.

He pushed away his plate and swiveled the seat toward her. Eyebrows squeezed in, nearly touching. Distress saddled the look of desire. “As soon as you’re done with dinner, I’ll show you.”

The spoon clinked the edge of the ceramic bowl. “Done.” She held up her hands. “Let’s go.”

Before she could spring from her seat, Sebastian reached over and grabbed Ashley’s arm. She lifted her eyes to his. She didn’t have time to protest. Sebastian crushed his lips to hers. His tongue entered her mouth. Hungry lips gently caressed hers with his kiss. The room whirled around her, spinning faster and faster. Seconds later, Sebastian released her.

“Thank you,” Sebastian grinned in a way that said he was only getting started.

Ashley gulped. “For?” Every cell in her tingled. Every nerve in her pulsed. Every inch of her wanted him.

“You’re amazing.” Sebastian cradled her face. His thumb stroked her hairline as his eyes trailed the invisible mark he left. “Thank you for everything,” he said softly.

Something about him seemed changed, different in some way. Vibrant sensations coursed through her belly. Her mind void of thought, she couldn’t form an adequate response. “You’re welcome,” she whispered. “I’m simply following your demands.” Ashley cringed as soon as her voice reached her ears.

He flinched. The blunt words hit him like iron being struck by a blacksmith with a grudge against his profession. “Right.” Sebastian withdrew, his lips pulled taut, arms tucked into the pockets of his sides.

“Sebastian, wait. That came out the wrong way. I’m glad you appreciate my work.” She placed a gentle hand on his forearm. “I’m sorry.”

He nodded and stepped away. No tone, no inflection, “You’re right,” he said, between gritted teeth. An emotionless stare replaced the passion that had glinted behind sparkling eyes. “You wouldn’t be here with me like this if I didn’t have the upper hand.” Spoken with the cadence of a robot, he’d win an Emmy for best male text-to-speech voice actor.

Nervous, fidgety hands tumbled in circles. “I’m enjoying this project. Remember, I asked for this assignment.”

Uncertainty weighed down his jaw, tugging his lips and every other facial muscle in the same direction. “You asked for the project before you knew you’d be working with me.”

“Eh, true. I still enjoy working with you.”

“Is that the only thing you enjoy doing with me?” Sebastian locked crossed arms over his chest.

“No,” she said, leveraging the power of the two-letter word. If Sebastian wanted her, she’d let him be the aggressor tonight.

Like a slack rubber band, the tension in his brow relaxed. His arms dropped to his side. “Do you enjoy our conversations?”

“Yes.”

He stepped closer. “Do you enjoy spending time together?”

“Yes.”

His finger danced along her arm, up to her shoulder. “Do you enjoy my touch?”

“Very much.”

“Do you love me?” His question hit her in the belly like a battering ram.

She held the side of the seat to prevent her fall. Words caught in Ashley’s throat. Silence.

Not letting up, his brow raised, and he stared without flinching, awaiting her reply.

Ashley swallowed hard. “The thought of loving someone frightens me. I love the moment.” She turned away, hiding the lie on her face.

“Love frightens me too.” He guided her eyes back to his. An unwavering stare. “I’ve been thinking. Maybe we can learn to conquer our fears, together.”

The walls closed in around Ashley. The meaning of his words, like the dawning sun, rose inside her, bringing light and newborn hope. Hope that quickly withered. Sebastian’s offer should have been accompanied by joy. Instead, fear camped in her heart.

A thin smile, unsure and forced, greeted him. “Maybe some fears can’t be conquered.”

“Darlin’, love conquers all fear,” he said.

“If love is the thing we’re afraid of, how can love conquer itself?”

“If you and I are in love, we have to conquer our fear.”

“Do you know what I fear more than love?” she asked.

“What, baby? What’s more frightening than love?”

Her eyelids fluttered, rapid blinks. “The pursuit to conquer love.”

“There’s no failure in trying. That’s all we can do.”

“But there is fear of failure.” She closed her eyes, breathed a heavy sigh. “Sebastian, I think you’re going to take me down.”

“Baby, sometimes, you have to reach your lowest point to rise again.”

His words were meant to be soothing, but she couldn’t escape the feeling gnawing at her insides. Sebastian Stone would take her down. In the end, she thought, W
ill I rise again?

Chapter Nineteen

When Sebastian opened the door, the city stood at Ashley’s feet. Lights shimmered and glittered in the distance like diamond dust sprinkled over a sea of black. She had never seen a more spectacular view than this one from the penthouse.

Sebastian headed toward the living room. “Come on in,” he turned to face her.

The apartment boasted a modest selection of furnishings.

She eyed Sebastian’s proffered hand, glancing around the space again. “Why are we in the penthouse?” A hand flew to her hip.

He shuffled past the espresso-finished sofa table and sunk into a stylish tan sectional. A slight dip of the head, his eyes lifted up, pleading with Ashley to take his hand. “That view is inspiring, don’t you agree?”

“Yes, the view is amazing.” She couldn’t hide the hesitation in her voice. “What’s this have to do with the plumbing situation?”

“You know, this apartment is more than double the size of your new apartment.”

“I can see that.” Across the room, on the balcony, she spotted a table set for two. “Why are we here?” She held her breath.

“Have a seat, Ashley,” he commanded from his roost.

She couldn’t respond. All her brain power prevented the lashing of a sharp tongue and bodily movements. Movements that now rioted her thoughts. Thoughts that told her to run. Victorious over her inner protest, her legs buckled at the bend and Ashley went down unwillingly.

“That’s better,” he said, as she squirmed beside him. “The reason I brought you here is the same reason why I can’t get enough of you.”

Fingers curled around a pillow. The roller coaster inside her stomach reached the maximum speed. If the damn thing didn’t slow down, it would fly off the tracks, compromising his safety.

“I brought you here because I’m ready to conquer my fear.”

Fear. Excitement. Anxiety. The emotions crowded her head when they should have taken residence in her heart. “What does that mean, Sebastian?”

“You know exactly what I mean. I’m talking about taking a real next step. Going to the next level without the bullshit and games.”

“The next level? When have we been on any level? All you ever wanted from me, I gave.” The roller coaster slipped the tracks. The force of its load aimed at Sebastian. “You said you wanted sex without strings. I gave you sex without strings. Now you want to tie me down? Where is this coming from?” Her cadence rose with each word, matching the terror compounding inside. Inside, new construction was underway. A wall that could not easily be removed.

“Stop fighting. Stop running. Stop thinking. Just stop.” Each word he uttered was a nail, drilled into reinforced-steel walls erected around her flimsy heart. “I’m sorry. If I could, I’d take back my actions, my words, the way we found each other,” he said, lecturing himself as much as entering his plea. A burly hand caressed her cheek. “This isn’t easy for me. Guilt has been my companion for years and I...” He looked away, eyes glazed over, captured by a memory filed in folder number five thousand six hundred and ninety-two in the cabinet of his mind.

The drilling inside stopped long enough for Ashley to feel her heart pulse and pound. Her heart ached. Ached to love, to be loved. “Guilt?” She understood the feeling too well.

Snatched back into the present, Sebastian sheltered her hand, keeping anxious fingers still beneath his own. Stormy gray eyes found her, stole her full attention. The depth of his emotion, raw and visible and strong. “Ellie was my world. Met her my sophomore year in high school.” A smile, resurrected from the past, faded as quickly. “She was the new girl. Her family had just moved to Houston. I remember how scared she looked that first day.” He tightened his fingers around Ashley’s small hand as if clinging to her fortified him. “The thought never crossed my mind that I would be without her.”

The name perched the edge of her tongue, on the verge of leaping into the air. She understood how Sebastian felt. She understood his anguish. She simply understood. And yet, Ashley couldn’t find the courage, the resolve to say Chris’s name aloud.

“Sebastian, Ellie chose to end her life.”

He looked away. “I know. Ellie had emotional demons that I didn’t understand. She was tormented. I took on the job to protect her. The pain became too much for her. She gave up.”

“So you feel guilty?”

Sebastian shook his head. “No. I know her suicide wasn’t my fault. I did everything I could do to help Ellie, to be there for her, and that was the basis of my love.” He stole another glance at Ashley. “I feel guilty because I didn’t think I deserved to feel the way I do now, but here you are. I love you in a way that I never knew would be possible, in a way that I never loved her.”

The room went silent. In the quiet, Sebastian’s guilt transferred to Ashley. How could he betray Ellie’s memory? How could she betray her memory of Chris? Inside, her heart played tug-of-war with her mind, logic pulling in one direction and feelings and longing yanking her back.

“Sebastian, I don’t know what to say.”

“Just tell me how you feel.”

Her chest tightened. “I don’t know what I feel.” Her cognitive abilities fled the instant she entered the apartment. Hell, the instant he entered her life. She couldn’t articulate her feelings even if they were scribbled on notepaper.

Low light cast shadows, wrapping the definition of a fine jaw, and tension wrenched his brow. “You won’t admit how you feel, but we both know,” he whispered. “Every part of me wants every part of you. I’m in love with you.”

Sebastian leaned forward, lifted her chin. A kiss. Tender, sumptuous, lusty. Sebastian groped her behind, ready to feast. Ashley’s nails dug into his forearm.

Harsh, ragged breathing escaped his lungs and he withdrew his kiss. “Did you feel that?”

Scared to love him. Scared to lose him. Scared to be loved. Vulnerability became her defense. Ashley pushed away from him. “Why did you bring me here?” she asked again, the toxin in her venom less potent.

“Because this is where I want us to make a new life together. I thought we needed a place in this world that’s just about us, just ours. No evidence of the past to haunt us, only new memories to make, neutral ground. I don’t need an answer tonight, but I’ll try my hardest to convince you.”

Sebastian stood and then swooped Ashley into his arms.

If she wanted to protest, the feeling ripping her apart inside would not allow the action. He carried her into the bedroom. A large canopy bed dominated the center of the room. White sheers hung around all four sides of the bed and pooled to the floor. He lowered her onto the mattress.

“Sebastian, we can’t do this.”

“Shhh, baby. There’s nothing you can do to stop us.”

Ashley’s head sunk into the soft down pillow. She stared up at the smooth white ceiling. Sebastian’s touch, his smell, the force of his passion constricted her better judgment.

“Ahhh,” she gasped, as he entered her.

He met her release. “Ashley,” he groaned, pumping himself into her hard.

Sebastian lifted her legs, placed them into the crook of his elbows. His face nuzzled against her neck. Her back arched as he reached her end, pounding into her heat, his motion unrestrained.

She gripped his shoulders, bracing for the next thrust. The emotional weight of his lovemaking forced another release. “Ahhh. Sebastian,” she whimpered. “Too much.”

He lifted himself to see her. A tender gaze witnessed her panic. Sebastian slowed his tempo to a halt. “Let me love you, Ashley.”

She turned away. “I can’t.” She heaved, gasping for air. Heavy emotions weighed down her breathing.

Sebastian lowered his hand to her cheek, brought her eyes center to his. “Why?” Glossy pain coated his eyes.

Pressure that had been building for the past six years burst from the dam in her soul. “I can’t,” she snarled.

She loosened Sebastian from the shackles of his past, and yet freedom didn’t find her. His love laid at her feet waited to be taken, and she trampled him. “His name is Chris.”