Tainted Love: contemporary womens fiction love story and family saga (Behind Closed Doors Book 1) (13 page)

Chapter Twenty-Five

August 1999

The trip to Boston was a difficult and exhausting one. We helped Caleb settle in at college, but we also spent time sightseeing and shopping with the girls. By the time we got back home at the end of the weekend, Cate and Zoe were sound asleep. I didn't even bother to change them; I just slipped off their shoes and put them to bed. I was looking forward to lying down with a glass of wine and winding down with Cal. I was sure that’s all his grumpiness was about.

We’d been the envy of our friends in recent weeks. At the dinners we’d find ourselves singled out as the odd couple and light-heartedly labeled as ‘the gurus’ for relationship success. They all said they thought we were crazy when we started having children again. After all, our two were already teenagers. We should have gone out and enjoyed our freedom. But look at us now, twenty-two years into the marriage and very much in love, they wouldn’t be surprised if we announced one or two more babies. We both looked at each other and said we were definitely done.

We hadn’t 'talked' in over a month. When we left the campus and Caleb, Cal appeared to be in great spirits, and he slept for most of the return flight. The gentleman in the seat beside me was happily talking and laughing with Zoe and Cate, even though I kept telling Zoe to stop fidgeting because she'd wake Cal.

"Did you have fun today, Faith?" He asked as my foot landed at the bottom of the stairs.

My Cal-sense went haywire. I knew that tone of voice. No children present equaled no protection. The hairs stood up on the back of my arms. My eyes flickered around the entrance hall. The house still remained in almost complete darkness. That's when I realized I had no idea where he was. He could have been in any of the four rooms leading away from where I stood.

"Answer me."

What did I say? Without a facial expression I was going in to a minefield wearing a blindfold. If I said yes, I was a heartless bitch for enjoying the day my only son left home for college. If I said no, what was wrong with me? I'd had a wonderful weekend with my husband and our two youngest children. Either way I was providing him with grenades to throw my way.

"ANSWER ME!"

I did the only thing I thought possible. I turned. I ran. For the first time in my life I made a beeline to get out of harm's way.

Big hands grabbed at my wrist, forced me to turn and tumble back to the floor below. I landed on my knees. He hit and he punched and he kicked and he stomped. He didn't stop.

He screamed, "Is this how you repay me?"

What for? What had I done? Blow after blow, he kept repeating it until I was a ball of trembling skin and bones at his feet, long past the point where I felt nothing. He didn't stop.

I prayed for death. I prayed that God would help me. I asked Him to rescue me and when He brought the darkness to gather me, I knew I'd never wake up again.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Was that Caitlyn’s voice I heard? I was certain the song I heard was her favorite. No, no it couldn’t be. She was asleep. All went silent again.

A little voice was talking. The fogginess started to clear. I was lying at the foot of our stairs, and yes, it was Caitlyn. What was she doing up? She was telling someone she’d seen... she’d seen
everything
!

“I was sleeping and Daddy was shouting. He pushed my mommy and then he hit her a lot and he kicked her. Mommy was crying. Mommy went to sleep and Daddy went out in his car.”

“Kitty-Cat, who are you talking to?”

“Mrs. McKenzie?”

A strange voice replied and I instantly opened my eyes. An EMT technician knelt at my right side, writing on a chart. Medical equipment lay sprawled on top of a shoulder bag.

“Caitlyn called 911 when she couldn’t wake you up,” another voice added, and I turned my head to the side. A police officer crouched beside Caitlyn, writing down everything she said.

Oh God! I was in trouble. Cal was going to kill me. I had to get them out of here before he returned. “It’s illegal for you to talk to my daughter without my permission, Officer.”

“She says your husband did this?”

“I fell,” I lied as I shook my head. The room spun.

It must have showed, because the EMT put a gentle hand on my right shoulder. “Try not to move too much, Mrs. McKenzie,” he said with a smile, and then shone a bright light into my eyes. “You appear to be incredibly lucky. There are no signs of any broken bones or serious injuries, maybe a concussion. But I think we should take you in for more scans and x-rays to be on the safe side. You’ve had a nasty… fall.”

“I’ve had a concussion. I know what to look to for. I don’t need to go to the hospital.”

“Your injuries are consistent with your daughter’s story,” the officer said. “Mrs. McKenzie, I know you’ve been living in this borough for a long time, but things have changed at the station house. We don’t overlook spousal abuse anymore.”

“Officer.” I slowly pushed myself upright and the room spun again. I waited until the floor had stopped its see-saw tilt. “I don’t take kindly to your suggestion that my husband, a pillar in this community, the owner of McKenzie Medical Center, is capable of doing this to me. My daughter said she was asleep. She was probably dreaming because Cal wasn’t even here when I fell. He’d left some papers at the office, he went to get them.”

“At this time of night?”

“Yes, at this time of night,” I snapped. “Look! We went to take my son to college and we’d only just got home. I put the girls to bed and Cal went to the office. I fell down the stairs. What is your problem with that?” I looked at the EMT. “Am I all patched up?” He nodded. “Then give me whatever form it is I have to sign to see I’m disregarding medical advice, because I’m not coming with you.” He handed over the clipboard he’d been writing on and pointed to a line. “Thank you.”

“What the hell…?”

Cal’s voice shook me to my core. But it was Cate who scared me more. Her eyes were wide and pinned on Cal as she stepped back until she was close enough for me to reach her with my arm. It hurt. It was pure agony to wrap my arm around her and pull her on my knee.

“The nice ambulance man has said Mommy’s fine, Kitty-Cat.” I said, distracting her from Cal. “Go on, ask him.” She turned to the EMT.

“Just a few bumps and bruises,” he smiled, and begun packing his kit away. “You probably have more from falling off your bike.”

“I never fall off my bike.”

“No? Do you still have training wheels?”

“Nuh-uh, Caleb showed me how to ride before he went to school.”

“That’s awesome!” He stood up, slung his medical kit over his shoulder and tousled her hair. “You did good Cate, and I believe you’ll have a number one hit single, one day kiddo!” He nodded at me and then walked towards the door. “Mr. McKenzie, I recommended your wife come to the ER. I don’t think there’s anything serious. She’s been very lucky. But she was unconscious for quite some time, so I’d prefer it if she had scans and x-rays. She’s refused and has signed a waiver. Please keep a close eye on her for the next few days — anything out of the ordinary, vomiting, dizzy spells, headaches. Don’t take any chances.”

Cal’s eyes met mine and I felt sick. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it until that moment. He'd beaten me until I was unconscious and left me bleeding on the floor. I could have died! But it wasn’t me I cared about. He’d gone out and left Caitlyn to find me. He’d left the girls alone.

There was a clarity I'd never had in the twenty-three years since I'd first seen him. I was not Emma. He couldn't love me. I believed he tried, but he didn’t love me. Not the way he was supposed to. And no matter how many times he said he was sorry, or how many gifts he gave, or even how many promises he made, he wouldn’t change. If I stayed here, it was only a matter of time before it would be the last time… and I wouldn't wake up.

Part of me wanted that. Part of me wanted to end it all. I’d given him my whole heart, my everything, and spent more than half of my life trying to please him, when it really was just castles in the sky. I could never be who he wanted me to be.

“Are you alright?” he asked, stepping toward me.

Cate wrapped her arms around me so tight I could barely breathe. Like an angel, she was my rescuer, the reason I’d woken up. What would happen to them if something happened to me? He didn’t care. Cal would just grow to resent them just as he had me. So there was no other choice. We had to leave him.

“I’m fine.” I struggled to find my feet. “Come on Kitty-Cat, time for bed.”

My numb body continued on autopilot as my mind went into overdrive. If I left, he would want control, absolute power. The girls would become pawns in a game to him. He'd always have them to use as an advantage over me, over us. He’d never agree to a divorce. He thought he loved me, but he was fooling no one but himself.

“Mommy,” Cate whispered as I laid her down in bed. “Were you a naughty girl? Is that why Daddy hurt you?”

“Daddy didn’t hurt me, Kitty-Cat. Daddy would never hurt Mommy.” I tucked the duvet nice and snug around her before I sat down. “Mommy fell down the stairs.”

“He did. I saw him.”

“No, sweetie, you said you were asleep. Maybe you had a nightmare.”

"Fay?"

Cate trembled at the sound of Cal’s voice. I kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes. I waited for a long time. I sat and stroked her hair. I knew he was watching... and waiting. I really didn’t care. My job was to make sure she was all right. My job was to make sure she was safe, and it meant she had to be asleep before I left the room.

He stood in the hallway. All puppy dog eyes and pet lipped. All I saw was the flowers. Was he freaking serious? Flowers. "Fay, I'm so sorry."

I nodded and walked towards our bedroom. I wasn't going to tell him it was okay. I stopped and turned around. “How could you do that, Cal?” It was the first time I’d challenged him since I’d challenged him over the way he’d treated Caitlyn as a baby. But this time it wasn’t okay. "You left our girls alone."

"You were here."

"I was unconscious."

"No, you weren't."

"Fine. You don’t have to believe me, but I didn’t tell you, remember? The professional with the word EMT written on his shirt told you I was unconscious. Besides, I never lie to you, Cal. You'd beat me senseless if I did.” He flinched as though he didn’t want reminding of who he was. “And you've proven tonight just how far you will go, if not further.”

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying...” I waved him off as I turned away. “I'm going to bed."

"Don't you want to know why?"

"No, Cal, I don't." I looked back at him. "Because it doesn't matter to me anymore. You’ll tell me what mistake I’ve made and I'll never repeat it again. But there'll always be something else. It's time to face the fact I'm not perfect, I can't be perfect, I will never be perfect, and you have to stop expecting me to be perfect. My biggest flaw is I love you. You're the one with the problem. You're the one who needs to change."

I expected repercussions. I expected him to fly into another rage. I expected to have to pray I woke up for my girls this time. But all I got was a look to the floor as he admitted, "I know."

Who was the man I married? I had no idea. This was just another smoke screen, and I could see straight through it. He thought this was what I wanted to hear. He thought we’d go to bed and everything would be fine in the morning. And when I took the girls shopping the next day, he thought we’d be home be for supper.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

7
th
October 1999

I'm guessing he’s already contacted you. He’d think yours was the first place I’d go and that’s why I haven’t contacted you before now. I don’t want him to know. You also probably know my 'I'm sorry I cracked your ribs' convertible was sold the day I left him, too. You know, I didn't realize my ribs were worth that much. Oh come on, that was funny! Okay, okay... seriously, that money helped us out. It kept us in decent accommodation until we could find a place to live, bought us food, clothes, and furniture. I left with nothing but the car. I've been out of work for twenty- three years, so it’s taken a while to find someone prepared to take a chance with me.

The day I left, I went to see Uncle Robert. Cal didn't handle everything when Mom and Dad died like I’d thought. Robert did. He was the executor of their will. He and Cal came to blows one too many times over the inheritance from Mom and Dad, and that's why Cal fired him. But he's the family lawyer D, the Hawthorne family lawyer, and he'd love to hear from you too.

He took pictures of how Cal left me that day and put in a petition for legal separation. He's also helped me change my name, find a safe place to live with security front and back, set up a bank account, and he wants to get a restraining order. I don't. That would involve Cal knowing where we are, and a threatening piece of paper won't stop him. My vanishing act will.

The girls are used to their new surname and we're doing great. Do you know something? They never ask about him. Zoe misses her teddy bear more than Cal. There have been a lot of tantrums at bedtime over its absence. I think it’s harder for Caitlyn, knowing what she's seen and being told it was a dream. She wakes up sometimes crying and she tells me she had another dream like the one before we left Daddy. I have those kinds of dreams too. You know, I'm thinking of seeing a counselor, but it’s just too close to home with Cal being a psychiatrist and all. I just don't think I'm ready to face it.

They ask about Georgia and Caleb. I know how much they miss them. I miss them. It's like part of my heart has been ripped away. I imagine Caleb has told you what he suspects by now, and he and Georgia are at war. Promise you'll put them back on the right path for me, D. Their future is so much more important to me. I will come back somehow.