Tainted Grace (16 page)

The SUV came to a slow stop just in front of the home.
The windows on the front of the house were dark and there were no signs of life. There was no yard to speak of, just dirt and shrubs and trees that were left behind from when the woods were cleared to make way for the house. Before Boggs shut the engine off, I reached forward and rested a hand on his shoulder. I felt his warm hand cover mine.

“Gus.
There’s one inside,” I said quietly.

“Thanks, darlin’,” he said.
“Nathan and I can go in and clear the house first.”

“No,” I said.
“It’s weak. It’s been trapped in there for so long. It’s dying, Gus. It’s so hungry.”

“Zoe, please,” begged Boggs.
“Just let them take care of it before you head inside.”

“I need to try something.
Back when we left the basement of that house, the Runner stopped right in front of me and didn’t hurt me. I can’t explain how, but it knew I was…” I paused “…like them somehow.”

“Zoe, what is it you want to try, darlin’?” asked Gus.

“I want to get close to it. See what it does.”

“Absolutely not,” said Boggs sternly.

“Boggs. Think about it. It’s the perfect opportunity. This one is so weak. I need to try. If I’m right, it might mean I can help the group more. Be a gatherer without being harmed.”

“Boggs, brother, I hate to say it but she’s right,” said Gus.
“You know I won’t let her get hurt. Nate and I can hold it down or something. Let us get a feel for it. Any hint of danger and you know we’ll shoot the fucker in the head.”

“Only way I’ll agree is if I go in with you,” said Boggs.
His jaw was clenched, a sure sign he was angry.

Nathan spoke up.
“It’s fine with me, man. I can stay with the car.”

Boggs breathed deeply.
Gus grunted like he does when he’s got some internal issue going on.

“Let’s get this done.
Nathan, sit behind the wheel?” suggested Gus.

“Jane, honey, stay with Emilie ok?” I said.

The little girl looked at me. If she nodded, it was too slight to be perceptible. She continued to suck on her thumb and looked scared.

Boggs climbed out of the SUV, shutting the driver’s door a bit too hard.
Nathan scooted over to be at the ready behind the wheel. Gus opened his door and slid out, and Boggs was there to help me down. He still looked angry, and I knew he was mad at me in particular.

The creature inside was stirring, hearing the commotion of us outside. A shiver ran up my spine.
I didn’t want to do what I was about to do, but knew in my heart I needed to. If I could walk amongst these evil creatures, I could do so much to help the entire group. The creature was desperate. I could feel it trying to escape from a room. It had been trying for so long. Boggs held tightly to one of my hands as we approached the front door.

“Zo, can you tell where it is?” asked my lover.
“And are you sure there’s only one?”

I nodded.
“Just one. It’s locked in a room, but I’m not sure where. It hears us and wants us so badly.”

Gus clicked his tongue to get our attention.
“Let me go in first. Boggs, you follow. Zoe, stay behind us.”

I was having trouble focusing.
The buzz in my head was almost unbearable. It was as if the weak zombie was gaining strength from our merely being there. I could tell it was ravenous, and had a new sense of urgency and energy about it. I chose to not mention this, which was selfish. I had a plan of my own, stupid as it might have been.

Boggs and Gus both stepped up onto the concrete stoop, leaving me one step below.
Gus reached out and tried the knob, to find it locked.

“Stand back, Boggs,” he said.

Boggs stepped down and joined me. Gus took the butt of his shot gun and used it to knock out the pane of glass that ran vertically to the right of the door. The glass shattered loudly. The creature inside was being driven wild. Boggs had to nudge me to break my concentration. I looked over at him, and took a large handgun that he was holding out for me. I knew it would be useless since it was larger than what I was used to and I had never taken a practice shot with it.

The front door swung inward, and Gus crossed the threshold.
Boggs followed him, and as soon as they were both fully inside the structure I trailed behind. I took one glance back toward my friends in the SUV. The stench inside the home was unbearable. I opened my mouth to spare my nose the full effects of the assault. The home was sparsely decorated, in shades of beige and white. There were few, if any, personal effects. No family photos on the walls. No shoes strewn about. No toys. It felt wrong, like it was unlived in. I suppose now that was particularly true since the only occupant was, in fact, dead.

We walked single file through the entry room.
It sported a large white sofa, overstuffed. There was an oriental area rug in the middle of the room, on top of the off-white carpeting. That area rug held the most color in the entire room. Sheer white curtains hung in front of the windows. Roll-down darkening shades were drawn behind them.

I listened, with both my ears and my mind.
All I heard was the buzz from the Runner. I knew now that it was in a room on the right.

“It’s on the far end of the house,” I announced.
“Down that hall.”

Gus nodded in acknowledgement.
“Boggs, let’s go. Zoe, we’ll let you know when we have it secured. You should wait here until then.”

“
Ok.”

The two men walked down a hallway to the left, weapons readied.
As soon as they were out of sight, I walked the opposite direction. I didn’t know how much time I’d have.

There was a single step up into the kitchen.
I could tell I was close, and I could sense that the creature knew I was coming. I crossed the tile floor, and set my handgun on the counter. I slipped off my shoes, but was unsure why.

The buzzing was coming from a small room off the back of the kitchen, near the refrigerator.
The stench of death was stronger in here. Had I been in my right mind, I would have vomited. Instead, I focused on mouth-breathing and forced myself forward. Every fiber of my being was screaming at me to run away. I could hear claws scratching at the door.

I reached out for the doorknob.
As soon as my skin touched it, the clawing stopped. I breathed. In. Out. In. Out. Breathe, Zoe. Breathe. I unlocked a slide-bolt and turned the knob. The door swung inward. Standing before me was a teenage girl with long, stringy black hair and skin a deathly shade of gray. She wore what was once an old-fashioned white nightgown now stained with the fluids that leak from a body after it dies. The skin on her face was cracked and peeling and across her left cheek was a large crescent of tooth impressions. Her eyes were sunken and cloudy. She stood before me, swaying gently, a snarl on her face. My thoughts were far from my own, her essence filling me. Her legs were bowed and looked unsteady, as if she might break just from the effort of standing. Her bare feet were peeling on the bottoms, the skin lying in strips to the sides. Her fingertips were worn to the bone.

It seemed an eternity, us standing face to face.
I heard my name, faintly in the distance. Her head cocked to one side, also hearing it. I know I didn’t speak, but my mind said “no.” The rotting girl stepped backward, sunk into a corner and cowered. It was unusual behavior that I couldn’t fathom.

The sound of a gunshot erupted from behind me.
The dead girl was at rest, a bullet hole through her forehead.

“FUCK ZOE!” screamed Boggs.
“What the fuck were you thinking?”

“Boggs, cool it,” said Gus coldly.
Protectively.

“No way, Gus.
She can’t just do shit like that.” Boggs was so angry; it stung me to the core. “Zoe, what the fuck? How could you do something so fucking stupid?”

I looked at Boggs and tried my best to answer.
His eyes were blazing with such fury that it made my throat clench and my eyes water, threatening to shed tears.

“I…I…I…Boggs, I had to.”
The tears began to fall.

Boggs stepped toward me and grabbed onto my upper arms and shook me.
“You don’t ever fucking do something so fucking goddamn stupid again, Zoe Kate.”

I cried out, both from the sting of his fingers digging into my flesh but also from the sting of his rage.
He slapped me across the face, hard.

“Boggs.
Step back, brother,” ordered Gus. His tone was outright threatening.

Slowly, Boggs let go of my arm and took a deep breath.
He grumbled deeply in his chest.

“Go outside, man.
Now. Send Nathan in,” directed Gus.

I wiped a tear from my cheek with the back of my arm, and found it difficult to breathe.
My world was just shattered, my heart broken. I stared at the now finally dead teen in the corner. The paint at the bottoms of the walls was peeling back from where she had clawed relentlessly to get out of the room. The sheetrock was crumbling. Boggs moved past me on his way out, but I kept my attention focused on the corpse in the room. I flinched when I heard him hit the wall as he left.

I stood in the middle of the room, still looking at the overly dead body, and my body began shaking.
I felt the warmth of a human body behind me, and lost the composure I was trying so hard to keep. I began sobbing, and lifted a hand to cover my mouth in hopes of quieting myself.

“Zoe, shhhh, darlin’,” Gus tried to soothe me.

He gently turned me to face him, my staring contest with the dead girl broken.

“Are you ok?”

I shook my head no and my shaking turned into shuddering. Gus wrapped his strong arms around me and held me close.

“It’s ok, Zoe,” he soothed.
“He’s just pissed because you could have died, darlin’, but I won’t let him hurt you again. You hear me?”

I nodded against his chest.
He stroked my back with one of his warm hands.

“Do you think you can try to settle down?
Maybe help me and Nathan look for supplies?”

I looked up into his eyes.
We looked at each other for a long moment, our eyes locked in a moment of silent understanding. I realized my breathing had slowed and we were closer to each other than we ought to be. I could feel his breath against my face, and was too aware that his arms had tightened around me. I felt a small tickle low in my belly. My skin was tingling.

“Gus, we can’t” I whispered.

“I know,” he whispered back. He continued to hold me close. I felt his chest heave as he sighed. “I know.”

My newly broken heart shattered.

Nathan interrupted our embrace.
I tried to tell myself that we were just two people, both damaged by the cruel new world, just trying to cling to any humanity we could. We spent the next hour in relative silence. I had suggested the others come in to help, but Nathan and Gus seemed to feel otherwise. I didn’t ask why. I tried to keep to myself, not wanting to face anyone.

I walked the house, now sure that it was free of dangers, and opened all the windows to help clear out the stench of death.
We had shut the door to the room that held the dead teen. Our new world was so overwhelmingly dismal, that common courtesies like burial were quickly becoming less and less important.

I was in an upstairs bedroom, looking out through the window when I heard Boggs clear his throat.
I startled, and looked at him.

“Zo.
I’m so sorry.” His eyes were red as if he had been crying, and I knew he was sincere. Still, he had scared the life out of me and hurt me so very deeply. I wasn't ready to forgive and forget.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, Zoe.
If I could take it back I would. There’s no excuse, I was just so angry that you put yourself and the baby at risk. I’m just so sorry.”

I heard him sniffle.
I turned back to the window.

“I’m not ready to talk, Boggs.”

After a long moment of silence, I looked back and saw that he was gone. I sighed in relief, but also felt a twinge of sadness that he had left. I sat on the twin bed that was in the room. It was hard to tell by the furnishings if this had been a boys or girls room. I opened the top drawer on a modern oak bedside table, hoping to find something useful inside. A couple of CD’s: Madonna and the Beastie Boys. Interesting combination. A pack of gum, which I pocketed. The next drawer down held a hand towel and a large pink vibrator. Gross. I closed the drawer, sickened and glad I hadn’t touched anything. The final and largest drawer was empty. Great.

I got up off the bed and walked to the dresser.
The top drawer was full of underpants, all wadded up and shoved in messily. After seeing the nightstand’s contents, I opted to not touch the panties. They looked sleazy. The next drawer down held socks, which I figured I could handle touching. Most were well worn, but I found four pairs that looked usable. The other drawers were as empty as the bottom nightstand drawer.

The closet held more of the same.
Empty hangers, a couple of boxes of old stuffed animals. A vacuum cleaner.

I left the room and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

“Zoe?” asked Emilie quietly. I turned, and looked at my red-headed friend. Her companionship would be a welcome relief, if it weren’t for the nagging in my head over my embrace with her lover.

“You ok, Zo?”

I nodded. “Yeah. No. Not really.”

She walked to me and hugged me.

“Boggs was a jerk,” she said. “He knows that. He’s really taking it hard.”

“I don’t care,” I mumbled.

“Ok,” she said. “Can I help up here?”

I nodded.
“Sure. I already searched the bedroom down the hall, and am about to hit the bathroom. There’s another bedroom.”

Em took my hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly.
“This’ll pass, Zoe.”

I nodded.
She let go of me and walked to the remaining bedroom. I stepped into the bathroom. Unlike the rest of the house, it was filled with color. Lime green painted walls, a blue shower curtain, and red bath mats on the floor. It was as if a box of crayons had exploded. The only salvageable items were a four-pack of toilet paper, a bottle of chewable antacids, a pair of tweezers, and a set of bright purple bath towels. I gathered the items and headed back downstairs. I thought about going back up to help Emilie, but really needed to be alone.

“Hey Zoe” said Nathan.
He held a large cardboard box. “Toss those on top and I’ll haul that stuff out to the rig.”

“Thanks,” I said quietly.

He looked at me for an uncomfortable moment, like he wanted to say something, then turned and walked out to deliver the supplies to the back of the car.

“Not much to be found up there,” said Em.
I hadn’t heard her descend the stairs. She was carrying two cold-weather sleeping bags.

“Those look useful,” I said.

She smiled. “We’re packing up and heading out. You want me to wait in here with you for a bit?”

I shook my head ‘no.’
“I think I just need a few minutes alone,” I said. Emilie looked slightly hurt, but nodded in understanding.

“Ok, Zo.
Head out when you’re ready, ok? I’ll keep Boggs in order.”

“Jane.
Is she ok?”

“She’s fine.
Don’t worry, Abbey is playing tic-tac-toe with her.”

I nodded.
“Good.”

Em walked out, sleeping bags in hand.
I rubbed at my upper arms, which were starting to ache from where Boggs had grabbed me. I was dreading getting back in the car. I was scared to see Boggs. I didn’t think he’d hurt me again, but I wasn’t sure what to say to him or how to handle the situation.

“Zoe.”
I heard Gus say my name as he walked out of the kitchen.

I turned and looked at him.

“We ok, darlin’?”

“Sure.”

“We should talk. About what happened earlier.”

“Gus,” I said.
“I don’t think we should. I think we should forget about it.”

He walked toward me, and I felt that tingle low in my belly again.
He sighed heavily.

“Zoe, I’m not sure I can forget.”

“We can’t not forget,” I managed to squeak out. I knew I sounded like an idiot.

He was close to me now and the heat from his body felt electric.

His hand was suddenly holding my jaw gently, and he tilted my face up to meet his own. He leaned down, slowly, and brushed his lips against mine. I closed my eyes, my world suddenly just me and him. He let his lips linger there, just barely touching mine as if he was trying to decide what to do next. I felt weak in the knees. As my body relaxed, his lips pressed into mine just slightly harder. His hand moved from my jaw to the back of my neck, where he gently cupped my face. His tongue parted my lips and he deepened the kiss. As I started to respond to him, all worries left behind, his other hand wrapped around my waist and he pulled me close. His kiss was so much different than Boggs’. He smelled different, tasted different, felt different. As thoughts of my lover entered my mind, I pushed back gently.

“Gus, we can’t,” I said breathlessly.

He rested his forehead against my own, and pulled me back against him. “I know.”

He was as breathless as I.
My heart was pounding. My insides were on fire. I startled when there was a knock on the front door and it opened a crack. Gus quickly stepped away from me.

“Nathan,” said Gus.

“Guys,” said Nathan as he eyed us suspiciously. “I’ve no idea what you’re up to and it’s none of my business, but we need to go.”

I could feel Gus tense.
“Nathan, go back to the car. We’ll be out in a minute. Tell them we’re just boxing up the last of the kitchen stuff?”

“You got it.”

“Lock the doorknob when you go, please?”

Nathan started at Gus as if considering the request.
“Will do.” I could tell he wanted to say more.

The door clicked shut.
We heard Nathan try the knob, testing the lock.

“Gus?” I whispered.
“We seriously can’t do this…”

“I know,” he repeated as he stepped forward again.
“You feel it too, though, right?” His hands were on my shoulders and his brown eyes were staring intently into my own.

“Yes,” I whispered as he leaned down to me again, taking my face in both of his hands.
“But…”

“Shhhh,” he interrupted me.
“Just feel the moment, Zoe. It’s just you and me, right here, right now. No one else.”

He leaned in the last couple of inches and kissed me passionately.
I tensed at first, knowing it was so very wrong. He held my face steady in his strong hands, until finally I relaxed under his touch. His tongue searched for my own, and his hands crept down my back and onto my butt. He was holding me firmly against him, but in a tender and gentle way. He leaned down and suddenly his hands were wrapped behind my thighs and I was lifted off the floor and upwards so that we were at the same level as each other. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around his waist. I ached to surrender and forget about the world around us and the people we’d be hurting.

“Gus…”

“Shhhh,” he whispered against my mouth. His voice had grown even deeper than usual.

He was walking with me, and I held on to avoid falling.
Suddenly I felt a wall behind my back, and his mouth was on my neck. I heard myself groan, and in response he pressed himself against me even harder. I could feel the stiff bulge in his pants rubbing against me.

“Zoe, when I saw him grab you and heard you cry out, I wanted to kill him,” he said breathlessly.
“When I realized what you were doing and that you might die, I felt my heart break into a million pieces.” He kissed my jaw line up to my ear. “I know it’s wrong, but you need to know how I feel.”

I swallowed hard.
He had brought me back to reality, and Emilie and Boggs filled my thoughts again.

“Gus, I’m not sure what to say.”

His hands traveled up my shirt. They were cold and made my breath catch in my chest. His touch was so foreign, and so exciting. It felt like a million tiny sparks setting my core on fire. I was close to losing myself, my hips pressing back in search of him. I felt a tear fall down my cheek. He wiped it away with the back of his hand.

“Don’t cry, Zoe.
It’ll be ok, somehow. We’ll figure this all out in time.” He kissed my cheek, wrapped his arms around me, and held me tight.

The car horn sounded from outside.
I was irritated, wondering who the hell would honk when we all know that noise attracts them.

“Oh no,” I groaned.
“Oh, God, Gus we have to leave. There’s so many of them coming this way.”

My head was suddenly filled with a thousand signatures of the dead, and I could see the road in front of them as they walked onward.

“Oh Lord,” I exclaimed. “I wasn't focusing my mind.”

I could see the Suburban getting closer through the eyes.
Not just one set of eyes, but many. Their desire for flesh was strong.

“How close, Zoe?” he asked, setting me back on my feet.

“Close. They see our car. That’s why the others are honking.”

There was suddenly pounding on the door.

“Get the fuck out here!” yelled Nathan, clearly irate.

My stomach did a flip and then dropped, my skin ran cold, and my hip was on fire.
Gus grabbed my hand and pulled me to the door. It unlocked easily and he kept my hand in his as we rushed to the SUV. Boggs was behind the wheel, and Nathan jumped into the passenger seat beside him. Gus practically shoved me into the back seat and climbed in almost on top of me. Susan and Emilie were beside me with Kelsey, Abbey, and little Jane in the far back row. I instantly felt self-conscious and awkward sitting beside Gus. Our middle row was crowded.

“Susan, do you want to climb up front?” whispered Emilie.
I assumed she knew I wasn't ready to sit beside Boggs after what had happened.

Susan stared at her for a moment.
“Sure.”

“Sit tight, girls,” barked Nathan.
“Wait till we’re clear of the dead fuckers before you play musical chairs.”

Boggs had already begun backing up.
The SUV now faced the road that led to the house. There were so many undead walking toward us. I knew the horde went on for miles back in the direction we had come from.

“Boggs, you need to hurry and get your speed up before they trap us here in this fucking dead end,” said Nate.

“I’m on it,” grumbled Boggs.

The SUV roared and sped up as the gas pedal was pressed.
The hunger of the horde was growing. I could smell them now and retched. Gus put his hand on my back as I leaned forward. Someone handed me a cup that had been rolling around the floorboard for miles, and I clutched at it as I emptied my stomach of thick, sour bile. Emilie had her arm around me, and I assumed she had climbed over Susan to sit beside me. How could Gus and I have just crossed a line that would hurt this girl so very much? She was my sister now, in this Godforsaken existence of ours. The smell of death and rot and the guilt I now held caused me to continue retching, and I began to shake. My head hurt, my hip hurt, and now my abdominal muscles were on fire. I kept my head down, leaning forward.

I felt the SUV sway and threw up again, missing the cup and splattering Gus’ shoes.

“Sorry,” I moaned.