Tackled by Love (21 page)

***

When I wake up several hours later, I feel a lot better. The headache is gone and I can move without feeling like my head will explode. I’m still wearing the same clothes from last night and I smell like a sewer. I pat my pockets searching for my phone to see what time it is. When I pull it out, I notice I have several missed messages. Fucking Valerie, I’m sure. I open them and read through them.

Val: Fuck you Landon!

But it’s the next few messages that make my heart drop.

Autumn: I just got home from work. You gonna head over now?

Autumn: Are you okay? I thought you’d be over by now.

Autumn: I’m starting to worry about you.

Autumn: I’m going to bed. Please call me and let me know you’re okay.

Son of a bitch.

With everything that went on last night, I completely forgot that I was supposed to go over to Autumn’s last night. I rub my temples as my headache resurfaces, hating that I caused her to worry about me. I dial her number and wait for her to answer. She picks up on the second ring.

“Landon, oh my God, I was worried about you. Are you okay?” Her words come out rushed, verifying how concerned she was.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry about last night. I forgot I was supposed to come over.” Rubbing the back of my neck, I wait for her to respond as the silence stretches out between us.

“You forgot.” It’s not a question and her voice is monotone, giving away no emotion and making it hard to read the situation.

“I’m sorry, something came up and I had to deal with it. I know I should have called, but—“

“No, it’s okay,” she cuts me off. “No worries.” Before I can say anything, she says, “Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later.” She hangs up without letting me say goodbye. I know I’ve hurt her feelings.

FUCK!

With anger coursing through my body, I hang up on Landon and toss the phone onto the couch. I had been so worried I’m pretty sure I put a hole in the carpet from pacing all night. My stomach was in knots as my mind ran wild with all that could have happened to him. Was he in a car accident laying in a ditch somewhere? Did something happen to his mom? Was there some other emergency? It’s not like him to not check in with me; at least I didn’t think it was. To find out that he was okay and just forgot about me puts me in a state of fury. All the anger is soon replaced with complete disappointment and hurt as the reality of the situation sets in.

He forgot about me.

A slight pain in my chest begins to throb as those words play on repeat in my head. It’s just like all those years in high school when no one knew I existed. My classmates often looked right past me, never seeing me until I was the center of another cruel joke. I was never picked during group projects or asked for my opinion during club meetings. I blended into the background, forgotten by all of those around me. Now, I feel just as irrelevant as I did then, and that thought is depressing. Landon was the first guy to make me feel special, but he’s also the first guy to have the ability to break my heart. I had started to develop serious feelings for him without completely knowing it, but he’s proved to be just like everyone else.

Refusing to cry over my hurt feelings, I get up and do the only thing I can to stay distracted. I clean. Once I’m gloved up, I start in the kitchen, scrubbing it from top to bottom. It’s sort of cathartic, like cleaning the house is also cleansing my mind and heart. I’ll wipe away the dirt and filth that clings to the emotions that make me doubt and feel bad about myself. I spent too many years in a state of self loathing because of the actions of others. I will not do it anymore.

I’m cleaning the grout on the tiled floors when I hear a knock on the door. Removing my gloves, I walk to the door and open it. My eyes widen in surprise seeing Landon standing before me.

“What are you doing here?” Hoping to hide the pain in my eyes, I blink a few times and straighten my spine while I wait for a response.

“I could tell I hurt you and I wanted to make it right. I’m so sorry that I didn’t come over last night. I’m sorry for causing you worry, and I’m sorry for upsetting you by making you think you weren’t important enough for me to remember.” It’s like he can read my mind, because that’s exactly how I felt. Like I didn’t mean enough to be at the forefront of his mind. “If you’ll let me in, I’ll explain everything.” I don’t say anything, I just move to the side to grant him entry. “These are for you, by the way.” He hands me a beautiful bouquet of purple tulips. When he walks past me, I take in a breath of their scent and hold it in before releasing it.

“Thank you.” While Landon walks into the living room and has a seat on the couch, I walk into the kitchen to put the flowers in water. I stall just a little while longer adjusting the flowers in the vase. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous to hear the excuse he’s come up with. Once I’m done, I sit down in a chair across from him. “So, what happened last night?” I try my best to keep my voice steady, but the hurt leaks out anyway, causing it to crack.

“It all started with a phone call to Andrews.” He goes on to explain the conversation he had with him and how the hit on him at the practice game was planned. My mouth drops with each new detail he gives me. “After he told me that,” he continues, “I wasn’t thinking straight.” He leans his head back against the couch and looks up at the ceiling. “Every goal and dream flashed before my eyes and I was fucking furious that it was stolen from me like that. All the anger and resentment I felt about my injury had resurfaced and had an actual person I could direct it to. My only thought after that was to drown out the anger and hate before I did something stupid. I ended up at a bar and got shit faced before taking a cab home.” Sitting up straight, our gaze reconnects and I clearly see the sincerity with his next words. “None of that excuses standing you up like that, but I wanted you to know that I wouldn’t have forgotten our plans if something serious didn’t happen.” His eyes are pleading, asking for forgiveness. I really want to, and he has a legitimate reason for not showing up, but it definitely makes me question where this is headed.

“Wow, what are you going to do?” I look away to break away from his penetrating stare and give myself a moment to think.

He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees while he rubs his temples. “I need to talk to my attorney to see what course of action can be taken and what kind of evidence would be needed.” He runs his hands roughly through his light brown hair, which causes it to stick up in every direction. “This is so fucked up, my mind is still spinning.”

Getting up, I walk over to the couch and sit next to him. I wrap my arms around him and pull him in for a hug. He hugs me back and I feel a little of the tension leave his body. “It’s going to be okay. You’ll figure it all out.” Pulling back, I look into his eyes to try to convey the confidence I have in him.

“Thanks. Let’s talk about something else. I need a distraction from this shit. Didn’t you go see your dad?” I nod. “How did that go?”

“It went well, I suppose. We talked a little about you actually.”

He perks up a little. “About what?”

“You know Dad was pretty pissed about the whole jail and tabloid thing.” He winces slightly but nods in acknowledgment. “I was nervous to bring you up because he’s already got it in his mind that you’re a troublemaker and a bad influence. But we talked and I told him that you’re nice to me, so I think I was able to smooth it all over.”

“That’s great. When do I get to meet him?” He laces his fingers through mine as he smiles warmly at me. It sends butterflies to my stomach, but I have to shut off my body’s reaction and start using my brain.

“Uh, well—“ I start to stutter as I try to think of a good reason that he can’t meet my dad and not hurt his feelings at the same time. Landon must pick up on the direction of my thoughts because he pulls his hand away and leans back into the couch.

“It’s okay. You don’t want me to meet him.” His voice drips with disappointment. He’s not looking at me anymore and staring off straight ahead. Even though he has this tough exterior, it’s clear that I’ve wounded him.

“No, I do,” I rush out, trying to do damage control while reaching for his hands again. “I just don’t know if I’m—we’re—ready for that yet.” I’m trying to tread lightly, but I’m not sure it’s working. In fact, his furrowed eyebrows tell me it’s not working.

“What’s going on? You’re holding something back, and I wish you’d just spit that shit out so I know where you really stand with me.” Crossing his arms across his chest, he avoids my grasp. He’s staring intently at me as he waits for an explanation.

A heavy sigh leaves my mouth. “I think we should cool it for a little while. Maybe we could be friends and take things slow.”

“I don’t know what kind of friends you have, but I don’t make it a habit of eating my friends’ pussy. We’re way past friendship, sweetheart.” I gasp at his bluntness. His pet name for me comes out hard and sarcastic. Once I’ve recovered from the shock of what he just said, the anger settles back in and my hand flies out before I can stop myself. My palm connects with his check, causing his face to jerk to the side.

I’m seething. “Oh my God, I can’t believe you—“

“No, just stop,” he cuts me off, the smack to his face not seeming to faze him. “You’re fucking scared and you’re running. You act like I don’t know you, but I pay close attention to the things you’ve shared and the little nuances you have. You know I didn’t intentionally hurt you, but you’re waiting for the day that I do. So you’re going to fucking bail before that happens. Am I right?” With lips pursed together, his eyes are set hard on me while the muscle in his jaw is hard as steel. Right now, I hate the son of a bitch for knowing exactly what I’m thinking. I’m terrified of getting my heart crushed by him. So many times I had my heart taken from me as it was stomped on in the school hallways. Why would I willingly give it to someone to have them do the same thing? “Your silence tells me all I need to know.” His voice is softer, void of the hard edge it had moments ago. He moves in closer and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Don’t quit on us before we’ve even gotten started. If you want to wait to introduce me to your dad, that’s fine. But don’t put me in the friend zone, because we both know we’ve never been just friends.”

Staring deep into his hazel eyes, a battle rages on within myself. Do I go for self preservation, or give whatever the hell this is a chance and risk everything I’ve worked so hard for?

Self preservation wins out.

“I can’t,” I whisper, diverting my eyes to the ground.

“Can’t or won’t?” The harsh tone is back and I know he’s not going to make this easy on me.

Bringing my eyes back up to his, I’m met with daggers that make me want to shrink back into myself. “Is there a difference?”

“There’s a big fucking difference. Can’t means you’re letting your head get in the way. Won’t means I don’t mean shit to you. So which is it?” His glare is so intense I’m forced to look away. He means more to me than I’d like to admit, but if I tell him that, he won’t let me walk away. I need to put distance between us. I’ve endured a lot of heartache in my past and very little remains of the pieces I’ve managed to mend together. I won’t survive the pain he could inflict on me if I let myself fall any more for him.

“Won’t.”

Won’t.

One word.

Four letters.

One syllable.

And I fucking hate it.

After Autumn told me she wouldn’t try to make this work, I leave and go home. I fall into bed and stare up at the ceiling. A million thoughts run through my head, wondering if there’s any way I can change her mind. The fear in her eyes was painful to see and it hurts to know she’s scared of me hurting her.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I sit up, rushing to pull it out in hopes that it’s Autumn. Yes, I sound like a fucking girl, but I don’t give a shit. When I see it’s just my lawyer, my shoulders sag as the hope gets sucked out of me.

Mr. Henderson: Not making much headway with the wife. She’s a pretty greedy one.