Taboo (9 page)

Carter pushes me against the car, my skirt inching past my thighs. I’ll fuck him here. I would, but I think how he’s better than this.
Better than skanky sex in public. This isn’t what I want him to know. I want him to treat women right—treat them like a goddess. That doesn’t happen out here.

I touch my fingers to his lips. They’re hot with anger and desire. “Take me home,” I say.

“What?”

“To my home.
Let’s go. We’ll be quiet and discreet and they’ll never know.”

He frowns and a thin line forms between his eyebrows.
“You sure?”

“Yes,” I tell him, sliding down the side of the car and adjusting my skirt. “I’m sure.”

*

I’ve made a mistake. I know that the instant he enters me. My legs hang over his wide, strong shoulders and he’s pounding into me like he’ll never get the chance again.

Oh
, god.

His eyes are open and I want to close mine but I can’t, I’m drowning and he’s drowning and only one of us can save the other. Only one of us can be the adult. But right now, right at this moment he’s hitting that spot, like I taught him, over and over and before I can even say his name he’s smothered my mouth in his own. He likes to steal my breath when I come, making me even more light headed. I’m almost there, almost and then…

“What?” I breathe into the darkness. He’s gone and my legs are down and pushed wide. I feel his wet lips on my inner thigh and his dry fingers on my wet lips. I’m spiraling again, like before, but better and then gently, so gently he kisses me so soft I barely feel it and his fingers find my nipples. He plucks and twists and grazes over them just the right way and oh. Oh. Oh.

“Oh Carter,” I say in my delirium,
because he’s saved the best for last, because he rises back up and plunges in me so deep, to the hilt, knocking against my insides. He uses every ounce of his muscles and the strength and stamina until he hits that spot again, this time for real. The one that leaves me unraveled and in a heaving damp pile on the bed.

“What the hell was that?” I ask, to his equally exhausted body, lying next to mine. I ask, but I already know. I know what just happened and I know the difference. All I wanted was sex and he gave me that plus everything else. All the stuff I didn’t want
. Not just the sex and lust and the pent-up, horny as hell, teenaged boy. He gave me something more.

And boy, was it worth it.

He wraps me in
his long swimmer’s arms, kissing my neck and ears and shoulders until we fall asleep together, peaceful and quiet.

Chapter 19

“Look, Ruthie, look!” Claire waves a handful ribbons and a gold trophy in my face. Two blues, a red and a white.

“Great job, baby!”

We’re at the end of the year
pool party. I told the girls I would come even though technically, I’m off the clock. Their parents are here, sitting with the other families, enjoying the end of season cook-out.

Aqua-Man
has his own stack of ribbons, more blue than anything else and a gold medal rests against his chest. He runs his hand through his hair and I notice how much it’s grown out since the beginning of summer, it’s messier and even more adorable and if we weren’t in this crowd of people I’m pretty sure I’d be kissing him right now.

After the night at my apartment t
hings shifted for us. In a good and bad way. Carter gave me his all that night but since then has been more reserved. He stopped pushing any ‘real relationship’ nonsense and I think the reality of our situation finally set in. One week and he’s off to school, off to adulthood. I know he believes he’s losing me, but I know the truth. I know who’s really losing out.

“Who’s that?” I ask Betsy, pointing to the woman standing next to Carter. She has wavy, short brown hair.

“Oh, you know the girls’ swim instructor, Carter?”

I nonchalantly nod
. “Sure.”

“That’s his mother. I me
t her at the pool board meeting earlier this summer.”

“Oh, right.”

I watch him with his mother while they talk with the other boys his age. They seem close, comfortable with one another. And now that I know they’re related, I see the similarities. The gray eyes. The tall stature. He’s never mentioned his parents to me much. I haven’t mentioned mine to him. What’s there to say?

Oddly
, he looks a little sad and I wonder if it’s because his reign as summer league champ has come to an end. It’s the end of an era, and for him it’s the definitive step between kid and grown-up. Probably even more than hooking up with an older woman. He’s looking a little lost until our eyes meet over dozens of kids and everything on him brightens. His eyes sparkle and his sure grin is even surer and I catch myself grinning back—

O
h no.

That’s when it hits me.
Hard. He’s looking at me like he’s been waiting for me. Like I’m the one that can save him. And I’m doing the same thing and suddenly we’re a thing. A real thing.

We were never supposed to be a real thing

A quick-paced sense of panic rushes through my nerves. Because this is our summer fling. This is me leaving cougar town and hopping on the jailbait train and riding it until my thighs ache.

He’s just a kid and like it or not, it’s time for me to grow up.

When he turns to speak to someone, I chicken out. My heart has fallen to the pit of my stomach and I kiss the girls goodbye, making my excuses to their mom. Before he can reach me, before I have to face him again, I run away.

Chapter
20

“Remind me why we’re here?”

A group of kids run by and Finley covers her ears, drowning out the screaming. We’re at one of those horrible bouncy places people take their kids to when they have reached the horrible spot of desperation. I am beyond that place. It’s a beautiful day. Blue sky greets us in all directions and it’s not even that hot. We should be at the pool. Instead we’re here.

“Because I’m avoiding Aqua-Man
.”

Finley
pushes her hair over her shoulder and looks at me like I’m a fool. She’s right, I am a fool, but I’m not backing down. “And why are you avoiding him?”

“Because I think he likes me.”

She nods. “I think you’re right. I’m pretty sure he fell in ‘like’ with you the minute you touched his dick.” I drop my head in my hands. God, I’m such an idiot. Finley, of course, isn’t done. “Or maybe when you put it in your mouth, or when you screwed him in your car or in the locker room—“

“
Shhhh!”

She
rolls her eyes, but lowers her voice to a whisper. “Or any of the dozen or so other places you schooled him on how to be a super sexy mofo.”

“You encouraged me!”

“I did and I still do. Who cares if he likes you? He likes your ass. And your mouth. And those boobs. God you have the best boobs,” she sighs. “He’s eighteen. He’s resilient.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Yes, I really do, but if you end it like this, all awkward and weird he’ll always think he did something wrong. Just be honest with him. You have from the beginning.”

“What if I break his heart?”

She scoffs. “That kid is going to break a thousand hearts freshman year alone. That smile? It’s killer. He will cut a swath through sorority row that will never recover from the likes of him—especially after all the ammo you gave him. One bruised heart from you won’t kill him—it’ll make him stronger.”

Maggie
walks over to us, limping on one foot. Huge tears fall down her cheeks. “That girl pushed me and my knee got hurt and I’m bleeding everywhere!” All of this came out in between hiccups.

“Whatever you do, fix it fas
t,” she says, inspecting Maggie’s injured knee. “I want to go back to the pool.”

*

I
brace myself on the ride to the pool, in the parking lot, and as we walk through the gate. All my preparations and fretting are worthless in the end. He’s not here.

We hang around through the shift changes and Carter never shows. It’s Tuesday and he always works on Tuesdays and I’m about to sneak into the guard room to check the schedule but I don’t.

Because this is what I want. This is over. We’re done. Summer has come to an end and everything has gone according to plan. I seduced Aqua-Man, showed him the ropes, had amazing sex and now we both move on.

Too bad I feel like shit.

Too bad I’m horny as hell and would give anything for a quickie in the bathhouse. Or even his car.

I push aside my real desire.
To have him in my bed one more time.

“I’m such an idiot,” I mutter.

“What?” Finley asks from the chair beside her.

“I’m an idiot, okay?
This whole thing with Aqua-Man. Fucking stupid. I’m so stupid, I can’t believe I let it get to this point. I feel horrible.”

Finley swings her legs around and faces me. “I know you feel bad, but we talked about this. He’ll be okay.”

I shift my eyes away and nod.

“Wait,” she says with narrowed eyes. “You’re an idiot because you fell for him!”

I look around and say, “Shhh!”

“You did. I knew it.” She stops gloa
ting and frowns. “Oh honey, oh God. You fell for him.”

I start to shake my head and deny it but a big, fat, stupid tear rolls down
my cheek instead. “I’m a moron.”

“Yeah,” she says, rubbing my back. “A little bit, but he’s pretty great.”

I wipe my nose with the corner of my beach towel. “Dammit. I’m going to the bathroom and when I get back we’re not talking about this anymore, okay?”

“Deal.”

The bathhouse mirror reveals that I’m a blotchy mess.  I blow my nose and splash cold water on my face to relieve the swelling and hope the sunglasses hide the rest. I’m on my way out when I hear him by the guard room laughing. There’s no mistaking the high-pitched, obnoxious voice of the person he’s talking to and I press myself against the wall where they can’t see me.

Bikini Mom.

This day just keeps getting worse.

“So you’re off to school?” she
asks. It comes out as a coo, and I fight the bile rising in the back of my throat.

“I leave tomorrow, just came by to get my final check.”

“You’ll have so much fun,” she says. “Pledging?”

“Yeah, Rush starts this weekend. My dad is a Kappa Sig, so I’ll probably lean that way.”

“Fraternity boys. God, I miss those days,” she laughs, flirty and in what I’m sure she thinks is a seductive voice. “You’re single, right? You’re not leaving anyone special behind?”

I freeze, waiting to hear his reply.

“Uh, well…sort of? We agreed to see other people at school, you know, long distance and all.”

“Keep your options open,” she purrs.

His answer and voice sound sad but I can’t hear what he says next because a group of kids push past me to enter the bathhouse. When I listen again, he’s gone.

*

Can you come over?

To your house?

My apartment—yeah

Now?

When you can—I’ll be here.

Give me twenty—I need a shower

Twenty-three minutes later, still smelling of soap and shampoo, Carter Hightower stands in my living room. He’s wearing a blue hoodie with his jersey number on it from his school soccer team. Everything about Carter is big and he takes up too much space for a boy his age. He’s all arms and legs. His broad shoulders seem to press against the walls. I’ve had him in many confined spaces, but this room seems to cage him more than anything else. I never want to do that to him. I want him free, the way he is underwater or flying through the air.

“So,” he says, hands shoved in his pockets. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I wasn’t feeling well,” I lie, even though it’s not completely untrue.

He reaches for my waist with those l
ong arms and closes the distance, because this is how we communicate—through the physical. “You okay?”

“I think so.
Maybe. I don’t know.”

“I’m leaving in the morning. My mom was kind of pissed I left tonight—the last night at home and everything.”

“I just wanted to see you one last time,” I tell him, knowing this isn’t good for either of us.

Regardless of right or wrong, I pull him down by the strings of his hoodie and kiss him. I then take his hand and lead him to my bedroom. He smiles at the sight and sprawls across the bed immediately, taking up all the space. His feet dangle from the end and his arms are much wider than the mattress. He looks even stranger here than in the other room, but when he tugs me down on the bed I don’t resist. I didn’t call him here to break his heart. I called him here to finish what I started.