Sympathy for the Devil (21 page)

       “She’s your best friend.”

       “Even more reason for her to have no clue why I’m sleeping with the enemy. I’ve been cursing your name and wishing all levels of hell on you. How do I turn around and tell her what... we’re together?”

       Pierce’s long lashes rested downwards, the tips of his fingers over my thighs. “You can’t lie to her.”

       “I know that.”

       “Look, if she doesn’t get it, I’ll back off. I’m not going to get in between you two.” I stared at him in disbelief. Did that just come out of Pierce Callun’s mouth? He cupped my face. “Yes, I did say that. I’ve fucked about enough. I’m not going to fuck with your best mate.”

       I moved my face from his hands. “You mean not anymore?”

       His hand spanned over my belly. “Not anymore.”

       “Seriously?” I demanded.

       He leaned back on my pillows and stared up at the ceiling. “It was verbal. Nothing more than...”

       “Getting rid of her.”

       “I didn’t want to sleep with her,” he said impatiently. “I don’t want to sleep with her, I swear.” I could feel the tears swimming in my eyes. I couldn’t do this. Pierce felt my distance and said quietly, “I’ll go if you want me to. You know this won’t work if you don’t trust me.”

       “How can I?” I whispered brokenly. “You tore my best friend into pieces because you mind-fucked her into thinking she wasn’t worth the shit on your shoes. And I had to put her back together. She won’t understand it.” He brushed a tear from my face with the back of his hand.

       “She won’t understand if it’s just us fucking,” he warned me, licking my tear from his knuckles.

       “Are you digging?” I choked a laugh through my tears.

       “No. She’ll understand if it’s more than that. That it’s more than you just wanting a good go-over with an evil bastard.”

       I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “It was so hard trying to make her feel better, when all I had in my head was the two of you together. Every time I looked at her it broke my heart.” He gathered me tightly in his arms, stroking my hair soothingly. “Because I thought you loved Toni, and not me.”

       “I’m sorry,” he whispered against my cheek. “It was always you.”

       “I just don’t know what to tell her,” I said, avoiding the fact that I hadn’t told him how I felt. “What do I say? ‘By the way, I’m dating the terrorist of your relationship’?”

       “Code name Osama,” he quipped. He made me look at him. “She knows you. You who’d rather give up a pair of Alexander McQueen heels than your love. It means I’m worth something. Or at least that I’ve changed.” He paused. “If you’re willing to give me the chance.”

       His eyes were so blue, the expression in them so earnest. It came down to two things. Did I love him? Stupidly so. Did I trust him? I could only really judge when the reunite-Toni-and-West ploy kicked in. I trusted him enough to let him ride me bareback. I trusted him because I knew he wasn’t lying to me. He had too much to lose if he was. Trauma.

       “Don’t,” he ordered, kissing me instead. “Don’t think about the past. Just think about how amazing we are together.”

       He kissed me harder, pressing me into the springs of my mattress. I felt him stiffening against my thigh. I had missed him so much, trying to mask my pain with anger hadn’t helped. If I was with him, even if it lasted the same time as a supernova, I’d get over him faster than holding onto a “
What if?
”

       “Just think about you and me,” he urged as I arched into him.
God, Toni, Don’t be mad with me...

       Cari unwrapped the package that had just been delivered to our house. We had looked at each other in surprise at the courier, then we excitedly took it to the living room for Cari to get into. She unfolded the cardboard box, and we both peeked inside and gasped.

       “Prada!” we whispered simultaneously.

       I saw the card before Cari did and whipped it out of the box before she could take it. “Who the hell is sending you £500 shoes?”

       Cari looked panicked. “T, give it back.”

       I read the card out loud. “Thank you for the chance, I only need one…” My voice petered out as I saw the name at the end. I couldn’t deny that I’d had an idea that something had changed.

       Phoebe had also said the day we moved, “Cari can’t walk properly. Someone gave it to her good.”

       “Why him?” I asked sadly.

       “God, that boy is stupid, sending something so blatantly to me,” she muttered to herself. “Look, I’m sorry. I was going to tell you…”

       “Really?” I couldn’t help my scepticism.

       “Yes, of course!”

       She had to love him. She wouldn’t do this otherwise. How had she managed to fall in love with such a bastard, though? That absolute bastard! He wasn’t content taking my boyfriend and my dignity; he wanted my best friend too. What had I done to deserve him isolating me?

       “T, when we went to Brighton, you knew that I liked him. It’s more than that.” She reached out and took my hands. “I love him. And he wants to make things right.”

       “For who?” I demanded. “Himself?” Why was she being so stupid?

       “No, for you.”

       “Because he loves me?” I asked bitterly.

       Cari gripped my hands harder. “Because
I
love you. Because he doesn’t have a hope in hell with me unless he does.”

       I struggled past the thickness in my throat, “He’ll hurt you.”

       She closed her eyes briefly. “The boy has issues, I know.”

       “He will hurt you,” I insisted. “That’s just who he is.”

       Cari gave me a soft, assured smile. “No, it’s not. Not at all. When you’re ready, you’ll see.”

       I started having palpitations. “So, what, he’ll be here all the time?”

       “No, I’ll go to his.”

       “So I won’t see you at all?”

       “Antonia,” Cari said sternly. “I am not going anywhere. You are my best mate. Hos before bros. Trust!”

       She enveloped me in a hug as I begged, “Don’t let him take you away from me.”

       “Woman, I knocked him out for the both of us. He knows the pecking order.”

       Her phone rang, and from the way her face lit up I knew it was him. “I got them, you flash wanker… They are amazingly beautiful, thank you…Don’t tell me how I feel! Oh, shut up!” she blushed. “Okay. I’ll see you later.”

       I couldn’t help feeling like I’d lost everything…

       I was busy. The new shop was like McDonald’s –people constantly in and out all day, asking stupid, incessant questions, but I couldn’t afford to lose this job by losing my temper. Everyone asked me how I hurt my hand. I was tempted on several occasions to yell, “Because my girlfriend was fucking around behind my back!” I suppressed it. I had to.

       During the first lull when I could finally have a bit of peace, Pierce and Cari walked in together.

       “West, how are you, honey?” Cari asked breezily.

       “Great, fantastic.” I glared belligerently at Pierce. I couldn’t help it. I blamed him for losing Toni even if she’d slept with someone else. I loved that girl so much, but he hadn’t done a single thing to convince her otherwise.

       “You’re not great or fantastic, clearly,” she said decisively. “Pierce has something he has to tell you.”

       He looked down at her. “What, here?”

       She lifted a shoulder. “Now’s as good a time as any.”

       I glanced at him, waiting for this tale. He was staring at the carpet, kicking at it like a chastised boy, then said clearly and evenly, “I lied.”

       For a second there was no carpet beneath my feet, nothing except confusion that sapped the strength from my knees. “Not now,” I said hoarsely, turning away.

       Pierce grabbed me by the arm. “Yes, now. I’m tired of this hanging over my head like an omen of death. You don’t answer calls or reply to text messages. If we don’t do this now, I know you’ll find an excuse not to.”

       I snatched my arm away. “What did you lie about exactly?”

       He took a breath. “Toni.”

       “I thought she’d done enough of that for everyone to take a little responsibility here and there.”

       Cari snapped, “Shut up and let him speak, please?”

       I looked at my girlfriend’s best friend. I adored her, but right now I felt as if she too had been part of the betrayal.

       Pierce spoke again. “All right. What I said about her cheating on her ex-boyfriend is true, but there were reasons for it, it wasn’t black and white. I…”

       “You what?” My voice was like cut glass.

       “I did my best to get her out of our lives. I wound her up, I played with her head, and took every opportunity to make her feel little better than a slag. Did the same to you at the same time.”

       My chest felt tight. I could hardly breathe. “Why would you do that?”

       Pierce shrugged. “I thought she was a common slapper and I preferred if she fucked off.”

       I wanted to rip his head off; the surge of violence within me was unheard of. Pint-sized Cari stood between Pierce and a lined wooden box.

       “We didn’t come here for a set to,” she whispered angrily.

       “Get out of the way.”

       “What’s going on here?” my boss came out and asked imperiously. “I hope this isn’t a social visit, Mr. Erwood.”

       Pierce smiled and offered his hand. “Andrew Callun of Vodaphone, Scotland, and this is Elvira Lawson. We’re here to assess West’s fascinating management skills.”

       My boss, to my eternal fury at such insipid stupidity, straightened his tie. “Good to know that an employee of mine has learned so much from me.”

       “Would you mind if we borrowed him for a bit?” Cari asked sweetly, playing along.

       “Not at all.”

       Hands defiantly stuffed into my pockets, I said, “Your dad is going to have you one day if you keep doing that.”

       “I know,” Pierce said softly.

       “Let’s go somewhere and talk,” Cari suggested. “And no fighting because if there is, so help me God, I’ll call the police myself. Love’s got nothing to do with it,” she said directly to Pierce.

      
Love
? I thought, glancing between the two.
Stupid girl
, then instantly retracted that thought. Small as she was, Cari was probably the only woman who could hold her own and make Pierce tap dance for her affections. We crossed the road to the Swan pub and sat in the corner table nearest the door. We sat for a few minutes in silence, me looking at the huge sports screen, Pierce flicking his solid silver lighter, and Cari running her eye over the food menu. “Anyone for cheesy chips?”

       “I just ate,” I said shortly, wishing they’d both left me alone.

       “Or if not we can have some plain chips or onion rings or…”

       “Cari,” Pierce interrupted gently. “Go get us something to drink.”

       “Yeah, right,” she snorted. “Leave you two on your own?”

       “Please?”

       “Not a good idea.”

       “For Christ’s sake…” he growled.

       “Don’t talk to her like that,” I warned him.

       Pierce’s irritation showed clearly on his usually impassive face.
Good, bring it on
, I thought.

       “Don’t tell me how to speak to my girlfriend when…”

       “Okay, getting the drinks!” Cari announced brightly, and she slipped from her seat to get them. Pierce looked at me for a minute then dropped his gaze to the table. He scrambled in his pockets for cigarettes. It angered me that he had Cari, and what did I have that he wouldn’t take from me in a second? I hated him.

       “Say it,” I offered. “You’re pretty free and easy with the insults.” He puffed silently on his menthol. “When what?”

       “When you don’t even know yours,” he said, eyes glittering.

       “Christ, what the hell does Cari see in you?”

       He angrily put out the menthol. “Let me explain a few things to you, since you think you’re the victim in this. I know Cari. I know the type of person she is, I know the standards she lives by. Toni is exactly the same. Knowing me as long as you have, you shouldn’t have just taken what I said and run with it.”

       “So, it’s my fault? You’re the one who lied, split us up, made me want to hate her, and it’s my fucking fault?” My voice was rising, and I could see Cari watching us from the bar as she made her order.

       “No,” he snapped irritably, “it’s not all your fault. But you made it easy.”

       I had nothing to say to that, except to grab his shirt and lift back my fist. Cari yelped and put herself in front of me like lightning, holding back my fist. “Don’t you dare!”

       “He deserves it!” I bellowed. “He deserves a hell of a lot more.”

       Pierce carefully tugged on Cari’s ponytail. “Get out of the way. Let him do it. It won’t erase the part he played. He put Toni on this saintly pedestal and expected her to live up to it. She wobbled a little so he kicked her off.”

       I lifted my fist higher, ready to strike with everything in me. “No!” Cari screamed.

       “He thinks,” Pierce continued, “that if he hits me it’ll make up for what he did too. He’ll never understand that she isn’t perfect. She never has been, and no woman ever will be.” He glanced at her. “Except you.”

       I shoved him away and sat back in my seat. “None of that is true,” I snarled. “You’re the one with the problem. You couldn’t accept that a woman wanted me, just me and no one else. You couldn’t deal with the fact that you’re too cold, too abrupt, too fucked up to go anywhere near her, and she would never want anyone as damaged as you. Look what you did to all of us!” I gestured to myself and Cari. “I’ve known you for sixteen years. I never thought you’d lie to me. I had no reason whatsoever to not believe you.”

       Pierce sat down as if all the bone had disappeared from his legs. “I know,” he said, his voice breaking, “and you will never know how sorry I am for it.”

       “You can be as sorry for as long as you like,” I told him, running a hand over tired eyes. “It won’t change a thing. I don’t know who you are anymore.”

       “Oh, stop being such a bloody martyr.” Cari put her two pence in at last. “You know exactly who he is. I bet any money you’ve sat there and watched him do the same thing to a million other girls…”

       “Hey.” Pierce frowned.

       “…and probably laughed about it. Where were you to tell him he was being out of order? Where were you to ask him what was so wrong in his life that he spent most of it trashing anyone who wanted to be close to him? You have no right to play hard-done-upon boyfriend. You never gave Toni a chance. Knowing exactly the sort of man Pierce is to women, you should have talked to her first, and questioned his motivation, rather than assuming the worst.”

       I wasn’t going to take such mutiny lying down. This was categorically not my fault. “How do I know she wouldn’t have lied? Think about it —if I had gone to Pierce and said you and I had been fucking around would he have asked you politely if it was true?”

       “Pierce is such a back-street ho, he would have followed me around for a fortnight before believing your word off straight, so that’s not the best example to use,” she said dismissively.

       Pierce sent her a laconic glance. “Yeah, thanks. Why are you going out with me again?”

       She ignored him. “He’s too calculated to come out and ask me.”

       “And I’m not?”

       “I said this to Pierce, and I’m going to tell you too. Toni’s ex was exactly like Pierce, and if my girl does one thing it’s learn from her mistakes. You’re the polar opposite of them both, and that’s why she loves you. But you never gave her the chance. You heard something from someone else and immediately judged her by her past. I’m not saying she did the right thing by hooking up with Ben —far from it. But you pretty much laid out the red carpet for her to do it.”

       “Am I hearing things right?” I jabbed a finger in Pierce’s direction. “
He
broke us up!”

       “You all did,” Cari corrected. “Pierce did his part. Toni did hers. And so did you. Take a bit of responsibility.”

       “I’ve said sorry,” Pierce added, as the haze of disbelief intensified. I was the injured party! I’d been cheated on! “I mean it. West, I’m sorry. I’ll make up for it, however long it takes. We’ve been friends for years, come on, I was going to slip up sometime.”

       “This is not a slip. It’s a goddamn avalanche.”

       “Cari’s going to help me talk things through with Toni,” he said earnestly. “She’s a bit fragile but she’d jump at the chance to see you. You can work things out.”

       “But what about…all that stuff…with her ex…”

       “He was a watercolour. You’re the whole David,” Cari interrupted. “You can’t lose much else.”

       Pierce shook his head at her. “Sanctimonious nun.”

       She lifted a sardonic brow. “How much for what? Sucky-sucky?”

       I guessed it was a private joke. It made me miss Toni more intensely. Cari leaned over the table to take my hand. “She made a mistake in her past. Everyone does. You deal with them and you move on.”

       I stared at her. “How can you forgive him? Just like that?”

       “It wasn’t just like that. Still isn’t just like that.” She shrugged. “He makes sense to me. And he’s not in love with my best mate, and he’s not a cold-hearted bastard, and he’s on his knees kind of…”

       “Don’t need to hear it.”