Sydney Harbour Hospital: Lexi's Secret (12 page)

Losing patients was part of the job. Every surgeon knew it. Sam knew it but he still hated it. He hated the feeling of failure. Even when the odds were stacked against him he went into every operation intent on proving everyone wrong. And he had done it—numerous times. He had won some of the most unwinnable of battles. His professional reputation had been built on his successes. He had lengthened people’s lives, given them back to their families, given them back their potential.

But this time he had failed.

And now he had to face the family and still act as if he was in control when he felt anything but. The clinically composed veneer he wore was so thin at times he wondered why relatives didn’t see through it.

The family was gathered in one of the relatives’ rooms outside the theatre suites. Gloria Baker stood as soon as Sam came in. There was a son and a daughter with her, both teenagers about fourteen and sixteen. The son reminded Sam of himself at the same age: tall and awkward, both physically and socially. ‘I have some very bad news for you,’ Sam said gently. ‘We did everything we could but he wasn’t strong enough to survive the surgery. I’m very sorry.’

Gloria Baker’s face crumpled. ‘Oh, no …’

Megan, the daughter, wept in her mother’s arms but the son, Damien, just sat there, expressionless and mute. Sam knew what that felt like. The inability to publicly express the devastation you felt inside. He could imagine what Damien was going through. How he would have to step up to the plate and support his mother and sister. Be the man of the house now his father had died. He would appear to cope outwardly and everyone would marvel at how brave he was being. Sam had done the
very same thing but inside he had felt as if a part of him had been lost for ever.

‘I’m very sorry for your loss,’ Sam said again.

‘Can we see him?’ Megan asked.

‘Of course,’ Sam said. ‘I’ll organise it for you. Take all the time you need.’

Gloria wiped at her eyes. ‘Thank you for being so kind,’ she said. ‘Ken knew he might not make it. He’s been sick for so long. I just wish you had been here earlier to help him.’

‘I wish that too,’ Sam said.

‘You can come through now,’ one of the scrub nurses said to the family.

Sam stood to one side as the Baker family walked into Theatre to say their final goodbyes. There were some days when he really hated his job. He hated the pain he witnessed, he hated the ravage of disease he couldn’t fix, he hated the blood loss he couldn’t control, he hated the long hours of tricky, delicate and intricate surgery that ended with a flat line on the heart monitor.

He let out a sigh and turned for the theatre change room.

He couldn’t wait for this day to be over.

After a prolonged and difficult meeting with the hospital CEO Lexi had finally been given the go-ahead to restage the ball in the forecourt of the hospital. Her head was full of ideas for how the marquee would look. She still had a heap of things to do but she had already organised the layout and decorations. The caterers were booked and she had selected the menu. A wine supplier had donated several cases of wine and champagne and the hospital florist had offered her services for the
table arrangements. Lexi had even sent out emails to all ticket holders on the change of venue and was now in the process of pinning flyers to all the staff notice-boards throughout the hospital. After that horrible panic when she’d first received the news it felt good to be back in control of things.

The lift opened on the doctors’ room floor and Lexi stepped out with her bundle of flyers. She ran smack bang into Sam’s broad chest and the sheaf of notices went flying. The air was knocked out of her lungs and all she could manage was a breathless ‘Oops!’

Sam narrowed his eyes at her. ‘Don’t you ever look where you’re going?’ he snapped.

Lexi gave him an arch look. ‘I thought you always used the stairs?’

His jaw clenched like a steel trap as he bent to retrieve the flyers. Lexi watched as his gaze ran over the announcement printed there. ‘What’s this?’ he asked, swinging his nail-hard gaze to hers.

‘It’s a flyer about the ball,’ she said, angling her body haughtily. ‘There’s been a change of plan.’

His dark brows met above his eyes in a frown. ‘You’re having the ball here? At the hospital?’

Lexi bent down to pick up the rest of the scattered bundle. ‘Yes,’ she said, tugging at one of the flyers beneath his large foot. She looked up at him. ‘Do you mind?’

He stepped off it and she straightened, making a point of smoothing the flyer out as if it was a precious parchment he had deliberately soiled with his footprint.

‘What happened to the other venue?’ Sam asked.

‘A fire in the kitchen,’ Lexi said. ‘The firemen went a bit overboard with the water. The place is a mess.’

Sam was still frowning. ‘But surely this isn’t the
right place to have a function like that. Where are you going to house all the guests? The boardroom only fits twenty. That’s going to put a whole new spin on dancing cheek to cheek. It’ll be more like cheek to jowl.’

‘I’ve organised a marquee,’ she said with a toss of her head. ‘It’s all on the flyer if you’d take the time to read it.’

‘Have you thought this through properly?’ he asked. ‘You’re going to have people all over the place, some of them heavily inebriated. What about security? What about the disruption to the patients? This isn’t a hotel. People are here because they’re sick, some of them desperately so.’

Lexi rolled her eyes impatiently. ‘I’ve already been through all this with the CEO. He’s given me the all-clear.’

‘A busy public hospital is not a party venue,’ Sam said. ‘It’s a ridiculous idea. What were you thinking?’

Lexi was furious. She had only just managed to get the CEO on side. If Sam went up to him and expressed his concerns, the decision might very well be revoked. Her heart started to hammer in panic. She had to make this work. There was no other option. Her reputation was riding on this. She
had
to pull it off. ‘Why are you being so obstructive about this?’ she asked. ‘Is it because I’m the one planning it? Is that it?’

‘That has nothing to do with it,’ he said with a brooding frown. ‘I just don’t think you’ve thought it through properly.’

Lexi glowered at him. ‘Have
you
got a better idea, country boy? What about we throw a few hay bales around the local park and have a sausage sizzle and a few kegs of beer? Would you be more comfortable with that? Maybe we could even bring in some sheep and
some cows for authenticity, or what about a pig or two? I bet that would make you feel right at home.’

Sam took her by the elbow and marched her out of the way of the interested glances coming their way. ‘Will you keep your voice down, for heaven’s sake?’ he snarled.

She tugged at his hold but his fingers tightened. ‘Get your hand off me,’ she said. ‘I’ll call Security. I’ll scream. I’ll tell everyone you’re harassing me. I’ll … Hey, where are you taking me?’

Sam opened a storeroom door and dragged her in behind him, closing the door firmly once they were both inside. ‘You want to pick a fight with me, young lady, then you do it in private, not out there where patients and their relatives can hear.’

‘I suppose you think since you’ve got me all alone you can kiss me again.’ She threw him a blistering glare. ‘You just try it and see what happens.’

Sam gave her a taunting smile as he stepped closer. ‘I can hardly wait.’

Her eyes rounded and she backed up against the storage cabinet, making it rattle slightly. ‘Don’t you dare!’

‘What are you afraid of, Lexi?’ he asked, picking up a strand of her hair and looping it around his fingers. ‘That you might kiss me back and enjoy every wicked moment of it?’

He saw her slim throat rise and fall over a swallow and the way she sent the tip of her tongue out over her lips, a quick nervous dart that deposited a fine layer of glistening moisture on their soft pillowy surface. ‘I’d rather die,’ she said with a hoist of her chin and a flash of her bluer-than-blue eyes.

Sam knew he was not in the right mood to be rational. He knew he should have walked away from her and
gone home and wrestled his demons to the ground the way he normally did. Take it out on the ocean where no one could see or hear. But being with Lexi even for a few stolen moments was what he wanted more than anything right now. He threaded his fingers through her hair, which felt like silk, fragrant silk that fell in a skein way past her shoulders. The blood was surging through his body, making him thick and heavy with want. She would feel it if he brought her any closer. Her feet had already bumped against his, her slim thighs just a hair’s breadth away. ‘Have you told your fiancé about us yet?’ he asked.

Her eyes darkened like a thundercloud. ‘No, why should I?’ she said. ‘There is no us. It’s all in your head. You’re imagining it. I don’t even like you. I hate you, in fact. I can’t think of a person I hate more. You’re despicable, that’s what you are. You think you can play games with people. You think you can make them do things they don’t want to do. You want to make trouble. You want to mess up my life just when I’ve finally got it all …’

Sam brought his lips to the shell of her ear, trailing his tongue over the fragrant scent of her skin. ‘Am I imagining this?’ he asked.

He felt the expansion of her chest against his at her sharp intake of breath, her breasts brushing against him enticingly. ‘Stop it,’ she said in a whisper-soft voice but she didn’t move away.

‘And this?’ he asked, stroking his tongue over the fullness of her bottom lip.

He felt her lips quiver as she snatched in another uneven breath. ‘You shouldn’t be doing this,’ she said, her voice almost inaudible now. ‘I shouldn’t be doing this …’

‘But you want to, don’t you, Lexi?’ he said, touching her mouth with his in a teasing brush of lips against lips. ‘You want to so badly it’s like a drug you know you shouldn’t be craving but you can’t control your need for it. It consumes you. It keeps you awake at night. Sometimes it’s all you can think about during the day.’ He teased her lips again, a little more pressure, lingering there a little bit longer until her breath mingled intimately with his. ‘That’s what it’s like, isn’t it, Lexi?’

Her eyelids came down, the long mascara-coated lashes screening the ocean-blue of her eyes. ‘It’s wrong …’

Sam cupped the nape of her neck. He felt her melt against him, like soft caramel under the heat of a flame. Her body meshed against his: her breasts to his chest; her slim hips to his achingly tight pelvis; her feminine mound brushing against the head of his erection, making him crazy with desire.

The sound of a mobile ringing from within the depths of Lexi’s bag hanging off her shoulder fractured the moment.

‘Are you going to get that?’ Sam asked after several jarring peels of the ringtone.

She stepped away from him and fumbled in her bag to answer the phone. She looked at the screen before she answered, her cheeks going a deep shade of pink. ‘Matthew … I … I was just going to call you.’ She turned her back to Sam and continued, ‘I miss you too … Yes … not long now …’

Sam let out a rough curse under his breath and, wrenching open the door stalked out, clipping it shut behind him.

Lexi checked both ways in the corridor before she left the storeroom. She patted her hair into place and walked
briskly towards the medical ward to deliver the rest of the flyers as well as call in on Bella. She hoped Sam had already completed his rounds because she didn’t want to run into him again, certainly not while she was still feeling so flustered. She had been so close to throwing herself into his arms. It had been a force so strong she had no idea what would have happened if Matthew hadn’t called at that point.

Matthew
.

Every time she thought of him the guilt was like a gnawing toothache. It just wouldn’t go away. She would have to tell him about Sam, but how? How did you say to your loving and faithful fiancé that you were confused about your feelings for an ex? Their wedding was only a matter of weeks away. The dress was made. She had another fitting tomorrow. The invitations had long gone out and most of the RSVPs had been returned. Some people had even dropped in gifts, horrendously expensive ones too. How was she supposed to tell anyone, Matthew especially, that she was getting cold feet?

Lexi pulled herself back into line with a good mental shake. All brides got nervous before their big day. It was normal to have doubts. It was a big decision to get married. It was a huge commitment to promise to share your life with someone, to be faithful to them …

Her stomach flip-flopped as she thought of Sam’s aroused body against her, and his mouth with its hot, sexy breath blending erotically with hers. She suppressed a forbidden shiver of delight when she thought about his tongue blazing a trail of fire over her sensitive skin. Her body was still aching from the hunger he had stirred in her. Would it always be this way? How was she going to navigate her way through her career and marriage to Matthew with Sam in the way?

She would be strong, that’s how, she decided.

She would garner her self-control.

She would be
determined
.

Bella was thankfully alone when Lexi entered the room. She was receiving oxygen through a nasal prongs tube and resting with her eyes closed, but she opened them as soon as she heard Lexi’s footsteps.

‘Hi, Lexi,’ she said. ‘I was wondering if you’d forgotten about me.’

‘Sorry, Bells,’ Lexi said. ‘I’ve been run off my feet with the charity-ball arrangements. I suppose you heard what happened?’

‘Yes, one of the nurses told me,’ Bella said.

‘It’s all under control now … sort of,’ Lexi said. She tidied up some fallen rose petals on the bedside chest of drawers. ‘Is there anything I can get you? Do you want a proper coffee from the café? More magazines?’

Bella shook her head. ‘No, I’m waiting for Mr Bailey to come in. I was in the shower when he came past this morning. He’s been busy in Theatre most of the day. His first transplant case, or so one of the nurses said. Have you run into him lately?’

Lexi felt the heat rush to her cheeks and turned back to the flowers, willing some more petals to fall so she could keep her gaze averted. ‘Not recently,’ she lied.