S*x and Secrets: Alpha Billionaire Forbidden Romance (18 page)

Holy hell. Was I dreaming?

I moved my head to see the clock. Friday. June 26. 10:51 A.M.

I should be at work. Levi too.
I hadn’t slept this late ever. As for Levi—how did he get there and into the bed without waking me?

And what had happened to the other woman? Had he just taken off and now he was holding me against him as if nothing had occurred.

Yep. Dreaming. Definitely.

He stirred and mumbled against my ear. “Love you so fucking much.” The Monster throbbed against my ass. This dream was surreal, and so much better than the one I’d had earlier.

This was probably a dream in a dream. I’d read about those in Psychology textbooks. Dreams had always had fascinated me—the good ones and the bad ones. I wanted to understand where our minds went when we were asleep. Why we had recurring dreams and why we had nightmares.

I turned slowly. Surely he’d wake and
poof,
be gone like a genie in a bottle, but I’d take my chances. Reaching my hand up to Levi’s face, I gently cupped his cheek. The bristle of his stubble felt so damn real.

“Baby,” he murmured, his lips turned up into a small smile. 

God, how I wanted to kiss that damn mouth.

Levi’s eyes cracked open and his whole face joined in the warm smile he gifted me. His eyes were bright and happy, as if seeing me made him that way.

My heart swelled. This was exactly where I belonged. In Levi’s arms in our loft.

“Good morning, gorgeous,” he said, his voice gruff and sexy as fuck as he grabbed my hand and kissed my palm, the scruff on his face tickling my skin.

“Levi?” I breathed. This was real. It was happening and I was naked in his arms, plastered against him, skin to skin.

“Thank you,” he said, his eyes locking with mine.

“What for?” I said cagily.

“For making me the happiest man on the planet.”

My heart thumped against my ribs. I loved hearing that but I still didn’t know why, so I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, waiting for him to clarify.

“You said you loved me. Loud and clear.”

I sucked in a breath. “You’re full of shit, Levi Barrington the Third. I said no such thing.”

He chuckled heartily before his face turned serious again. “Montana, aren’t you tired of pretending? I know I am. I want us to be a couple, to show our love openly. Don’t you?”

“I never would have told you I loved you,” I replied tersely, pulling away from him.
That part at least was true.

Damn, Red had told me that I talked in my sleep, and I’d never really believed it. Now it had gotten me into trouble, and I didn’t know a way out while being so close to the object of my desire without telling lies.

Levi’s jaw locked and his eyes hardened. He leaned on one elbow and stared down at me. “If you think I’m going to let you off that easily, think again. I don’t understand why you’re pushing me away, and it’s doing my fucking head in. Our chemistry is undeniable. And even if you won’t say it, I know you love me.”

With his index finger, he wiped a stray lock of hair off my face. Just that simple gesture sent tingles down my spine. It was becoming harder and harder to fight him when I wanted him so much.

“I can’t love you, Levi.” I placed my fingers over his mouth just as he went to speak. “I can’t explain why either. It’s not you; it’s me.” The damn cliché popped out of my mouth, and the instant it did I wished I could take it back.

“Montana, don’t.” His fingers combed through his hair and he gritted his teeth. I was dying to do that, to run my fingers through his messy strands. Instead, I just followed with my gaze. “Don’t fuck with my heart, baby. I can only take so much, even from you.” 

I bit hard into my bottom lip, fighting the tears burning at the back of my throat.
Damn tears.
They came too easily lately. I was pushing the only man I’d ever loved away because he told me he loved me. How fucked up was that?

“I’m going to do now what I’ve been denying myself all night. I’m going to make love to you. I’m going to fuck you like never before. If you can tell me after that you don’t love me, I’ll walk away and never bother you again.”

“Levi, please—” I swallowed hard, unable to finish my sentence. He was testing me, and I was going down. I didn’t stand a chance in hell of not pouring my heart into our lovemaking. It was what my soul yearned for and my body burned for.

His eyes softened. “Maybe The Monster can do what I can’t. Maybe he can change your mind.” A small, wry smile twisted his lips. He had me at his mercy and he knew it. “You can’t lie to The Monster.”

Levi’s hand drifted lightly over my breasts, my ribcage, and my stomach, and came to cup my pussy. “In fact, I’m willing to put money on it that you’re so wet for me, you’re dripping.”

His dirty words were a self-fulfilling prophecy—the more he spoke the more I needed The Monster. My cheeks heated and I closed my eyes to stop him from seeing how right he was.

It didn’t fool Levi. He chuckled softly as he pushed my thighs apart gently and ran a finger through my arousal. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, trying not to come from that one sweep of his finger only.

His lips smacked together as he sucked my juices into his mouth. “I only bet on things I’m certain of, baby. You should know that about me by now.”

I did. I was fucked regardless. No way would I stop him now with my whole body buzzing. He was like a drug, and I couldn’t get my fix fast enough.

“Just so you know, The Monster fucking misses you.”

I wanted to tell him how much I missed The Monster, too. How much I wanted him inside me. But I couldn’t speak without giving myself away. My heart was running over with love for this man and I wanted to shout it out, tell him, tell the whole damn world.

His lips saved me from myself as they came crashing down on mine. Our mouths spoke instead of our voices, teeth gnashing as we ravaged one another. Sweet Lord. I was never going to be able to walk out of there without serious damage to my heart.

This time I won’t be able to recover. But it will be so worth it.

I wanted what Levi was offering more than my next breath.

––––––––

F
uck this. I was going to break through to Montana if it was the last damn thing I ever did. After she’d whispered those sweet words, even though it was in her sleep, nothing was stopping me from making her mine completely.

She could fight all she wanted. She could deny with her words all she liked. But her body never lied. Neither did her eyes. She wasn’t even aware that the way she looked at me was enough to set me on fire. If she didn’t want to fight for us, then I would. A bond like ours didn’t come along every day, and I’d be fucked if I lost her.

Montana had reasons she was resisting and I had to admire her pluck, but she simply wasn’t going to win this battle. I wanted her too much, and there was too much to lose.

I kissed her again, gently this time, tasting her and reveling in the way she responded to my every touch. A fire blazed in both of us, and it was time to stop talking and just fuck.

The ancient wisdom of our bodies was far wiser than our stupid brains. When we went back to our basic roots, all we were was simply a man and a woman who loved each other. I was counting on instinct to prove to Montana that she couldn’t live without me. Or The Monster.

Communicating through our bodies was what we did best. Mapping her skin reverently with my lips and tongue, I paid special attention to her favorite and most sensitive erogenous spots. She writhed and moaned beneath me, a fine sheen of sweat covering her entire body and making her glow.

“Levi, I need you,” she whimpered. Fuck, it made me feel like the king of the world. I wanted to beat my chest with pride.

“Ready for me, baby?” It wasn’t really a question, and I could see by the way her pupils were dilated that she was more than ready to take my cock to the hilt.

The first inch pushed in slowly, letting her adjust to the feel of The Monster. But he had a mind of his own—the greedy little bastard wouldn’t wait. My hips rolled forward and with one thrust, my cock filled her.

Our fingers laced together above her head as I held still, pulsing my aching dick inside her, letting her feel my passion and desire. Our eyes locked and I stared into the depths of her soul, searching for her truth.

There it was. Everything I needed to know. Pure love streaming through her eyes. She couldn’t hide it nor deny it. She laid bare for me to see.

“Fuck, I love you, baby,” I breathed, “and you fucking love me, too.” I wasn’t being cocky or an asshole. I was simply stating
our
truth.

She offered me her lips and I leaned in to take them. Her hips bucked, begging me to move inside her, begging for more. I held back, moving rhythmically and counting backwards from one hundred. If I didn’t, I’d come before she did and ruin the moment.

“I’m so fucking hot for you, baby. I’m not going to last long. Come for me, baby. Come on my cock,” I grunted at her ear.

Her back lifted off the bed, forcing me deeper. Shit. She knew what that did to me.

“Levi,” she screamed. “Oh God, fuck me.”

I did. Every last morsel of restraint left and in its place primal instinct kicked in. I fucked my woman as if I meant it, stroking her with my cock that was about to go off like fireworks on the Fourth of July.

As if the stars aligned, we both reached our climaxes at the same time, our bodies wrapped around one another, sweaty and heaving from the exertion. Nothing could be more perfect.

I held her tightly as we came down from our high, our foreheads touching and our breaths panting.

“I want to be like this forever. You’re my home, baby, don’t you get it? Inside you is where I’m happiest.”

Her smile blew me away.

“Me too,” she said, then slapped her hand over her mouth.

I removed her hand and brushed her lips with mine. “Talk to me, Montana. I need to know what else is going on. You’re not getting rid of me, so just accept that and tell me what I need to know. I’m a pretty good listener . . . so shoot.”

A pained expression flitted over her face. My heart ached for her. Whatever it was had a big impact on her. But I didn’t care what plagued her; all I wanted was for the last barrier between us to be removed so we could move to the next level in our relationship.

Although I didn’t need for her to explain to me why she was so resistant, it would be a show of trust if she confided in me and bared her cross to me. At least if I knew what it was, I could fight it. I loved her unconditionally and I needed for her to see that. Nothing could stop me from loving her with all my heart and soul. Nothing.

She drew in a shuddering breath and closed her eyes.

“O . . . okay.”

Thank fuck. I lay back on my pillow, side by side with her, and I took hold of her hand. With my thumb, I rubbed small circles on her skin.

“Just breathe, baby. Just breathe.”

I took a few deep breaths with her so that we were totally in sync. And then I waited.

Her story started off slowly, as if she were reliving it as it had happened. My heart twisted a few times when her breath hitched or a sob crept into her voice.

“That’s why I never want to get married or have children. If a father can do that to his own family—” Her whole body shook as she shuddered. I pulled the bed covers over her to keep her warm.

I understood her fear. If Adrian weren’t dead already, I’d kill the fucker myself for everything he’d put Montana and her mother through. Slime like him didn’t deserve the air they breathed.

“What about your biological father?”

“My own father was killed in a car accident when I was only four months old, so I have no memory of him. My stepdad was like a real father to me when I was younger. But then he changed and became feral. I . . . I don’t think I can ever trust that won’t happen again to someone I once loved.”

I raised her hand to my lips and kissed her palm. Unwittingly, she’d just confirmed that she loved me; she wouldn’t be so afraid if it was only sex she wanted from me.

“I’m so sorry you had to experience all of that,” I said, keeping pity from my voice because Montana wasn’t after sympathy. Empathy, maybe. Kindness, definitely.

She lifted her chin. “That’s why I decided having a fuck buddy is the best thing for me.” I suppressed a smile at how easily she used the term she’d once hated. Ironic now that I wanted to erase that agreement. Three days a week wasn’t enough. I wanted to wake to her every day for the rest of my life. But I had to move slowly or risk frightening her away again. I couldn’t bear that.

This was far,
far
more complicated than I’d originally imagined. My heart sank to my stomach. I still had a hell of a long way to go to change her mindset, to convince her I wasn’t going to become a deadbeat like Adrian no matter what happened.

“I also only want what’s best for you,” I said. I wasn’t lying, but neither was I was telling the whole truth. She wasn’t ready to hear what I thought was the best for her.
Me.

“You’re not judging me because I killed my stepfather.” She said it like a statement, and as if it had only just occurred to her.

“Of course not. It wasn’t your fault, Montana. You reacted like anyone else who witnessed and was a victim of such a terrible thing.”

A long outward breath pushed out between her lips, as if a weight just rolled off her shoulders.

“Everyone else turned their back on my mother because she took the blame for his death, even though it was in self-defense. People can be petty and cruel. And by default, they shunned me, too. Even when we moved to a different town, the story followed us.”

“Everyone?” That must’ve been really hard on a kid. Peers were the most important thing at that age. I couldn’t have gotten through adolescence without my buddies.

“Except for Red, who stood by my side through it all. And Jaqueline, but she was labelled as crazy already, so that didn’t count.”

“Jacqueline as in
Jacqui
you mentioned the other night in your apartment? Does Jake know her, too?” It was certainly confusing, and I wanted to know where Jake fit in to all of that.