Sword to the Heart (Bantam Series No. 13) (20 page)

“Nourishing broth,” Nanny said, and busied herself with Natalia.

“No
...
please don’t touch her!
...
She is so small
...
she does not
...
understand...”

Natalia’s words were a cry. Then someone said gently:

“Wake up, Natalia, you are dreaming. Wake up, it is only a nightmare.”

She opened her eyes and saw Lord Colwall’s face not far from hers. She felt a sudden surge of happiness at the sight of him
...
before she remembered and her eyes darkened
...

“For God’s sake, my darling, do not be afraid of me!”

The words seemed to burst from him. Then he said quickly, speaking as if he were ashamed of his lack of self-control:

“You are at home. You are safe, and nothing shall upset you, I promise you.”

The fear in Natalia’s eyes was replaced with surprise.

It seemed to him as if she held her breath.

“Nanny told me that when you awoke I was to give you some soup to drink. It is over here.”

It was night-time, Natalia realised, as he moved away from the bed. There was only the light from the flames leaping high in the fire-place and of several candles to cast a warm glow around the bed and leave the corners of the room in shadow.

‘It must be very late,’ Natalia thought to herself.

She saw that Lord Colwall was wearing a robe of dark blue brocade, and she felt that had it been earlier, Nanny or Ellen would have been with her.

She must have slept for hours, and now she remembered vaguely that she had been awakened several times to be given something to drink, a soup that seemed to warm her body and make her feel alive again.

She had thought sometimes that she would never be anything but cold and hungry until she died.

Lord Colwall was busy at the table and she could see that he was pouring from a jug which stood on a silver tray heated by a candle
-
burner.

He carried the cup carefully across the room to her.

She raised herself higher on the pillows and he sat down on the bed facing her.

“I want you to drink every drop,” he said as he handed her the cup, “and then I have something to tell you.”

She looked at him enquiringly before obediently she raised the cup to her lips.

Her fair hair hung loosely over her shoulders and he saw that she was wearing one of the diaphanous nightgowns that had been part of her trousseau.

In the few short hours that she had been back at the Castle, sleeping with an exhaustion that was almost frightening, some of the tension and sharpness seemed to have gone from her small face.

She looked very young and very pathetic, Lord Colwall had thought, when Nanny had brought him into the room to see her asleep.

“She is all right, Nanny?” he had asked when the Nurse had come from the bed-room to find him waiting on the landing outside.

“Come and see for yourself, Master Ranulf.”

Nanny had known without being told that Lord Colwall was apprehensive as he had followed her into the bed-room to stand looking down at Natalia, her eyelashes dark against her pale cheeks, her hair haloing her thin face.

“I don’t think Her Ladyship’s had a mite to eat since she left here,” Nanny whispered. “She said it was impossible for her to swallow anything when the children were so hungry.”

She saw Lord Colwall’s jaw tighten as she went on: “Heaven knows what sort of place she’s been in, Master Ranulf, but there are bruises on her back which she says she received when trying to stop a child from being beaten.”

Lord Colwall clenched his fingers together and his knuckles were white.

“It’s my belief,” Nanny said softly, “that Her Ladyship’ll have no peace until something is done about those children.”

She saw the expression on his face, then without a word he was gone from the room and she heard him running downstairs.

Now Natalia had finished her soup and handed the cup back to Lord Colwall.

“As you have been so good,” Lord Colwall said, “I will tell you something which I know will please you.”

She looked up at him expectantly.

“I sent two carriages this afternoon to collect all the children from the Workhouse and take them to our own Orphanage,” he said. “I have promised Mrs. Moppam she shall have still further help, and I have sent practically all the food there was in the Castle to feed them in the meantime.”

The light in Natalia’s eyes seemed to transfigure her face.

“You did
...
that?” she breathed hardly above a whisper. Thank you
...
Thank you.”

She put out her hands as she spoke with a gesture eloquent of gratitude. Then as he took them in his, she saw how rough and red they were and would have taken them away, but he raised them to his lips.

She felt herself quiver at the touch of his mouth on her skin. “You must rest,” he said in a deep voice, “but first I have something more to tell you.”

“What is
...
it?” Natalia asked.

“I have promised the men on this Estate ten shillings a week wages, with two shillings extra for every child and the same for any elderly dependent.”

He felt Natalia’s fingers tighten on his as he went on:

“They have agreed to work the threshing-machine, but they will receive two shillings each per day threshing money. Next year we will take one thousand acres more into cultivation, which will mean more work and more money for every man.”

“Thank you
...
Oh, thank
...
you!”

There were tears on Natalia’s cheeks but when her eyes met Lord Colwall’s it was as if neither of them could look away.

With an obvious effort Lord Colwall said: “You must go to sleep. I will leave the door open between our rooms so that if you cry out I shall hear you, but now there is no reason for any more nightmares.”

He would have risen from the bed as he spoke, but Natalia held on to one of his hands.

“I do not
...
wish to be
...
alone,” she said almost inaudibly.

“Then I will stay with you,” Lord Colwall replied in his deep voice, “but oh, my dearest heart, get well quickly! There is so much more I want to tell you, so much more that we can do together, and you will never be alone again, if I can help it!”

“Do you
...
mean that?”

“You know I mean it,” he answered. “Do you not realise by now, Natalia, that I love you? It has been an agony beyond words these past ten days when I thought I would never find you again.”

“I thought you
...
would not
...
want me to
...
stay.”

“How could you think such a thing?” he asked. “You know I want you. I have always wanted you, but I did not realise how much until that devil took you away as a hostage and I did not know where to find you. I knew when I brought you home in my arms that you meant everything to me.”

“The night before
...
” Natalia faltered, “in the
...
Library, you
...
sounded as if you
...
hated me...”

“I was crazy!” Lord Colwall declared. “It was because I felt so frustrated at your refusal to be my wife. I was at the same time fighting against admitting to myself that I loved you.”

He felt Natalia’s fingers trembling in his and he said:

“I loved you really from the first moment I saw you, but I vowed to myself that I would never again suffer as I had suffered in the past. So I fought against the enchantment of you every inch of the way!”

He gave a little laugh.

“If I suffered in the past, I have forgotten now what it felt like. For these past days I have suffered all the agonies of hell wondering where you were, desperately afraid of what might have happened to you.”

“I thought
...
you would soon
...
forget me.”

“How could I do that?” Lord Colwall asked simply. “You have captured my whole heart. It no longer belongs to me, but to you.”

“Is this
...
true?”

“It is true, my beloved, completely and absolutely true. I love you now and you must teach me to love you in the way you want to be loved.”

He bent his head as he spoke and kissed her hands again.

“They are so red and
...
ugly,” Natalia murmured.

“They are beautiful, my dearest, because they are yours, just as everything about you is all the loveliness I ever want of life.”

He drew in a deep breath.

“I have realised these past days that I have been prizing all the wrong things. I know now that my possessions, even the Castle itself, are of no importance beside the fact that you love me! One day I hope to be able to make you understand what you mean to me.”

He looked at Natalia as he spoke and saw the tears come into her eyes again.

“This has been too much for you,” he said quickly. “You must go to sleep now, my darling, and we will talk about everything in the morning. I will not leave you alone. I will sleep on the sofa, so if you want me, I shall be here.”

There was a moment’s silence and then Natalia said hesitatingly: “You might be
...
cold, and that
...
would worry me. Could you not
...
get into bed? ... It is very
...
big.”

For a moment Lord Colwall was absolutely still, until he said in a voice which strove to be normal:

“As you say—it is very big.”

He rose and walked to the fire to put on more coal and logs. Then he blew out the candles behind the curtains beside Natalia and walked around to the other side of the bed.

There was only one candle burning there, and extinguishing it before taking off his robe, he slipped between the sheets.

As Natalia had said, the bed was very large and there was a wide space between them.

She lay against the pillows watching the flames leaping high over the new logs. She did not turn her face towards Lord Colwall, but she knew he was lying on his back, straight and still.

After a moment she said in a very small voice:

“There is
...
something I
...
want to ask
...
you.”

“What is it?” he enquired.

She did not reply and as if he knew she was shy and embarrassed, he turned towards her, resting on his elbow to raise himself so that he could look down at her face.

“What is it?” he asked again.

“Do I
...
now that I have been
...
touched,” she whispered, “disgust
...
you?”

For a moment it seemed as if Lord Colwall struggled to find words with which to answer. Then he moved closer to her and putting out his hand he very, very gently pulled her nightgown off her shoulders.

She made no movement as he bent his head and kissed first one of her small rose-tipped breasts, then the other. He replaced the nightgown and said in a voice that was unsteady:

“When you will let me, I will kiss you all over your perfect body. That is the real answer to your question.”

He drew in his breath.

“You must go to sleep, my precious, you have been through so much. I must not tire you.”

He spoke as if he admonished himself rather than her.

“Will you
...
kiss me
...
goodnight?”

Lord Colwall hesitated and then slowly, holding himself in an iron control, bent forward.

His lips sought her cheek, but she moved so that it was her mouth he kissed. At first there was only the faint touch of their lips, until suddenly it seemed to Natalia as if the whole room was filled with a brilliant light.

She felt a sudden thrill run through her which was like a sword piercing every nerve in her body.

Then Lord Colwall’s arms were round her and he was kissing her frantically, passionately, demandingly.

She had known this was what it would be like to be kissed with love. She knew an ecstasy, a rapture that was beyond anything she had ever imagined or had dreamt was possible.

She put her arms round his neck and as she did so he raised his head.

“I love you! God, how I love you!” he cried. “Be kind to me, Natalia, I did not know love was like this. But I would not frighten you, my darling. I must give you time.”

She made a little sound that was half a laugh of unbridled happiness.