Swept (4 page)

“What do you mean you don’t know? This is one of the biggest parties of the year! We
have
to be there.”

“Kelly, I have a lot of work to do. I need to get used to all the homework before I go to a party.”

“Ever since Stephanie’s party you haven’t been to any other party I’ve invited you to. What’s the big deal?” Kelly asks searching my eyes.

I close my eyes and then open them, “It has nothing to do with the party; I just don’t want to go. I won’t have fun anyway; I’ll just want to do homework and I won’t be any fun.” I tell her and realize I’m running out of excuses to not go, but right now I don’t want to think about it.

Kelly considers what I say, “Well since you won’t go, can I ask Ryan to come with me?”

“Why would I care if Ryan goes with you or not?”

Kelly looks down and shuffles her feet. “I don’t know you two spend a lot of time together, I wanted to ask in case you had plans for him.” She shrugs.

“No I don’t. Go have fun.” I say and offer a convincing smile.

“I still wish you would come with me.” Kelly sighs

“I’ll go with you once I get used to everything, I promise.”

“Okay.” Kelly smiles, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Uh, yeah sure.” I say and brush my hair behind my ear with my hand.

“I’ll text you,” She says and walks away.

“Okay,” I wave as she leaves.

Stephanie’s party; I shake my head and wrap my arms around myself. I got drunk that night. Usually I don’t drink that much, but I felt like celebrating. That night I ran into I guy. I don’t remember much about him, not even his name, just that he brought me a drink and the rest of the night is a blur. All I remember is waking up, shirt disheveled, bra unsnapped, pants and underwear on the floor. I’m not sure what happened, but I’m sure I had sex. I can’t even remember what he looked like. Tears spring into my eyes as I remember my confusion as I put the pieces together that morning. I was drugged and raped. I felt stupid for trusting a stranger to bring me a drink. I felt ashamed for drinking as much as I did in the first place. I should have been more careful. I should have been in control, but I wasn’t. If I had just said no when he gave me the drink or if I had a few less drinks then maybe it wouldn’t have happened. If; that word sits in my mind, haunting me. I never told Kelly or Ryan. What good would it do? They can’t help me. They can’t take away the events of that night, no one can. Ever since that night I haven’t trusted myself at a party. I do want to go to a party again, I just need more time, and when I go I will be careful with how much I drink. I will not let myself be drugged and raped again.

I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath as I open the door to my dorm. Emily isn’t home. I look around and notice dishes and trash piling. Cleaning will take my mind off of that dark night. I go to my room and change into pink cloth shorts and a black tank top. I take off my bra, grab my laptop and put on some fast upbeat music. Soon my mood changes and I’m dancing around while I wash the dishes when there’s a knock at the door. Weird, I think to myself. I’m not expecting anyone and Emily has keys to get in. I dry off my hands, turn off the music and open the door. Gabriel is standing there; his hair sticks up in different directions adding to his overall appeal. He’s wearing a white t-shirt and light blue jeans. “Hi,” he says as I stand with the door wide open looking, and drooling.

I wipe my chin and blush, “Emily isn’t here.”

Gabriel looks around the room, “Oh. She isn’t?”

“No, I don’t know when she’ll be back either. I’ll tell her you stopped by?”

I start to close the door, Gabriel hold up his hand to stop it, “You don’t mind if I come in do you?”

I move back so he can come in, “No.” Gabriel walks inside and I close the door behind him. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves, Gabriel is here in my dorm and Emily isn’t here, I think to myself, why is he here? I ponder wondering what his intention is. Gabriel sits on the couch and I realize that I’m staring again, “Can I get you something to drink?” I ask. “We have water, juice, diet soda…”

“Water” Gabriel decides as I find a cup and fill it with water and ice. I hand him the cup and our fingers brush. I feel that same electric current run my arm as our eyes meet.

Gabriel takes a sip of water, not taking his eyes off of mine, “Is it cold in here or are you just happy to see me?” He smiles. I follow his line of sight and realize he’s staring at my chest. My bra! I took it off! My face turns bright red, “I’m so sorry.” I say wrapping my arms in front of my chest.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind,” Gabriel smiles

“I’ll be right back.” I say as I dash to my room. I’m never taking my bra off again; I vow. I can hear Gabriel chuckle in the other room.

I walk back in, once I triple check that my bra is on and go directly to the sink. I’m too embarrassed to say anything the room is silent except for the plates; they clatter as I dump them into the water. I hear Gabriel’s voice, “How’s school?”

I wipe a plate with a soapy rag, “Stressful. It’s a lot more than I was expecting.”

“It’s always hard at first, but once you get used to it you get in your own groove and it’ll get easier.” Gabriel reassures.

I dip the rag back into the water, “I hope so. I was looking forward to finding some parties or socializing. All I seem to be able to do is study.”

“Just give it some time.” Gabriel advises “What are you studying?” He’s standing next to me, and places his cup on the counter. I jump as I see him in my peripheral vision. I didn’t even hear him get up.

“I want a degree in Aerospace Engineering with a minor in History, and ultimately, I want to work for NASA.” I say as I focus on the plate.

“Why?” He asks me as he takes the plate from my hands and rinses it.

I grab the cup Gabriel just placed on the counter and wash it thoroughly making sure to clean every surface. “Why not? I love science, and I love history. I want to explore space and I want to see what lies beyond earth. I also love history because I like learning from the past. I can learn from other people’s mistakes and make my life easier because of that.”

Gabriel takes the cup from my hand and rinses it, placing his fingers inside of it making sure the suds are gone, “Sounds like you know what you want.”

I bite my lip, “What about you? What are you studying?”

Gabriel places the cup in the dish rack, “I’m undeclared. I’m working on my core classes.”

I plunge the rag into the water, rinsing it out and enjoying the splash it makes as it enters the water. Water splatters onto Gabriel’s white shirt and I can see the definition of his muscles where his shirt has become translucent, “You’d better figure out what it is you want to do. After this year you’ll be out of core classes and you’ll have to start specific classes.”

Gabriel reaches deep into the sink feeling for a lost piece of silverware, “I’m sure I’ll figure it out by the end of the year.”

“Well what is it that you like to do?” I ask, curious about him and his life, but secretly, I’m hoping that he’ll say he wants to do me and bend me over the table and take me. I shake my head as I realize the tone of the conversation has changed.

“…Services of some kind, my Father is an alcoholic. I’d like to help people like him. I’d like to encourage women like my mother and tell them it’s okay to leave a deadbeat husband. I’d like to be there for the kids like me who didn’t have anyone to go to for help.” Gabriel ponders his gaze is distant.

I search Gabriel’s eyes and I see the pain that he’s trying to hide from me, “I’m sorry, I never knew my dad. It was probably for the best. He was long gone before I was born.”

Gabriel clears his throat, “It’s not your fault, No dad is better than a father who couldn’t function. His idea of bonding was having me bring him another beer.”

I place my hand on his shoulder, “Wow that must have been hard.”

Gabriel places a hand over mine, “It was; it was hard on me and my siblings.”

I feel a jolt run through my body as he closes his fingers around my hand, “How many siblings do you have?”

Gabriel looks away, “Two, a brother and a sister; my sister is older than me and my brother is younger than me.”

“Do you talk to them?” I ask my voice barely above a whisper.

“My brother, yes; my sister ran away when she was sixteen. We never heard from her again. I plan on finding her if I can. What about you?” Gabriel asks, letting go of my hand, whatever moment we were having is now over. “What’s your story?”

I fold my arms drawing into myself, “Well, as I said earlier, I never knew my father. My mother worked hard to provide for me. I didn’t get to see her much, but she showed me how important it is to work for what you want. The times that we did get to spend together are my happiest memories.”

Gabriel looks deep into my eyes, “Do you have any siblings?”

I return his gaze trying to read his thoughts, “No, I’m an only child. My mother is a very focused person. If she dated, I never knew about it. She never married either. So, I remained an only child. It was lonely at times, but I never had to share my mother with anyone else.”

Gabriel pats me on the shoulder, “Good for you, my mother was hard working, but she was run down. She had a lot of stress. If only she had the courage to leave my father…” Gabriel trails off.

“I’m sorry; we don’t have to talk about this anymore.” I return my attention back to the dishes and begin washing a bowl. “What are your plans for today?” I ask with a smile adding a little pep to my tone, trying to lighten Gabriel’s mood. I see him glance down at his watch and his eyes widen in surprise. “What?” I ask.

“I have to go. I have to go to work. I lost track of time.” Gabriel fumbles with the bowl, dunking it in the water before placing it on the rack, “It was nice talking to you.” Gabriel nods and walks towards the door.

“But you didn’t get to see Emily.” I blurt, drying my hand on my shirt.

“It’s alright; I had a really nice time talking to you, really. I’m sorry to rush out on you like this. I would love to continue the conversation sometime.” Gabriel grins.

I return his smile and call after him, “I enjoyed talking to you too.”

“I’ll see you soon.” He says before leaving.

“Okay.” I mutter to myself as the door closes the thud echoes in my mind. I miss him already. I look over at the dishes. I’ve lost my motivation to finish them. I grab my laptop off the table and take it to my room. A few minutes later I hear Emily come in.

“I’m not doing anything tonight, you should come over.” She offers; she must be on the phone.

“But we had so much fun last night.” Emily whines, she sounds disappointed.

“Oh, okay well have fun with Caden” She sighs, she sounds disappointed.

“Okay, but you’re coming over tomorrow then. No excuses. I miss you when you’re not here.” I sympathize with her, I know what she means.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, um hmm, bye.” She giggles.

That was odd, I think to myself. I assume that Emily was on the phone with Gabriel, but he said he was going to work. I feel confused, my mind a whirl as I try to piece together the connection I felt with Gabriel as we did the dishes and talked. I realize that Gabriel left conveniently before Emily came in. I smile, that must mean that he likes me, I conclude. I feel giddy as I pull out a book and begin to study. I smile stupidly long into the evening finding it hard to focus, replaying every touch that I felt from Gabriel.

Gabriel

Chapter Five

Break

H
anging up the phone I drop it in my pocket. I’m on my way to see Caden. He’s the boy that I’m mentoring. I’ve been a mentor ever since I was sixteen. Caden is the second child I’ve had the privilege of helping, the first was Emily’s brother. That’s how I met her. It was never my intention to date her, but the more I saw her brother, the more she grew on me. I was friends with Emily before we started dating. Even though I’ve known her for so long she still doesn’t know much about me. I don’t feel comfortable talking to her about it. Every time she brings it up I skate around the subject, we’ve been more physical with each other anyway. Emily is all the time dragging me to her favorite sex shop, Toxia and she always has new things to try, and people to bring into her bedroom with us. I’m not complaining though, she keeps it fun. I just wish she wouldn’t drink so much. She loves to go to parties, and blacks out. It happens so much now, I’m beginning to worry about her and I’m wondering if I should be with her anymore. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but every time she brushes me off and tells me it’s not a big deal. To me it is a big deal; I’m her babysitter when we go out and if I wanted to babysit a drunken person I’d go home and watch my Father.

My father, the fat balding slob that he is, has never been much of a dad. He’s spent most of his time on the couch watching TV and drinking his life away. I remember my house, but it doesn’t bring back the warm fuzzy memories that it should. I just remember a dark dingy home, the walls yellowing from dad’s cigarette smoke, and the brown, everywhere; Brown wood panel walls, and brown carpet, it never felt clean and it felt like no matter how many lights you had on, you still couldn’t penetrate all the dark that seemed to loom over the house. The house didn’t even look like a home from the street, rotting wood with peeling paint encased the house, and the front step was broken, eaten by termites with no one to fix it. My home was anything but a home, it was a shack, a shack that was filled with gloom. When I was home my father would curse at me and tell me that I would never be anyone or do anything. He would call me a fuck up and ask for a beer. He was the same way with my mother, always calling her a bitch, and yelling at her. She was never good enough, she took too long getting his food for him, she didn’t clean the house well enough, and she didn’t make enough money. I remember her crying a lot then yelling at me and my brother for being too loud or not picking up after ourselves. She looked so worn down, her once shiny brown hair that was a hairdressers dream was fading and turning grey. Her moth eaten faded clothes hung from her frame, her body frail from the poor diet from lack of money. Her green eyes that used to smile so warmly now stare coldly at my thirteen year old self as she ordered me outside. I feel bad for her; she’s stuck in the same trap I was stuck in. She believes him and I believed him. I remember that day when I left the house, I thought I would never be better than him or amount to anything that was the day Justin came into my life. He made all the difference in me.