Swept Away (18 page)

“I know. I fear for you right now, Lill.” Grams shook her head and looked down at her soup. “This is such a touchy age for you. You’re on the edge. You’ll slip off to one side or the other as you choose your path. I want you to choose the path that leads to life, joy, happiness, peace. Not to chase after the happiness that the world promises, which only leads to destruction.”

“I hear you, Grams. Really.” Lilly wanted the heavy stuff to be over. She’d had enough of that lately.

Probably sensing her need, Gram’s face brightened. “Okay then, that’s all I wanted to hear. Now, look behind you.”

Lilly turned to see the waitress with two steaming plates of Italian pasta—her favorite. She set the plate of chicken alfredo in front of Lilly. Another waiter stepped forward and offered her fresh Parmesan cheese and a pepper mill.

“Lots, please.” Lilly leaned back to give him access to her plate.

“Mmm. This is delicious.” Grams wiped the corners of her mouth. “Food, then shopping. We’re on the hunt for the perfect pair of jeans.”

“I’m not sure I need jeans. I need tops more than jeans. Oh, and shoes—totally need some shoes.” She picked up her drink and took a long sip.

Grams waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, I wasn’t talking about you, silly. The perfect jeans are for me. Grams’s tushie is getting a little droopy. There has to be a denim remedy for that.”

Lilly snorted, almost choking on her soda. “Grams!”

“What? I’m serious.” She looked completely innocent.

“Let’s just eat lunch, okay?” Lilly laughed and coughed, still choking a bit. The thought of her Grams’s droopy anything….
Nope. Don’t go there
.

“They’re at it again.” Lilly gripped her phone and cringed at the sound of a loud bang—like someone slammed a kitchen cabinet door shut. A week had passed since the last fight, so this one would probably be outrageous.

“Let’s talk about something else. Let’s see …” Jason got quiet for a second. “I’m trying to think of a distraction, but I can hear them fighting even over the phone. Wow. Where are you in the house?”

“I’m in my room, sitting in my papasan chair. But I’m tempted to climb out my window and disappear for a while.” Lilly turned on her stereo—not too loud.

“If you do, I’ll come pick you up.” Jason sounded animated, almost excited.

“Yeah, right. Like I would do that.” She laughed. “Do you have any idea what would happen to me if I left this house through my window?”

“Yeah, it’s probably not a good idea. But we’ve got to figure something out so we can spend more time together. I … I … want to be there for you. You need me.” As the exclamation to his point, a glass shattered in the kitchen.

Oh God, please don’t let anyone be hurt—especially Mom
. Lilly couldn’t pray for Stan no matter how much Grams wanted her to. She closed her eyes, trying not to focus on the fighting. She did need Jason—he brought sanity and happiness to her life. “I want that, too, Jase, more than you can know. I can’t come up with a way, though.”

“I was thinking…. You mentioned the other day that you weren’t allowed out except for church activities or school events. Right?” He paused.

“Yeah. Why do you ask? I mean, isn’t the fact that I can’t get out of here the point of this whole conversation?” Lilly took a deep breath. It wasn’t Jason’s fault. No need to take it out on him.

“Right. So, why don’t we do more of those things?”

“You mean like go to church more than we do?” Lilly sat up a little straighter. Why hadn’t she thought of that? “You might really be on to something with that. Keep talking.”

“Sure. We go to church, sit together—starting tomorrow. Go to youth group and events—whatever’s going on at church, we’re there. Same thing with school.”

“That’s brilliant. How could anyone find fault with us getting more involved in
responsible
things?” Lilly walked over to her window.

“Exactly.” Jason sounded proud of himself.

“So, what’s our first—”

Slam!

Lilly saw Stan storm from the house, get in his car, and tear out of the driveway, tires squealing. “Jase, gotta go. Stan left. I need to check on Mom.” She hung up the phone without waiting for a good-bye.

Creeping down the hallway, Lilly feared she’d find the worst. She didn’t really think Stan would severely hurt her mom on purpose, but what if he pushed too hard? What if she slipped and hit her head? What if she hurt herself on purpose? No! She’d never do that. Would she?

Lily tiptoed to the kitchen entrance and peeked around the corner. At first, she didn’tsee any sign of her mom in the disheveled kitchen. A cabinet door swung loose, hanging on one hinge, the silverware drawer had been overturned, forks, knives, and spoons strewn everywhere. And—
oh gross
—sopping wet coffee grounds had been flung across the kitchen. They were spread the entire length of the island and reached all the way to the patio door behind the dinette. But where was Mom?

Panic rising in her throat, Lilly stepped into the kitchen. “Mom? Are you in here?”

Nothing.

“Mom?” A little louder and more insistent.

Silence.

Wait
. Soft sobs came from behind the island. Lilly stepped over the soup ladle and around the soppy coffee grounds to find her mom, in her faded pink bathrobe, crumpled on the floor like a discarded blanket.

“Mom?” Lilly crouched down and touched her arm.

She flinched. “It’s no big deal. Just a little fight.” She sat up and dried her eyes with the soaking wet sleeve of her robe.

“A little fight? Seriously, this can’t continue.”

“Stan got some bad news today.”

Cancer?
Lilly hoped. Not likely, though.

“What news?”

“He lost one of his part-time jobs.”

“Let me guess. Problem controlling his temper at the workplace?” Fed up, Lilly didn’t even try to hide the sarcasm.

“Try to understand. Stan’s under a lot of—”

“—pressure. I know, Mom. I know.” Lilly shook her head. No use trying to talk self-worth into Mom. They’d been down this road to nowhere so many times. “What do you want me to do? Can I make you a cup of tea?”

“No, really, I’d rather go soak in a bath. I’ll be out in a little bit.” She pulled herself to her feet then looked around the kitchen and grimaced. “What a mess.” She shook her head.

“Go take a hot bath. I’ll take care of this.”

Mom left the kitchen looking ten years older than she had earlier that day. Each fight, each week, each day seemed to take more and more of a toll on her. Lilly sighed and grabbed a broom. Her mom had once been so bright, so beautiful—the life of the party, everyone’s best friend. Now she hardly went anywhere but work and church. She had no girlfriends, she never dressed up. Only a shell of the woman she’d once been.

Lilly swept up the mess and filled the dishwasher with the silverware from the floor. As soon as she finished and flipped off the kitchen light, the phone rang. The caller ID said C
ALLER
U
NKNOWN
. Hmm. A blocked call? “Hello?”

“Lilly. Don’t hang up.” She stiffened at the sound of Stan’s voice. “What is it? I’m busy cleaning up the kitchen.” “Listen, I’m sorry about that.”
Sorry?
Lilly waited for more. Nothing came. “What do you want me to say? That it’s okay? Well, it’s not.”

“You’re right. I—I—Well, let’s go to church tomorrow, and then we’ll go out for lunch—as a family. We’ll try to get things back to a happy place, okay?”

Too little, too late
. “Yeah, whatever you say.”

“Where are we going?” Lilly sat forward to look out the front window when Stan took the I-355 North exit toward Chicago instead of the south exit toward their church in Naperville.

“We’re playing hooky today.” Stan gave her a nervous smile in the rearview mirror. “Your mom and I thought we could all use some family fun.”

Oh no
. What about Jason? He’d be waiting for her at church. “Mom? Don’t you think we should go to church?”

“It’s going to be fun. We’re going downtown—we’ll visit the Museum of Science and Industry, have lunch, and then go to the Shedd Aquarium.” Mom grinned.

Lilly had to admit, all of that sounded much more fun than church—and, wanting to be a marine biologist one day, she loved the aquarium. But what could she do about Jason? And why did Stan have to be with them? “Jason’s going to wonder where I am. He thought I would be at church today—I guess I’d better call him.” On second thought, she’d text him so her mom and Stan wouldn’t listen in.

J
—MOM
& S
TAN MADE PLANS FOR A DAY IN
C
HI
. N
O CHURCH
4
ME
. B
HOME LATER
. C
OME OVER?

She closed her phone and leaned her head against the seat and watched the cars and trucks stream by them toward the towering skyscrapers in the distance. Within seconds, her phone beeped.

N
O PROB
. T
HERE’S A GAME/MOVIE NIGHT HERE AT CHURCH ON
F
RIDAY
. S
HOULD
I
SIGN US UP?
&
YES
, I
‘LL COME OVER LATER
.

Lilly pecked out her reply. Y
ES!
S
IGN US UP
.

His sign-off came within a few seconds. K. T
URNING OFF FOR CHURCH NOW
. L
UV U
.

Her eyes grew huge when she read the message.
Luv u
. What did that mean? Was it as serious as “I love you”? Not quite … was it? Almost? Should she reply or play it cool?

Lilly closed her eyes.
Love
. Did he love her? Her head swam with the possibilities. They were so young. But, then again, they’d known each other for so long. Maybe they were just meant to be.
Love
. Is this what it felt like to be in love? Her rock, her support, her shoulder to lean on and cry on. She felt accepted, protected, and yes, loved with Jason by her side.

She slid her phone open and closed a few times, considering her response. If she texted him a reply, he might think she took it too seriously—and what if he regretted saying it? But if she didn’t, he might never say it again. What to do? Finally, she slipped her phone into her pocket. She’d wait and see what happened. If he said it again, she’d address it, but she didn’t want to make it a big deal if he hadn’t meant anything by it. She closed her eyes. He did mean something by it—didn’t he?

Shock coursed through Lilly’s system as she awoke, startled. Approximately thirty minutes had passed, judging by their location. Skyscrapers, in the far-off distance when Lilly drifted off, now towered right outside her window. Downtown Chicago always excited her. Maybe her favorite place to be—people milling about, tall buildings, cars, taxicabs.

Lilly buzzed her window down a few inches so she could hear the sounds. Impatient taxi-cab drivers honked their horns, policemen blew their whistles, and buses squealed to a stop at almost every corner. Then, while Stan waited at a red light, Lilly heard the telltale
cl–clomp, cl–clomp, cl–clomp
along the passenger side of the car. She opened her window all the way, just in time to see a horse-drawn carriage pull up to the entrance of the Palmer House.

The tuxedoed carriage driver set down his reins and climbed down from his perch. He lowered the steps from the side of the carriage and reached up to assist the most beautiful bride Lilly had ever seen. She wore a pure white dress with a sweetheart neckline. It hugged her hips and then gently cascaded into folds of rich silk with lace appliqués and rhinestones. A dream dress. Her hair had been swept into an elegant updo, secured at her crown with the wispiest of veils. A princess.

Stan started to inch forward, so Lilly had to crane her neck to see more. The bride, on the sidewalk in front of the ritzy Palmer House, looked into her groom’s eyes. Lilly thought for sure they’d kiss. About to lose sight of the couple, she turned completely backward in her seat to watch out the rear window. There—the kiss. What must it feel like to be united with someone else? No more loneliness, nothing to be afraid of.
Love
.

How can I have that kind of love? Do I have it already?
Could Jason be her future groom? Lilly pulled her cell phone from the pocket of her jeans and scrolled to the last message he sent her.
Luv u
. Maybe he wanted to see if she’d move things along from there, and if she didn’t, it would be like telling him she didn’t love him. She didn’t want that.

She typed L
UV U
2 and stared at it for a moment, afraid to touch S
END
. There would be no going back after saying something like that. Once she put it out there … Lilly glanced out the rear window, the bride nothing but a puffy white dot on the landscape behind her as they drove farther and farther from that dream. That’s it. Lilly shook her head, decision made.

S
END
.

Almost ready to go, Lilly stood in front of the full-length mirror in the hallway. Was she too dressed up for a youth group game night? Probably, but did she care? She wore a shimmery silver shirt that hugged her slim figure in all the right places. Her favorite dark jeans, fresh out of the dryer, fit like they’d been poured over her body and left to dry into a second layer of skin. Large silver hoop earrings peeked out from the drapes of her long blond hair. Some eyeliner and rosy lip gloss finished off the look. How about the backside? She pirouetted, turning first to the side and then all the way around, peering over her shoulder. She had to admit, she looked good. Surely Jason would think so, too. No one else mattered.