Swell Foop (30 page)

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Authors: Piers Anthony

Tags: #Fiction, #Fantasy, #General, #Fantasy fiction, #Humorous, #Humorous fiction, #Science Fiction/Fantasy, #Xanth (Imaginary place)

BOOK: Swell Foop
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"Yes, I am curious to see your environment," Fornax said as the castle disappeared, leaving them standing with Justin. "Perhaps Earth will show me some more mortals." She flounced her robe, in the guise of adjusting it. Jaylin would have tried to blush again at the way her flesh was being flaunted, had she been able. Why hadn't Fornax left her body?

"Because I will be conveying it to your galaxy," the Demoness replied internally.

"There is no need," Earth said through Justin's mouth.

"What, did I not tempt you a little?" Another flounce, this time making sure he saw. He did; Justin's eyes began to glaze. She was getting better at it, or maybe he was no longer fighting it.

"Cut that out!" Breanna said.

"You admixed your love with my desire," Fornax retorted. "If you don't want to kiss me more, then allow me to explore other options."

"Not with my man!"

"He is merely the shell hosting the Demon Earth at the moment."

"True." This time it was the Demoness Venus speaking.

Justin picked up the Swell Foop. Then they were zooming through the universe, seeing stars and clouds of dust zip by. They landed in the main chamber of the Nameless Castle.

"The mission is done," Cynthia reported. "Demon Earth is with us."

"True," Earth said with Justin's mouth.

Chlorine nodded. "Then we can relinquish the Swell Foop and the Rings of Xanth."

Justin gave her the Foop. She took it—and it vanished.

"What happened?" Jaylin asked, startled.

"It hides itself," Chlorine explained. "It will be just as challenging to find next time. Now you must return the Rings to the Zombie Master."

"But the Rings were on the Foop," Jaylin protested. Then, startled, she looked at her own hand. The Ring of Void was there. She saw the other Rings on the other hands. They had returned to their holders when the Swell Foop departed.

"Will do," Breanna said.

The Demons remained with them, apparently interested in the proceedings. But that rang false to Jaylin. "Why should Demons have any concern at all about anything mortals do?"

"Normally we do not," Fornax replied. "Mortals are useful only in the introduction of random elements for games. But this game introduced emotions. Until they fade, it is not safe for us to leave our hosts."

"Not safe? But mortals can't do anything to Demons."

"Emotions can have destructive effect when not filtered through mortal beings. The game is done, but we are not yet free of the effects of the Swell Foop."

Jaylin decided not to argue the case. She just wanted to get on with things so she could return home. She realized that this was probably an aspect of the Foop-sponsored desire, so Fornax was right: It had not yet faded.

They moved the party to Castle Zombie. Fornax was using her omniscience to look about, learning details at an incredible (for a mortal) rate.

"But I thought no Demon had power outside its own bailiwick," Jaylin thought.

"We do if there is not a game rule prohibiting it," Fornax explained. "At the moment we are between games."

"You seem remarkably sanguine about losing your game."

"Demons are. Had the Swell Foop given me the emotion of anger or grief, I would not be as accepting. As it is, I merely wish to explore the further ramifications of desire, before entering the next game."

They met with the Zombie Master and turned the Rings over to him. "New zombies will hide them," he said, satisfied. "For their next time of need, in a few centuries."

Jaylin saw Roxanne Roc sitting in sight of Castle Zombie, ready to resume her duties. The big bird had had more of a respite than she might have expected, but she was obviously prepared to return to work.

"All of you are invited to the wedding," Breanna announced. "Coming right up, or else."

The assorted guests made their ways to the glade where the wedding was scheduled. "How did everyone get here so fast?" Jaylin asked, perplexed. "How could it be organized, when Breanna just announced it?"

"I helped," a nearby man said. "I am a talent agent. My talent is finding talented people. I found people who knew when the wedding would be, and what to do to prepare for it." He looked around, fixing on another man who was straightening some chairs. "Like this one, whose talent is to bring something forward or back in time. He got the chairs from the future, and the wedding ring from the past, which the groom had forgotten about."

Jaylin shook her head. "It's good to be back in Xanth, where puns and talents abound, and folk are so helpful."

"It does have a certain naive appeal," Fornax agreed.

A soft nose nudged Jaylin. "Putre!" she cried gladly, turning to hug the zombie horse.

But he had bad news. "The Night Stallion will not allow me to remain in Xanth," his speech balloon wrote. "Now that my mission is done, I must be abolished. I came to bid you parting. It was a pleasure to associate with you."

"No!" Jaylin cried. "He can't do that!"

"I am originally a dream horse," the balloon wrote. "My fate was postponed while I served duty as the knower for the Ring of Void. A new zombie will take the Ring. I am now expendable. You were kind to me, and I thank you for that."

"No! It can't be!" Jaylin protested tearfully. "You're a good horse."

"I am allowed to attend the wedding, as it is a zombie function. Thereafter I will cease to exist."

She hugged him. "I'll do something," she promised. But she had no idea what. She herself had no magic, and was not going to be in Xanth beyond the wedding, either. She felt tearfully helpless.

"Fascinating mortal foolishness," Fornax remarked.

"Oh, shut up! You're no help at all."

"Perhaps. Would you like to play a game?"

"What?"

"A Demon game, whose rules are set and whose outcome is unknown."

"I'm not a Demon! I'm not even a little
d
demon. I'm just an ordinary Mundane girl. How can I play any such thing? Anyway, I don't like what you did with my body."

"Then you will not like this game. I want to borrow your body again."

"Borrow my body! You tried to use it to seduce Justin Tree!"

"To corrupt the Demon Earth, to win the game. I will accept reasonable limitations in this instance. This is not really a game so much as a supplementary adjunct to a potential full Demon game, somewhat as was your case in the prior one."

Despite her horror, Jaylin was curious. "Why in the universe would you want to borrow my body again?"

"To have a base to visit Demon Earth."

"He doesn't want anything to do with you."

"That is an exaggeration. I succeeded in intriguing him. Perhaps I can complete the seduction."

"With my body? No way!"

"I will agree to leave your body unseduced."

"I don't understand."

"The emotions engendered by the Swell Foop are fading. They could have been devastating, had they not been filtered through mortal bodies. Even so, they were moving. It was the dire threat of such emotions that caused me to agree to the game that cost me my captive; the Foop could have ruined me."

"Ruined you? Those emotions just seemed to be frosting on the cake; you could have played your game without them."

"But I would not have. The Demon Earth was in my power, and would have had to join me. I had no intention of risking that advantage on a wild gamble."

"But you played the game!"

"Precisely. The Swell Foop was like a—" Fornax paused to fish a suitable analogy from Jaylin's mind. "A cannon pointed at my head. It could have given me the unfettered emotion of grief, so that I wished to expire, or of love, so that I would have done anything for those who controlled it. The Foop's active presence doomed me."

"Then why didn't the other Demons just use it on you, to win without having to risk two more of their own number?"

"Because if they destroyed me, they would also have destroyed Demon Earth, who was in my power. They needed his gravity."

It was slowly coming clear. "So they offered you good stakes in a fair game, and you accepted."

"I accepted," the Demoness agreed. "And lost. But not as much as I would have lost otherwise. As it is, I have now directly felt the power of emotion, and have become interested in mortal affairs. But I cannot intrude on another Demon's terrain hereafter without a normal-matter landing site. I want you to be that site."

"So you can yank me out of my Mundane life and drag me off to your galaxy?"

"I will undertake to leave you in your familiar setting. In any event, I may not utilize your site in this century."

"This century!"

"Or I may. Time is largely meaningless to Demons. I want the right to use it."

"No!"

"You have not heard what I offer in return."

"What?" Jaylin demanded rebelliously.

"The life of your zombie horse."

Jaylin froze. "You can save Putre?"

"I can arrange it, with the cooperation of other Demons."

"Why the bleep should they cooperate with you?"

"They will if I face them with a worse alternative, as they did with me before."

Jaylin suffered a complete and surely foolish reversal. "You do that, and I'll make your deal. You can visit my body, provided you don't misuse it. I'll want another Demon to forge the agreement—the rules of the game. So I don't get scr—cheated."

"Agreed." Fornax sent out a mental signal, and Sim Bird joined them.

"Squawk?"

"Jupiter, as an experienced game player, and to facilitate a conclusion to the present situation, forge a fair objective agreement between me and this mortal girl."

A monstrous mind-bending mass of information flowed between them. "Squawk."

It was done. Jaylin didn't have to ask; she had felt the exchange, and knew beyond any doubt that a tight Demonly agreement had been forged and would be honored. They had used at least another one percent of their joint attention; there were surely clauses that were well beyond her potential comprehension, protecting her. Demons did not bend the rules of any game in any trifling respect; they were absolute. She was quite safe.

After that, things went rapidly. All of the Demons remained at Castle Zombie to watch Breanna marry Justin. Jaylin now understood that this was not because they truly cared, but because they were waiting for their emotions to fade so that they could safely desert the mortal filters. "She is a good girl," Fornax remarked. "She deserves him."

"But you were trying to take him from her!"

"Only for the game. He is, after all, a mortal."

"But he managed to resist your blandishments."

"I was barred from using my Demonly powers. I was confined to yours. I could have made him love me."

Jaylin realized that the Demoness was neither bragging nor bluffing. She was speaking literally. That made Jaylin curious. "Why didn't you cheat?"

"Cheat?"

Jaylin explained the concept.

"Fascinating! We must have a game with cheating!"

What mischief had Jaylin sown? "No need."

"It wouldn't work against another Demon, of course, but a mortal would be easy."

But it was time to pay attention, for the wedding was in progress. Justin was handsome in a formal black suit, and Breanna was lovely in a full black gown. Even the zombie attendants were formally garbed. King Xeth seemed to be best man, and Zyzzyva Zombie was matron of honor.

"But brides are supposed to wear white," Jaylin said.

"Why?" Fornax asked.

"To show they're virginal, or something."

"She is virginal, but prefers black."

"How do you know that?"

"We are beyond the game. I can be omniscient as usual."

Jaylin decided not to ask why she had had to ask about white, if she was omniscient. She might get more of an answer than she liked.

"We do miss trifling details on occasion," Fornax agreed. "It can be easier to seek mortal interpretation."

The Demon Grossclout had appeared to conduct the service. Even he seemed slightly awed by some of the members of the audience. "If there is anyone here who has reason for this union not to be made, let him speak now." He paused ever so briefly. "There being no objection—"

Fornax jumped up. "I have an objection," she said with Jaylin's voice.

Oh, no! What mischief was this?

Grossclout frowned. Naturally he wasn't fooled by appearances. "What is your objection, Demoness Fornax?"

"One of the zombies the bride values is to be destroyed after the ceremony. The bride objects."

Breanna had opened her mouth, surely to protest interference by this particular Demoness. But she paused. "Which zombie?"

"Palus Putredinus, the zombie dream horse. Mare Imbrium's foal."

There was an intake of breath across the gathering. Everyone knew Mare Imbri.

"He's to be destroyed?" A small black cloud formed over Breanna's head.

"The Night Stallion will no longer tolerate his existence," Fornax said.

"Bleep!" The whole assemblage winced at such a crude imprecation from such a lovely bride. "For sure, I don't want my wedding spoiled by that. Putre really helped us find the Foop. We owe him. Besides, he's a nice horse, and Mare Imbri has had more than enough grief without losing him."

"He can be saved, if the attending Demons agree," Fornax said.

"How?" Breanna demanded.

"He can be converted to a mortal horse and banished to Mundania."

"But that's cruel! No immortal wants to be mortal, and no Xanthian wants to be sent there."

"He will be glad to go, if—"

"If what, C-T canine?"

"If the Demon Earth accepts him, and he can find a home in Mundania."

Then at last Jaylin caught on. "I'll take him!" she cried.

Breanna turned to Justin. That was when Jaylin realized that the Demoness Venus and Demon Earth were not only attending the wedding, they remained with their former hosts. Their emotions had not yet faded, either.

Justin nodded. Evidently the Demon Earth wanted to get this wedding done with so he could return home. Accepting one horse was a small price for avoiding the mischief Breanna would otherwise make. It was perhaps not remarkable that even a Demon was wary of her ire.

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