Sweetest Sin: A Forbidden Priest Romance (5 page)

“We really
shouldn’t…” I didn’t even want to speak it aloud. “He’s a
priest
.”

Alyssa laughed. “So
what? Priests are like the Queen’s guards in England. They’re not allowed to
react. You can do anything you wanted to Daddy El, and he couldn’t flirt back.”

“I don’t think
that’s true—”

“You know what she
needs?” Samantha winked. “Honor should spend more time at St. Cecilia’s.”

Oh, I knew what
they wanted. I wagged a finger. “I already said I couldn’t.”

“Come
on
.
The choir was so much more fun in high school. Now everyone’s moved on and gone
to college. It’s not the same.” Alyssa pouted. “And you used to love to sing.
It’s perfect. You moved home just in time to form our trio.”

Samantha didn’t
let me protest. “It’s settled. You’re in. Auditions are later this week for the
competitive group. You
have
to do that too. During the summer festival,
we’re holding a Battle of the Choirs. We thought it was kinda lame at first,
but Daddy El is excited about it. He wanted to start a new tradition, and he’s
already talked to a bunch of other parishes to participate.”

Alyssa bit her
lip. “It’s a chance to make him proud. He can show us off to the other
churches.”

Yes, exactly what
Jesus would do. “I don’t know. My college’s choir wasn’t really formal, and I
think the director was just fulfilling some sort of court mandated—”

“The choir?”  Mom
spoke loud enough to ensure all the women heard her. “Oh, my baby has the
sweetest voice. Absolutely heavenly. Go on, honey. Join the choir. You loved it
when you were little.”

True, but I had
also loved the opportunity to leave the house when I was young.

The women took
their seats as Judy cleared her throat with the expectation of quiet. Mom
missed the hint. She pulled me into the seat next to her and took my hand,
squeezing it with a smile so wide and
proud
.

“Your voice is
such a blessing. You need to praise Him with it.”

“I haven’t sung in
a long time, Mom,” I said.

“I know. Not since
his funeral.”

I flinched. Mom
had a tendency to over-share, especially since the program encouraged her to
expose, reveal, and accept all that had happened prior to her recovery. She gripped
my hand. The wedding ring pressed into my knuckle. It wasn’t hers. She’d sold her
jewelry to buy the pills she used to make it through his funeral.

Now she wore Dad’s
ring, fitted to her finger by wrapping string around the base. The twine was
dirty and tattered, but Dad’s ring shined bright and gold. I’d kept it hidden
in my room until Mom was sober enough to realize that it was the last treasure
of his we had and couldn’t be pawned.

“My little Honor
couldn’t finish the song during his service.” She explained the situation to
the group, though no one had asked about anything so personal. So painful. “But
I know her daddy would have been pleased to hear her sing.”

I doubted she
remembered the day. Other people must have told her what happened when I ran
from the dais mid-song.  Father Falconi tended to me then—cold, informal, and
offering platitudes that didn’t ease the pain of watching strangers take my
father’s casket away because Mom’s addiction had alienated most of our friends
and family. At least Dad had
us
at the gravesite, even if I couldn’t
finish the hymn.

“Join the choir.
It’d be good for you.” Mom stroked a lock of hair behind my ear. “It’s a fresh,
new start for both of us here, back home where we belong.”

“Right,” I
whispered.

I gracefully
ducked away as Judy cleared her throat. Again. Alyssa and Samantha took the
seats next to me. The older women frowned as they crossed their legs at the
knees and adjusted their skirts so just
enough
of their thighs showed.

“Well, it is nice
to see a new face in our little group.” Judy tilted her head, though the motion
was lost amid the waves of her scarlet hair. “Honor, welcome back to the St.
Cecilia’s Women’s Group. Second week in a row.”

Mom beamed,
wrapping me in a hug. “She is
thrilled
to be a permanent member.”

I nodded, accepting
the well-wishing from the others in the group, from the elderly to the newly married
and freshly pregnant. They thanked me for the cookies—chocolate chip and shame did
pair well together.

“I do apologize,”
Judy said. “We didn’t get to talk to you last time, what with that crisis with
the pierogi freezer. We’ll take the opportunity to get to know you now, Honor
Thomas.”

I didn’t speak.

His voice struck
through the meeting room, a low hum of absolute confidence, authority, and
warmth. I stiffened, drawing my gaze to the priest poised in the doorway.

“That’s a
wonderful idea.” Father Raphael’s presence filled the room. The women greeted
him with beaming smiles. “I know Honor is a woman of many virtues. She should
share them with our parish.”

Did he do it to be
cruel?

To watch me
stiffen, shudder, and silence before him?

Father Raphael
didn’t need the white collar or black cassock. When he spoke, he earned
respect. When he listened, he honored those speaking.

And when his dark
eyes narrowed upon me and the curl of his lips pressed into a secret smile, he
controlled me in a way I should have feared.

Why was it so
exciting?

And why couldn’t I
catch my breath?

I didn’t look away
from him, trapped in the intensity of his gaze—so unrelenting it’d have seemed
inappropriate if it weren’t a holy man studying my every quiver. “There’s not
much to talk about.”

“That’s not true.”
Mom was the first to rescue me, except she popped me in the spotlight instead
of allowing me a graceful escape. “Honor is an absolute dream. She’s a stellar
student. Always helps her community. She’s studying to be a social worker, so
she can start and manage her own charity one day. I know she’ll bring pride and
faith to this parish.”

“Thanks…Mom.” I
gritted my teeth. “That’s good.”

She wasn’t done
yet.

“When I needed
help, Honor came to my aid.”

“That’s sweet.” I
squeezed her hand. “But
really
, we don’t have to talk about it—”

“I lost myself in
a world of drugs and alcohol for sixteen
years
.” Mom spoke even as the
women stared with wide eyes. “Sin and vice stole me. I bankrupted my family. I
ruined my marriage. And I nearly lost my baby girl twice.”

I tried to stop
her. “You never lost me.”

“No,
literally
.”
She met the stunned gazes of the women’s group head-on. “My addictions were so
bad, CPS nearly took my baby.”

This was a new—and
horrifying—revelation. “
What
?”

“You were too
young to remember, but you’re old enough now to hear the truth.”

Obviously not!

Oh, God. Mom
didn’t do benders anymore unless it was spouting family problems that should
have stayed within our home. It didn’t matter to her. Through a court-ordered
sobriety class—and a renewed faith—she came to terms with her problems…and she
ensured everyone else understood them too.

Alyssa and
Samantha covered their mouths, and the older women shifted uncomfortably in
their seats. To them, Mom was a Pablo Escabar in a world of Betty Crocker, and
nothing I could do would save her reputation. My stomach twisted.

“But this girl is
worth fighting for,” Mom continued. “She will be an asset to this church.
Father Rafe, you’ll see. She’s a damn fine Catholic.” She flinched. “Darn.
Forgive me.”

Father Raphael’s
smile eased the tension in the room. “Then she is welcomed to my flock.”

Humiliation and
shivers didn’t blend well. I scrunched in my seat as Alyssa and Samantha slowly
uncrossed and re-crossed their legs, knowing full-well just what they exposed
as they did it.

Father Raphael
didn’t look.

He only watched
me.

“Well…” Judy stared
at her clipboard and awkwardly massaged her temple. “I honestly have no idea
where we were in the agenda…so…we’ll get right to the announcements before we
do a little bible study.”

And I had
forgotten my Bible at home. Granted, I had the app on my phone, but the last
thing I wanted was for Father Raphael to think even less of me. Then again, his
opinion couldn’t possibly get any worse.

It must have been
why his gaze sliced through me, trying to discover every secret and sin that
tempted us.

I licked my lip.
Why was I breathing so hard?

Why did I like how
intently he stared at me?

“Our St. Cecilia
Festival needs more volunteers…” Judy wagged a sign-up sheet. “We’re looking
for organizers, decorators, people to work the concession stand, someone to
help organize the vendors…”

Judy waited. The
room was silent.

His voice lowered.
“Come on, ladies. Don’t make me beg.”

Alyssa and
Samantha shared a glance before both of their arms shot into the air.

Judy grimaced.
“Yes…I’ll mark your names down, girls.” She tapped her pen in an impatient,
staccato rhythm before I finally glanced up. “Honor?”

“The festival?” I
hesitated. If I volunteered, it meant working with Father Raphael. Together.
Through the summer. Potentially
alone
. I swallowed. “I don’t know if
I’ll have the time.”

“Nonsense!” Mom laughed.
“You’ll have plenty of time.”

I gritted my
teeth. This was not the place to discuss my plans for the summer, but I turned
to Mom, speaking low.

“Mom, I have to
find another summer job...” Or else we weren’t going to eat.

“Oh, you’ll have
time. You need these extracurriculars.” Mom waved to Judy. “Put her name down.”

“We should talk
about this at home.”

“It’ll build your
resume. You want to do social work in the diocese after you graduate?” She
pointed to Father Raphael with a wink. “He’s your man. Work the festival, and I
bet he’ll give you a good recommendation after you finish this last semester.”

I doubted that.

Father Raphael
folded his hands in his lap. I wished I hadn’t stared at where they dropped.
“I’ll make it fun, Honor. Promise.”

I didn’t trust
what I thought was fun with him. Stolen conversations. Nighttime confessions.

Dark and twisted
and
wonderful
fantasies.

Alyssa answered
for me. “She’ll do it. She’ll be there anyway. She’s singing in the choir with
us, Father. We convinced her to try out for the Battle of the Choirs group.”

Father Raphael’s
smile turned victorious. “Wonderful. I’m so glad you’re that…persuasive.”

This was a bad
idea, made worse by the shiver of excitement that threaded through my mind. The
wicked seed sprouted from a forlorn hope that maybe, somehow, I’d find a way to
speak with him again. I could be near him once more, and I’d indulge that
craving to be close with him.

I stayed silent as
the other announcements were read, and Father Raphael offered an opening prayer
and blessing. My fingers quivered as I crossed myself, but nothing eased me.

Especially the
bible verse chosen for our meeting.

Father Raphael
read it, commanding and warm. His attention focused on me, not even reading
from his Bible. I wished I hadn’t ached for the attention.

“
For all have sinned, and come short
of the glory of God
,” he said. “Romans 3:23. This is true of every man, every
woman…every priest.”

I held my breath, though the room
quieted, ready for Father Raphael to lead the study.

Mom stood instead.

“Mm,
mm
. This is too true.”
She wagged a soulful finger. “Now I know a lot about sinning…probably more than
most of you here.”

This was the first time Mom
probably overestimated her past, especially in comparison to the sins I had
just committed. I tugged on her sleeve, but she shrugged me away.

Judy folded her hands and forced a shrug.
“How…illuminating.”

“I’ve done too many bad things to
too many good people,” Mom said. “The drugs and the drinking…you don’t know sin
until your husband wakes you up, half-naked at a truck-stop after you took the
car with an expired license to get cigarettes.”

This wasn’t happening. I faked a
chuckle and called to her. “Mom, we should keep reading the verse—”

“When my little girl was fifteen?
Her grandma sent her a cross, little thing with a real diamond in the middle.”
Mom gazed down at me. I didn’t have time to prepare for this truth bomb. “I’m
sorry, baby. I pawned it and bought a bottle of Oxy instead.”