Sweetest Kill (5 page)

“Really? Why would you
do that?”

“Because a child has no
business in the life I live.” His reply is short, like I am annoying him with
this conversation

He’s kind of being a
dick now that I think about it

“Sorry, I was just
wondering.” I am annoying now. I brush past him into the bathroom

He grabs my arm pulling
me back to him “the condom broke Liv.” He repeats

“Yeah, I got that the
first time. And then I got the part about you will never have kids.”

He is getting more
agitated “I… I fuck a lot of girls Olivia, you need to get tested, I mean I
always use condoms but you never fucking know.”

He fucks a lot of girls

He didn’t use a past
tense with that. He said fucks.

I feel sick. “Okay.” I
whisper

I walk into the
bathroom, turning to see him watching me but he’s not moving.

He’s not happy

I gently close the door
and lock it

I turn my iPod that I
left on the dock in the bathroom earlier when I was getting dressed

I turn on the shuffle
and The White Stripes “Seven Nation Army” comes on, it’s one of my favorites.

I take a long time to
shower. After years living with my parents and their “five minute” rule, I have
learned to appreciate the beauty that is unlimited showering

This time is no
different. Although I don’t typically make a habit of crying while I am in the
shower.

I couldn’t help the
first string of heavy tears that escaped my eyes when I stepped into the shower
and the stress began to evaporate

I just had sex for the
very first time. The man I am already in love with like that doesn’t carry
enough emotions, just made it clear he is a player and fucks around

The romance of it was
all washed away as quickly as it came.

I finally step out of
the shower about 20 minutes later

I rub lotion everywhere
like I do every night

I put my hair in a bun,
toss on a pair of fresh panties and then pajamas I had on earlier

When I step out of the
bathroom he’s sitting across the living room on the couch with his head in his
hands

He’s dressed. He must
have gone back to his place and changed his clothes, because now he is wearing
a pair of gym shorts and a black tight fitting shirt

I walk into the living
room and sit in the chair on the other side of the room

He looks up at me, with
the saddest expression I have ever seen

“I’m sorry.” He
whispers

“For what?” I ask

“For blurting that out
there like that. For being who I am, for not being more careful and putting you
at risk.”

“That’s a lot of things
to be sorry for Dean, a little early in it for all of this don’t you think?”

He straightens a bit
“are you second guessing giving me a shot?” his voice is tight

“No, but considering
your history and the way you jumped down my throat for asking why you couldn’t
have children. I mean are you sure you don’t want to back out. I ask stupid
questions and I don’t fuck a bunch of guys.”

Okay, so the last part
probably wasn’t necessary but still

“My history has nothing
to do with you, or how I feel about you Liv. I honestly have not been able to
think about anything or anyone but you since the day I knocked on your fucking
door. You have turned my life upside down in the last month and a half and you
have no fucking clue what that does to someone like me. How much it…. Changes
things.”

“You still slept with
that Stella girl, after you met me. I don’t know if you are into this whole
thing as you think you are.”

He frowns “Stella is…
It’s hard to explain, but she doesn’t mean anything to me…”

“But I do?”

“You do.” He responds

“Why can’t you tell me
what you do?” I ask

“I don’t know. Because
like I said earlier, once you find out you will go away, I need to have as much
of you as I can before that happens. You will know soon enough.”

I don’t like that
answer. I don’t like where my mind goes. I mean, maybe he won’t be with me when
I find out

“Liv.” He starts moving
across the room to kneel in front of me, grabbing my hands and pulling them
into both of his, forcing me to look up at him “I think the feelings I have for
you are scaring the shit out of me. They are making me feel one too many things
that I am not use to, and causing me to have control. I am a man who has
control over every aspect of his life. You have changed how I few
relationships. You make me want to try. I want to be with you, I need to be
with you. I need you to understand I am a fuck up. I am not perfect and I need
you to just like me anyway.”

I look away “I don’t
think I just like you though Dean, that’s the issue here.”

“What do you mean? Do
you not want to be with me?”

“No, I mean I think I
fell in love with you the first day I met you. When you told me I was the most
beautiful girl that you ever met, I think I fell right then and there. This is
scaring me. I have never had a boyfriend before you, I just had sex for the
first time ever less than an hour ago, over there with you.” I point to the
couch “I am scared too, things are changing for me as well, but I need you to
be here. I need to know you are in this and not with other girls. I need to
know that I am going to be the only girl you… fuck while we are together. I
can’t worry about the feeling that came over me when you said that. Like you
would be sleeping with other girls.”

“I don’t consider being
with you a fuck Olivia, and you can rest assured you are the only one I will be
romantically with.”

I look at him again, a
light smile tips on his lips

“Promise?” I ask

“I promise sweet girl.”

And then he kisses me

And we end up back on
the couch where it all started.

He was gone when I woke
up the next day, he left a note beside me telling me how much he enjoyed last
night. That he would be gone for 4 days and that he would text me if he was
able.

I get up and jump in
the shower, making quick work of my usual routine. I have a photo shoot for a
birthday party at 2, which is actually one of my higher paying jobs. The family
is related to one of the guys that Jaxon works with, and he’s paying me $1200.

I call Jaxon to check
on Josslyn, he says that she’s doing well but asking to come back to my house.
I made plans to come by and pick her up when I am done with the party.

I usually spend all my
hours when I am done a shoot, loading and editing the photo’s I can just do it
when Joss goes to bed, but I have a feeling she’s going to be asking me for
Dean a lot. I kind of know how she feels

It felt weird to wake
up and not have him there. Not that he had ever been there when I had woken up
before, but before last night we had never slept together. We weren’t dating,
he didn’t basically tell me he loves me. Things were different now and I
totally missed him

I remember the
conversation about the condom shortly after I get off the phone with Jaxon. I
call my OB-GYN and make an appointment to come in and get tested, but the
doctor that I am use to is booked for the next 2 weeks. They tell me that I can
come in and take the test, but that it won’t be Doctor Bailey doing the
testing. I decide to book with her. If heaven forbid Dean had anything that he
could pass onto me, it would still be there in two weeks.

He explained to me that
night while we were lying in my bed, that he is big on routine testing. He
hadn’t done it since he met me though, and he was worried that he could have
done something to hurt me. I thought it was kind of sweet, I wasn’t really
worried about it. I had a feeling he would know if something was wrong. He
would tell me. Either way, I made the appointment I’d figure it out.

I leave the house
quarter past one. I notice that Ryan’s car is in the driveway. As soon as I
pass his car to get to mine, he rolls down his window “Hey Olivia.” He greets

“Hey.”

“Dean asked me to come
by and talk to you.” His tone sounds less, happy

“Okay, I have a few
minutes. I have a shoot do you need to talk now?”

He looks down at his
watch “Actually I have somewhere that I need to be I can be back here around 6
tonight. I will bring food and we can chat. Does that work?”

It makes me a little
nervous that he needs to talk to me for Dean, but I need to know what he has to
say. “I will have Joss, but she is usually asleep by 6:30 so I’ll be free.”

He frowns for a moment,
I am not sure if it’s that Joss will be with me or what “I will see you then.”
He nods and rolls up the window.

Ryan stresses Dean out.
I have noticed that, but I like Ryan he has always been really nice to be and
he makes Dean laugh when they aren’t at secret odds with one another.

He took care of Dean
and Dean took care of him. They were close brothers. I knew I could trust Ryan,
but knowing that and feeling the fear that I did deep down wasn’t helping.

I drive to the party,
do my job and try to keep my mind off what he could possibly have to tell me

I head to Jaxon’s after
I am done to pick up Joss. He tells me that she randomly spiked a fever that
morning so he wanted to keep her home. I went in to check on her and she was
asleep in her bed. I covered her back up and placed a kiss on her little
forehead.

When I went back out
into the living room Jaxon “How is lover boy?” he asks with a grin

“He’s good.” I reply
kicking him in the shin as I sit down beside him “he’s away on business for the
next 4 days, but he’s good.”

“What does he do
again?” Jaxon asks

“He won’t actually tell
me, he tells me I am going to hate him when I find out, so he wants to ‘enjoy
this as much as he can’.” I explain the last part using hand air quotes

“He hasn’t told you
what he does for a living? That’s a bit scary Liv, I mean what could he
possibly do that is so bad?”

“I have no idea, I
don’t think it’s as bad as he is making it out to be. You never know though
maybe he is a ballet dancer.” I laugh

Jaxon laughs too “Just
be careful Livy.”

“I always am Jackie.”

His face goes serious
“so I have some drama of my own, are you ready for this.”

“As long as it doesn’t
make me want to go after a bitch and pull her hair out.” I joke

“Oh it does.” He
mumbles “Ashley is snooping around. I got a call the other day from my boss,
she showed up at my job high off her ass and ranting about needing to see me. I
was out of town for a meeting and I have been ignoring her calls.”

“Wait how did she get
your number? You changed it when the parental rights were terminated.” I ask

“I don’t know, but
she’s into some scary ass shit now Liv, she’s smoking crack, shooting heroine
or at least her old friends have told me that’s what she is into. I honestly
haven’t given her a second thought in almost two years. Until this week.”

“What does she want do
you think?” I ask

“I don’t know Liv, but
I have a really strong feeling it has something to do with Joss. She doesn’t
want Joss but she’s angry about something. She and I were not serious, you know
that. She was just a stupid girl, we made a stupid mistake and she made her own
choices. I take care of my daughter, I won’t have her coming into our lives and
tearing shit up.” His voice is raising. He is angry but I can’t blame him

“So what do we do?” I
quietly ask

“Well I filed a
restraining order this morning at the courthouse. One of Ben’s friends is a
judge there, it was granted and she will be served this afternoon at some
point.”

Relief floods me “Thank
God.”

“There’s more.” He adds

“Oh boy, what?”

“She seems to have a
serious issue with you Olivia.”

“Me?” I question I
didn’t know Ashley all that well. I mean sure we hung out at the same place
when she was out with Jaxon, but I didn’t really like her.

“Yeah, when she showed
up at work, Ben said she was screaming about teaching you a lesson in minding
your own business.”

“Okay, that makes a
whole fuck load of sense.” I say

“I know.” He laughs
gently “but it doesn’t matter, she’s on hardcore drugs so just be careful when
you go out and if you see her stay away from her. I am going to look into
finding someone to get her some help, but that should be her parent’s problem
not mine.”

“You would think they
would flash some money and make it happen, like they did when she got
pregnant.” I blurt

Jaxon winces slight “I
know that you didn’t like the way she handled all of that, but could you
imagine if she had given Joss up, we would never have seen her again. I know
you love j just as much as I do. I couldn’t imagine a day without her in it. I
am glad her parents were unable to pay for her to be adopted.”

“I can’t believe they
thought they could buy her from us.” I reply, remembering the day that Ashley’s
father showed up in the hospital room where Jaxon was staying with Josslyn
until she was released. He offered Jaxon $100,000 dollars to sign over his
rights like Ashley did, they had a family who really wanted to adopt Josslyn.

Jaxon never considered
the idea, which made Ashley’s father really angry. So angry in fact hospital
security had to escort him off the property. We never heard from any of them
again. We saw Ashley for a few moments at the court hearing, but she wouldn’t
look at us. She didn’t ask about Josslyn, she didn’t ask to see her. Nothing.

“I am not worried about
it Jaxon. She’s bored she will go away soon enough.”

But for some reason I
felt a pang of uncertainty. Drugs did really bad things to the judgment of
users. They don’t think the way that you or I would. Ashley out on the loose
kind of scared me. I always thought she was a bit crazy.

“I think for a while we
should be careful on where we take Joss.” I tell him

“I agree, I don’t mind
if she goes to your house here and there of course, but I want you to promise
you will call the cops if you think anything weird is going on or if you see
Ashley.”

“Of course.” I reassure
him.

I look down at my cell
just as a text from Ryan comes through:

R: I’ll be at your
place in about 25 minutes

Me: Okay, c u soon

I look up at Jaxon “I
have to go, Ryan is coming by I guess Dean asked him to come by and talk to
me.”

“Your boyfriend is
having his brother come by and talk to you for him while he is out of town?” I
can hear the curiosity rising in his voice

“Yup.” Is all I say

“Good luck with that
Liv.” Jaxon shakes his head laughing

“I know.” I give him a
kiss on the cheek “Tell Joss I love her, and have her call me in the morning so
I can ask her how she feels.”

“I will.” He agrees
“And Liv, I appreciate everything you do for us.” He smiles “I love you.”

“You better.” I giggle

Now it’s time to go
find out what the hell Ryan needs to tell me.