Sweet Temptation (22 page)

“Fine,” she says.

I let her go and she swims away from me. I'm right behind her. She climbs the ladder and her bum's right in my face. Blake yells something I can't hear because lust has caused the
blood to rush through my body in a rapid
whoosh
.

Feeling lust for Anna is not like lusting for other girls. This lust is stronger, braided and twined with love, admiration, and all the pain she's capable of causing me. It's too strong, and I can't resist following her, desperate to know if she feels any of this or if I'm alone in my madness.

She bends over to dig in her bag and I swear I whimper. Her wet clothing clings to her and I can see the bikini lines underneath. Her body calls to me like a flashing beacon, luring me closer. She stands quickly and turns, colliding with me. Every place she accidentally touches me alights.

“For the record,” I say, hardly able to speak through the lust that pumps through my veins, “I was more myself with you during those three days than I've ever been with anyone in my life. It'd be easier if I could be fake with you, but you bring out everything in me, little Ann.
All
of it.”

The good and the bad. The hot and the cold. The lust and the love.

She stares at me for a long time before blinking and stepping back, bumping the deck rail. She's so filled with goodness, this girl the angels prophesied about so long ago. This girl who has no clue of the things I've done.

And because I can't help but compare her innocence with my dodgy past, because I don't deserve anything good, because it's in Anna's nature to care for the lost and aching, I begin to doubt the validity of what I feel between us. I doubt everything. And I push. Because, like her, I need proof. I need to hear it.

“However it is that you think you still feel about me,” I say,
“I can assure you it's nothing more than a classic case of someone who wants the one thing she can't have. If you had me and got it out of your system, you'd realize the good boy's the one you really want.”

She eyes me hard. “Those are
your
insecurities, Kaidan, not facts, and I wish you would stop taking them out on me.” She tries to step away, but I block her. I don't want her to leave.

“Excuse me,” she says. “I need to change my clothes.”

Her clothes . . . yes. My eyes drop. I can't fathom why she needs to change. Her clothes are right nice the way they are—wet enough to cling to every curve of her thighs, hips, waist, and chest. I memorize this image.

For a moment I think she's going to hit me, but her hands go to the bottom of her shirt instead. I nearly topple backward when she begins to wriggle from side to side, pulling the damn thing up and over her head, then dropping it at my feet. I stare at the white halter top and the small, perfect curves it reveals. Bloody hell . . . she's got a belly button ring. I can't . . . Her waist . . . her collarbones . . . her eyes.

That sultry gaze—she's enjoying this in a one hundred percent vixen sort of way. The killer look in her eyes makes the cauldron inside me boil. Whatever scrap of sanity I had is slapped away as she undoes her shorts and pushes them down to reveal her thighs, which I have never seen until this moment.

I am salivating.

There's a challenge in her eyes, making her the bravest girl I've ever met, because I will bloody well lay her down right here on Blake's deck and pick up where I left off in that hotel room. I will have that bikini off faster than she can gasp.

I am just about to charge forward when she turns and bends over, slowly picking up her clothes. My body seizes. She saunters away with half her damned arse hanging out of the sides of her swimsuit, teasing me as her hips sway back and forth, back and forth, back and . . .
oh, God
, this hurts.

I groan in agony, but she takes no pity. Anna is good at not looking back. As she and her edible backside disappear into the bungalow, I cram my fingers into my hair and crouch, feeling as if a horse has kicked me in the middle.

A chuckle comes from the back doors and Blake is standing there, arms crossed over his chest. “That was brutal, brah. You so deserved it.”

With my head hanging, I manage to say, “Stay away or I'll kill you.”

“You couldn't pay me to come near you right now.”

I sigh and try to breathe. Blake laughs a bit more at my expense before leaving me alone in my misery.

“Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear

And I, I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear take the wheel and steer.”

—“Drive” by Incubus

T
he problem about being with Anna is she makes me forget everything else. She looks at me like I'm her hero, and I forget who I really am. She smiles at the world around her, and I forget it's an ugly place. She exudes comfort, and I forget we're in constant danger. I forget all the reasons I've stayed away from her, all the reasons it's better for her not to care about me.

I'm sprinting up the same stretch of beach Anna and I walked down less than an hour ago. I'm cursing myself, and swearing that if anything's happened to Anna, I will find those guys from the carnival and take care of them.

I am furious with myself on so many levels. I let it slip
during our walk that Anna's father demanded I stay away from her. I guilted Anna into showing me her gorgeous aura of love, and then freaked out and was an asshole to her all over again. I talked her into going on the Ferris wheel and got so completely carried away trying to kiss her that I never saw the whisperer coming. Then I got us cornered by a fucking gang, where she tried to use her powers of influence and ended up with a gun pointed in her face.

Score two for the angels who saved her arse once again while I stood by helplessly. I grit my teeth as I run.

She's with Blake now, who showed up at the carnival on his motorcycle to whisk her away. Though I'm certain she's safe, the band of fear around my torso doesn't loosen. The gang is long gone, down the strip in the opposite direction, but I don't stop running. I need to deal with Anna.

I still cannot believe a whisperer caught us nearly kissing. I'm sick to my stomach. I want to hurl onto the beach, but there's no time for that. I need to remind Anna of all the things she makes me forget, the most important thing being that it's my job to keep us aware. It's my responsibility to keep an eye and ear out, since I know she won't. I failed us today, and she made it even worse by trying to take on those gang members single-handedly.

Why would she think that's possible? She should have left them to me. Doesn't she know what it'd do to me to see her killed?

I race up the steps to Blake's deck, struggling for breath through the fog of overwhelming fear clouding my mind. I go straight to Anna, who looks afraid, and I take her face in my
hands. I have to make her understand.

“Don't ever do that again.”

“I know it was dangerous, but there were five of them—”

“I can bloody well handle myself, Anna!” I let her go, frustrated that she doesn't get it. Back and forth we go, little Anna thinking she's a warrior fucking princess or something, and I'm about to lose my mind.

“Give me your knife,” she says.

“What?” What's she going to do with it?

“Just give it to me,” she demands.

Oh, bloody hell. “No, Anna, I don't know what you're trying to do, but this is ridic—”

Anna comes at me, and next thing I know I feel myself going backward and down. I land hard on my back with Anna looking down at me.

“Give me your knife,” she says calmly.

Blake whistles and I stare up into her face of fierce determination, framed in a tumble of blond hair.

“God, that was hot,” I say like an idiot.

She holds out her hand, and now I'm curious enough to dig my knife out and hand it over. She turns her head, throws the damn thing with a strong flick, and it lands in the side of a wooden heron's head. Holy shit. I can't believe it. Lust bashes me like a sledgehammer, and I suddenly imagine her naked.

“Dude!” Blake yells, snapping me back to reality.

Anna stares down at me as if she's conquered me. “You showed your colors!”

“Did not,” I reply quickly. But even as I say it, I think I bleedin' well might've.

“You totally let 'em out, brah!”

“Shut up,” I say to Blake as I push to my feet. I will beat him later.

We're all standing now, and Anna's wearing a satisfied look. “I've been training. I'm not completely helpless anymore.”

“I can see that,” I say, but as impressive as that was, I still don't want her trying to take on every bastard she comes across, thinking it will be that simple.

She steps closer to me and looks up. “I get it now, okay? Everything you've always tried to warn me about, I get. Today was . . .” Petrifying? Eye-opening? She clears her throat. “I came here and said what I needed to say. Now I have to go. I mean it this time.”

And I can see in her eyes that she does. She's been sufficiently scared by our encounter with the whisperer and gang. I'm sorry she had to learn the hard way. I'm sorry both of us have to be continuously reminded. It only takes one whisperer to report back to the Dukes. We won't always be able to weasel our way out of it like Anna did today, telling the spirit we were practicing our “work skills” together.

I listen as Anna changes her ticket to an earlier flight. She gathers her things, and Blake and I walk her to her car. She hugs Blake first. I rest my hands on my hips, resigned to be happy that I got to see her for one day. As horrid as certain events were, and as stupid as we were to tempt fate on that Ferris wheel, a bad day with Anna is better than a good day without her, and I've been without her so long. I'm pissed at myself for ruining half the day being an arse.

She scans the skies before approaching me, and I feel a
smatter of pride for her awareness. I don't expect her to touch me again, but when her arms circle my waist and her face presses against my chest, I'm immensely grateful. I scan the skies myself, but they're clear, so I pull her tighter. I let my chin rest on top of her head for two full seconds, and then she's pulling away, holding my hands. Her fingers slide slowly away from mine until we're no longer touching, and her eyes drop.

A cavern of emptying loss opens inside me as I watch her go. I realize I can shield myself against everything else in this life—but I will never manage to keep Anna out. She's under my skin. She's in my head and in my heart, stretching out and taking up residence. When she leaves, the imprint of her stays, as always, but it's not enough.

It's never enough.

“And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness.

Because none of it was ever worth the risk. Well, you are the only exception.”

—“The Only Exception” by Paramore

“C
ome on, man,” Blake says. “We'll grab a drink.”

We're still standing in his driveway, staring down the street where Anna's rental car has disappeared into the distance. When I don't move or respond, he hits my arm to get my attention.

“I'll be in in a bit,” I say.

He gives me a funny look, trying to read me.

“That's some crazy shit she told us, right?” he asks. “About the prophecy?”

I nod, staring back down the street until he sighs.

“All right, fine. I'll give you a minute, but hurry up. We only have one night until my pops gets back from wherever the hell they are.”

“Vegas.”

“Yeah, whatev. Just have your moment and getcha self inside. I'mma kick your ass at Grand Theft Auto.”

I know he's trying to cheer me up. While other blokes would be having a party or going out, our idea of non-parental fun is just the opposite.

He jogs to the house, leaving me to stare down his private drive. She's gone and I've no clue when I'll see her again.

“Come on, Kai!” he calls from the doorway. With stiff movements I force myself to go. He hands me a chilled beer and sits in one of his video game chairs in front of the giant screen.

I play and try to relax, but I keep thinking about the prophecy. At what cost will the earth be rid of demons? At the cost of Anna's life? I won't let her die alone to make this happen. I'll go down fighting with her. I'd die today for a chance to see them all sucked permanently into hell with me.

But I'd die with one regret. I'd die wishing I'd shown Anna how I truly felt. I'd spend eternity in hell wishing I'd had one proper moment with Anna where I wasn't scheming to sleep with her, or pushing her away.

One night with no games between us.

In that moment, I'm filled with a sudden panicked sense of urgency.

My car crashes and burns on the screen and Blake laughs. I jump to my feet, startling him.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“I have to go.” I know I must look deranged. That's certainly how he's looking at me, but I don't care. I run to the kitchen, where I think I've left my keys, and he jumps up to follow.

“Where are you going? We have one night to chill! Don't leave me hangin'.”

I find my keys with the silver skull and drumstick crossbones, and I nearly run into Blake.

“I have to stop her.”

He's still looking at me like I'm a lunatic. “Who, Anna? For real? But . . . you're always so careful, trying to stay away from her. What about her dad, man?”

“Fuck him.”

He chuckles, but shakes his head. “This is a bad idea,” he sings as I brush past him.

I spin on my heels and eye him as a sudden grin overtakes my face. “It's the best idea I've ever had, mate.”

I turn and he grabs my arm, getting uncharacteristically serious. “Just tonight while they're away, Kai. After tonight you can't mess around like this.”

“I know,” I promise him. “Just tonight.”

I must look like a wild mess when I approach the old fellow at the ticket counter. I've run from the parking lot and it's hot as balls out there.

“I need to get something to my friend,” I tell him as I catch my breath. “She's on flight four twenty-eight to Atlanta. Can I see her? Just for a moment?”

“No, sir. I would suggest calling her if she has a cell phone.”

“She's got it switched off. Can you page her?”

“I cannot. That flight is about to start boarding. I'm very sorry.”

But he's not sorry. His aura is clearly annoyed. He's already looking past me like he's going to tell the next customer to come forward. I wave my hand. “Wait! I'll buy a ticket.” I yank my wallet from my back pocket, and he jumps back like I'm pulling a gun when I whip out my credit card.

“Sir, they're about to begin boarding,” he repeats. “You might not make it.”

“Well then, I suggest you run my card quickly. I'll take my chances.”

He grits his teeth and types, swipes, and prints the boarding pass. I snatch it and take off. I'm so thankful we're in Santa Barbara and not L.A. The security line isn't too awful, though I'm bouncing on the balls of my feet the whole time, making the lot of people around me nervous.

When I'm through security I sprint, counting down the gates as I go. My vision spirals down the hall to Anna's gate, but I can't see her.

Come on, come on!
I weave through the slow people. When I get a bit closer they announce the initial boarding call. As passengers begin to stand and move, I spot the top of her blond head and I let out an airy laugh.

“Anna!”

It takes a moment, and then her head whips around. Her eyes are red and swollen. My first instinct is to run to her, but she may not want to see me now. She might refuse me—push
me away as I've so often done to her. But I have to know. I stop at the edge of her row, and it's as if the people have made a path down the aisle, just for me, straight to Anna.

She seems to be in shock, sitting there at the other end, staring at me, and I seem to be stuck here at the edge of the aisle.

“What's wrong?” she asks me with fear in her voice.

“I—” I peer around for whisperers. “Nothing.”

Her forehead scrunches. “How did you get through security?”

“I bought a ticket.” I hold it up. The people in the aisle ping their attention back and forth between us like it's a rom-com tennis match.

“You . . . you're going on this flight?” she asks.

Clearly this is out of character for me, as she's quite confused. “No, but those buggers wouldn't page you, and your phone is off.”

As it sinks into her mind that I'm here for
her
, she slowly stands and makes her way toward me. I'm so afraid she'll tell me to leave. I have to get the words out before she boards.

“I . . . I just . . .” Oh, bloody hell, I'm really not good at this. I could talk dirty to her all night, but saying how I feel is altogether different—too exposing. Saying these words is the ultimate vulnerability. Anna must know this. It's why she needs to hear the words from me so badly.

Bugger.
Say something!
I lower my voice.

“Anna . . .” Right. That's a start. What next?
Tell her when it all changed.
“The night of the summit, when you were saved . . .” She is staring up at me, hanging on every word. “It
was the only time in my life I've thanked God for anything.”

Her eyes flutter closed and I exhale. I know the words have hit home, because only Anna can understand how huge that was for me. When her eyes open again, we drink each other in. She takes my face in her sweet hands and doesn't look away.

“I love you, Kai.”

Now it's my turn to close my eyes as I savor those words. It's the first time anyone's said it to me and truly meant it.

I want to say it back, but I'm overwhelmed. That damn urge to cry has hit again, and I can't allow it. I keep my eyes closed a moment longer and swallow away the burn. When I look at Anna again, I take her face in my hands and she grasps my wrists. I throw myself out there.

“Spend the night with me.”

Her eyes widen. “Kai . . . We shouldn't.” But there's no backbone in her words. She's begging me to talk her into it—to say more of the words she's hungry to hear. I want to give her what she wants, in every way.

“I'm tired of living like I'm not alive.” I take her shoulders. “I'm bloody sick to death of it. I want one night to be alive. With you.” I press my forehead to hers, and now I'm the one begging. “Please, Anna. One last night and we'll go back to being safe again. I need this. I need you.”

I lift my head and look at her so she'll know I mean it, but I see worry in her eyes. I don't blame her for needing reassurance.

“I'll be good. I won't let anything happen.”

As we stand there with our eyes locked, the wait is
excruciating. I need this so badly. I don't know what I'll do if she says no.

Anna's hands move down my forearms, and her fingers twine tightly together with mine.

“Let's go,” she says.

She bites her bottom lip nervously as a grin spreads across my face. We both let out exultant laughs, in disbelief that this is happening. I grab her bag and we simultaneously search around us. No whisperers in sight. I never let go of Anna's hand.

For the first time in my life I think to myself,
So, this is what it feels like to live.

For the first time in my life, I am alive.