Sweet Surrender (11 page)

‘You look really cute with short hair,’ said her father valiantly.

‘Good try, Dad,’ mocked Kate.

Frances gave her a disapproving frown. ‘Your hair will grow again, Katharine. Just be thankful the rest of you survived.’

Katharine! Used in full only when her mother was cross with her. ‘I know, I know,’ said Kate wearily. ‘It was just the shock. Seeing myself for the first time. I’ll get used to it. Eventually.’

‘You look very tired still,’ said Frances, sighing. ‘I’ll be glad to get you home tomorrow and put you to bed in your own room.’

‘I don’t want to stay up there on my own, Mother,’ protested Kate. ‘I want to be downstairs with you, and go out with Pan and breathe some fresh air.’

‘You remember Pan, then?’ said Tom, beaming.

‘I was wallowing so much in self-pity I forgot to tell you,’ said Kate in remorse. ‘I can remember pretty much everything now.’ She reached in her pocket for the jewellery box and took out the brooch. ‘How much did this fetch, Dad?’

‘Good Lord,’ he said, surprised. ‘Where did you get that?’

‘Mr Spencer brought it the other day, just as Mother was leaving. A present from his sister, he said.’

Frances gazed at the brooch incredulously. ‘But that’s—’

‘Cartier,’ agreed Kate. ‘I hadn’t a clue. I thought it was costume jewellery until Alasdair put me right.’

‘You’re not going to keep it, darling?’

‘No fear. So come clean, Dad? What did you get for it?’

‘Two thousand eight hundred,’ said her father, bringing an exclamation of distress from his wife.

‘Exactly, Mother,’ sighed Kate. ‘It’s too much to accept, whoever gave it to me. And Alasdair’s convinced Jack Spencer was just pretending it came from his sister so he could give me an expensive present.’

‘But why would he do that?’

‘Who knows?’ said Kate, shrugging. ‘Alasdair’s convinced he’s after my body. Which is a laugh. What man in his right mind would fancy someone who looks the way I do now?’

‘You’re feeling sorry for yourself again,’ said Frances severely. ‘And you’re tired. So we’ll go now, because Adam’s popping in later. And no doubt Alasdair will be here this evening?’

‘Yes.’ Though she was dreading it.

‘Then get some rest. I’ll be back to collect you tomorrow, after you’ve seen the consultant, so please try to keep in one piece until I can take you home!’

Kate got back on the bed, glad to lie down for a while before supper. But she was back in the chair, lipsticked and perfumed, by the time Adam came in.

‘Hi, half-pint,’ he said grinning. ‘Wow—great hair! The naughty schoolboy look. Mega-sexy.’

Kate laughed, despite herself. ‘You sure do know how to make a girl feel good, Adam Dysart.’

‘I get few complaints,’ he said smugly, and perched
on the window ledge. ‘So when are they letting you out of here?’

‘Tomorrow, if I’m good.’ Kate looked at him steadily. ‘Seriously, Adam, do I look a fright?’

‘Just because you’ve got short hair?’ he said with scorn. ‘Remember the time Jess had hers hacked off for Leo’s wedding? It didn’t put Lorenzo off much, did it?’

‘True. But it’s not Lorenzo I’m worried about.’

‘You don’t have to worry about Alasdair either.’

Kate wasn’t so sure. By the time Alasdair arrived that night, later than expected, she was in a state of nerves which would have won Sister’s deep disapproval.

When Alasdair came in at last he sucked in a breath as he saw the empty bed, then Kate said his name and he spun round, his relief so intense she relaxed a little as he strode across the room.

‘You keep frightening the hell out of me,’ he said fiercely, and bent to kiss her.

‘Hi,’ she said, her heart taking a nosedive when she saw the shock in his eyes as he straightened.

‘Your turban’s gone,’ he said, after a pause which lasted a heartbeat too long.

‘And most of my hair along with it,’ she said flippantly. ‘It’s the latest thing. Peter Pan, wired.’

‘Why was it cut off?’

‘I’ve got a gash on the back of my neck. They couldn’t get at it so they cut my hair off. With a blunt instrument, by the look of it. When I can I’ll get it trimmed, but in the meantime—’

‘In the meantime you can thank your lucky stars you survived,’ he said forcibly, and clenched his teeth on a shiver. ‘When I think of what could have happened I get nightmares.’

‘I hope I don’t.’ She smiled a little. ‘By the way, my
memory’s resumed normal service. One look at the new me in the mirror this morning and that was it. Total recall’

He shot a look at her. ‘So you remember what happened between us that night?’

‘Yes, I do.’ Kate held his eyes relentlessly. ‘Also something that didn’t happen. Which is all to the good, Alasdair. Because deep down you really can’t cope with my new look, can you?’

‘T
HAT’S
not true,’ Alasdair retorted, but Kate shook her head in reproof.

‘You’re lying. Very gallantly, but lying just the same. Just as you’ve done ever since I got here,’ she added. ‘As I said, I remember every detail of our evening now—the meal, the lovemaking, most of the drive home, even—but one piece of the puzzle is missing. We didn’t get engaged.’

Alasdair’s face set. ‘No, we didn’t. But the only way I could get in to see you here at first was by saying I was your fiancé. Your parents heard about it before I could explain, and afterwards they were so kind to me about it I hadn’t the heart to say it was a mistake.’

‘Don’t worry,’ Kate said kindly. ‘I’ll tell them for you.’

‘You don’t have to.’ Alasdair produced a box from his pocket and snapped it open. ‘I’ve bought you a ring.’

Kate stared blankly at the large solitaire diamond.

‘Try it on,’ he ordered.

‘No way,’ she said flatly. ‘I may be the one with the dodgy memory, but it’s you who’s forgetting something. I’m supposed to say yes, Alasdair, before you buy me a ring. Not only that,’ she added, ‘I’m sure that part of the reason you’re doing this is because Jack Spencer bought me the famous brooch.’

Alasdair’s eyes narrowed to chips of ice. He flipped the box shut and thrust it in his pocket. ‘You’re entitled to think what you please. But I bought the ring in good
faith, Kate, because I thought we had something good together. Our minds have been in tune from the beginning. Intellectually we have a lot more in common than most people, plus blazingly good sex. People get married with a lot less reason to succeed than that—’

‘Wait a minute,’ she interrupted. ‘Marriage?’

‘It usually follows on from getting engaged,’ he said, the hint of Scots very pronounced. ‘But in the circumstances I can only apologise for taking too much for granted. Again.’

Kate looked at him thoughtfully. ‘You know. Alasdair, I’m pretty certain that if I’d still been full of the old slavering puppy love when we met up again none of this would ever have happened. But straight on top of your rejection by what’s-her-name—’

‘Amy.’

‘Right. Amy. She gave your ego the first knock, then it took another when my welcome was a bit lukewarm.’

‘It was hot enough—eventually—when I took you to bed,’ he reminded her angrily.

‘No doubt about it,’ she agreed. ‘I had no idea sex could be like that.’

His face set. ‘I thought we were making love.’

‘Whatever it was, it was wonderful, Alasdair.’ She smiled sadly. ‘Strange, really. Even when my memory was on the blink I knew you were connected to me in some way the moment you came through the door. I couldn’t put a name to your face, but even though everyone else knew you were my fiancé I couldn’t quite believe it. I wanted to. I liked being engaged to you—’

‘Then why the hell,’ he said with sudden violence, ‘won’t you accept my ring?’

‘The same reason as before, Alasdair. I’m not in love with you any more.’

He sprang up to lean over her, imprisoning her with his hands on the arms of the chair either side of her. ‘I could make you love me—’

‘You can’t make people fall in love with you,’ She smiled bleakly. ‘I tried that myself, remember? It doesn’t work.’

‘Are you telling me you feel nothing at all for me?’ he demanded.

‘Of course not. I like you enormously, and physically you’re the only man I’ve ever responded to—’

‘But you can’t face commitment to me?’

‘No, Alasdair, I can’t. Nor,’ she added, ‘will your life be ruined because I’ve turned you down. Will you please move away? You’re crowding me.’

He straightened, every line of his body stiff with offence, and turned away to stare blindly through the window. ‘So what happens now?’

‘We let people know we’re not engaged after all.’

‘And what reason do we give?’ He breathed in deeply. ‘I know exactly what everyone will assume.’

‘What do you mean?’

Alasdair turned, his eyes boring into hers. ‘Think, Kate. Use that under-extended brainpower of yours for a change.’

She stared at him resentfully, then enlightenment dawned. ‘Oh, I see. They’ll think that you took one look at the new, unappealing me and ran for your life. Though why you hadn’t done so already, when I looked far worse, will be a bit hard to explain.’ She shrugged. ‘We’ll have to think of something else. Nothing for it— I’ll just have to jilt you.’

‘And who’s going to believe that?’ he said scornfully.

‘My, my, put your ego away.’ she mocked, then
looked down at her clasped hands. ‘There is a reason I could give. But you may not like it.’

‘I don’t like any of this,’ he said heavily. ‘But go on.’

‘My memory is doing reasonably well, but I remember nothing about the crash. Only what happened before it. My phone rang. Was it you?’

Alasdair was suddenly very still. ‘I did ring you, yes,’ he said tonelessly. ‘Time was getting on, and I was anxious. It was such a filthy night I wanted to know you’d arrived home safely. It was around midnight.’

‘I thought so.’ she said, almost inaudibly, then raised her head to look at him. ‘The phone had fallen on the floor of the car. When I reached for it I lost control of the wheel. That’s the last thing I remember.’

He stood very still, his eyes locked with hers. ‘So I’m to blame,’ he said at last.

She shook her head. ‘No, you’re not, Alasdair. It was an accident.’

His mouth twisted. ‘But if I hadn’t rung at the wrong moment it wouldn’t have happened.’

‘No one else knows that. But if you prefer me to use that as a reason for ending our fictitious engagement I can. I can be mean and horrible and say I can’t forgive you for it.’ She smiled at him. ‘Though until I saw your reaction to my hair I was going to suggest a passionate relationship of some kind, since we’re so compatible in bed.’

He stared at her in disbelief. ‘You mean the occasional session in the sack whenever your free time coincides with mine? Thank you so much. I’ve never proposed marriage to anyone before—’

‘You haven’t now,’ Kate pointed out.

Alasdair paused. ‘A mistake I’ll rectify right now. Will you marry me, Katharine Dysart?’

‘Thank you for asking, but no, Alasdair Drummond, I won’t.’ She smiled crookedly. ‘If ever I do have a husband I’d prefer someone who didn’t go pale at the sight of me.’

‘That was just shock! It won’t happen again.’

‘No,’ agreed Kate. ‘It won’t. I’m going home tomorrow, so you don’t have to visit me any more.’

Alasdair’s hands clenched into fists. ‘I didn’t
have
to visit you any other time. Can’t you get it through your head that I was out of my mind with anxiety, Kate?’

‘I know you were. Because you suspected you were to blame.’ She patted one of his fists. ‘Well, you don’t have to worry about it any more. I’ll soon be fighting fit, and back in Foychurch with my little darlings.’

‘A prospect infinitely preferable to marriage with me,’ said Alasdair bitterly.

‘How successful could it possibly be? You seething with guilt over the accident, and me minus my one great attraction for you?’ Kate shrugged. ‘I vote I just tell everyone I’ve changed my mind. Lord knows you’ve been attentive enough since the accident, so no one will blame you for a moment, Alasdair. My family will be disappointed, but not surprised, I promise you.’

‘Because it’s happened before?’

‘Exactly.’

Alasdair stared at her. ‘I can’t believe this,’ he said flatly. ‘I came here tonight with the ring, thinking you’d be pleased, fool that I am. I should have remembered.’

‘Remembered what?’

‘That you bear no resemblance to the girl I knew in the past.’

‘True.’ Kate sighed regretfully. ‘She would have been ecstatic, poor innocent child.’

‘But of course you’ve grown up since then,’ he
mocked, then turned away when a knock on the door heralded an appearance from Nurse Baker.

‘Time up, I’m afraid. Five minutes, then I’ll be back.’

Alasdair turned back to Kate, his eyes wintry. ‘So that’s it. I can now get on with my life, free of all encumbrances, Miss Dysart.’ He took her hand, smoothing a finger over the back of it. ‘Is that what you really want?’

For a moment Kate almost wavered. Then she remembered the look on his face earlier. ‘Yes,’ she said firmly, ‘it is. Good luck, Alasdair.’

He bent swiftly and kissed her hard on the mouth, then strode from the room, colliding with the nurse in the doorway as he went.

‘Oh, dear,’ said Debs, closing the door behind her. ‘Lovers’ tiff?’

Kate went home next day, but almost straight to bed, much to her disappointment. After the interlude with Alasdair she had spent a sleepless night that left her so exhausted she’d had to put on the greatest performance of her life to persuade the consultant that she was fit to go home. And when he had told Frances Dysart he was allowing this solely on condition that the patient was kept in bed for a couple of days Kate had resigned herself to her fate. Something it wasn’t difficult to do when the greeting from Pan had knocked her flat before Tom Dysart could restrain him.

There had been pandemonium for a moment, then Tom had carried his daughter into the study and settled her on the sofa to recover.

‘Now,’ said her mother militantly, ‘you see why you need rest. I’ll give you some tea while you take a breather, then your father can carry you upstairs.’

‘No way,’ said Kate, horrified. ‘I’ll get up there under my own steam.’

‘When’s Alasdair coming to see you?’ asked Tom.

Kate braced herself. ‘I’m afraid he isn’t. You may as well know right away. We’re not engaged any more.’ Not that they ever had been. ‘I called it off.’

‘Katharine!’ said her mother despairingly. ‘Why?’

‘I don’t
want
to get married.’

‘Not even to Alasdair?’

‘No.’

‘Even though you’ve been in love with him all these years?’

Kate smiled sadly. ‘That’s the point. I fell out of love with Alasdair a long time ago.’

Tom Dysart, who had been listening in utter bewilderment, shook his head in deep regret. ‘I don’t understand. I like Alasdair. And he thinks the world of you, Kate. He was totally frantic when he arrived at the hospital that night, I can tell you. He rang us in a hell of a state when he couldn’t get you on your cellphone.’

‘I’d switched it off,’ lied Kate, and closed her eyes wearily.

‘Take the dog out for a walk, Tom,’ ordered his wife. ‘I’ll make some tea, then off you go to bed, my girl, or I’ll have to cancel next weekend.’

‘What’s happening then?’ said Kate in alarm.

‘Leo and Jonah are coming to see you. Fenny, too. I’ve put Jess off for a while, because I thought too many at once would be bad for you. And she’s still at the morning sickness stage anyway, so Lorenzo will bring her when she’s past the first trimester.’

Despite her protests Kate hadn’t been at all sorry to be put to bed in her own room. With books to read, books on tape, her own television, and the familiar pan
oramic view of the river from her French window, it was a very pleasant place to convalesce. And later in the afternoon Gabriel brought the baby in to kick on a blanket on the carpet while they chatted, and to Kate’s relief never said a word about Alasdair. Her brother, however, was not so restrained.

‘You’ve given Alasdair the push,’ he accused that evening.

‘That’s right.’

‘Why?’

‘Adam, I don’t have to tell you why.’

‘No, of course you don’t,’ he agreed swiftly. ‘But I’m sorry, Kate. I like him.’

‘So does everyone else.’

‘Except you.’

‘Wrong. I like Alasdair very much.’

‘But he wanted a lot more than that, I suppose. Who could blame him?’ Adam brushed a careful hand over her ragged crop. ‘You look a bit tired, half-pint. I’d better leave you in peace and go bath my son.’

Resigned to the fact that she had no hope of returning to Foychurch before Easter, Kate settled down to the task of getting fit. She ate the nourishing food her mother fed her, and obediently kept to her room for a while, quite glad to do so when her visitors arrived. They were allowed into her room only on short visits, which Kate could handle a lot better than trying to cope downstairs where she was at everyone’s mercy. Although warned in advance about her appearance, Leonie and Fenny were obviously shocked rigid at the sight of her, but to Kate’s infinite gratitude Jonah gave her a hug and a kiss and told her she looked like a sexy little elf.

‘It’s such a shame you had to lose your beautiful hair,’
said Leonie, her dark eyes wet. ‘When it grows a bit, and you feel up to it, come up to London and I’ll treat you to an expensive haircut.’

‘Any haircut would be an improvement on this,’ said Kate glumly. ‘But I can’t do anything about it until I heal up.’

Fenny eyed the healing scar on Kate’s forehead, and blew out her cheeks. ‘That’s it. I’m never taking the car to college. If a careful driver like you can have an accident, there’s no hope for someone like me.’

One of the tasks Kate set herself, as soon as she felt up to it, was the return of the brooch. This took time and infinite care before she achieved a letter that expressed her own regret at returning it and at the same time gave no offence, since Julia Cartwright was the mother of one of Kate’s pupils, as well as Jack Spencer’s sister.

When she received a reply Kate was able to read between the lines very easily. Julia Cartwright, it was obvious, had never had any idea of the value of the brooch. Her brother, she explained, had volunteered to buy it for her because at the moment, due to her new baby, shopping was difficult. Abby sent her love, and Tim and Jack, she went on, joined in her good wishes for Kate’s speedy recovery.

Left with a great deal of time to herself for introspection, Kate soon realised that in sending Alasdair packing she’d made a mistake. Because she was missing him badly. Now she was in a more stable frame of mind it was all too obvious that she didn’t have to be wildly in love with Alasdair to enjoy his company. And, whatever her heart might feel about him, her body, even in its present battered state, clamoured for a repeat of the rapture experienced in his bed. Depressed, because this
would never happen again, she steeled herself to complete silence on his part. Then on her first day downstairs she received a sheaf of bronze and gold tulips. ‘From Alasdair’ stated the card.