Sweet Starfire (26 page)

She felt very vulnerable. At the same time there was a heated excitement flowing through her that even the uncertainty couldn’t quell. This was Severance. Everything was all right with him. Tentatively Cidra drew her palms down his back, feeling the strong, muscled contours.

His hand flattened on her stomach, and he stroked her as he whispered rough words of desire against her throat. She responded to the words as much as to the touch, trembling a little as his hand moved lower. When his fingers tangled in the dark nest of hair above her thighs, she gasped.

“It’s all right sweetheart. It’s all right. It’s going to be so good. I swear, it’s going to be good. I need you so much. Let roe touch you. Just relax and let me touch you.”

Under the soothing onslaught of his words she parted her legs, allowing him an intimacy that left her feeling dazed. His hand slid lower, fingertips drawing strange, curling patterns over a part of her that had become unbearably sensitized.

“Severance?”

“You’re so hot and damp.” He seemed awed by the response he was evoking. “So welcoming and ready. I want everything, Cidra.” He rested his head on her breasts. “I know I should take this more slowly. But I can’t…. You don’t know how it’s been for me. I want you so damned much.”

She laced her fingers into the depths of his hair. “I want you, too, Severance.” The whispered confession startled her. But as soon as the words were out, she realized that they were nothing less than the truth. All thought of dispensing comfort or human warmth had vanished. She ached for something else now. There was a growing need to have him closer. His hand moved again between her thighs, and this time she knew she wanted more. She lifted herself, pleading silently for even more intimacy.

He pulled away from her with a muffled groan, fumbling with the trousers he still wore. In the shadows she saw the strong shape of his thighs, the flat planes of his hips and stomach. There was an alluring strength in him that made the blood sing in her veins. Cidra felt at once light-headed and heavy. When Severance came back down beside her, gathering her close again, she was aware of the strong, hard thrust of his manhood pressing against her.

“Open yourself for me, my love.” His hand was on her inner thigh, gently but firmly pushing apart her legs. She clung to, him as he slid into the warm place he had made for himself. “Severance, it feels good. So strange, but good.”

“I know. Sweet Harmony in hell, I know.” She felt him move closer, felt the blunt, probing shaft at the gate of her femininity. He was moistening himself with the dampness he had brought forth there. She moved, savoring the promise of even more intense sensations.

“Now, Severance?”

“It has to be now. I’ll go crazy if I wait any longer. Look at me, Cidra.” She opened her eyes and saw the barely controlled desire in his narrowed gaze. “I want to see your eyes when I take you. I want to see if you really understand this.”

“I understand.”

“I’m not talking about the kind of knowledge you’ve known before from books. I want to know you understand what this means.” He groaned deep in his chest. “Ah, hell, I can’t explain it and I can’t wait. Hold on to me, Cidra. Just hold on and whatever happens, don’t let go.”

She obeyed, her hands on his shoulders as she felt him surge against her. The short, sharp pain took her by surprise, and she opened her mouth to cry out. But he covered her lips with his own, drinking the small, startled sound as he continued to push forward in a single, strong thrust. Only when he was embedded in her did he stop and give her a chance to adjust. She felt a shudder go through him as he fought to control himself.

But Cidra wasn’t at all sure she could adjust. Her body had tensed instinctively at the moment he had entered her, and now, instead of the deliciously satisfying feeling she had been anticipating, she was aware only of feeling invaded.

“Easy, sweetheart. Don’t fight it. Trust me. Can you trust me, Cidra? Give me a chance to show you what it’s supposed to be like.”

Her tongue touched the edge of her parted lips. Her breath was coming in quick little gasps as she met his eyes. “I trust you.”

He muttered something she couldn’t quite catch, nestling his head beside hers as he slowly, carefully, began to move within her.

Cidra waited, unsure of what to expect next. But the too-tight sensation faded beneath a compelling rhythm that gradually became far more important than the initial discomfort. Slowly she began to echo the pattern Severance was establishing, lifting to meet his heavy thrusts. One of his hands slid down to cup her buttock.

“That’s it, sweetheart. You feel so right. So perfect.”

She tightened her arms around him as her body began to eagerly seek each new surging thrust. Each time he withdrew slightly, she sank her nails into his skin, pulling him back with a fierceness that seemed to deepen his desire. The driving strokes filled her until she thought she would burst.

“Ah, Cidra, I can’t stop. I can’t wait.”

She wasn’t certain what he meant, but she tried to reassure him, anyway. “Severance, it’s all right. It’s all right,” she whispered, unconsciously using the same words he had used earlier.

“Cidra!” He drove deeply into her one last time, and his body shuddered heavily. There was an exultant shout caught somewhere in his throat, and then slowly he collapsed along the length of her.

For a long time Cidra lay still beneath him, her palms tenderly stroking the damp skin of his back. She felt him recover his breath, felt his heartbeat return to normal, and then he slowly lifted his head to look down at her. In the shadows his gray eyes were dark and unreadable. He touched her mouth with his fingertip. She smiled tremulously. He didn’t respond. Instead he searched her face.

“Are you all right?” he finally asked.

“I think so.” Her smile widened. “What about you?”

He bent his head and brushed her lips with his own. “I’m much better than all right. I feel normal again. Better than normal. I feel good. Very tired and very good. Because of you, Cidra.” He cradled her head in the curve of his arm. “Go to sleep, sweetheart. Next time I promise it will be better for you.”

She stretched a little and nestled against him, inhaling the musky scent of his body. “I can’t imagine it being any better. I felt so close to you, Severance. I’ve never felt that close to another human being in my life. Maybe that’s why Wolves are so interested in sex.”

He chuckled sleepily. “Maybe. I wish I could show you how really good it can be for you. Next time. I promise you that next time I won’t be so damned exhausted and so out of control.”

“Go to sleep, Severance. It’s been a long day.”

“You can say that again,” he said, the words fading as he closed his eyes and slipped into deep sleep almost at once.

Cidra stayed curled in his arm, wondering why she wasn’t equally sleepy. For a long time she lay still, thinking of the jumble of emotions and physical sensations she had experienced during the day. They had all culminated tonight in Severance’s arms. His lovemaking had left her feeling dazzled and dazed. She wasn’t quite certain what to make of the experience. It had been, as she had anticipated, a very physical act, and yet there had been so much more. The feeling of oneness, the sense of closeness, had been totally unexpected, and it added a whole new dimension.

Dreamily she listened to the usual cacophony of night sounds from the jungle. A curious lethargy stole over her, but she was no nearer sleep than she had been earlier. It wasn’t Severance who was keeping her awake now. In the darkness she could make out the hard lines of his face. They didn’t appear any softer in repose than they did when he was awake. Cidra wondered what he would say to her in the morning. And then she occupied several long minutes wondering what she would say to him.

The first words after a night like this ought to be significant, she thought. But she wasn’t sure in what way. The knowledge that their relationship had been fundamentally altered was vaguely disturbing. It had been easier when she had been able to consider herself simply a temporary member of his crew. Now she wasn’t sure what category she fit into.

The night sounds didn’t seem as harsh tonight. After a while Cidra realized that she wasn’t hearing very many of the usual chopped-off screams. That was a relief. It made one think of what this planet might have been like if it hadn’t evolved along such violent lines. It might have had some truly beautiful places in it, places that offered a green and welcoming tranquility. Places where even a Harmonic might feel at home.

There were such places here, Cidra thought with sudden certainty. And they weren’t far away. The jungle outside wasn’t as dangerous as it seemed. A person simply had to understand it. Humans were always struggling to subdue it, and, of course, the jungle had to fight back. But if a woman simply walked into it looking for the tranquil places, she would find them. They were so close.

Slowly Cidra slipped away from the shelter of Severance’s arm. He didn’t stir. She sat up, listening. The night noises were definitely quieter and less threatening this evening. The twin moons would be shining, illuminating a path through the thick foliage. It would be an easy matter to follow that path to the gentle, tranquil spaces hidden in the jungle.

Her compulsion to follow the moonlit path grew. Moonlight and Mirrors. She knew how to chase moonlight in mirrors. The jungles of Renaissance were open to her. All she had to do was walk into them.

Cidra got up and pulled on her trousers. Then she reached for her shirt. She found her boots near the tent entrance. When she had them on, she opened the iris closure and stepped out into the night.

She had been right. The twin moons were shining very brilliantly tonight, revealing a path through the jungle. Borgia and Medici weren’t their true names, she decided. ‘They had once been called by other names, names that she couldn’t quite say. The words were strange in her head. Without any hesitation Cidra turned toward the path.

Severance came awake with the startling certainty that something was wrong. He turned on his side and realized that Cidra’s warm weight was no longer pinning his arm.

“Cidra?”

When there was no response, a flare of panic reared up within him. He got to his feet. She was not in her own sleeper.

“Cidra!” Memories of her in his arms flooded his mind. And along with those memories came others. She wanted to be a Harmonic more than she wanted anything else. After tonight she would feel farther than ever from her goal. How would she react to that? He felt slightly sick as he reached for his boots. Surely she wouldn’t do anything rash just because she had been forced to face the fact that she was a true Wolf. It had hardly been rape, for Harmony’s sake. He’d seen the passion in her eyes, felt the throbbing, moist warmth between her legs. She had clung to him with a woman’s stirring need.

But what if she hadn’t been able to accept her own desires afterward? Severance thought wildly. He ignored the rest of his clothes and activated the tent opening with a savage twist of his hand. An instant later he was outside.

He saw her almost at once and breathed a sigh of relief. Then he realized that she was on the other side of the deflector screens, heading into the wall of vegetation.

“Cidra! Come back here. What in a renegade’s hell do you think you’re doing?” Severance raced through the screens, reaching for Cidra as she started into the mass of night-darkened greenery surrounding the campsite. He caught her shoulder and spun her around.

“Severance?” She smiled, but she didn’t seem to be quite focusing on him. She waved her hand gracefully at the jungle. “Isn’t it beautiful tonight? I never realized how beautiful it was.”

“What’s the matter with you? Are you out of your mind? If you think I’m going to let you walk into that green hell just because you finally discovered sex, you’re dumber than a novakeet.” He yanked her back toward the safety of the screens.

“But, Severance, it’s not a green hell. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

“You’re dreaming on your feet. Why didn’t you ever tell me you walk in your sleep?”

“I don’t walk in my sleep. Severance, there’s no need to hide behind the screens anymore.”

He ignored that, pulling her through the invisible safety net. There he turned to confront her. The moonlight seemed to shine in her eyes as she looked up at him. Something was wrong, and he couldn’t figure out what it was. He tried shaking her gently. She blinked and some of the moonlight seemed to fade from her gaze. He got the impression that she was starting to really see him. He clasped her shoulders firmly and tried another small shake.

“Cidra, listen to me. I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you do anything stupid because of what happened tonight. You’re coming back into that tent with me. In the morning everything will be all right. You’ll see.”

She frowned slightly, almost thoughtfully. “I’d rather not go back into the tent with you, Severance.”

“You haven’t got any choice, damn it!” He picked her up and carried her back to the opening. He stepped through and set her down on his sleeper. Methodically, he began stripping off her clothing.

“Severance, listen to me.”

“Why? So that you can give me some illogical reason for trying to commit suicide?”

She seemed genuinely shocked. “I wasn’t trying to commit suicide.”

“You’re upset because of what happened between us.” He tugged off her boots. “I can understand that. First time around, sex is a little upsetting. Like everything else, it improves with practice. I know I wasn’t the greatest lover between here and
QED
tonight, but I’d had a tough day. That’s no excuse for you to start thinking in terms of death before dishonor. I didn’t rape you, Cidra.”

“I know that,” she said gently.

He sat on the edge of the sleeper and yanked off his own boots. “Furthermore, you liked it. Or at least you liked most of it.” He bore her back down onto the sleeper, sprawling across her so that her legs were pinned beneath his. “This time around I’ll see to it that you like all of it. I swear it.”