Sweet Silken Bondage (52 page)

Clay paused at the rail, frustrated and tired. He
didn't like situations where he wasn't in complete
control. He raked a hand nervously through his
hair as he glanced in the direction of the companionway that led to their cabin. He thought about
returning there, but immediately dismissed the
thought. It was torture chamber enough at night,
far better that he spend as much time as possible
away from her.

The hours were passing far too slowly for Clay,
though. The prospect of a stiff drink and some
male conversation to distract him sounded particularly enlightening, so he headed for the men's saloon.

Reina was sitting on the bed brushing out her
hair, trying to come to terms with the inevitability
of her future. It was the same struggle she'd had
within herself night and day since they'd left Panama City, and she knew that no matter how hard
she tried, it would never get any easier for her to
accept. She was going home. She would be forced
to marry Nathan. She would live the rest of her life
at Rancho Alvarez with a man she didn't love and
couldn't bear to be near.

In her mind, Reina tried to picture herself living
a happy contented life with Nathan and making
love with him. The thought left her shuddering in
revulsion. Now that she'd known true bliss with
Clay, how could she ever give herself to another
man?

Thoughts of Clay besieged her then. He had
made no attempt to touch her since the voyage had
begun, and his obvious lack of interest only made
her realize all the more how little she really meant
to him. He did not care for her, and he never had.
Money was the only thing important to him...
just money.

Her misery complete, Reina set aside her brush
and went to the small trunk that held her things.
Impatiently, she dug through until she found the
one item that Emilie had included that had surprised her when she'd first discovered it...the
rosary from the nun's habit. She stared down at it,
wondering if prayer could really help her now. She wondered, too, if she should consider a vocation
... if a vocation could be a way out. As soon as
she had the thought, she denied it. A religious life
couldn't be used as an escape route. It was something much finer and more dedicated than that, and
she knew she was not cut out for that life. She had
to face reality. She went to her knees and began to
ask, humbly, for guidance, help and the strength
she was going to need to get through the coming
days.

Clay was feeling no pain as he returned to their
stateroom long hours later. He had had more than
his share of the saloon's fine bourbon, and numb as
he was, he hoped that at least tonight he would get
a good night's sleep. He needed one.

Reina heard him fumbling with the lock. Surprised by the trouble he seemed to be having opening it, she glanced up curiously when he finally
came in. Of all the things she'd come to expect out
of Clay, being so drunk he could barely walk wasn't
one of them.

The stubborn lock had agitated Clay. He'd never
had any trouble with it before, and he wondered
why it had refused to budge now. When he finally
entered the cabin, he was still a little annoyed and
shut the door with extra force behind him.

The sight that greeted him as he turned into the
room caused him to pause just inside the door.
Reina was sitting on the bed clad only in her
nightgown, the covers demurely pulled up across
her lap, her dark, lustrous hair tumbling gloriously
down around her shoulders. A shaft of lightning
desire jolted through him as his gaze dropped from
her face to her bosom. The chaste gown she wore
revealed nothing, but he remembered all too well the luscious curves beneath. Only by sheer grit did
he manage to look away from her. He felt suddenly
like an animal trapped in a maze, and he wondered
dismally why he'd returned to the cabin so soon.

Reina was so startled by the state of his drunkenness, that she spoke almost involuntarily, "You've
been drinking."

With pride, he lifted the bottle he'd carried with
him, showing her that three quarters of the contents
were gone.

"All for a worthy cause, I assure you." His cause
being a search for painless, temporary amnesia.
He'd been trying to use the liquor to wash away her
memory. He didn't want to think about the feel of
her silken skin beneath his hands and her writhing
body bucking under his. He discovered now, to his
dismay, that his attempt had proven futile. The
bourbon had only enhanced his recollections. His
besotted brain was replaying them for him in a
vivid, passionate sequence that pounded relentlessly
at his control.

For the first time in days, Reina's temper flared.
She believed he was celebrating his triumph over
her, and it stung. This victory he was so proud of
would be the cause of untold misery for her. "I'm
sure you believe your cause is worth celebrating."

As if in salute, he took another drink. "And I'm
not done yet."

Needing to distract himself from thoughts of loving her, he pulled a chair over to the foot of the
bed and sat down. Leaning back, he braced the
chair on two legs and then rested his feet upon the
bed, his long legs stretched out comfortably before
him. He lifted the bottle to his lips again.

"You're really happy that we're almost back to
Monterey, aren't you?" Reina asked.

"You have no idea" Clay answered. "You want a drink?" He held the bottle out to her, but she shook
her head in refusal, her expression cold.

"No. I have nothing to celebrate."

"Not many of us do."

"You do. Why, in just a few days, you'll have
your big reward for bringing me back. That should
make you real happy. After all, money is what
you've always loved best."

"Don't judge me by your standards, Reina. I find
more value in loyalty and honor. You're the one
who loves money."

His accusation hurt, and she was embarrassed by
the sudden rush of tears that burned in her eyes.
"You're wrong about that, Clay, but then you've
been wrong about a lot of things concerning me
from the very beginning."

She sounded so utterly sad and vanquished, that
suddenly for the first time, Clay found he was
questioning himself and his motives. Had he been
wrong about Reina? He wrestled with the possibility,
his heart softening toward her, his guard edging
down. In a flash of agonized insight, he realized
that what he felt for her had gone far past mere
caring. He'd fallen in love with her.

Yet even as he admitted to himself the truth of
his feelings, he knew it was hopeless. Dev was
depending on him. Downing the last of his bourbon, he righted his chair and stood up. Without a
word, he strode from the stateroom, leaving Reina
wondering why he'd gone.

Though Reina had managed to keep her emotions
under tenuous control for most of the trip, the sight
of Monterey shattered what little composure she had
left. She turned away from the stateroom window,
glancing frantically around the jail-like confines of
the cabin, her thoughts in chaos.

Within the hour, they would be gone from the
boat, and soon, very soon, she would have to face
her father. .and Nathan. She imagined what
would happen when they were finally reunited, and
she shivered in dread. She clasped her hands nervously together to stop them from shaking. Staring
around her in desperation, she knew there was only
one last hope left to her... Clay. She had to tell
him the truth. She had to tell him how she felt
about him, even though she knew he probably
wouldn't believe her and might even ridicule her
and accuse her of trying to manipulate him again.

As Clay strode down the companionway toward
the stateroom, it seemed impossible to him that
there were only minutes left before they could go
ashore. The first week of the trip had been endless
for him, but to his dismay, the last few days had flown by. He had wanted more time to think things
through. He still had not resolved the conflict between his loyalty to Dev and his love for Reina, and
no matter how hard he tried to reconcile the two,
he remained torn. Grimly, he realized that there
really was no choice open to him. He had to save
Dev, his own feelings be damned.

He paused outside the cabin, girding himself for
the moment to come. He had to tell her that they
had arrived. He had to tell her to pack the last of
her things and prepare to go ashore. He would then
accompany her out to the ranch where he would
turn her over to her father. He grimaced inwardly
at the thought of their parting, for he knew it was
going to be the most difficult thing he'd ever done
in his life. He didn't want to let her go, but there
was nothing else he could do.

"Reina, it's almost time for us to leave the boat,"
he announced as he let himself in.

Reina was standing at the window, her back to
him. She'd heard his approach and knew it was now
or never. She faced him.

"I know," she answered slowly, drawing a deep,
fortifying breath. "Clay... there's something I
have to say now before we go. It's something I
should have told you long ago."

"I think we've said about all there is to say,
Reina." Clay didn't want to talk, he just,wanted to
get this over with as quickly as possible.

"No, we haven't even begun."

She lifted her gaze to his, and the emotion he
saw mirrored there surprised him. He frowned,
puzzled and confused by the tenderness he'd read in
her expression. His deeply ingrained mistrust immediately reared its ugly head, casting doubt on the
small flicker of hope he'd felt.

"Clay, I want to tell you the truth now before we reach Monterey. I want you to know how I feel."

"There's really no need for this."

"Oh, but there is," she said softly, going to him
and putting a hand on his arm. "There's every
need."

Slowly, she leaned toward him and pressed a
gentle kiss on his lips. She drew back, smiling
bittersweetly, and moved away.

"Can't you feel it? Don't you know?"

"Know what?" He watched her carefully, not quite
sure what was happening. Reina had done nothing
but declare how much she'd despised him from the
very beginning, and now...

"That I love you." There she'd said it. She
watched and waited for a reaction from him, but
when there was none, her heart sank.

Clay was stunned by her declaration, and he had
to force himself to keep his expression from revealing that surprise. He wanted to believe that she
loved him. Oh, how he wanted to believe it, but
why had she chosen this particular moment to tell
him when they'd had weeks together?

She's an actress! a little voice inside of him reminded. She'll do whatever she has to, to avoid going
home! the voice taunted. Clay wanted to deny the
warning, but she'd tried to trick him so many times
before that it was difficult for him to be convinced
of her sincerity this time.

"Why are you telling me all this now?" He asked
a bit angrily, torn up by the fight going on inside
him.

Reina went on slowly, "Because I wanted you to
know. You see, when I get home, my father is
going to force me to marry a man I don't loveNathan Marlow. The two of them arranged the
marriage without even consulting me. When Father
finally told me of his plans, I told him that I didn't love Nathan and wouldn't marry him. He refused to
listen to me though, and no matter how hard I
tried to explain that I wanted a love match like he'd
had with my mother, he'd insisted that I go through
with the wedding."

The thought of Reina married to someone else
stabbed at him.

"That was when I decided to run away. I just
couldn't spend the rest of my life married to a man
whose very touch makes my skin crawl." Her shoulders slumped in defeat. "I didn't mean for this to
happen, but it did. I think I've loved you ever since
the day of the stage robbery." Reina was a proud
woman, but she put her pride aside as she begged,
"Clay, please, if what we've shared has meant anything to you at all, don't take me back to my
father."

She sounded so earnest, that he felt himself wavering. He was caught between Dev's very life and
his own happiness. "Reina, I can't go back on my
word. I have to do this ...I..."

Before he could say any more, a loud knock at
the door sounded. It didn't matter to Reina,
though, because she'd already heard his answer. He
couldn't do it. He wouldn't do it. He didn't love
her. He didn't care.

Clay answered the door, expecting it to be someone from the boat. He was shocked when he came
face to face with Luis Alvarez flanked by two big,
burly ranchhands.

"Alvarez!"

Reina stiffened, her head snapping up as she
heard the familiar sound of her father's voice.

"Do you have my daughter, Cordell?" Luis demanded.

"Yes, I've brought her back." He stood aside to let
him enter.

The old Californio stepped into the stateroom to
find Reina standing across the room, regarding him
with regal bearing, looking as lovely as ever. He'd
been nervously anticipating her return, and he'd set
men to watching the stage depots and the waterfront. He couldn't believe his luck that he'd happened to be in town on business today when the
ship had arrived. He'd sent a man out to check
with the captain to see if anyone by the name of
Cordell or Alvarez had been on the passenger list,
and he'd been thrilled to find that a Mr. and Mrs.
Cordell were registered. He was anxious to make
sure she was all right, and it pleased him to find
that she seemed fine.