Sweet Obsession: Windy City Kink, Book 1 (35 page)

Sure, she’d been punished too. In a way. Her parents had been so shocked and disappointed, and it had changed their entire relationship, leading them to that watchful protectiveness that had smothered her. They’d shamed her into believing that what she’d wanted to do with Jack had been bad and wrong.

That feeling that she had with Kevin, that they had something in common, a shared feeling of not fitting in, of being a little different…she had that feeling with Jack too. He understood her, better than she understood herself. He’d learned to accept himself. He felt no shame. Nor should he.

Kevin’s cross-dressing might be different, but it was the same. It was part of him. She’d accepted that and cared about him anyway. And now she had to face her feelings about Jack. She loved him. She loved him for who he was, kink and all. And she had to learn to accept that about herself.

She’d let Jack down. In the worst way. And last night, she’d let him down again when she’d refused to acknowledge their relationship to her parents.

The pain in the back of her throat made swallowing difficult, and her hands trembled as she covered her face. All her life she’d been denying what was inside her, and finally he’d coaxed it out of her, made her see herself for who she really was, and she’d hurt him.

What could she do?

She rolled to her back again. She would do what she should have done all those years ago. She would go to her parents and tell them the truth. She’d just had the opportunity and once again she’d let Jack down by letting them criticize him to her, by letting them hold onto their belief that he’d been in the wrong.

Her heart tilted and raced unevenly. She wiped damp palms on the bedspread. God. Facing her parents like that was not going to be easy. But she had to do it.

And she had to tell Jack. Maybe it was too late for them. She sank her teeth into her bottom lip. Maybe she’d lost him because of her shame and denial. Because she was too weak and afraid to be honest about her feelings. But she had to at least apologize.

Jack sat in the restaurant for a while after Emma left, mostly because he felt drained and too tired to move. Also because he didn’t know where to go. He’d wanted to see Sasha, but she wasn’t home. He looked at his phone in his palm and thought about phoning her or texting her. But if she was still pissed, she probably wouldn’t answer. He needed to see her in person.

Finally he hauled his body off the chair and out of the restaurant. God, he didn’t want to go to Sasha’s place and face Kevin again. He covered his eyes once more, inside burning.

So he drove around for a while. Went to the beach and sat staring at Lake Michigan. Then he went home. Traffic was nuts for some reason and it took forfreakingever, but finally he parked underground and got into the elevator.

The elevator stopped at the main floor though, and he sighed as the doors opened. But his heart slammed to a halt when Sasha stepped in.

Their eyes met with a jolt that was physical. Visceral. She stared at him with big blue eyes, a little pink and puffy but still so pretty.

“Hi,” he breathed. “Wow. I can’t believe you’re here. I came to see you…”

“I know!” She stepped up to him and to his utter shock, punched his shoulder. Hard. “You dumbass jerk!”

“Hey!” He grabbed her hand, and then her other one, in case she had a notion to pummel him again.

“Let go of me!”

“Not if you’re going to wail on me. What the hell, Sasha?”

She huffed out a breath. “I’m mad at you.”

“No shit. I figured that out last night.”

“No. I mean, I’m mad at you about…Kevin.”

“Ah.” His gut lurched. “Yeah.”

The doors slid open into his condo. He nudged her out.

“I mean it!” she almost yelled as he shepherded her down the hall and out onto the patio. “I am super pissed at you!”

“I see that. I’m kinda pissed too.”

“Why? What do you have to be pissed about?”

“My sister’s been dating some—”

“Stop.” She held up a hand. “Before you say something you regret, just stop. And shut the hell up and listen to me.”

He lifted an eyebrow, amusement curling through him despite the wacko seriousness of all of this. “Damn, you’re cute when you’re angry,” he said.

She scowled at him but he caught a flicker of something in her eyes. “This is serious,” she said, her voice quieter. “Kevin is my best friend. He’s a great guy. You had no right to tell Emma about him.”

“I didn’t tell her about him. I told her to stay away from him.”

“Why? That’s just…stupid.”

“Sasha. He was wearing a fucking
skirt
.”

“So?” She lifted her little chin and tossed her hair back and that, incredibly, made him hot for her.

“I don’t want Emma to get hurt. She’s my sister.”

She snorted and leaned closer to him, stabbing a finger into his chest. “And why do you think he’d hurt her?”

“I just mean…” He lost his shit then, ‘cause he had nothing.

“Let me educate you about Kevin,” she said, eyes narrowed. “And cross-dressing in general. I mean, I don’t know everything about cross-dressing. I only know about Kevin. But this is what I know—he’s a talented, hardworking, honest man. He’s fun to be with. He’s smart and protective of people he loves…kind of like you.” Then she shook her head. “And he likes to wear women’s clothes sometimes. He’s not gay. He doesn’t want to be a woman. And he’s not a freak. It’s not even considered a psychological problem unless it interferes with his life. Which it doesn’t.” Then she added a muttered, “Mostly.”

“Uh…”

“Nobody really understands why he wants to do it. Apparently there are all kinds of reasons some guys like to dress that way. Some do it for the shock value. Some to challenge cultural beliefs. Kevin says he doesn’t know why, but it feels good. Apparently he was fascinated with women’s clothes when he was really young. It caused some, uh…shit with his family when they found out.”

“No doubt,” Jack murmured, watching the passion light up her face. She cared for her friend, defending him so staunchly. That kind of loyalty was something pretty special. If only she felt that kind of loyalty for him. His gut cramped.

“He’s told a few girlfriends, but they’ve never taken it well, so he just keeps it hidden now. Other than me. When we were moving in together he wanted to be honest with me about it. Dammit, Jack. He really likes Emma. You shouldn’t have interfered like that. There’s no reason they can’t be together, unless she can’t deal with his cross-dressing. But that’s up to
her
to decide.”

Holy shit. She was right. Because didn’t he want her to believe the exact same thing about them? He groaned and tipped his head back. “Go ahead,” he said. “Punch me again.”

“What?”

“You’re right. You’re totally right. I mean, I’m her brother and I’m always going to worry about her getting hurt. But you’re right. I owe both of them a huge apology.”

“Y-you do?”

“I admit I know nothing about cross-dressing. I guess I jumped to some conclusions—wrong conclusions—about Kevin when I saw him. I still…” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “If Emma wants to be with him, even knowing that about him, then…it’s none of my business. Even though I’ll still worry.”

“He wouldn’t hurt her.”

“I know. I just mean, a relationship like that might not be easy.”

Her bottom lip jutted. “
Our
relationship might not be easy.”

Fuck. True.

She searched his face. “And actually, I don’t know why theirs wouldn’t be. It’s not like he goes out in public in drag every night.”

He met her gaze unflinchingly. “Okay.”

“So if he tells her and she’s okay with it…you’d be okay with it?”

He lifted a shoulder. “I’d have to be. It’s Emma’s choice. It’s between them.” He tipped his head to one side and held her gaze. “Kinda like you and me.”

She lowered her chin and her bottom lip went pouty and soft. “Yeah. I know.”

He touched her hair. “You do?”

She nodded. “I figured it out.” Her lips thinned briefly. “I talked to my parents today.”

His body tightened. “Yeah?”

“Mmm. They summoned me. Apparently Payton called Dad and told him what happened, in case rumors start or something. She didn’t realize what a bomb she was dropping on them when she mentioned you and me being together. They were…disturbed.”

“Ah.” He clenched his jaw.

“They gave me a big lecture and called you a deviant…something. I forget.” She waved a hand.

He nodded, watching her carefully, his breath coming in short, shallow spurts. “And do you agree with them?”

Her eyebrows gathered in and she dropped her gaze to the floor. “No. I don’t.” Then she raised her head to look at him, and her pained stare made his heart stutter.

“What? What’s wrong?”

Her eyes squeezed shut and her mouth trembled. “I’m so sorry, Jack.” She opened her eyes, all drenched with tears, and it sliced at something inside him to see her hurting like that. He opened his arms and moved, and she moved too, and then they were holding each other. “I’m so, so sorry. They told me. My dad told me what he did. It’s so awful. I don’t think I can ever forgive him.”

“And that’s exactly why I didn’t want to tell you,” he whispered, running a hand down the length of her ponytail. “I didn’t want that to happen. You have to forgive him.”

“How can you say that?” She pulled back and glared at him. “After what he did to you?”

“I’ve forgiven him,” he said calmly. “It took a while, but I did. Things work out for the best.”

“Tell me about it. I want to know.”

He led her to the couch and pulled her down onto his lap. She snuggled into him and he slid his arms around her. Fuck, she fit perfectly.

“He told me he would have called the police!”

He felt her agitation in the way her body tensed. He rubbed her back.

“Yeah. He told me that. Not going to lie to you, Sasha. I was terrified. We were kids, but I knew how bad it looked.” His muscles tightened, remembering the fear he’d felt back then. “I was sure I would go to jail if he did that. I didn’t want to leave you.” He lifted her chin so he could look her in the eyes. “I really didn’t. But I felt guilty and I was terrified.” He held her gaze. “After that mess, I really thought you’d be better off without me. For a while.”

She sucked briefly on her bottom lip.

“Did they hurt you?” she whispered, touching his face.

He huffed out a breath. “Yeah, they worked me over pretty good. They weren’t trying to kill me or anything, but yeah. After that, I was determined nobody would ever do that again. That was what led me to Aikido. But it took a while. I went to Los Angeles and got a bunch of odd jobs. I was messed up. I couldn’t figure out why life kept kicking me in the nuts. But I was determined to show your dad he’d been wrong about me. Had to figure out a way to get where I wanted to go. Got my high school diploma and amazingly got a scholarship to SJSU, so I moved there. Worked my ass off. Found another job, tried to get good grades. And I started taking Aikido.”

She made a small noise and burrowed closer to him. He stroked a hand over her hair.

“I met Sensei. I told you what a mentor he was to me. I was also determined to prove to your dad—and myself, of course—that I was completely worthy of you. So I worked my ass off to get through college. Got better jobs. Discovered I liked bartending, but also knew I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life doing that. And hey, look what I did.”

“You did great, Jack.”

“Thanks.” He kissed the top of her head, closing his eyes. “But last night—” He paused and cleared his throat. “Last night, when you refused to tell your parents about us, I felt like it wasn’t enough. Like I still wasn’t good enough for you, no matter everything I’ve done.”

“No,” she whispered. “No, Jack. How could you think that? I’m the one who let
you
down.”

“That was my fault, that night. We’d gotten in that mess, with you tied up and no way to get you loose. That shouldn’t happen and it was my fault.”

“It wasn’t your fault!” She pushed away from him and sat up straight. “That’s what I have to tell you.” She blinked rapidly and he saw the pulse fluttering at her throat.

“Tell me what?” He soothed her with his hands again.

She swallowed. “I wanted it too,” she whispered. “Everything we did. I wanted you to tie me up. I loved it. And I loved being spanked by you.”

“Oh Christ.” A groan tore from his throat and he hauled her back against him, wrapping her in his arms.

“I don’t know why I like it,” she whispered. “I think it’s always been there, way down deep inside me. You knew it. But it got all messed up. We didn’t know what we were doing.”

“Yeah. I know. But I’ve learned a lot, Sasha, and I want to teach you.”

“I don’t like thinking about you tying up other women.”

He smiled. “None of them were you.”

Her arms tightened on him and her body shook.

“I knew we’d be together again. And I was right.” He paused. “Wasn’t I?”