Sweet Obsession (34 page)

Nidal’s voice held a dangerous softness as he asked me, “Is it true, Loula? You are pregnant with Billal’s child?” He looked at me, as if daring me to deny Billal’s words.

I swallowed, knowing I could not deny a single thing. My baby’s life depended on it. “Yes, it is true. I am pregnant with Billal’s baby.” I knew what these words would do to him.

Nidal’s eyes searched my face. I knew he was looking for the truth. An agonizing sound escaped from his lips as he stood and whipped the teacup and saucer to the floor, shattering it to pieces. Broken fragments scattered across the floor.

Shaeena jumped off the couch and snapped at him, “Why do you care so much about Loula and her baby? I have always told you that she is a tramp!” she spat viciously.

Nidal angrily turned and pointed a finger at the princess. “Don’t! Mind your own business, woman! This is between Loula and me!” he yelled, quickly dismissing her as he turned toward me with accusing eyes.

The princess, embarrassed by Nidal’s daring words, stalked out of the room angrily, slamming the door behind her. I glanced sideways at Billal and noticed that he stood there enraged, waiting for my response. The king and queen were taken aback by what they had just witnessed their only son say, and I stood my ground. I’d had enough of Nidal’s childish behavior. I’d had enough of his broken promises, his betrayal, and his tantrums. Billal was the one who stood next to me and proudly announced his love for me. He was the one who always came to my rescue. He was the one who deserved my love and loyalty.

The king stood from his chair and said in a threatening tone, “You would do well, Son, leaving this alone. What is done is done. She is nothing! A commoner. A whore you brought back from the Americas! I warned you many times about bringing a foreigner here! But you did not listen! You never listen!” the king growled, and he marched out of the room, disgusted.

The queen ran to me and hugged me. “I am so sorry, child, for all that has transpired. Sweet child of heaven, you have endured too much pain these last few months,” she said tearfully.

“Mother, she does not deserve your love. Father is right. She is a whore!” Nidal spat, stunning both the queen and me.

Rage filled Billal’s face. In an instant, he flew next to Nidal, grabbed him by his jacket, and whipped him across the room. Nidal tripped over the Oriental rug that was lavishly displayed on the marble floor and went flying into a china display. The whole display crashed to the floor, smashing everything inside it. Fine crystal shattered across the floor.

Nidal turned abruptly and punched Billal square on his jaw. Then all hell broke loose. They fought until blood stains were everywhere. The queen and I ran to the other side of the room to protect ourselves. The two were fighting with the strength of lions. Finally, Nidal threw the last punch, and they both fell to the floor, depleted of their energy, and passed out. Like two schoolboys fighting over the prettiest girl in class. The room was a mess. Shattered glass was everywhere, as well as blood splattered on everything. The servants came rushing in, not daring to say anything, as they quietly cleaned up the mess.

The queen pulled me out of the room and dragged me to the next room, and when we stepped inside, she closed the door, put her fingers to her lips, and whispered, “Shhh, even the walls have ears.” I waited curiously for her to speak. Her next words came as a shock to me.

“Do you take me for a fool, Loula? Do you not think I know that the baby you carry inside your womb is my grandchild? I might be an old woman, but I can tell a lie when one is spoken! You and Nidal are in love! Shaeena does not carry my grandson in her womb! My son would never sleep with her intentionally! He loves and wants only you! And you, my dear, want and love only him! What has gotten into you two? Both of you are destroying any chance you might have for happiness!” she hissed as I stood there openmouthed at her choice of words.

She was right, but I could not admit it as much as I wanted to, not even to her. Doing so would only put my baby in harm’s way. So I pushed past her and ran to the door to get away, but not before saying, “No, Your Highness, you are wrong. This is Billal’s baby I carry. It is him that I choose.” I left, leaving behind a confused queen.

I ran down the hallway and took the stairs two at a time to get away from all this turmoil. I could not do this anymore. I had had enough. I walked into my room and locked the door. I did not want to be bothered by anyone anytime soon. I dropped on the bed and cried like a two-year-old. I cried for Nidal. I cried for the love lost. I cried for the baby I lost, and I cried for this poor baby who would never know the truth about his father. Life was just not fair to me.

I heard a loud pounding on the door. Billal was calling my name and ordering me to unlock the door. I quickly jumped out of bed and ran to open it. Billal entered and pulled me into his arms. His clothes were covered in blood, and his face looked all broken up. A tinge of guilt tugged at my heart. All this had happened because of me. It was my fault that they fought. Everything was my fault. That realization was unbearable. I hurt the people I loved the most. I held on tighter to Billal, squeezing him closer to me. He responded by lifting my face to his and kissing me on the lips. I allowed him to kiss me, and it felt so good. I kissed him back passionately. I was hungry for love.

Billal lifted me up in his arms and walked over to the bed, where he gently dropped me and slid down beside me. Holding me in his arms once again, he kissed me fervently. My body was responding to his touch. I felt like a betrayer in the first degree. But at this moment, I did not care. I was lonely, and I welcomed his kisses.

I was a damsel in distress. Two men fancied me, one who deserved me and one who did not. My heart betrayed me and wanted the one who did not deserve me. My heart wanted the one who destroyed my life! The betrayer of love!

Billal’s kisses relaxed me, and I eventually drifted off to sleep. I slept peacefully for the first time in many months. The next morning, I opened my eyes and saw Billal lying next to me, sleeping like an angel. He looked peaceful and very handsome. I could not decide which of the two, Billal or Nidal, was more handsome. Sometime in the night, Billal had taken off his shirt. His looked mighty sexy lying in bed next to me. I traced the muscles on his arms with my fingertips.

Billal opened his eyes and smiled. It was a beautiful smile. I snuggled closer to him, and he wrapped his arms around me. I knew I loved him, but it wasn’t enough. I did not—could not—love him as much as I loved Nidal. But I wanted to. I forced myself, but to no avail. It was useless. Nidal was the reason for my existence. I dropped my hands and pulled away from Billal, but not before I felt him stiffen.

“Loula,” he whispered. “Don’t turn away from me now. I need you,” he said hoarsely. “Please,” he begged. He tried to pull me close to him again, but I pulled away from him and rolled out of bed.

It wasn’t fair to lead Billal on like this. I was giving him false hopes. He deserved better than this. He deserved to be happy. Just because I wasn’t happy, that didn’t give me the right to mess with his life. I walked over to the other side of the room.

“Billal, I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say,” I apologized because I felt it was the right thing to do. “I did not mean to give you false hopes. I love Nidal, and that will never change,” I said tenaciously.

I saw him wince and immediately regretted my choice of words. I did not want to hurt him. He had treated me with great respect. But I could not give him false hope either. Both of us were quiet for the next few moments. Billal was sizing up the situation at hand. When he spoke, my heart went out to him.

“You say you love Nidal, but he has caused you nothing but pain from the moment you met him. I have loved you and treated you with the respect that you deserve,” he said without wavering. “I have been true to you from the beginning. You can never have Nidal. He belongs to the princess now. And I belong to you. Say you want me, Loula, and I will promise you the world.” Billal begged me to accept his proposal. “I will ask nothing in return until you are ready to give me your love. I can wait until you are ready. I promise you that I will not force you in any way. Marry me, Loula,” he begged. “Marry me, and give your baby a chance to grow up with a father. I will love the baby as my own. I will love you until death do us part. Loula, I promise you this!” Billal pleaded for me to say yes to his marriage proposal.

I leaned my head on the stone wall and tried to focus on what Billal was telling me. His offer sounded inviting. I was tempted to accept. What other choices did I have under the circumstances? I walked over to the French couch and dropped on it. My back was hurting. It was clearly a sign for me to slow down. I was fatigued. This pregnancy, even at this early stage, was putting a strain on me. For both of my pregnancies, I would not have Nidal next to me, comforting me and enjoying alongside me the beautiful memories of having a child inside me, a true miracle from God. I envied all the woman of the world who enjoyed their pregnancies alongside their lovers. Life was not fair to me. I felt cheated.

I looked up at Billal, and he looked stressed out. Was it fair to him that he was the one to pick up the broken pieces of my life? Would he one day resent me for all the heartache he would feel, knowing that my heart would always belong to Nidal? Even the child I carried belonged to Nidal. Wouldn’t that one day create animosity between the two cousins? I was the one who had destroyed their relationship. I had come between them, and now they despised one another. It was my fault, yet Billal still wanted to marry me, despite the fact that my child and my heart did not belong to him and never would.

Billal held his breath as he looked hopefully at me. He was still waiting for my answer to his marriage proposal. I sighed once again. I was about to turn my life in a different direction as I opened my mouth.

“Fine,” I said simply. “Let’s do it. Let’s get married.” And once the words came out, I knew my life had changed forever at that moment.

Billal flew to my side and swept me up in his arms. He kissed me so passionately that I could not breathe. He squeezed me tight and looked so happy. At that moment, I knew I had made the right decision. I hugged him back. It felt good to be in his arms. I knew Billal would do everything in his power to make me happy.

But sometimes, happiness is not enough because, if you are living in a world full of fear, hate, and revenge, your happiness can come tumbling down so fast that you won’t know what hit you. Late that night, I realized just how much truth there was to my words.

I was sleeping in Billal’s arms when the bugles started blowing loud and clear in the middle of the night. Startled, Billal and I jumped out of bed at the same time and ran to the window to see what was happening. We saw people running toward the back of the gardens, screaming something about fire and the orphanage. My heart raced. Immediately the thought of the children came to mind. I threw on my robe and ran after Billal out the door. He was racing toward the stairway.

“How could she! Oh my God! How could she!” he cried frantically.

Fear gripped me as I raced after him.
The children? Were they in danger?

“Billal, wait! How could who? What are you talking about?” His behavior puzzled me.

Billal stopped in his tracks right by the banister and turned to me. He reached out, grabbed me by my hand, and pulled me down the stairs with him.

Outside, behind the palace grounds, people were running frantically with pails of water in their hands. My heart raced at the speed of light, as I too ran in the direction they were headed. Panic gripped my heart as I looked ahead. Black clouds of smoke filled the night sky, and I saw the fire, brilliant orange, against the black sky. It was an inferno.

The hostile flames were devouring the orphanage. The children were burning alive. They were trapped inside. I could hear the loud screams of the children as they fought to get out of the building. The people were doing everything they could, but it was too late. They could not contain the fire. The flames had already engulfed the building.

I ran as fast as I could around all the people and went in the back of the orphanage. I heard Billal yelling at me to come back, but I could not, knowing the children were still inside. I had to help get them out. In that instant, I saw Nidal. His eyes popped when he saw me so close to the flames. He flew to my side and pulled me to him.

“What in God’s name are you doing here? Go back inside the palace! It’s not safe here!” he pleaded with me to do as he said.

But I wiggled out of his arms and dashed for the burning building. Smoke was billowing from the front of the building. I ran right through the flames inside the orphanage and toward the rooms where the children were. Everything was on fire, and the smoke was horrendous. I made my way to the room where Natalie’s bed was, and I saw her through the flames, crouched against the wall and screaming at the top of her lungs. Behind me, I heard Nidal call my name frantically, but I needed to get Natalie out before it was too late, and I ignored him. When I got closer to Natalie, I saw the queen. She held Natalie in her arms. The fire was trapping them.